Back to the bad thoughts again.

[Charlieg069]

I dont know what to do,write,or say. Its 3 am and just spoke to my cousin again. I feel like I burdon her with my lifes pro lems but shes the only one I can cry too.
I dont want to deal with life anymore. After 2 deaths,being assulted during a road rage incident,loss of my job,and already recovered from anxiety and depression all this year Ive had enough. I find myself researching methods. I know Im not the only person in this world with issues but I know everyone deals with it differently, I just dont know how Im going to cope anymore. I never in my wildest dreams thought of doing what Im doing now but I took the advice I was givin and went with it. I dont know what I want,I dont feel like there is any point of me being here anymore. 1 less cranky old bastard for the world to deal with. My wife and kids would be better off,less for them to feed or concern themselves of. No more worries.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Charlieg069,

We are so sorry to hear about what you're going through; it sounds like it has been a tough time.Thank you for being part of our forums, it takes alot of strength and courage to reach out for support. We hope that you can get some support here, the community will be here to listen and chat with you. You can also reach out to Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 11 14.  We have sent you a private email so that we can support you further.
 

[sunnyl20]

Hi Charlie,

It is really courageous that you have sought support on here. I am so sorry that you are struggling and hurting so much. It sounds like you are in a very dark place, you have clearly been through a lot. I know it can feel so lonely, but please know that you are not alone in what you are experiencing. Please also know that there is no shame in feeling like there is no other escape and in feeling that you cannot cope. It may be difficult or even impossible to see right now, but it will not always be this painful, things can and do change, life can go in a different direction. And I know you may not be able to see it right now, but you deserve the support and care of the people around you, you are worth so much more than you know Charlie. I really hope that you can get the help and the support that you need and deserve. Please hold on to hope. Talk to your cousin, talk to your wife, contact one of the crisis support phonelines, make an appointment with your GP - you don't have to get through this alone.

Take care, and please do not hesitate to write more on here if and when you feel up to it.

[Alli_Beamjet]

Charlie, I am heartbroken to hear how much pain you are in and that it feels unbearable. I don't think anyone who feels the way you do can get through it alone. It shows tremendous strength that you talked to your cousin. The above advice to ring Lifeline or Beyond Blue is worth considering - there is something lovely about talking to a stranger who is there and waiting for you to call, with no need to feel like it is any kind of burden.
My brother took his own life 6 weeks ago - I have no words for the emotional wreck I still am, and it feels like there is no end in sight to this grief. It has completely shaken and devastated everyone around him - his 2 children, our parents, his best mates, his cousins, his workmates, the list is linger than he could have imagined. I can safely say on behalf of all of his nearest and dearest that we would give anything to be able to have him back and help him though his pain - if only we knew he was feeling it to the depths that he was. So, talking from experience, I simply cannot agree with you that your wife and kids would be better off without you. Quite the opposite.