Anxiety and Depression- new job

[Ijustneedhelp]

Where do I begin? I'm a mess. I feel like I have no control over my life anymore.

I suffer from anxiety, mainly social anxiety and sometimes I get super depressed to the point of suicide thoughts. I've never seld harmed but I just think about me dying and such.

I worked as an SSO (student support officer) within a primary school, working 1:1 with some of the kids. I loved this job as I felt like I made a difference, like if I stayed home from work, that kid would feel the effects. It basically gave me a great reason to get out of bed in the morning. Well, end of this year comes and my contract is up. This is because the work isnt there for me (tiny school, heaps of kids leaving = no work for me).

Now I feel lost. Been looking for new SSO jobs but there are none. Which sucks big time.

I managed to get a job at a glass cutting factory (which I wasnt exactly keen about but at this point money is money) but the management never told me if I'd be getting paid or if I was on a trial, never spoke about my hours and never gave me an induction. To top it off they knew I was inexperienced in this field (told them in the interview) and on the day they were very rude about it. But I tried and soldiered on anyway - I was super anxious and didnt think I could get through it on the day and I did.
So after the 1 day I left and said i wasnt coming back. Only because of what I mentioned. Which is stupid i guess.

So now I dont know what to do, I'm stressing, so is my wife. We are trying to buy a house and now we cannot. I feel sick and have had some suicidal thoughts as i feel like I've messed everything up because I am unemployed and looking for a job and not being able to buy is my dumb fault.

I dont really know what the point of this post is. Help, tips, guidance. I dont known...whatever else.

And now I'm super anxious about getting a new job.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Ijustneedhelp,

We are really grateful that you've shown your strength in reaching out to the forums tonight. It sounds like things are feeling incredibly stressful for you at the moment after no longer being able to work as an SSO, and your experience working at the glass cutting factory causing anxiety and not being what you'd expected or hoped. We can hear that you have so much on your plate at the moment, and feeling a lot of pressure, but please know that our wonderful community are here for you. This is a safe space for you to express yourself, and many others reading will be able to relate to feeling lost and anxious during difficult moments in their lives too- you're never alone in this.

You mentioned that you've also struggled with anxiety and depression in the past- can we ask if you are currently receiving mental health support? We understand that it can be really tough to cope sometimes, especially if you struggle to open up to friends and family. But please know that the kind counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service are always available to you on 1300 22 4636 or also through Webchat (1pm-12am AEST) at: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport if you'd like to talk these feelings through. Our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are also here for you anytime- day or night- whenever these feelings are becoming too much to cope with. 

We hope that you can find some comfort in the words of advice and support from our community, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready.
 

[ggrrrpphephe]

Hello ijustneedhelp,

i am sure many of us have been in (or maybe not many, but at least I have been) a working situation where you are simply not given any details of your status...that does create enormous amount of stress. So don't blame yourself if because you didn't know how to deal with that stress, you decided to quit ...only to find yourself trapped again by another unhappy outcome - losing hope in getting a house.

Give yourself a break! It never is easy when the people who employed you were vague about your working terms. That was very unfair and unethical of them. It was a situation where you were exposed to being bullied. So good on you for quitting. Now though, it's time to forget about that unpleasant experience and start looking again, as if you never had that awful experience.

Hold your head high. Like you say, money is money, except this time, make sure you work with people who give clear terms or you make sure they make it clear for you. You deserve clarity.

We are in Australia. All workers are protected by strong work laws.

Start afresh. Onwards and upwards:)

[Ijustneedhelp]

Thanks. I feel you are right. Time to move on from this experience. I guess thinking about it, it's still a valuable learning experience. Thank you for your support. I appreciate your words very much.

[Ijustneedhelp]

I see a clinician at Headspace, although I am looking at beyond blue.