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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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SubduedBlues When life gives you lemons...
  • replies: 10

There is an age old saying that "when life gives us lemons, we should make lemonade." I never truly understood this saying until the events in my life led me to become a participating member of the beyondblue forums. The unforseen events in my life r... View more

There is an age old saying that "when life gives us lemons, we should make lemonade." I never truly understood this saying until the events in my life led me to become a participating member of the beyondblue forums. The unforseen events in my life really did give me some sour lemons. There were those days that were so bad I desperately wished the day was already over before the sun had even finished rising. But through the support I received on the forums, through reading the troubles of others, connecting with people who had similar encounters, I learnt that I am not alone and slowly learned the recipe on how to make lemonade. Whilst I was here, each day I would cling to my computer, anticipating a reply to my posting ... looking to help someone else (whilst trying to forget my own problems) ... reading through questions and answers and advice's and comments. Information and data and happiness and despair, joy and sadness and pure unadulterated emotions and ... Argh!! I overloaded. I broke. I separated myself from the forum. And... I found the strength to get up; to face the day; to make the bed; ; to make another lunch; to give my kids a hug; to wash the car; to make dinner; to do the domestic chores. Each day I did something, and another something; and then something more. and soon I stopped worrying about what I can't do, and started to see what I "can" do. And then ... something truly amazing happened... I woke up and I was happy. -- So I went out and joined a social group for people with Social Anxiety. And I met some really nice people who ignore all of my quirks and problems and see me for me. ...and I am happy. Since then I have been out volunteering with other charity groups; and though I still anxious as ever, I found a way that allows me to contribute to society once again. Even today, I was volunteering with the beyondblue bus in Newcastle ... it felt really good to be able to give back to one of the groups that has helped me so much. And on this coming Wednesday 17th Dec I am going to a fundraiser event for Black Dog Institute in Sydney (search "sociable charitable people" if you want to come along). -- I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for helping me when my days were blue.And if you are ever in Sydney, stop by some time and I'll pour you a glass of lemonade. D'

white knight Vulnerable? Be ready to defend
  • replies: 0

Unfortunately some people see mental illness as weakness. You appear to them as submissive, a target. Even your quietness can be interpreted as someone to dominate. Add to that confidence issues and you could be prey. That situation is not reserved j... View more

Unfortunately some people see mental illness as weakness. You appear to them as submissive, a target. Even your quietness can be interpreted as someone to dominate. Add to that confidence issues and you could be prey. That situation is not reserved just for narcissistic people for a frustrated partner or friend can come across as narcissistic while they are merely trying to express their thoughts. So what are your rights? Your rights are where you draw the line (no one else) as to what you can withstand. However there are some basic rights all persons with issues should feel they have a need to defend. Eg. This week on another thread (tolerant partners) a member told how all her life, she has said things without knowing those words were hurtful to others. This raises questions. Intent is a great word. If your disability includes saying things that come out incorrectly that offend who's fault is that? If a person with a back injury cant run a marathon is it their fault? We dont often enough compare our emotional restrictions with physical restrictions. Why not? In both cases it isnt our choice, they are unwelcomed issues that erode any confidence you have. So, do we allow others to walk over us? What can we do to counter aggression from them taking advantage of us? Getting upset is counter productive. Your anger or emotion proves to them "gee her problems are worse than I thought". One thread covers this (google) Topic: wit, the only answer to torment- beyondblue Yes, you'll need to develop strategies including witty answers to put to these people your right as a person with issues no fault of yours. There is a benefit of the doubt however. People without mental illness can say the wrong thing and make mistakes to. Are they not entitled to your empathy/equal rights? The other way is to surround yourself with the type of friends without the nasty streak. But do try to seek out the kind heart inside the rough sometimes inconsiderate exterior. See, as a sensitive type caused by dysthymia, bipolar 2 etc I get told, even at 61yo "you've got to toughen up". If being a prison officer, security guard or dog ranger didnt toughen me up then nothing would. My sensitivity is me, your poorly chosen words are you, the lame man? We are not defined by our disability. We are who we are, no need for self proclaimed experts. Tell them in a calm, firm manner your concerns. If that doesnt work use...wit! If all else fails move on. Its not your fault. Tony WK

Beltane What hobbies/ techniques/ lifestyle changes make you feel great?
  • replies: 28

Hey all. I'd like to start a nice little convo where we can talk about the things that make us happy, keep us well, soothe our emotions or that make us feel accomplished/ proud/ confident etc. It can be anything you want- a hobby you do, a type of th... View more

Hey all. I'd like to start a nice little convo where we can talk about the things that make us happy, keep us well, soothe our emotions or that make us feel accomplished/ proud/ confident etc. It can be anything you want- a hobby you do, a type of therapy or technique, your belief system, your family or friends, a dream or goal, a song or band, sport, exercise. Whatever it is that gets you feeling better or keeps you feeling well, lets share our joys and happiness's so that others can be inspired. i'll start. I love Crossfit- it keeps me fit and i'm always feeling accomplished because i see myself doing things i couldn't do before. Each week i can run further than i could the week before, or lift a heavier weight, or do more sit-ups- and I've made friends doing it! I do it in the most evenings to ease the stress of a long day, and to improve my sleep. I love music- I find songs that match my emotions so I can express them and get them out when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I taught myself to play guitar and love to sing. My favorite thing of all is sewing. I've only really started last year, and soon fell in absolute love with it. It always makes me feel better, no matter how distressed. The process of cutting and sewing is so calming, and looking at my finished projects (patchwork quilts, pretty skirts, little knick-knacks like notebook covers) fills me with a feeling of accomplishment, confidence and pride. Other people compliment me on my finished projects, and ask me to make them things. My dream is to be a kindergarten teacher and to live in the country, surrounded by nature and away from the hustle and bustle of the city. Those are things that make me happy, confident, and enjoying life. What are yours?

james1 Giving voice to the voices in your head
  • replies: 6

Okay so a lot of us have, in various posts, talked about having thoughts in our head. You know, the ones that keep talking and talking and you can't shut them up. So one of the things I thought about on my ride in to work today was: what if I actuall... View more

Okay so a lot of us have, in various posts, talked about having thoughts in our head. You know, the ones that keep talking and talking and you can't shut them up. So one of the things I thought about on my ride in to work today was: what if I actually speak them out aloud every time they start "talking" in my head? I mean, it helps that I'm wearing a helmet and people can't hear me properly when I'm talking to myself, but yeah. Has anyone done this before? We all talk to ourselves every now and then, but what if we make a conscious effort to speak the thoughts in our head every time it happens? I'm curious to see if it works for people to make the thoughts less intense and less noisy. James

startingnew what are you grateful for? what make you feel good about yourself?
  • replies: 3

HI everyone so lately its been hard to think of reasons to be grateful and how to feel good about being here. everyone is different so what is it that your grateful for in your life? what is that make you feel good about being 'you'?

HI everyone so lately its been hard to think of reasons to be grateful and how to feel good about being here. everyone is different so what is it that your grateful for in your life? what is that make you feel good about being 'you'?

MsPurple GOAL SETTING. How do you set goals and make them a reality? Are you satisfied when you meet your goal?
  • replies: 15

Hi Everyone. I thought I would make a new thread on goal setting, making a goal a reality and beings satisfied with it. I have always found making a goal difficult. I either make them to easy or too hard. I struggle to find a realistic goal that also... View more

Hi Everyone. I thought I would make a new thread on goal setting, making a goal a reality and beings satisfied with it. I have always found making a goal difficult. I either make them to easy or too hard. I struggle to find a realistic goal that also challenges me. It is something that I am working on. I thought I'd start the ball rolling as I started the tread. I thought I'd share a goal I have always had and how I finally accomplished it. I have always wanted to do a triathlon (or tri as I will refer to it as). It is something I thought would be challenging, mentally and physically. I have always had unrealistic goals such as losing x kg in x weeks. I have tried to stay away from goals like that as they do not help my self body image/satisfaction and it doesn't help with my anxiety and depression. So I thought doing a tri would be realistic thing I could do this year, with a friend of mine that also does tri. I was considering doing a shorter distance but she encouraged me to do the longer one as I am going to the gym and I am probably at my fittest I have been in a long time. So today I made this goal of completing a tri a reality. I did it today! I was so happy with this accomplishment. I didn't want to compete against others, I just wanted to finish and compete with myself. And I did it. I was happy with everything, happy with my achievement. Later this afternoon I got my time and I was a little disappointed. I finished in just over 2 hours, which is good for a first attempt. But I can't stop thinking, 'man I was so close to finishing in under two hours'. I was happier not knowing my time. Why do we become less satisfied at meeting our goals a little after they are completed? Don't get me wrong, I am now over the moon and so proud of myself, but me just having this thought of 'so close' makes me a little sad that I do this. So I thought I would start a thread on goal setting so we can help each other set realistic goals, make them reality and to become completely satisfied with meeting our goals. No goal is too small or too big, however a realistic challenge is always good. Hope we can all show support to each other and help each other set realistic goals.

MarkJT Turning negatives into positives
  • replies: 35

I have always tried to turn a negative into a positive. Negatives are never nice to go through so i think it is really important that you get something out of it, for me that is anything that is positive. Say for instance, i was hospitalised in Feb 2... View more

I have always tried to turn a negative into a positive. Negatives are never nice to go through so i think it is really important that you get something out of it, for me that is anything that is positive. Say for instance, i was hospitalised in Feb 2013 with PTSD, depression and anxiety. Whilst sitting in hospital with my life in tatters, I made a promise to myself that I am going to use my experience which at the time, was completely crap to help others. At that stage I didn't know how i was going to achieve this but in any event, it was something i promised. I have since worked out how to do that and being part of this forum is one of them. I really enjoy help guide people who are at the start or in the middle of their journeys. So i am just wondering, how do other people turn the negatives into positives? When do you try and do this? i.e. at the start of the negative? In the middle? at the end? I wonder if some people just cannot do that? I guess there would be. Keen to hear your thoughts. Cheers Mark.

BenD Not feeling well...so here's what I did
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, I've had a bit of a messy breakup lately and its made me feel pretty low. I've got some pretty positive behaviours going such as: Exercising, lots of walks Joined my mate for a game of footy Got out of bed and attended uni Booked a psych... View more

Hi everyone, I've had a bit of a messy breakup lately and its made me feel pretty low. I've got some pretty positive behaviours going such as: Exercising, lots of walks Joined my mate for a game of footy Got out of bed and attended uni Booked a psych and Dr appointment Caught up for a beer and a chat with my younger brother Went to a quiz night with another mate Posting on here about my feelings ​So been here before and I know I can get through it, just the feeling of worthlessness is a pain and I wish it would go away. Thankyou for being here as always, Ben

Greyy Ambushed at Work
  • replies: 4

A year ago I secured a great job with a highly regarded biotherapies group. Initially all went well the role was challenging and I gave it my all - long days and at least one day every weekend. Every time I met a milestone my manager changed his expe... View more

A year ago I secured a great job with a highly regarded biotherapies group. Initially all went well the role was challenging and I gave it my all - long days and at least one day every weekend. Every time I met a milestone my manager changed his expectations regarding what I should deliver. Initially he reduced the timeframes and then drastically cut my budget so that I was unable to contract vendors and had to do additional work myself. A month before the six month probation period, I met with him, and told him that I would struggle to meet his initial objectives since the timeframes had been reduced and there were inadequate resources to get the work done. He responded by making a show of chewing his finger nails and laughing. Two weeks later he told me that he would not confirm my employment beyond six months. I resigned as I realised that the role was no longer tenable. Subsequently I have discovered that this manager has done the same thing to four people in succession. He gets them to work at the red line. Consequently he has been recognised as developing a high performing workgroup and he has been promoted. Four committed professionals have burned out and resigned; all within six months. Apparently this is condoned under Employment Law as employees have very few rights in the probation period. I have also discovered that this practice was introduced by a professional consulting firm in Melbourne. I struggled after this experience. My confidence was shattered and I felt ashamed that the role had not worked out. It was only when I was contacted by my predecessor in the role via LinkedIn who told me she and her predecessor had the same experience that I stopped blaming myself for what happened. We "comrades in adversity" from the same organisation have become a strong resource to one another. We recognise this evil practice affected all of us and could have left lasting scars. Ironically the perpetrator is likely to go from strength-to-strength. Sometimes you can't out perform or outlast these practices and the best option is to move on.

white knight Your mind is a library
  • replies: 4

Imagine at a certain young age you enter a library. All the books are on the floor..broken, mixed up and messy..for a reason. You pick up a book called, hobbies then another called money management or relationships but all the books have missing page... View more

Imagine at a certain young age you enter a library. All the books are on the floor..broken, mixed up and messy..for a reason. You pick up a book called, hobbies then another called money management or relationships but all the books have missing pages. This library is your life. Its a mess, its your mind. You seek help. A doctor lifts the bookshelves which are named...nasty people, arrogance, red tape, bullying, employment, diet, exercise, budgetting, sleep, friends, medication, chores crying, shaking, self harm and so on You are one of the lucky ones in that you want your library in order. Denial wont repair books. You seek help. A psychologist shows you how to pick up the books and slot them into their respective shelf, medication allows you the ability to place the strewn pages into the right book. You are feeling there has been progress. Family and friends know that you are focusing on the nearest bookshelves labelled toxic people, identity and guilt. You go on forums to ask those that have years of struggle sorting their own library to rearrange the bookshelves in priority. The closer to you the more important the shelf. You place obligation at the back, then toxic people...gradually you get to the front...depression, sleep, happiness, care, diet and so on are up front. You are nearly sorted. You spend many years going slowly through every book for pages out of place. Your libray is a world of priority and order to produce stability. Its a delicate place. Noise (upset, trauma, accidents, inability to cope) can interrupt and distract your world. You visit friends. Some never have a need to enter their own library. It's in order always has been. They wouldnt know what its like to find a book in pieces on the floor...no wonder thay cant relate. Everyone has a library. Yours is like all others, unique and wonderful. That fact that yours is messy and a mammoth task to get into its proper order is no fault of yours. Your bipolar might have been inherited the reason a bookshelf is bent...it will never be straight but you can still store books there making the most of a bad situation, for your mind has many flaws. Best accept them and ....keep reading....and never stop! Tony WK