Vent and then let it go...

[Guest_1055]

Not sure about anyone else but sometimes I just need to vent, including venting any frustrations, fears, hopes, worries, longings and anything else. Most of the time I don't want any advice or any responses. Just need a way to get it all out from within me.

So thought this thread could be for those sort of things. No one replys to you with words or anything. It's a place to let it all go. Just dump whatever it is you want to say and leave it here.

So yeah no replys please.

[Guest_1055]

Been feeling  overwhelmed by many things over the last few years. My own health in 2018 was a somewhat scary alone time. A lot of fear was pushed in my face by doctors. I forgive them all. At the moment I wish they were kinder to me. But I fired them all. Such confusion too that year. Then someone I care about experienced cancer. This is what appears to happen to me...I feel for people, especially ones that are suffering, in pain and stuff like that. It weighs on my heart. I am working at how to cope with this my heavy heart. My dear mum also experienced so much pain for a while too. It was so hard to see her that way. Even now it hurts me thinking about it. She had an operation and no longer experiences the pain. Then someone who I am extremely close to goes through emotional abuse. And I find out it has been happening for many years. It broke my heart too. The thought of her going through all of this, hurts like nothing else. Tears are behind my eyes for her as I write this. At the moment I am working through sleeping better, but I am so very tired. I will think about the health of myself, and will feel fear. Fear of the unknown maybe?? There is anyone to talk to about all this. 

The fear that was portrayed in the last few years in the media also affected me. Felt the fear of other people here. The panic too. The sadness of things. Sooo overwhelming.  

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Guest_1055,

I’m so sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed….and your beautiful friend going through emotional abuse……It’s always so heartbreaking when our loved ones are going through hard times….We can be there for them the best we can, comfort them by sitting with them, listening to them, giving a warm gentle hug and….just be there for them…

Please Guest, I can feel your hurting so deeply, I just want to gently remind you that you need to care for yourself….at times like your going through, it’s really easy to forget to care for you…. if your not mentally well….you could also go down very deeply….

Guest, I can understand the fear of the unknown, when I got my diagnosis of heart disease, I was so afraid and everyday I was, I suppose I could say “waiting “ for my heart to stop or go into eurythmics and then heart failure….I put my heart health and my fear into the hands of God…because each day I was “waiting” I realised was a day of my life wasted….I don’t think about it much now, if I do then I will distract those thoughts, mainly by sitting outside and grounding myself with nature and being grateful for the wonders around me….

Not sure beautiful Guest, what to say to you sweet lady, but I wanted to tell you that we all love and care for you…and are here for you when we can be…

Sending you my love, care, hugs and to let you know that my favourite of all poems is. “Footprints”…..something very peaceful and calming happens to me when I read those beautiful words….

Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Some things that happen are just so wrong.there is no other way to describe these things that happen or that. to be more accurate, someone has done to another.

I feel hurt inside for the awful things some people have happen to them, caused by someone else, doing something... it makes me angry. In my own inhibited way, I am furious.

I realise these feelings are coming from deep within me, triggered by some news stories. 

Never ending, ain't it? It doesn't seem to matter what I do, how long ago, how far I've come, it's always going to be with me.

What about those who may be the cause of the harm?

I've got to let it be, whatever, for them.

mmMekitty

[Guest_1055]

It is happening again. The sensation of the unreal. He seems like he is acting I hate it. The far away sensation I am in. Don't know how I get in here. Yes it does seem like a place I go to. Whether it is in my imagination I don't even know. But I absolutely hate it in this place. Why does he act? Why is he not real? 

[Guest_1055]

Hi Grandy, I am now only reading the post you wrote to me last year. Truly thankyou. 

[Guest_1055]

The not real sensation is still lingering on. Wish it would go. I attempted to focus on two little dogs as the passed me in the baskets of two people on bikes. They were so cute and looked like they were enjoying it. But it was only for just a little while. The lingering unrealness or far away is still there even if it was in the background for a minute or so. Just want it go away or myself to get out of it

[Not_Batman]

Having the Back-to-work blues sucks!

Ive been off for 4 weeks over the Christmas & new year holiday. I feel i have achieved a lot at home over the break at home, but am apprehensive about returning to work.

my OCD does not help, and it often gets me focusing in other things, both in thought (what ifs) and tasks (the important vs the not important)

To top it off, im returning to a workplace that doesn't value me or my contributions. I didn't get a bonus this year, which is another slap in the face.

getting worked up doesnt help.

i need to make a small list, and just tick off one thing at a time. Ease into it. I dont have to do everything in 1 day.

[mmMekitty]

Hi Guest_1055 - great to see you here, & see that you are reaching out from that place you are in. Even if it is for a few minutes at a time that you can push that place into the background, even while it takes a lot of effort, you are heading in the right direction - you are doing so well to keep trying.

It's alright to step back when the emotions we feel become overwhelming. In fact, if we can keep our emotions in check, we are better able to be the support our friends & loved ones need when times are tough for them. I always imagine, what if my PDr became overwhelmed with emotions to the same level as I do sometimes, when I am talking to him. How would he cope & support me if that happened? That's why I think it is better to comprehend & understand, but not become so emotionally involved that we cannot stay with the friend or loved one when they need someone to lean on.

I wonder if this place you go to is where you feel protected from all those emotions you feel from other & from yourself as well; like a buffer between you & the world & between yourself & your deeper more vulnerable emotional self? Does that make any sense to you?

Maybe what you describe only sounds like something I used to feel - like I had am thick invisible wall around me, keeping everything out & also keeping me in. I felt totally seperated from the world. I felt safe that way. I would still like to hav that feeling back, but only sometimes.

I've been learning to accept emotions, to discover they don't necessarily have to overwhelm me, neither my own nor anyone else's. Being without my barrier hasn't distroyed me. Change me, sure. I think I make better decisions now. I care for myself better now. I understand we are all more capable than we think we are.

You too, Guest_1055.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Guest_1055]

That's it, I have had enough of this stupid .....life. Failure after failure on my part. Emotional mess but trying to keep going. It is just existing that is all it is. I hate it. Anger is in me and I know ,it is because I hate this so very much and I cannot fix it. I want to shout it from the rooftops   I can't fix it. So loud. No one listens to me, I listen to others but no one truly listens to me. My voice and whole being is not heard or I am not understood. No one understands me. I am shouting this out too. What the ...is wrong with me? So tired of crying and crying, so tired of trying to improve things including myself. What is the point anyway when everyone else seems tied up in their own life. Cannot go on anymore. I cannot do this.  I am trapped in an existence I hate. The trapped is like hell. A prison of hurt. I hurt so much . 

Yes I too have felt a thick wall around me. It was made of glass. I could see others outside. But could never connect with them. Just watch life going on from my glass prison. Grew up that way I think. But God knocked down that prison somehow I don't know how, and now I am left with this emotional person ( myself) who doesn't know how to deal with all this emotional stuff. I never felt much in the glass prison. No that is not true , I do remember feeling emotions when I was younger. So maybe I built this prison later. I do not know. But I cannot do this emotional life anymore. It is far too complicated and messy in my heart and thoughts. Thanks for reading my words ,truly appreciate you doing that.
 

Tears are behind my eyes. I am mindlessly playing this cafe type game, just to past time. But it feels like I am wasting the time. Just watching all these little waiters and chefs walking or running on a screen to deliver food to people that have no real expression or even legs. Just so insignificant in life. Why do I even play it? When a part of me feels like I am wasting time. 

So very difficult this life. I just texted someone who I care about , just to see how she was. But I cannot carry on the text message. And I have had the thought that she doesn't care if I text her or not. Or even if she wants me to. That is how clueless I am. I don't want to impose on her in anyway. I can't do people either 

[mmMekitty]

Hi Guest(1055

I hear you. You are loud & clear about how much you hurt how life sucks, that no-one in your life hears you, no matter how you try, so you keep feeling you've failed, time & time again.

Rather, I think we've failed you. I'm so sorry for that. Likely I've misunderstood you. too. For a long time, I felt so unheard, alone & that no one had a clue about how I felt. I hate that you feel that way in yourself. You try so often to listen & help others, which makes me feel proud of you. I mean it; I admire you. I feel I do so little for people around me, because of my own fears & not wanting to get things wrong.  

My trouble was, I barely understood how I was feeling, how to express the feelings & how to put into words for someone, the right someone, to hear. Sure, there's not much point telling people who don't get it, or who find what you have to say 'too much' to deal with. So we find someone who is able to sit with us & who is open enough to allow us the space to explore & express what we need.

I know it's frustrating to feel you can't seem to move forward in your fife, to bring your emotions into line, to control them. I feared not controlling my emotions, too. I still fear I could lose control & react 'inappropriately' to things happening, when I feel my anger or frustration or fear is beyond my endurance. It's scary. I remind myself, with all that's happened, I haven't 'exploded' yet. I haven't let go of the reins. It really doesn't seem to be in my nature. I think this is something we have in common.

I see now, a difficult past makes us stronger than we might see. We are strong. Remember that, Guest, you are strong.

& I don't think there is anything wrong with you. Nor me for that matter. It's just how we responded to bad things, how we protected ourselves over the years. Our walls could not stand forever, so nw we need new ways to protect ourselves. & we need to learn what these feelings are. & what, if anything, to do about them.

I urge you to get in touch with people you feel able to talk to.

Or to call BB's counselling service, on 1300 244 636.

Hugzies

mmMekitty