Concerned and at a loss...

[Cyn2k12]

Hey Everyone,

my apologies for this extremely long winded post as I’m currently at a loss as to what to do as and who to seek help from, as me and my husband have been married for 10 and a half years been together for over 11 years. We both have depression and anxiety. He suffers also from acute paranoia and has had epilepsy himself since his childhood.

the problems that’s been going on for awhile now is that 6 years ago our marriage had some big issues and was in trouble, we did seek counseling, went through 3 counselors. The 3rd one really helped but the company couldn’t no longer allow the counselor to keep helping us. We’ve also had severe issues with our current neighbours who live above us and the previous neighbours who were violent towards me and has caused my husbands paranoia to flare up. My husband has also had psychological issues with his father who’s been abusive to him.

one other thing is my husband has had bad relationships in the past that have all cheated on him. And because of the history with his ex’s it’s left him questioning every thing I do, or any one else who he knows. His paranoia has gotten so bad that he thinks his own friends are going to hit on me and that I will leave him.

im now at a loss of how to help him, as he’s currently still seeing a psychologist, a psychiatrist and still is seeing his current doctor. Everything I say or do seems to be going through one ear and out the other no matter how much I try to comfort him, he’s also saying he’s given up on his life. I’m at breaking point and our daughter is noticing it too.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Cyn2k12,

Welcome to our online community. We're so sorry to hear that you're at breaking point. It sounds like you are going to great lengths to support your husband, and we understand that this must be exhausting. Please know that you've come to a safe space to talk about these thoughts and feelings.

It's good to hear that he is currently accessing mental health support. You might be interested in taking a look at some of our pages:

• “Supporting Someone with a mental health condition” -
  https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anx...
• "Looking after yourself while supporting someone" - 
  https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/looking-after-yourself

We hope that you keep checking back in with us to let us know how you are going, whenever you feel up to it.

[Cyn2k12]

Hi Sophie, thanks for responding back to my post. And also I appreciate the links you gave me. Will definitely have a look at the links. Things for me with regards to my mental health are pretty shaky. Having to watch my husbands moods with his depression, anxiety and paranoia.

will definitely keep posted on here if that’s ok. 🙂

[815]

Hi Cyn2k12,

I just wanted to reach out to you, and let you know that you are not alone. I too am trying to support a husband through severe depression and it has taken a huge toll on my own mental health. I feel at breaking point most days and my children are also being impacted.

I have received lots of support on these forums so I hope that you can find some support and comfort here. Please look after your own mental health as well, as I know it can truly be exhausting.

Take care and hope to hear from you again.

[Cyn2k12]

Thanks for your reply 815 I really appreciate it :). My apologies for delayed response been a lot going on with regards to my husband been in hospital for 2 weeks observation for his epilepsy and given antidepressants which he stopped taking after a month as what he’s told me it’s stopping him functioning normally.

too Add on top of his depression and epilepsy, our neighbour above us has become increasingly more aggressive, confrontational and has demanded a communal backyard to be solely hers. (The neighbour issue has been going on for over 6 months but has increased to the point we can’t talk to her, every time we do it starts in arguments and the neighbour used the line to almost hit my husband in the face with. It’s at the point the real estate and home owner has told the neighbour to lay off our patio and let us use the line for our laundry, also we can no longer take any calls in the house as the neighbour upstairs has been listening to any calls we make including when I call the ambulance or any psychologist appointments for my husband, I have to basically go outside the house and away from the building as any conversation gets heard and used against us by the neighbour).

my husbands depression has gotten to the point that with the neighbour he’s taken to becoming moodier towards me, not listening to the Drs either. My own depression and anxiety flare up and have no one other than my husband to talk to, my family are all in the uk and any friends I thought I had here were never really friends. I worry for my husband as he’s going back to the psychologist again and get on new antidepressants for himself.

I personally suffer from depression and anxiety and any nasty remarks from my husband he has mentioned is stemmed from his depression and epilepsy medication. Any nasty comments from him I end up withdrawing into myself and have self harming thoughts.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Cyn2k12,

We're so sorry to hear that you are having thoughts of self harm. We understand how painful it must be to hear nasty comments from your husband when you feel he is the only person you can talk to about what you're going through. If you are still accessing mental health support, we would urge you to open up about these thoughts with a professional if you haven't already.

You might be interested in taking a look at our page on self harm as it offers some tips for management - "Self harm and self injury" -  https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal/self-harm-and-self-injur...

You might also be interested in looking at one of our threads, "Instead of harming myself I now...". This page is filled with ideas by community members who use (or have previously used) self harm as a negative coping strategy.

We can hear that you're feeling your only connection where you are is your husband. It must be really tough to be so far away from your family in the UK. You may find it helpful to join a support group to try and build a social network in your area.​​​ You can find information on support groups available on the Black Dog Institute site here - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/

It sounds like you may have had some difficult experiences with friendships in recent times, and this can be very painful. We hope you know that you are valuable, and worthy of friendship and connection. Thank you for sharing your story as it continues with our community and know that you are always welcome here.