Staying well

I’m lost and don’t know where to turn

replies: 1

I’ve suffered depression and anxiety for over 40 years and recently been diagnosed with social anxiety, dependent personality disorder and disthymia at the very least . I had my own business I’d worked at for 16 yrs and was happy enough making decent... View more

I’ve suffered depression and anxiety for over 40 years and recently been diagnosed with social anxiety, dependent personality disorder and disthymia at the very least . I had my own business I’d worked at for 16 yrs and was happy enough making decent money and working hours I wanted leaving time for my passion golf . To cut along story short my girlfriend at the time started working with me and after a while it was too easy to just put things off til tomorrow and go home or go to lunch etc well this soon snowballed out of control and jobs weren’t getting done . That relationship ended but the wheels were in motion to my not working at all , my anxiety stopped me from facing clients I hadn’t been servicing and it was easier to just not face them hence where I’m at now 3 years later still not working , can’t or not wanting to but needing to for my own sake , my relationship and financially . I don’t know where to turn to or where to start to try get my life back because right now it’s void of anything . This brings me to my second issue and not a proud one but still it’s there , I have way too much spare time on my hands and when I’m feeling down ( most days ) I need a buzz or high which is a hard thing to find when you have disthymia I resort to online activities with other women for that , again not proud but it’s there and not going away without help . I have great support from my fiancé and my guilt is massive but sometimes the craving for a buzz outweighs the guilt . I hope that someone here can get what I’m about and give me some advice or tell their story so I know I’m not the only person going thru this crap . Regards greg

Struggling this week

replies: 2

hey all I find when work or life stresses me out, I have stomach issues and anything I eat runs right through me. I returned to a workplace 2 months ago for a 6 mth contract and I work offsite most of the week. I have been dealing with bitchy and jea... View more

hey all I find when work or life stresses me out, I have stomach issues and anything I eat runs right through me. I returned to a workplace 2 months ago for a 6 mth contract and I work offsite most of the week. I have been dealing with bitchy and jealous co-workers, over the top workload, isolation and unsuppuportive management. I had been doing quiet well until this week. I've had 2 days off work due to the stomach issues/not wanting to deal with work. I've been asked to provide a med certificate (which I know is normal practice) and goddamnit I don't want to talk to a GP about how stress affects me physically and depression rearing its bloody head AGAIN. I do not mention to work that I have depression. Obviously my coping techniques need a rejig. I needed a vent. Perhaps I need to type out what is going on in my mind rather than bottling it in and waking up at 2am with nightmares about work. Any helpful ideas would be great. Karen

Recognising anxiety and depression?

replies: 2

Got the email today for blue voices and one thing mentioned in there related to ideas and something else. While I have not my this/my idea forward... It relates to recognising MI in the workplace. And how easy or hard is it? For example there by have... View more

Got the email today for blue voices and one thing mentioned in there related to ideas and something else. While I have not my this/my idea forward... It relates to recognising MI in the workplace. And how easy or hard is it? For example there by have been days when I was at Uni classes and another student would ask me "are you ok? You don't seem yourself today" and this was from someone who I did not talk to that often. And others don't seem to notice or pick up on it. Do we actively trying to hide our MI from others? Do people know what to look for in their friends behaviour? What steps or education is needed so that people can seek the help they need before it becomes a bigger problem?

Lifelong effects from childhood trauma

replies: 9

I've recently read up on the effects of childhood trauma. Without going into much detail at 12yo my brother 15yo nearly drowned in our backyard pool. He had a fit under water. Subsequently I didnt speak a word for 3 months. I didn't connect some of m... View more

I've recently read up on the effects of childhood trauma. Without going into much detail at 12yo my brother 15yo nearly drowned in our backyard pool. He had a fit under water. Subsequently I didnt speak a word for 3 months. I didn't connect some of my adult issues with that event until 53yo at the hands of a brilliant psych. During one visit he asked how my brother got out of that above ground pool..."I lifted him and dropped him over the edge". Hence the shock. My parents ran with jam and attended to him. They weren't to know about my ordeal. The residual of such trauma I can now share. When people often say "be gentle on yourself" I cant do that- zero ability to put up any defences like being wise enough to avoid conflict. Uet Im wise enough in so many other ways. When someone suggests to not be so over reactive or over emotional...I cant be less so, I dont have the ability to regulate those. And so on. What has been a revelation is to learn that when a child has a traumatic event some of our reactions like sensitivity go to a higher than normal level...and stay there! This doesnt mean you lose any part of your personality which is commonly locked in by age 7. But traumatic mental scars can alter your reactions to a higher level that has a negative effect for the rest of your life. What can you do? Normally I have some suggestions but this time I'm asking you to supply them. The symptoms are- high sensitivity leading to over reaction Inability to step back from conflict or disagreement following many hours of fuming usually I calm down and my soft side produces regret Such situations lead to a feeling of wanting an escape from the world So far the only remedy I've found is avoidance. Avoiding people. This was the catalyst in the thread Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue So if you can identify with this please reply. Tony WK

The swing bridge of mental illness

replies: 4

Imagine we are walking along a swing bridge. Every time there is a permanent problem the swing bridge gets narrower. Financial stress, people passing away, accidents, job loss and so on. You hold on until the swing bridge goes wider again, that probl... View more

Imagine we are walking along a swing bridge. Every time there is a permanent problem the swing bridge gets narrower. Financial stress, people passing away, accidents, job loss and so on. You hold on until the swing bridge goes wider again, that problem goes away. Now you approach a mental illness crisis. That swing bridge is still there but without its hand rail. You are balancing and everytime there is an issue, seemingly daily, you lose balance and nearly fall. Is that how you feel? It's terrible. You reach to your partner or a friend and they seem to not notice your plight. In these situations we need to go one way and one way only- upwards. We need to repair that handrail by various means. We cannot survive just “hoping for the best” or expecting more than what others can give. In fact we cant rely on anyone but professional help. Consulting a counsellor is a good start because they often see clearer than us what is happening. Mental illness is an oddball because we think we are more capable than what we are, more aware of the issues and feel like we can sort it all out. But like a couple that are pregnant, parenthood doesn’t all come naturally, we have to read books, listen to others to learn how best treat our new baby. Same as learning to drive. Some methods we can introduce to build that handrail is- Work with your partner as a team to introduce rules and boundaries Counselling be it family or personal Consider two part time jobs rather than one full time. There are several benefits. Not relying on one income gives more income security, Shorter hours in one workplace, a long break between jobs. Try to eliminate shift work. Sleep is crucial to our well being Place boundaries on relatives and friends. You don’t need people crossing lines to control you. Mental illness is not a case of our inability but more so our restriction of mental capacity…there is a difference. Life changes. Consider every possibility. Change in environment. Changes to reduce debt. If needed, changes to your relationship. The basics of our lives must have a foundation of security. That swing bridge must be wide enough to make us feel ok, that we are surviving and not losing balance. Then every aspect of our lives improve. We can even lift others up that are just hanging on. But we need to plan changes and introduce boundaries. For others, they are either with us or not. For those that are not, just put them at arms length as many will never understand. Tony WK

"Healing Tip o' the Day #672" by Flick SnotGrass

replies: 59

"Healing Tip o' the Day #672" by Flick SnotGrass Tip #672 is Listen to some Spike Milligan and sing either "I'm walking Backwards to Christmas" OR "The Ying Tong Song" KARAOKE STYLE AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS. So, Like I said, I was born with an extrem... View more

"Healing Tip o' the Day #672" by Flick SnotGrass Tip #672 is Listen to some Spike Milligan and sing either "I'm walking Backwards to Christmas" OR "The Ying Tong Song" KARAOKE STYLE AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS. So, Like I said, I was born with an extremely severe case of excema.... I don't want to wallow [well maybe just half a cup then] but there were days in my early teens with: my face, neck, arms, knees etc bleeding, scabby and worse over-exhausted from very little sleep, due to the red raw night scratching, [adrenal fatigue too probably] that I realized to my horror that Valerie, Vyonne, [insert Girl's Name here] were ALWAYS GOING TO BE WASHING THEIR HAIR!! They either had very dirty hair OR they didn't want to have a cup of tea with me. The Doctors of the Day said my condition was "Genetic" and "There is nothing we can do for Flick" and "Sorry about that but he is an interesting specimen, er ... can I let my students have a prod at his hide" and "So on". "Nothing can be done".!!!! I plumbed depths of black helpless depression back in those dark days of 1962. Fortunately I have a stubborn streak. "Bloody difficult sod" is how my mother puts it, bless her cotton socks. I found a furiously angry part of myself that said "Bugger that!" and worse and I began my search for tools and techniques that could heal me.... .... I don't have scabs anymore .... I'm not called 'Flick ~ The Big Red Dog', anymore either Steal from me... no really.... I have a long list of tools that I use to this day that I have picked up, used and honed over the years and here's todays Healing Tip o' the Day #672 just for you.... #672 - Listen to some Spike Milligan and sing either "I'm walking Backwards to Christmas" OR "The Ying Tong Song" KARAOKE STYLE AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS. "Why?" Because, Laughter produces endorphins and beneficial 'feel good' neurotransmitters. Your breathing will improve your Heart Rate Variability, HRV and will help calm you. It is also quite difficult to be bloody miserable while singing The Ying Tong Song out loud. Try it, you'll see. Be better than well, Flick SnotGrass

The "Grass is greener" syndrome

replies: 2

Yes, I reckon we’ve all had that feeling that life would be better if we were like our neighbour with that shiny new car, boat, jet ski and caravan, holidays every summer in their holiday house. Truth be known we don’t know how their life is away fro... View more

Yes, I reckon we’ve all had that feeling that life would be better if we were like our neighbour with that shiny new car, boat, jet ski and caravan, holidays every summer in their holiday house. Truth be known we don’t know how their life is away from our earshot, we don’t know their level of debt or their income constraints. And we don’t know of their relationship battles nor physical and mental struggles. Many have masks. I was always jealous of my school buddy. He was a straight A student and became an engineer. I joined the RAAF to be a pilot but never got there and eventually made my way in security and investigations. My friend ended up running his own company with a turnover in excess of 10 million a year, very rich. Two years ago he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. So far he has defied the surgeons by 12 months….prognosis isn’t good. Now, is the grass greener? Nope. Another friend has mild anxiety. From my viewpoint mild anxiety can seem…well….mild. I’ve had extreme anxiety, panic attacks and additional things like bipolar, depression and dysthymia. I have to remind myself that his anxiety to him is life effective, that it’s a major problem. Comparing isn’t a good thing to do. It’s not a competition. So in reality the “grass greener” syndrome is an illusion. It’s a way of us telling ourselves that we are unlucky and “they have a better life and I want that life” when all along instead of feeling less successful of what we don’t have, we’d be far better off appreciating what we do have. My first wife and I were poor. We were paying off an old run down 110 year old house. I purchased a lotto ticket for $2. An old wise lady next door said “that $2 could have bought a litre of milk for your kids”. I haven’t purchased a lotto ticket since. That was 25 years ago. Value every dollar earned. Listen to the wise. But the ultimate of humility and reverse of the greener grass obsession was a cousin of mine that visited aged care homes playing music and singalongs. So many of those residents told him they wished they were his age (40yo). He passed away with throat cancer. None of them knew. The grass wasn’t greener for those residents, it wasn’t even green over the fence. We should value the shade of green of our own lawn and value what we have. We focus on our challenges as they need endurance. But its not all bad. Mental illness can give you creativity, adventure, depth of emotion that leads to music and poetry....green indeed. Tony WK

Stubbornness and relationships

replies: 0

We read it often, a carer writes in about their desperate situation of their ill partners rejection of any medical assistance, a review of their already diagnosed illness or perhaps basic relationship counselling. Let’s look at why. Why would anyone ... View more

We read it often, a carer writes in about their desperate situation of their ill partners rejection of any medical assistance, a review of their already diagnosed illness or perhaps basic relationship counselling. Let’s look at why. Why would anyone in a living together relationship risk any harmony of that relationship simply because they wont (in a nutshell) seek help? Let’s examine some reasons. That meds aren’t working as expected The meds have side effects With men mainly, they don’t like doctors They don’t like the way their partner “tells” them to visit their GP They feel little obligation to their partner's wishes They don't care (depressed?) You can add to that. What I’m concerned about with many posters here is the lack of regard for the relationship by not seeking help. To put a relationship at risk is to gamble with it. To gamble with it is to say “I’m not seeking help and if she (he) leaves me well I’ll be alone and that isn’t so bad. This is, IMO, a reflection of not so much stubbornness but a realisation that all people are a hurdle for the sufferer or rather no people, no obligations, is another answer. If this is true then the real problem isn’t solely based on the carer. i.e. there are other factors involved. This can give some comfort to the carer, to realise they aren’t the only reason for such an attitude. Anybody that is a carer of your ill partner might end up with the same challenges as- you! Take heart- it isn’t likely you that is the problem regardless of the blame you might get. If your ill partner refuses to seek any help then I’m afraid the future isn’t rosy. Most carers will have a choice in the end as things deteriorate, stay and endure the symptoms or leave because arguing will not change their mind. We call it stubbornness but a better description might be- “no faith in treatment and a need to feel normal”. If that results in a marriage split then how strong is the marriage? Does it have to get to a split up before he/she seeks help? By that time the resentment from the carer is at an all time low, damage has been done. This logic often escapes the ill. I have a friend with bipolar1. After 25 years of marriage he sort diagnosis and meds. I said to his wife “at least he finally got help” to which she replied “at what cost?”. Ask your partner how far he/she is prepared to risk the relationship for you to endure the symptoms of mental illness? Are you aware of the effort needed to live with you unmedicated? Tony WK

Help...I want Chocolate

replies: 53

Hello everyone.....Right at this moment the desire and craving to drive to Woolworths and buy chocolate is huge. But I don't want to give in. The reason I am writing this post is because I want victory in this area in my life. And I am hoping the str... View more

Hello everyone.....Right at this moment the desire and craving to drive to Woolworths and buy chocolate is huge. But I don't want to give in. The reason I am writing this post is because I want victory in this area in my life. And I am hoping the strong cravings will cease, as I write here. And I want to know if anyone else struggles with this particular issue. Any advice would also be very welcomed.I think a lot of people say chocolate is OK. But I tend to differ. For many years I have turned to it for comfort, a high or some other good feeling. But for me it is short lived. Even as I am writing this, I am visualising chocolate Easter bunnies in my head. As they are in the supermarkets now. Some people may think this is a funny situation. But for more it is not. It is a real hindrance in my life, and I want to be cut loose from the chains.I normally eat a whole block in one go, that is a huge amount. About 200grams of the stuff. I am beginning to believe it is like someone turning to alcohol, drugs or whatever. Using this stuff to escape, hide or feel better, or something for a short time. I use chocolate as a coping mechanism., (so I think at the time of eating it) Consuming it every day also affects my emotional and mental health in a non beneficial way. I also become more gloomy, foggy headed, irritable, angry, my heart beats faster, lethargic, headachy and fat. It is not a good use of our money either.Anyway does anyone else have similar issues? I haven't had it for three days now. And my body is craving it big time.OK, thank youShelley xx

Seeking a partner

replies: 3

At 28yo with one long term GF behind me I wanted to seek a partner. I started dating women in a period that still saw men paying for the costs. As a small income earner dating higher income women this wasn’t fair. But dare I suggest we share a meal, ... View more

At 28yo with one long term GF behind me I wanted to seek a partner. I started dating women in a period that still saw men paying for the costs. As a small income earner dating higher income women this wasn’t fair. But dare I suggest we share a meal, fuel costs, not then! I devised a formula and my now wife and friends laugh at the idea. I had to find a cheap way of finding the right lady, to fulfil me emotionally with similar ideals and to have a family eventually. My plan began by having a maximum of 3 dates unless the basic criteria was met. During those 3 dates she need to- offer to pay for one meal. Express some indication she enjoyed children and animals. Displayed a similar emotional level or a level of compassion. Enjoyed similar types of entertainment. When 3 dates had arrived I’d decide if I’d date her again. Clearly I had trouble separating those that were suitable and those that weren't. My first date with this system came with an English lady I worked with. We went to the Movie- “Purple Rain” by Prince. There is a scene half way through where his father is hurt. It's very emotional. I turned and asked her if she liked the movie…”I don’t like black people”. At the end of the movie I took her straight home. I didn't need to explain, I’d made up my mind with racism she didn’t pass. Previously I'd argue and date her again. Now I'd set my standards. A few others didn’t pass either. They enjoyed the drives, the meals, that Prince movie (yes I watched it a lot) and saving for their “glory box”. Most earned double what I earned. Then I dated a lady that fitted in with my system. She offered to pay for our fish and chips on a beach and insisted. She paid for some petrol. She loved the animals at a sanctuary and she cried when I took her to that same routine movie “Purple rain”. It wasn’t without flaws. We married and had two children but she was emotionally abusive and lazy. It lasted 11 years. The moral of the story, use such a system but make it 5 dates and include – work ethic and how she would treat a partner. Develop your own strategies. Set your standards. Have some flexibility but compatibility is crucial. Movies often have an array of emotions, discuss the movie after over a drink and find out her reactions to it. The final thing I'd suggest is to begin with a friendship. Having a formula is quirky but it can work. The quicker you get to know your date the faster the process is one way or the other. Good luck and keep persisting. Tony WK

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A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members

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