I had not spoken with my grandmother in about two-and-a-half weeks after she had deliberately called me overweight. She called me overweight, after I told her that "life should be enjoyed, not endured," which was in response to the pair of us discussing my diet and exercise. I decided to visit her today with the assumption that my father made for me to ponder over, that she wanted me to reconcile with her. I rang the doorbell to find that she was not impressed to see me at all. I thought that maybe visiting her and trying to talk with her about the fact that she called me overweight had affected me negatively, but instead she deflected the situation onto me and played the victim, which is typical behaviour from her. Her claim is that I am abusive to her although when I confronted her about that she was unable to provide any evidence of me behaving in such a way. I also just wanted an apology for her calling me overweight and for the fact that she abused me over the phone at the beginning of last year. I got cross with her after she dismissed my feelings because I was hurt by how condescending she was towards me. She told either my mother or father that if we attend her house again she will put restraining orders against my mother and I, even though the pair of us have done nothing wrong and nothing to her. My grandmother has also threatened to get a Maori woman in out family to beat up my mum and I.
My mother is depressed because she is nearly fifty and all she wants in life now is peace. But she cannot understand as to why she is consistently being dragged into family problems that she has nothing to do with. I am glad that my grandmother does not want anything to do with my mother and I because we think she is negative. My father is stuck because he loves his mother but he also loves my mother and I. He does not want his mother to think poorly of him, which is understandable. My mother is speaking with a psychologist once a fortnight but in spite of this her and my father refuse to seek proper psychological assistance for themselves. I have suggested Susan to mum but she is not interested and does not seem to care about us improving our relationship. She is codependent on my father, unfortunately. This makes life especially hard for me. As you can probably imagine, I am feeling suicidal. I wish I could end my life but I am too scared to act upon it.
