What helps to keep well?

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

Have been around the forums now for a couple of months. Posted a couple of threads under PTSD, but think it's time I move on to 'Staying Well'. In reality that is the reason I came to Beyond Blue Forums in the first place - to stay well. Not to dwell or mooch in the past.

Many of you will have read the factual information about my past. Something that is missing from my posts though is - how I really am. That's what I want this post to be. It has to be about things I'm finding out about 'who I am and how I keep well'.

I was so down, having retired last year, losing all sight of what I wanted to do, being physically incapacitated, thyroid medication not right and screaming inside. The psych who I'd just started seeing wanted me to look a my personality..... No you don't. That's not what I wanted. So I moved on to a new psychologist.

The new psychologist is drilling down. I have to take stock of myself, my feelings, my emotions and ultimately - who I am (so I need to look at what has formed by beliefs, behaviours and values).

Interestingly I'm still apprehensive about divulging me. You know why - because I was brought up to show no emotion, to not feel good about myself. And especially NEVER talk to others about yourself. That would be bragging or worse, getting too big for my boots.

ATM feeling very emotive. I want to scream, I want to reach out to you all out there and to hug you all.

Hugs were never something that happened in our household. I only learnt how to hug women in the 1990s when I worked with some wonderful group of women in the disability field. How good was that!! What had I'd been missing all those years - hugs from women. It learnt it was okay. Hugging men - of course that was always okay cos it's normal.

Me - my heart pounds at least an hour or two every day. I spend and hour or two settling those pounds. Why does it happen - every look, every word, every sound and every thought make me feel worthless.

I asked hubby today if he loved himself. He said well, yes a lot more that I did before. You know I did that. I thought him to love himself. But can I do that for me. I'm really trying.

Loving oneself - keeps you well. I'll get there. BB forums is helping me like you'd never believe.

Sending everyone who reads this all the hugs I can.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[startingnew]

🤗❤🌟

[white knight]

PamelaR

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Topic: what life's like at the end of the tunnel- beyondblue

Topic: why are we here?- beyondblue

tony WK

[Ggrand]

💐

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Pamela,

It’s lovely to see you sharing your experiences 🙂

I’m mostly just “bookmarking” this thread...in a slight rush so I’ll come back to read it at a later point.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xoxo

[Guest8901]

Hi Pamela,

Love your new thread. Like you, I never used to be 'into' hugs, not with anyone. My family were always very stand offish, and never showed any outward emotion or affection. My husbands family are the opposite however. And over the years I have come to accept and even appreciate a hug in greeting, farewell or as a comforting gesture. To the extent that its became the accepted norm now, and I even initiate it myself at times.

Nothing to offer right now, but didnt want to lose your thread. And I wanted to return the hug. (:

Amanda

[Elizabeth CP]

This is an interesting thread. The discussion re hugs is interesting. I don't remember hugs as as a child much but I always knew my parents cared so that is a dominant memory. But now my husband & I have separate beds ( because of his condition he needs a hospital style bed) this means you don't cuddle up at night & I feel more like a carer than a wife.

I think becoming well is about learning what works for me at this stage in my life & then following that. Because my situation is different now (age health, personal circumstances etc) I can't keep doing things the same as I used to so I need to try different things or different ways of doing things. This applies both to things directly linked to your MI but also everyday activities & fun activities because they all impact on our wellbeing.

These forums can be useful in learning from other peoples experience & trigger ideas of ways we can use in our own life. Of course it is a learning curve & we try things which don't work so we throw that idea to the side & try something else.

[Ggrand]

Hi Everyone,

The hugs discussion, as a child I was never hugged or cuddled. Imo hugs early on in life is important to show your children how much they are cared for, or even been tucked into bed also when younger seals the foundation of a child to be able to receive love and also express love.

The same went for my fiancé , at first I received hugs and they really felt good, but after marriage they stopped, but I did give and receive hugs and cuddles off my children and yes the hugs, cuddles do make you feel special. They also slowed down as my children got older and started their own families, but they didn't stop as when they visited etc hugs were given.

I haven't had a hug, cuddle or held hands, etc, now since September last year and it's taking its toll on me, (not sure for others), but without human contact I'm beginning to fade away, not feeling anything but emptiness inside.

I just want to say, if you have family or friends it only takes a minute to give them a hug, receiving a hug is like a thousand time over being told, I love and care for you, you are important in my life..So please if you can give your family members or friends a hug when you greet them, it will mean a lot to them.and only takes a few seconds.

Kind thoughts, and hugs 🤗🤗🤗.

Grandy....Karen.

[Speak Your Truth]

Karen in your last post on this thread you said you “haven't had a hug, cuddle or held hands, etc etc).

I understand that because although I’ve had the hugs I haven’t held hands, cuddled or had sex in years and it sure is taking its toll on me too.

That kind of human contact is natural and normal and it’s excrutiatingly hard for me not to get it.

I feel like I'm beginning to fade away too and wonder how I will keep going like that.

[Ggrand]

Hello SYT,

Your so right SYT, you feel totally unloved, unworthy and..yeah...I'm fading down really quickly, we all need to feel human contact..I don't even talk to anyone for days on end..I'm just so over everything now.. I think I'll just hibernate from now on, what happens will happen... To keep well, you definitely need people and love in our lives..

Kind thoughts,

Karen....Grandy

[Speak Your Truth]

Karen please, please, please try NOT to think thought like “so over everything,” “just hibernate from now on” and “what happens will”

Sometimes I wrap my arms around myself and give myself a hug, or massage my head or my face or arms or legs in the way that I would love for somebody else to do - gently and with caring.

You know there are so many people on this forum who care so very much about you and you are able to let them care about you - as you read this can you please take comfort from that, even if the feeling doesn’t last long ? You could remind yourself of that 10minutes afterwards all through the day.

I know a little of your story and I do understand, hear, what you say. As there are so many people on BB who understand and care for you, can you consider that there are people outside your home who you CAN meet face to face who would care just as much if you let them ? Can you be brave and have a go ? All the caring people in the world are not only on BB. Is there just ONE person you can trust enough to call and ask for their company a little bit at a time while you build up more trust ? What about one of the ladies at the op shop you go to on Tuesdays.

For all you or I know we may not live very far from each other and I would be there for you very quickly and in person if I could - and I would give you a big hug for as long as you wanted - well, maybe not for hours and hours 😂 but you know what I mean.

I can’t do that but here are lots of hugs anyway - they are really REALLY big ones - just for you Karen 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗