Wanting/needing but it's scaring me too much to allow out... I keep telling myself, I can do this, I can cope, I will manage somehow, one day at a time, etc... thinking I am keeping my head above water ... then these feeling wash over me again, pulling me under.... When am I going to get far enough above the surface so I am not dragged under anymore?
I trust I won't won't be under for as long nor as deep as I once would have, but while I'm here, flailing about, it's so awful... I don't want to be in this 'here & now', just somewhere else, like anywhere else would be better, but we know that is not true, so we resist that idea... feel I'm in a fight mode too. Fight / flight, wish I could freeze still, just waiting as I used to do.
If I'm not in this bit of my head all day, thaen I'll feel I'm doing okay. I'll try, if only to get myself out of this part of my head, to distract myself, by doing basic self-care things I don't feel like doing, but, since these are daily necessities, I think I can do them & maybe that'll be enough. Nearly lunchtime, so, first up: prepare lunch.
