Abusive parents

[pandalover00]

My parents have been abusive my whole life and I developed ptsd from that. I can't deal anymore. Traumatic things keep happening one after another and I keep getting worse. I just want a normal, loving family. That's all I've ever wanted but I know that's not something I can get. No amount of therapy or meds can fix that. There is no solution. And by family I mean parents and siblings. I'm so suicidal right now (have been for years). 

Uni just started and I already feel like deferring...

Nothing makes me happy anymore btw (like hobbies and stuff) been like this for a while now. I'm on medication but even that doesn't help that much. Also I feel like I'm losing touch with reality.

[Sophie_M]

Hi pandalover,

Thank you for reaching out tonight. We're so sorry to hear that your parents have been abusive towards you and that you are self harming. We understand that this must be overwhelming, but please know that you are not alone in this and that there is support available to you. We are getting in touch privately to offer some extra support.

It looks like on another thread you mentioned some mental health support that you had received. Can we ask if you are still accessing any support? We would strongly recommend that you get in touch with Kids Helpline - https://kidshelpline.com.au/  It might help to talk it out whenever you're feeling overwhelmed, on nights like tonight. Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 by young people 25 and under via telephone and also via webchat if you go through the website provided.

It also sounds like you might still be living with your parents. We would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT. They offer 24/7 confidential information, counselling and support for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice and support to anyone who has been through trauma like this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or visit  https://www.1800respect.org.au/

Many of our members will understand and may be able to help. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you in this difficult time.
 

[Aaronsis]

Good morning pandalover00

I am so very sorry for the pain you are going through and feeling like your family don't love you. Feeling suicidal I also have no experience in, however I have experience with the feelings of losing someone to suicide so know of that.

I too want to make sure that right now you are safe and if you are not please call an ambulance and have them come to you, 000, you matter so very much and while right now is very dark and very painful, you matter and your life is precious and matters so very much.

I am so very proud of you for reaching out to us and sharing how you are feeling, to have someone to sit with you at this time and to provide some comfort, we are here for you and you can share what is going on for you and have some conversation and support here.

You are right in that no matter how hard you want something, and in your case love from a family, sometimes people are not able to give, no matter who they are. "should" they love you because they are family? well yes, but can they love you might be a whole other situation. I too have struggled with my relationship with my father and have always felt I had to wave my hands in the air to even be seen and pull a rabbit out of a hat to gain love or attention. I am 46 now and with some wonderful therapy have learnt to put this relationship into a different basket. I can share this with you and see what you think, it may be of consideration.

See we place expectations on people, things like you are my mum..therefore you SHOULD love me...you are my dad..therefore you SHOULD love me...the thing is that sometimes they are not able to, and not as a result of you, or anything to do with you in fact, mostly it is on them, trauma or things in their life that we know nothing about.

It took me a long time to understand and accept this, if I am being honest I guess I am still working on it in therapy...that people in our life can give us love and fill our needs and they don't need to be "family", they can be friends that we love so dearly that they do give us what we need. Love and acceptance comes in many forms and maybe looking for this love in other formats is what is required here.

I had to move my dad into a different basket so to speak. Once I started seeing him as a friend, someone who was a great person to catch up with once or twice a year I stopped feeling neglected and like I was not enough. I am enough and so are you.

I hope to chat some more to you pandalover000

Hugs

Sarah

[white knight]

Hi,

Good replies above and it proves there is support here.

Starting uni means you're likely 18yo or older. There is no point having arguments with your parents now I'm sure you'll agree. So I recall when I was very low and lucky to pull myself through that low patch, that I would make any decisions to survive. By surviving, we give ourselves opportunity to carve our future.

So, have you considered shared accommodation with other students? Maybe a relative? I got away by joining the defence force, adult pay, cheap rent, free medical and a career. Think about your options.

For now hobbies won't work but it's great that you've considered it.

We are dedicated to you and your mental health. Many of us have been touched by or personally taken the road to suicide so we know why you feel the way you do. Your future can be such a contrast to how you feel now, give yourself a chance. Be optimistic and make new choices.

What do you think?


Regards
TonyWK

[pandalover00]

@Sophie_M I've used the kids helpline chat recently but it didn't really help 😞

I just used the 1800 respect thing and they gave me some places I could go to for extra counselling and stuff. After talking to them I've decided that I'll try and talk to my mum again since it's the only thing that keeps me somewhat sane (yes even though she abused me).

@Aoronsis Seeing them as friends is an interesting take but in my culture parents will never be your friend. I do get love from them I think, but I can also tell they hate me at the same time... I also don't wanna be 'friends' with them. They believe gay people and atheists go to hell (am both). Also thinks that girls having sex/kissing means they're indecent people which is the topic of this fight.

She found out, told the rest of my family and when I arrived home I was degraded and yelled at by my brother. He told me that only dirty/easy women do that, I'm shameful and stupid. He also went on about how gay ppl are mentally ill, accused me of faking my mental illness as well as being manipulative, told me I was only crying to avoid the argument(he didn't stop anyway 🙄) and then laughed when I told him that our family was abusive. He told me that's not true and that other ppl have it worse and nothing's wrong with them. Then after all that they came into my room saying they love me and told me they'll always be there to support me...

It was my first time (went well) but after coming home to that I just felt traumatised and disgusted and it brought back memories of sexual trauma(?) I experienced as a kid.

They piss me off. I've been feeling like shit while they've been going about their day completely fine and talking to me as if nothing happened. My brother has close friends and other family there for him and so does my mum and dad but whenever something happens I can only go back to them... it's unfair.

@white knight - I don't have any other family than them sadly and my mental health is too severe to be studying and working while completely looking after myself I'd just go insane 😞 I was much more 'independent' as a kid but my parents forcefully changed that...

I feel bad saying this in reply but I'm done being optimistic. I've tried my whole life I just can't be bothered anymore. I don't see any reason. I don't think living is anything special and I don't think death is particularly scary. (the pain is tho)

I am supposed to start TMS so I'll see how I go...

[Sophie_M]

Hi pandalover00,

We're very sorry to hear that you didn't have much luck with Kids Helpline.  It sounds like the  struggles with family is quite hurtful and I can only imagine how difficult that must be for you.  It can be very hard to reach out for family support and understanding when they are being so hurtful, not accepting of you and have very different opinions about you than what you have of yourself.  

It is great that you will be starting TMS soon.  This may be of help to you and we wish you all the best with this treatment.  Please remember that you are not alone and the community is here to support you.