don't know what to do

[kindacool]

hi, I don't really know where to start but I don't know what to do. I don't remember the last time I've truly been happy. I'm extremely socially anxious which means I'm hopeless at making friends. I can't even talk to my parents. I feel like I'm destroying all my friendships just because I've become so self aware and scared of losing them. I feel really lonely right now. I have struggled with self harm in the past and Im scared I'm going to start again. I really feel like giving up right now but I know it's going to break my mum. She's really not mentally stable at the moment. She's suicidal and an alcoholic. I look after her and my little brother since my parents are divorced. My brother doesn't see my dad anymore so I can't go because I have to look after him. This sounds so sappy and like I feel sorry for myself but I don't know what else to do. I've struggled with self harm in the past and I've been clean for a few months but I feel like I might start again. This has gone on for two years now and It hasn't gotten better.

I don't really know why I made this post I kinda just needed to vent

[Sophie_M]

Dear Kindacool, 

We're so sorry to hear what you're going through. It sounds like you're carrying a lot at the moment - your mum, your brother, your own mental health difficulties. It's no wonder you're feeling quite distressed. 

We're really glad you've taken the time to join our community and share how your're feeling. Sometimes just typing/writing your thoughts down can be helpful. Our members are also very good at supporting each other, so hopefully, the support you receive here will be of benefit to you. 

We're really glad to hear that you've managed to keep 'clean' from self-harm in the past few months - that is not easy and takes strength! Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like you've come here to get emotional/peer support instead of self-harming, which is commendable! 

We thought we'd share a few articles that may be of interest to you:

"Self harm and self injury" -  https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal/self-harm-and-self-injur...

"Feeling suicidal" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal

"Anxiety management strategies" -
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety/treatments-for-anxiety/anxiety-management-strategies

Also, please keep in mind that there are many free, counselling services available that you can use when things become overwhelming for you or when the urges become strong e.g., Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), Lifeline (13 11 14) or  Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800). All of these services are confidential and anonymous. Kids Help Line is designed specifically for people aged 25 and under. All three services also offer chat or email-based counselling, which you can access by searching their websites. 

It sounds like you could really do with some ongoing, professional mental health support, so we encourage you to contact your local GP (if you haven't already) and tell them what you're experiencing so that they can get you linked in with a therapist. 

We hope that posting on our forums brings you some comfort. Please continue to post as you see fit. 

[TheLastSlice_ofBread]

I’m sorry to read your circumstances

and your current state of mind.

I think your choice to post shows just how much you want to h see stand your feelings and move forward. This is sometimes the hardest part.

It sounds like you take on a carer role for your mother but it’s important you find someone to help take care of yourself

talking to someone outside of your life might help you to express your thoughts and feelings and help you care for you.

its important to remember when caring for others that you are filling their glasses from your jug. If your jug is not full you can’t sustain filling up ithers

[geoff]

Hello Kindacool, welcome to the site and thanks Sophie for providing all these links I'm pleased TheSlice ofBread has replied back to you.

It wouldn't be easy talking to your parents, especially with your mum suffering from being suicidal and is an alcoholic, all your care would be to look after her, rather than trusting any response she would offer back to you, not seeing your dad would also be difficult if you don't have much contact, if any, with him, plus you have to look after your younger brother, so there's much you have to cope with, I'm sorry.

There are many reasons why people self harm and I'm not to profess any reasons why this could happen, all I know is that it may reduce any intense feelings or the thoughts going through your mind and bring temporary relief.

There is too much going on for you that anybody would also find very difficult to know what to do, what's the future going to hold and how both you and your brother are going to be, because it's certainly not easy for you.

This, however, doesn't stop you from ringing a helpline or perhaps the police if you need to, so that your mum can be admitted into a hospital, then you can then get the help and advice from those who are able to help you, to talk through what you have to cope with, this is very important.

Can I ask you whether or not you have a boxing bag, this may alleviate you from hurting yourself, you may be able to buy one online and release the tension that's building up in you.

It would be very difficult for you to keep friends, only because their remarks regarding your mum could well and truly hurt you and your brother, but I'm sure that's not what is intended, it's just that you need help to sort through all of this in a way that you can understand.

We are so sorry but want to help you as much as we can, so please get back whenever you are available.

Take care.

Geoff.