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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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demonblaster What I've learnt about dealing with depression
  • replies: 13

I didn't know I had Bipolar until I was 46 yrs and suffered wickedly deep depression ..often.My besty wasn't very supportive. She had a lot going for her and of course with depression and this beast of demons attacking my self worth and my god it's a... View more

I didn't know I had Bipolar until I was 46 yrs and suffered wickedly deep depression ..often.My besty wasn't very supportive. She had a lot going for her and of course with depression and this beast of demons attacking my self worth and my god it's a master at that although I had awesome parents, it wasn't enough to pull me through the extreme Black times of teenage yrs.I tried suicide 4 times and there was nearly another. I wanted out cause I couldn't see any light in this deep dark tunnel. You hear people say oh they just want attention....some may...but what they don't know is it takes a LOT of courage to go against a natural instinct to survive and try and end your life. So I decided to take on these demons after being diagnosed with BP and decided it's not going to control my life anymore and I'm starting to learn how to handle and avoid the dark deep downs. Majority of my lifes had a dull or dark cloud lingering. I'm usually a happy go lucky type but that's always been close by.IT takes work...hard work but it's worth it. What's better, feeling terrible or being happy and cruisy. Basically one of the main things I've learnt is not to dwell and not to allow too much self pity, it drags ya down massively. Try to get sleep and what I've learnt is if I'm down is to try and think hard what exactly it is that's pulling me down and why. Once you know what it's easier to try and work on changing it. Dad said years ago you need confidence in life...took me years but I realised not that long ago that you do need to like/love yourself. It really does make a dif. Also it helps thinking and looking for positives too even though it seems there aren't any, ...they're there...just hard to find when we're feeling blaggghhh. A friend said recently no matter how awful you feel, it doesn't stay that way. It's true. Time thank god does help us through hard stuff. When I was younger I didn't know to try and help myself or how but it's working out mainly what's wrong and going from there. I try to be completely honest with myself and accept where I go wrong. Not always easy but helps in the process. Happy to answer any questions and hope this is of some help. I believe we all have the tools to fight with, it's just finding and learning how to use em. Go easybeyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Doolhof Dealing with NEGATIVE emotions, thoughts, words and memories
  • replies: 26

Hi Everyone, We all have them right! Negatives in our lives that pull us down. They may be words others have spoken to us, things we tell ourselves, beliefs we have accepted over the years, wrong truths, what ever you want to call them we all have th... View more

Hi Everyone, We all have them right! Negatives in our lives that pull us down. They may be words others have spoken to us, things we tell ourselves, beliefs we have accepted over the years, wrong truths, what ever you want to call them we all have them. We could include the What ifs or Why me or any other phrase that has a negative connotation. I have started this thread so people can share their negatives and together we may be able to come up with solutions, ideas or thoughts that might help. My NEGATIVE thought might be "No one is going to respond to this post!" How do I know that? If no one does respond, does that mean I am stupid for thinking someone might respond? Our minds keep telling us stories, right or wrong. It is what I do with those stories and thoughts that count. I can feel defeated if no one responds, or I could accept this might not be a topic that interests anyone. We all deserve to feel as though we are of value and we don't allow our sense of worth to be based on what other people say or how we feel about ourselves when depressed and full of negativity. We are not worthless or useless, we are all unique and valuable to society in some way. This is an opportunity to share the negatives and for us to help each other find ways to overcome them. Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

white knight Do you talk too much about your problems?
  • replies: 20

I have a pet dislike. It was drummed into me by my wonderful dad to consider other people, to "walk a mile in their shoes". I loved him for it but he didn't have to swap TV channels from a John Wayne movie to motor racing so easily. That's family and... View more

I have a pet dislike. It was drummed into me by my wonderful dad to consider other people, to "walk a mile in their shoes". I loved him for it but he didn't have to swap TV channels from a John Wayne movie to motor racing so easily. That's family and that's ok. Allowing some acquaintances however to think they are royalty with excess kindness however isn't healthy. Its a way to over respect someone. It can lead them to think they are superior or rather you are inferior. It might have been ok for dad and son but not with friends or acquaintances. In those circumstances a level playing field should be your aim. However, a level playing field for those with mental challenges is not so easy. Our issues are so prominent minute by minute, we seem to have difficulties like- 1. talking too much too often about our struggles and 2. some of us can portray the atmosphere that our issues outweigh any issues a person without mental illness could have (which could not be true). These two problems can become their problems with US! I ask the question "is this fair and understandable to "dump" on other people the topics of our mental illness? I say yes. You might disagree because some people hide their issues well. My decision however comes with a proviso. That equal time is devoted from you the mental illness owner to the other party. and I admit I'm the first to put my hand up to say I not only talk too much about my issues but I rabbit on and the time flies...I have little idea how long I'm torturing the poor listener. It's time to adjust that, in fact reverse it. To act. I've asked a few friends what length of time is acceptable to most friends about talking of ones illnesses be it physical of mental. 5 minutes said most, 10 minutes ok, 15 minutes no way!!! 20 and you are not a friend but a burden. I attended a family gathering last week. It was a funeral of a distant relative. I went to the eatery following the event and spoke to relatives I've never met. They were not close enough to mention my issues but later I was with others that I was familiar with. "How's your depression Tony" one asked....off I blabbed without thinking. But after 5 minutes I finished with some self discipline. My audience however went silent. "How's your leg Bill" I asked (he had a knee replacement weeks ago). "Fine, why do you ask". A full 5 seconds lol. Consider other people, limit your chat about your issues to keep a friend. What do you think about this? Tony WK

white knight BOREDOM...the closed door to fun?
  • replies: 23

Depression, and I'm no expert - just a sufferer as my wife is, comes in many forms and we are all in different circumstances. That includes work, school, married, single, unemployed and the endless other differences. What I have noticed in my last 20... View more

Depression, and I'm no expert - just a sufferer as my wife is, comes in many forms and we are all in different circumstances. That includes work, school, married, single, unemployed and the endless other differences. What I have noticed in my last 20 years of life is the connection of being busy to less periods of depression. I've had interests in the past of vintage car restoration, gardening, building my own home and model airplanes. Clearly, the worst period of depression were during the times I was not involved in any of these interests. And when not involved I was also, among many reasons, not financially strapped enough to be involved....eg broke. This is not including the traumatic times of broken marriages etc. I've noticed some posters mention boredom as being their arch enemy and thought I'd make a topic out of it. So what can we do? I feel very sorry for sufferers of depression when they have zero hobbies, zero interests in sport and even basic activities like walking or cycling. I cant conceive why anyone wouldnt like to go on a daily walk. But then I dont live their lives and we, as compassionate human beings should accept that we are all different. However, what is there to achieve on a walk? Back to nature, fresh air, saying hello to passer bys, watching birds and the unexpected happenings. Depression though, is a state of mind that, regardless of the listed positives, has you firstly in a mood that wont get you to even place your runners on let alone walk the 3-4 kms to make the walk worthwhile. Ok, hobbies. I flew radio controlled model airplanes with a club. I spent countless hours building and repairing them. Flying was fun. For insurance purposes I needed to be a member of a club. The **** committee members always threw their weight around even if you didnt do wrong. The nature of the narcissist. Hence a reason I hate clubs. Very few people know how to approach a grown adult with a simple request without an authoritarian voice. It was one of many reasons I left the hobby. But now, my interest is in motorcycles and tinkering with them, in my own shed with limited stranger contact. I'm happy as I've found the happy medium. Bit of gardening, bit of tinkering, bit of camping. If you are bored, if you havent filled your mind with thoughts of a hobby or sport then seriously consider the change it could make. Many times when you are depressed might have been different with....mind diversion. Hope this is of value to some.

highlysensitivepersonhsp Breaking the mental tension
  • replies: 2

I felt so much tension in my head. The metaphorical black cloud darkened my skies. Nothing I did would change the weather up there. I did the washing, but I wasn't really present. I kept having these thoughts, thoughts about not being who I wanted to... View more

I felt so much tension in my head. The metaphorical black cloud darkened my skies. Nothing I did would change the weather up there. I did the washing, but I wasn't really present. I kept having these thoughts, thoughts about not being who I wanted to be. About what role I would like for myself. Telling myself that if only I was somebody then I would be happy. In truth, I came to this forum seeking to be someone. To teach. To share. To gain something for myself. Perhaps a reputation. But as I read through the posts I was humbled. The bubble of ego I lived in burst. I couldn't believe how bad so many of you are feeling. How much suffering there is right here, let alone in the world. And how grateful I am for my tale of survival. Suddenly, the tension broke and the black clouds were lifted. Gratitude and humility cleared the air. I am just so grateful for surviving the horrors of mental illness. I don't want to feed my ego anymore. I want to remain humble. I hope to maintain this new mindset. To live with blue skies and a lightness of being.

white knight The loneliness of hidden disabilities
  • replies: 28

We refer regularly to our internal battles of the recognition from others that our mental illnesses are indeed serious, just as much if not more do than physical restrictions. Ok, I have bipolar2, dysthymia and depression. They all amount to serious ... View more

We refer regularly to our internal battles of the recognition from others that our mental illnesses are indeed serious, just as much if not more do than physical restrictions. Ok, I have bipolar2, dysthymia and depression. They all amount to serious social problems. But I can say that two other invisible problems cause me more social issues than those. Memory and hearing loss. Long term memory is OK in me. Short term almost doesn't exist. Most people would have little idea the magnitude of memory loss. Those close to you, like all humans, automatically presume you remember what they told you an hour earlier. Eventually your cry for understanding becomes a scream..."I don't remember".!. Just like "I'm depressed"!. Another one is partial deafness. Not suggesting full deafness is preferred at all but if fully deaf- sign language is essential. Partial deafness there are hearing aids. With my particular hearing problem, hearing aids do not assist me. The best example to highlight it is secondary noise. Someone is talking to me and the TV might be 7 metres away I can't hear the person speak or Visa versa which is more difficult to tolerate for my wife. With both issues people can't adapt fully to the new requirements needed for normal family interaction. Can we blame them?. No we can't. They can't see our deficiency to remind them as a person with physical loss would eg wheelchair, arm in plaster... This leaves us carrying more burden than our mental disabilities themselves, leading to a feeling of loneliness. It could also be the reason some of us talk excessively about our challenges. It seems our problems are more excessive than they ought to be. This could be why... It wasn't that long ago we might have been institutionalised or kept in a cupboard. Things have improved but I'm at a loss how our invisible restrictions could be visible to family and friends. A sign on my chest "hearing impaired, short term memory loss" or signs on others..."right eye blindness, dyslexic, OCD, PTSD, anxiety, would not be appropriate. Do you have ideas on this? Tony WK

SubduedBlues How do you manage your afflictions at work?
  • replies: 10

I am wondering what people do to manage their afflictions (anxiety, depression, mental illness, etc.) in the work environment. Previously I had always been very hesitant to open up in the workplace about my afflictions. This year, with a new employer... View more

I am wondering what people do to manage their afflictions (anxiety, depression, mental illness, etc.) in the work environment. Previously I had always been very hesitant to open up in the workplace about my afflictions. This year, with a new employer mind you, I approached the topic in a different manner. I let people know that I volunteer with the charitable organization that supports people with this type of affliction. And, that I do this to give back to the community, to help people maintain a support network, and that I have personal firsthand experience that I am able to share with people who reach out to the charity for support. Only once did someone ask me if my experience is that of someone who has it, to which I smile, shrug, and make some such gesture to indicate the affirmative; or say "yeah, a bit I guess" -- to which it is accepted as a no big deal thing. Now I don't feel so uncomfortable about it when I have a bad day. SB

highlysensitivepersonhsp Learning this will help you
  • replies: 7

What is it that made me sick? The answer is other people and their behaviour. Starting from childhood and through to this present day, the way other people treat me and communicate with me is the difference between being well or unwell. But there is ... View more

What is it that made me sick? The answer is other people and their behaviour. Starting from childhood and through to this present day, the way other people treat me and communicate with me is the difference between being well or unwell. But there is a trick you can play with yourself that can prevent unwellness. when you start to think of what makes you unwell you can use your insight and awareness to pause the downward spiral and make a choice that's different from how you usually respond. For example, there are some really nasty people in my life right now who are stonewalling me or giving me the silent treatment. Ok, I can't change their behaviour but when I think about it I react by feeling worthless and powerless and helpless. Recently I caught myself entering this downward spiral of unwellness. So I used my mental energy to stop myself and I told myself that this reaction I have is not true. I am not worthless. I am not helpless. I am not powerless. In fact, I am a worthwhile person. I have lots of examples to back that up. I am not helpless. I can use my mind to overcome my reactions. And I am not powerless. I have the power to stop myself from believing the negative effects of their behaviour. I am resourceful and I can learn about behaviour from YouTube and the Internet and this learning let's me see their abuse for what it is. I can devise my own strategies for combating them and become victorious in the battle. Even when the battle is with my own mind. I will not let these people scar me for life and leave me ill whenever I think about them. They are not worth it. I will just get on with my life and find others who treat me better. It doesn't matter who they think they are they have no right to treat me this way. I will exercise my rights to move on and abandon them because they are not worth getting sick over. really use your internal focus to watch how you think. Catch yourself before you go down into unwellness. Choose not to believe your automatic reactions. Change your thinking. You will heal and become strong.

white knight Testing family members to their limits
  • replies: 10

Ok, so we can indeed explain away to family and friends as to why we acted a certain way. This could be seen as a way out to justify how we treated them. However, if this reoccurs it becomes traumatic and very frustrating. Now double that if your fam... View more

Ok, so we can indeed explain away to family and friends as to why we acted a certain way. This could be seen as a way out to justify how we treated them. However, if this reoccurs it becomes traumatic and very frustrating. Now double that if your family member ALSO has mental illness issues. Such is the case with my family. Bipolar, depression, anxiety and dysthymia run like a vein of iron through us all. When we are all calm its great, when one person is manic or anxious it's challenging and when two persons are unwell it's a potential recipe for disaster. Family split is not only a possibility its highly likely. Pride takes a front row in these disputes. Inflamed thoughts also make for difficulty in keeping things in perspective. So what are the best methods to "save" your family? - time out. But if necessary still communicate. Short carefully written text saying you love them but you need to clear your head for a while. It really means gold. - remember how good its been. We tend to forget how we laugh and care for each other. -consider their (and your) mental state. Ask others if they believe you have appeared unwell lately. - regretful comments can destroy your family. The other party is already upset, you need to withdraw and say little. Time is a better healer than accusations. - after some time try joking. Old activities you enjoyed together does wonders. - sow the seeds of repair. Make that extra phone call after your first make up. "I just thought I'd ring to see how you're feeling? Make suggestions like "dont take offense but you might need more sleep". It's a delicate fine line. We not so perfect individuals are quirky, temperamental and sensitive. Therefore silence can be golden and an unexpected hug can be too. Its all in the timing and frankly given my experience in observing my own behavior and that of my mentally unwell family members, I'm a long way from getting it right. But we plug away enjoying the fruits of 95% happiness and 5% turmoil is a work in progress not because we are stubborn by nature (which we are), not because any one person is 100% wrong (which we could be) and not because we choose to have conflict. But it is because we are dealt a bad hand of mental illness. There is one exception to conflict being dismissable. Cruelty. If a persons actions, regardless of having mental illness or not is of a cruel nature then it would be understandable for that person to be rejected. Respect humane boundaries. Tony WK

white knight Losing ones abilities
  • replies: 9

I'm only 61yo. Forcibly retired 4 years ago due to psychotic episodes I've become relatively stable on medication and am in a great marriage. Other things like my daughters wedding last week and home life is as good as its ever been. The first most o... View more

I'm only 61yo. Forcibly retired 4 years ago due to psychotic episodes I've become relatively stable on medication and am in a great marriage. Other things like my daughters wedding last week and home life is as good as its ever been. The first most obvious symptom is loss of short term memory. That's been slowly getting worse over the last 6-7 years. Then there is banking. I have always been a good mathematician yet I get confused entering a bank to see the difference between a common withdrawal and cash advance, credit card use or savings...those basic choices seem to be getting more complicated. Imagine my wife finding out I made a cash advance on credit with the extra interest when I was suppose to do it by other means...and she told me 20 seconds before I entered the bank!! Wandering thoughts are no longer a problem as they used to be. But I'll fail to concentrate when I need to. I lose track of my conversation when someone interrupts. I used to get angry at those instances but now accept it because its normal for them, but its also normal for people to hold onto their thoughts of their input so they can revert back to it...I cant, or rarely can. Like all mental illnesses the other party has little grasp of the enormity of the problem. One doesn't like to blame ones mind for everything. So you make someone angry and you learn to swallow that. Sometimes I'm my old self. Full of energy, sharp wit, bright and a little manic. Those times are reducing. I've passed on many tasks to my wife. I'm more into basics now. I love cooking mostly my own recipes that aren't written down...all in the mind., I garden mainly vegies in the season, work on my vintage car and Mr fix it, handyman. Along with this reduction of abilities is the feeling of despair, not good enough, always forgetting things, less interest in some activities as they bore me. It's that "I don't want to do much unless it can change the world" factor. Eg I'm trying to get a rotunda built by council in our local park. It has a lot of red tape and sometimes I just feel like throwing the project away. I went to a meeting recently whereby someone complained that the rotunda (being donated by a resident so zero costs to the community) would attract people that will defecate in the nearby creek. It was absurd and it angered me. People! Do you feel the same? Does someone you love have lost basic functions they once mastered? I've got bipolar2, depression dysthymia. Tony WK