Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

[white knight]

How often have we felt those triggers snap us into depression? Down we go. A workplace bully only has to smirk at us. A bit of sad news. A red letter from a bill we've missed. A piece of gossip about us that reaches our ears. For many of us our trigger is unavoidable and I don't think there is much we guilt ridden over sensitive types can do about it. There are some things that medication cant control and psychiatrist session cant solve except a mental bandaid that might make us feel better until the next trigger. So if triggers that cause our emotional drop cant be stopped or lessened what can we do about them? Is there a counter measure? If the negative trigger is on one side of a weighing scale what can we put on the other side to at least try to give a balance?

Well in my view its not unlike positive motivation but in a different sense. What I've tried to do, and in most cases succeeded, is to lock onto quotes. My daughter has anxiety and it peaked last year. She attended a psychologist for one session only, she believed she would need many sessions and extended visits. after her session she rang me and told me she wouldn't be attending anymore. She said that the professional told her that her reactions about elements of her childhood were typical reactions for a child in her circumstance. That at 12yo to leave her mothers home and live with her father (me) and for her mother to disown her for such a move was bound to create many mixed and hurtful feelings. She told me she felt that his comment triggered her in a way that she found the answer to the whole problem. "I'm right now dad" she said.

Similar things have occurred to me over the decades. Once I fought corruption on a small scale at a local council. I was one of their employees. It confused me. I asked my doctor why the mayor acted the way he has, grandstanding and manipulating the facts - "power Tony, its a lust for power". That was the positive trigger I needed. There was no other need to delve into the smaller details. "Power" covered it all.

Reading through some of the threads here has found many more. Posters quote other posters because they "hit the nail on the head" as they say.

Can you, the one that falls mentally down the well of despair, use positive quotes, phrases from others to build a stairway back up?

We have a "quotes" thread here to. Ones that I have found so helpful from the likes of Churchill, Ghandi and so on

Try to focus on these. It might help.

Tony WK

[white knight]

Thankyou Sez

Lovely to talk.

I'm the type if guy that, when walking past a mum pushing a pram I'll goo goo at the baby, watch at how awesome that miracle is and tell mum or dad how lucky they are. Often visiting friends with a newborn they immediately pass baby to poppy Tony. I gravitate to them and they fall asleep on me. Love it.

A family emergency- I'm there as fast as I can be. This over, extreme? Reaction is a "saving" mentality. That same mentality is confused by others as an unbreakable person.

Why do I need to save people? A therapist said to me in 1987 "when are going to stop saving the world"? Where it came from is is anxiety. Although over that now (it took 22 years) but the "saving" aspect is the residual.

What I've always admired about you Sez is you sense of right and wrong. Being blatantly honest is a quality I sooo admire and respect you.

Thankyou so much.

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hello Tony,

Im pleased that your a little better today and you have released a little of what your feeling and gave you some purpose..I can feel your hurt and struggles in your posts.

I hear you also Tony and understand a little of the hurt your feeling. You put so much of your time to other people here and at times then don't know if they are okay or not. You Tony was one of the first to come to my rescue and that's what you did, you really did make a difference to my life, If WhiteKnights falls, I'll do my best to make a difference to you..But imo you will always be my knight in shine armour.

Tony I have always believed that both men and women have the same emotions as each other as we are all born the same..But from a young age males are told it's not manly to cry , to hurt or even to express the multitude of emotions that they have.. imo they have been conditioned to suppress their emotions.

Tony your post portrays a lot of hurt and I am sorry, I hope I wasn't one who did not show appreciation for your help. I think I do, treat both men and women equally on the forums. Although I will admit that at times I am a little afraid of what to answer you at times, because your so knowledgeable about mh and I'm still learning about my new diagnosis of BP2,

Tony when I read about you goo goo babies and having your friends babies sit with poppy Tony, well that didn't surprise me at all, I kind of figured you out to be a gentle person.

Im sorry if I haven't been much help, but I have a lot of trouble understanding what I read lately, maybe the meds, maybe me.. but I do care and will always try to help, if not help just to be here for you...

Tonight I will sit with you and hold your hands, (if that's okay with Mrs WhiteKnight).

Be gentle with yourself please..You really are a good person and your name is who you are to me.

Love,

Karen.

[white knight]

Hi Karen,

An observation -

Having 70% female to 30% females is an issue. This no doubt is due to men concealing their mental problems maybe thinking its best to not talk about it. Its my mission to change that. I'm hoping men will open up

I am aware of your level of love and care Karen, in fact I havent felt a bad bone in anyone on this forum. But I have felt some female members go missing only to post on a couple of "journal" threads when others are in need.

Im aware of your transition to helping others. You are one of my success stories 🙂

Be rest assured your beliefs that you cant articulate answers as well as others is not a factor. Care and support as explained in my new thread Men Isolated can be and is best practiced by a hand on a forearm and no speech or in cyber land a short post of support. It doesnt need detail.

Thankyou sweety

Tony WK

[white knight]

THE CYCLE OF A MOOD TRIGGERED

It could be a distinctly bipolar mood. Or it could be a Tony WK only mood or it could be a natural bad mood. Either way for me it begins with a trigger. Such a trigger can be ever so small and sometimes I don’t know what that trigger was or if it was a mountain of small triggers over days that tipped me over. Sometimes people have no idea they've triggered me with three words.

EG Over many years I've trailered items, to the tip, carried furniture etc. But I've lost my load twice and that is quite normal. However if I suggest to my wife that we will pick up our lounge in our trailer as opposed to getting it delivered and she answered "you trailer it, oh dear"? That can be garranteed to be a trigger, lack of confidence in her partner. Oddly enough, when we load items she rarely assists and leaves it to me. I don't mind that but being then critical isn't on- the trigger begins.

An injustice is another trigger. Say I paid a bill and was rebilled for it. We all know the drama associated with ringing a bank, Centrelink, a Govt department, the on hold music, the feeling you aren’t trusted etc. Then you get a refund into your account and guess what, it isn’t the full amount. So you go through that process again purely because its someone elses fault, someone you never talk to again.
So you get over several of these life battles in a short space of time only for them to take their toll. Suddenly other road blocks come about because now the trigger is taking a different course and I might be more sensitive during triggered times. It’s gone from a spark to transferring it to anger. Anger for some is expressed and that seems to shorten the whole process of a downer. Because soon after anger comes crying. If crying is delayed (being a male, being held in etc) then crying internally has a far different result than crying literally.
For men crying internally is the most likely event. For me its 50-50. Why the difference? Purely due to mental illness. This means that many men hold off on crying, they compound or corral that action which is still a very serious thing both for them and their partners/friends. It’s also for me with that 50% of the time. My current downer has produced zero tears. My headache today is due to that. The feeling is like a full bucket about to burst but it aint happening.
I know the next step. To distance myself. …but that’s for another time.

Tony WK

[quirkywords]

Tony,

I have only just seen this thread. I find your honesty and vulnerability very touching.

. When my ability as a parent from the past is brought up it is a trigger so I usually do not want to talk about it. When one of my children was doing an assignment about mental health and parenting , I helped although I did not want to. It was very stressful and I did go down quite quickly as there is so much guilt I feel from the past and I cant change the past. Even friends who saw my mothering and reassured me and also told me their children bring up things from their childhood and my friends don't have a mental health label.

Sometimes avoiding a trigger can be seen by others as denial so it can be difficult.

have raved on a bit. Tony, you really know what threads are relevant to me and others.

Thanks

Quirky

[white knight]

Dear Leah

Unfortunately cure for guilt isn't easy, in fact impossible in my view

We can only sooth the effects and cram other extra things in our lives to push the topic away.

As your friends will tell you, you are a beautiful soul and a damn good parent. I know this due to your description of your post and level of care. If ever you trip up as a parent you are doing what we all do as caring parents, we question ourselves.

Low self esteem is similar without the pointing towards our childhood specific hangups caused usually by outside influences like- not by ourselves.

you've probably read - Topic: guilt the tormentor- beyondblue

These triggers are terrible because we don't have harmony, stability and comfort. Our partners don't have it either and we think its all us, in reality some of the conflicts are normal marital conflict and isn't due to our own issue of guilt. It isn't easy separating the two. If we don't and we blame guilt instead of normal living then we compound the problem. So important to be as realistic as we can be with guilt.

A good example of this is you helping your daughter with her homework. With your sensitivity and guilt you might not realise that questioning your parenting past might be only 50% relevant. The other 50% being normal reflection. So if you can say to yourself "it's only half as bad as it seems because reflecting is normal" you might at least convince yourself its only half as bad.

I do this a lot. sometimes it works, sometimes not.

tony WK

[Birdy77]

Hello Tony,

Just checking in with you to ask how you are?

How are you feeling?

Are you ok?

🌻birdy

[white knight]

Hi Birdu,

How sweet. To be remembered for my down period.

Well, no, I'm not ok. I'm struggling a lot and have had an appointment with my care nurse that has organized 10 more visits with a very "soft" Dr.

I always bounce back. We are selling our home and building another soon. We commenced a one week trip today towing our varavan around victoria with our vintage car. So that has lifted me a little. We'll visit our block of land to.

My wife has depression from childhood trauma so I try to protect her from my issues but that isnt easy.

My bipolar is hard to live with. Those depressive downers are too often coming around.

Thankyou for your spirit of care.

I hope you are well. You've made my night.

Tony WK

[Elizabeth CP]

I'm sorry Tony, You try to reach out to others but you battle a terrible illness. I hope your trip gives you some energy & positive feelings to keep going. Selling, moving & building are enough to try the most resilient person. Good luck with the process & I hope this down period lifts soon. Sorry I haven't been reaching out much I'm struggling with my own issues & trying to keep myself afloat so having to be careful of triggers but wanted you to know I care.

[Birdy77]

Dear Tony,

I really hope your holiday continues to lift you as you go on this week. Victoria in a vintage car and caravan sounds delightful!

I am glad to hear that you have ten visits arranged with the soft Dr, and I really hope that helps to bring you through gently.

It must be so very difficult battling your own issues whilst trying to protect your beloved wife as she struggles. Such loving care, but so hard.

Moving house is incredibly stressful. I hope you remember to take good and gentle care of yourself whilst moving, and take it easy on BB when you need a rest.

Care to you.

🌻birdy