Hello Doolhof,
You manage to do one thing I have wished I could, & I would think the soar throata cheap price to pay for the release the screaming achieves. I scare myself even when I have suddenly spoken louder in my frustration, or when I give my wardrobe a little thump, & the noise startles me....so I think, if I could scream, I would terrify me, & maybe scare my neighbours, or have them making noise of their own in response. That's not worth it, maybe? To yell, to scream, to really let out some anger has been something I still don't know what to do about.
Maybe you'd like a punching bag, or get into a boxing ring & spar withsomeone?
I think my neighbour, when I was young, & they had a wood stovem she'd get out some of her anger & frustration by chopping wood.
Other people pull up all the weeds in the garden.
I used to walk a lot, I suppose, to clear my mind, to be moving, whenever I felt angry & unable then, to express it. I din't even nameit, then, but that's what I was doing.
Now, that's not something I can do anymore. I want to find other ways to express anger, & frustration, pain & other emotions, by more ways than crying, or smooshing empty egg cartons, or milk bottles (too easy actually - I want something more difficult to stomp on & smoosh.).
I used to sing better, & could do that louder. It's more frustrating not being able to sing well anymore.
At work, that's a place where it could be disasterous to behave inapproately, even for the sake of your mental health. Perhaps there, relying more on calming & breathing exercises, until you can get (if you like), outside, after work, into a gym, or go for a run, (having brought shoes for running), before heading home? There may be a park nearby? Lately that might be better than going into a gym.
How am I today? mmm I'm not sure.... still got these butterflies, not sofy, but scratchy irritating butterflies.
mmMekitty
