Can't cope with life anymore

[Stressed Guy]

Hi everyone,

I'll start by going over some backstory about myself. I've studied a few tafe courses the last three years, spent a lot of time clearing out my previous house before moving as well as losing weight.

I've never had a job or a girlfriend. And now, I honestly don't care about those things anymore.

I cry every night or every second night and I can't sleep until the early hours of the morning.

I've tried to seek help but haven't had any luck with the psychologists I've seen.

I've got burnout really bad this year and had to take a few months off from uni because I couldn't cope with it.

My dad has burnout worse than I do. I'm not sure how I can really help him though with the issues I'm going through.

Recently, I'd say a lot of my days are terrible. Some are okay and even good but those are few and far between.

I'm so sick and tired of life in general. I've tried my best but I don't know how much more of this I can take.

I'm currently enrolled in a uni course but I don't feel like I deserve to be there. It's like I'm taking up a spot that another student should have.

I also don't believe I'll ever be happy on a regular basis. I would give up all my material possessions like my figurines if I could truly be happy the majority of my life.

The only thing I want to do is encourage a few people at uni before I die. I want other people to do well in life and the course regardless of what happens to me.

Suicide has seemed like my only option for a number of years now. I could have been happy but it's not meant to be. Moving hasn't changed that and I'm surprised at how stressed, depressed and anxious I've felt in 2021.

I've also been pushing people away for a number of years now so they don't get to know me. My death would only hurt them too. Besides they're better off without me.

I think I've wasted my life and any shot at happiness.

I'm 27 years old and I dread having to live even a few more years on this planet. My parents by comparison are in their 60s and I told them that I wouldn't want to reach their age. That's too long for me.

The only thing that has kept me going the last few years has been helping my mum and dad along with studying.

Now that we've moved my parents don't need me to help financially as much. I'm also not enjoying uni because I'm socially inept, depressed and anxious.

I'm seeing my gp next Wednesday for medication. At least that numbs my feelings, I suppose.

Has anyone else got any advice?

Kind Regards,

Stressed Guy

[smallwolf]

Hello.

There is a fair bit in your post that I want to respond to but space wont let me here. So I hope you don't mind if I just throw out some of my thoughts...

I am sorry that you have not had any luck with psychologists. Do you mind my asking what went wrong? Have you considered speaking with counsellors at Uni about what you are going through? They might have some suggestions to help you deal with the issues.

It also sounds like there must be a lot going on for you to be as stressed as you are. When I was at my worst, had to take a break from Uni to get my life back in order. Initially from part time (2 subj) down to 1, and then 0. I know a few people who have also dropped out of Uni because it was not for them. Part of that also is ... what do really want to do?

after reading your post there are a few positives in there... the fact that you have done TAFE courses and now in Uni shows some smarts and definitely persistence. You also help your parent, and seeing your GP so it sounds like you also want to look after yourself. Your parents seems supportive also?

Tell me. what are you studying? And when you started, what was your goal?

There is plenty more we can chat about and when you ready, please come back and reply we can go from there. Listening to you.

[james1]

Hello Stressed Guy,

Thanks for telling us a bit about yourself - it really helps us understand where you are coming from and the really tough experiences you've had in your life so far.

I can really hear that you feel like you've really burnt out and lost a lot of hope for a happier life. I'm so sad that you've been feeling like this for a while, and that 2021 is worse.

I was in a similar position about 4 years ago when I tried to do my honours full time while working full time, and I had a bad break-up. I also felt like I'd just burnt out and I felt like all aspects of my life were not worth saving or trying to improve. So to some extent, I understand some of that feeling of looking at suicide like it's the only option.

Still, it is good to hear that you are seeing the GP and that, if happiness was a simple trade off of your material possessions, you would do it. And I'm also really glad that you're talking to us here because you're showing us, other people reading your post, and hopefully even yourself that suicide isn't the only option. By seeking help and talking about your pain, finding the right support, we can find different ways through it. It can be slow, but we're here for you.

I don't want to overwhelm you with too many questions, but I'd be keen to hear back from you - any thoughts you are having, and difficulties that are troubling you right now, or even just any thoughts back to SmallWolf who posted above me.

If I had to try for one piece of advice, and it isn't something that will work immediately, it's to slow down as much as possible and find people you can talk with and who you trust. It could be parents, a GP, a psychologist or a friend, whatever works for you. Then once you have this support, try tackling the issues one at a time. It's very hard to deal with everything all at once, and all on your own.

James

[Guest9337]

G'day Stressed Guy,

Thanks for posting some of your story. Uni was very tough for me taking decades to achieve only one degree completed.

Quite some time ago I discovered that giving was a positive way to cope with my depressed states. Looks like you recognise that assisting your parents with study was a positive for you, and them presumably.

So my advice is to find someone, somewhere that you want to give to and start giving and experience how that affects your mood. Might be online studying with your parents, or reaching out to a local school to help students in need. I use those examples because of your statements in the OP.

Think about what you value and aim to give to others what you value.

[Stressed Guy]

Hi Smallwolf, James1 and David and Goliath.

Thanks for your replys. Just wanted to let you all know that I saw my GP almost a month ago and she prescribed me Prozac for my depression, anxiety and OCD.

I wish I could say it was helping. I feel more depressed, stressed, anxious and angry lately. I've also had more suicidal thoughts too.

I'm doing uni work and feel like I'm doing well at the moment. It's a Bachelor of Arts majoring in creative writing. Right now, I just feel lonely and I don't have anyone to talk to outside of class. There was a woman and that I asked out for coffee and it wasn't even wanted I ask her at all. It was so awkward and she went on her phone and we haven't talked or seen each other for a few weeks now because of the lockdowns.

I wanted to ask her if we could study together in the library. We have two subjects that are the same and I don't know why I care but I want us to get good marks. I also want to get to know her more and for her to get to know me. Plus, I wanted this woman to see my website which has various poems and stories. I just made things weird and said the wrong thing and I don't want to make it worse. So, what should I do? Honestly I feel like I'm not good enough for her anyway and only want this woman to be happy. Even if it's not with me.

I also miss my family a lot at the moment. They live interstate and I haven't seen them since November last year. I didn't think I'd miss them this much and it's really thrown me for a loop. It's not like I ever expected not to see them for 9 months. I just feel bad about that too.

Another thing that's bugged me is I don't do anything fun. My life is very monotonous with studying. I like to study but even though I'm introverted I'd like to hang out with people my age. I'm 27 atm.

Recently too, I've been crying first thing in the morning and before I go to sleep at night. I feel like a total loser at the moment. What compounds this even more is that I can't play soccer or tennis at the moment because of a partial tear in my calf muscle.

My days are filled with mostly study or listening to music. I don't feel like watching TV anymore and even though I leave the house for a bit on most days it's not to do stuff I enjoy.

Lastly, my mum has contacted a psychologist and I'll have to look into seeing a psychiatrist in the near future. My GP was reluctant to change these tablets to anything else a few weeks ago. Sorry if my reply was all over the place, thanks for reading.

Regards, John.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Stressed Guy 

We're so sorry to hear that you have felt more depressed, stressed, anxious and angry lately, and that you have had more suicidal thoughts. We can hear that you're going through a difficult time.  We can also hear that you've taken some really good steps towards bettering your mental health, including seeing your doctor, and booking psychiatrist/psychology appointments. It can take people a while before they find the right mix of medication/therapy that works for them, so do hang in there, and please do acknowledge the effort you're making and try to be kind to yourself. 

If your suicidal thoughts get worse, and things become too overwhelming for you, please do not hesitate to contact helplines such as Lifeline (13 11 14) or Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). 

We hope that posting here brings you some comfort and helps you to feel more connected to people during these difficult/isolated times. We encourage you to continue to post as you see fit. 

[james1]

Hello John,

It's nice to hear from you again, but I'm sorry to hear you are still struggling with your mental health and more so than before. It sounds like you've had a really tough month and you are feeling really lonely. From what you've said, it sounds like you're also feeling very down on yourself and in my own experience with that, it's a horrible feeling to hold onto day after day.

It's totally okay that you've spoken about so many things in your life - I think that just goes to show how much stress you are under, so please don't worry at all about posting how you are feeling. We are here to talk to you and support you through this really difficult time for you, and hopefully help you as you find a way forward and make really meaningful connections with people.

It sounds like contacting a psychologist could be quite helpful. I am an introvert like you, and while I enjoy my friends' company and am willing to talk to them about things that worry me, I found having a mental health professional supporting me was a big help. I worry a lot about my effect on others, so speaking to a professional was actually a lot easier for me than speaking to a close friend, because I knew they were trained to handle other people's feelings and problems. Hopefully you will also find it helpful.

Let us know how you are going. If it helps at all, I'm 29 so quite close in age to you and I understand a lot of the troubles you are talking about in terms of uni, sport, and relationships.

James