Beyond the Blue Horizon

amd1953 · ‎17-07-2025

I sense that I am approaching the blue horizon. Even so, it retreats further away from me as if trying to conceal something important from me. What is there to hide that is worth so much subterfuge? What is it I need to know in this final stage of life? Who knows? Who cares? Well, I certainly do. I want to understand everything that comes my way whether it is meant for me or not. Life is short enough without the sensation of feeling cheated and deceived. The challenge is to discover how to cut through the nonsense that cloaks its true meaning. If I were a camel, I would feel at home in the desert. If I were a dromedary, I would, indeed, feel cheated. See Wikipedia for camels/dromedaries. Spoiler alert! A dromedary only has one hump. If I were searching for a new home, I would look to the exoplanets. Cosmologically speaking, a much better place to permanently reside. The moon would be much too close for comfort. I am thinking another galaxy would be great. Certainly within a short drive to the restaurant at the end of the universe for tea and crumpets. Like Albert Camus, I am a rebel without a cause. I choose the absurdist rather than the existentialist philosophy. Everything in this life is engineered towards those with skills, talent and the will to succeed. I have now lost sight of the blue horizon. I am in freefall back to earth where I will lie quietly in the lush meadows and star at the blue sky.

amd1953

melodica

Hello amd1953,

Thank you for sharing something so honest and full of life. Your words about being "the oldest child on the planet" made me smile. There's real freedom in that, choosing joy and wonder over the weight of what others expect.

I relate to what you said about not worrying over what people think, because they don't know why they're here either. Living with disability, the world has often tried to tell me how I should move through it, how I should be. For years, I tried to fit that mould. What I have learned, much like you, is that being me allows me to be me. There is no need for fear or favour once you stop measuring yourself against everyone else's chain of command.

Your image of a perambulation with no destination struck me too. Slowness gets treated as a flaw in this fast-paced world, yet it's often where the real noticing happens, the dusty lane, the fresh air, the losing yourself for a while. I find that same quality in music and in quiet moments of reflection. Thank you for putting into words something a lot of us feel but rarely say aloud.

amd1953

Every time I wake up, I get the urge to write something on this forum. Most of it is the frustration of living an uneasy life. My childhood was a mess and adult life proved to be even messier. It all has a strong accent on being run into the ground and left there. I have become so used to making personal bad decisions that now, when something good or positive happens, I question the very fabric of the universe. I keep wanting to start again but every time I try, I am just that little bit older than the last time. People tell you that it is never too late for anything. Never too late to start again from where you are. I can never be myself because the cost is far too high. There is always a high price to pay for being human and alive. The alternative is unthinkable. I used to think that the world hated me but then I realised that I had not met the world, only a few of its agents of evil.

When the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on the world. It has never met me halfway and there is no opportunity for compromise or any kind of forgiveness. Perhaps it is too late to be forgiven. But then how can that be when I hear that it is never too late. So many false starts. So many loose ends to worry about. The past haunts me like a white ghost. Always reminding me of something I said or did in the past. Forcing me to relive it over and over and over again. Attempting to stem the tide is a full-time job for me since I retired in 2018. It is a roller coaster ride, and I know I shall never vanquish the demons that haunt me.

amd1953

amd1953

This morning, I find myself wondering where the dinosaurs fit in along the evolutionary chain of progression. I think I might have liked living in a cave during the Neolithic period. It all sounds rather exciting. The Paleolithic might have been a little too basic. The gradual development in human brains opens up a whole new discussion. My thought waves tend to come from the universal rather than the local wireless towers dotted around the modern landscape. We are all being methodically and consistently observed by Big Brother. Is it to keep us safe from each other or simply to sticky beak the human race. No matter because it all amounts to nothing in the general scheme of things. If there is a true God, then why is it a male and why is He going to allow our sun to burn out and the Andromeda Galaxy merge without our own Milky Way in just a few billion years? Where is the benevolence in that and what could we do about it anyway? Are we part of the AI revolution or is it just a shiny new novelty? Who knows and who cares? The final setting of the sun will no doubt reveal the plan behind everything. I cannot wait!

amd1953

amd1953

The benefits of being an adult child:

1. You take nothing seriously

2. Your attention span is severely limited

3. You don't always have to do what you're told

4. You can always run away from the adults if you have to

5. If it all gets too much, throw your toys out of the pram

6. If you have something to say, spit the dummy out first

7. You don't have to trust anyone

8. You don't believe anything anyone tells you

9. The most fun you can ever have is a cardboard box

10. Animals are your lifelong friends - humans are not

melodica

Hello,

Thanks for sharing this amd1953. There's some real wit in there but a few things stand out too, especially around trust and not believing what people tell you.

How are you going today? is there something behind this list you'd like to talk about.

melodica

Some days, the big questions feel safer to sit inside than the small ones right in front of us. I get that, thinking about evolution or the universe or whether there's a God at all can feel like a way to make sense of things when everything closer to home feels harder to look at directly. I wonder if anyone else finds themselves doing that, going big to avoid going local for a while. Would love to hear how others sit with that pull.

amd1953

Hello Melodica,

I am doing just fine and dandy thank you. Hope you are doing just as well, if not better. Well, I like lists because they look important and they focus on what I want to get across. A bit like aphorisms. Pithy statements denuded of extraneous matter. I like to make people think, even if they don't always agree with what I say or understand any of it. Life is full of nonsense and sometimes it is the wrong kind of nonsense. My brand is harmless really and trying to inject a bit of humour into the proceedings. Not everyone gets that and I get it too.

Even freedom of speech is in danger of being swamped by tsunamis. As Willy Wonka once said, a little nonsense now and then is welcomed by the wisest men. There is much philosophical content in children's entertainment. I wonder if they see it. I see the world as it should be not always as it is. I don't try to change it, but I like to know the driving force behind everything. Being an aging, retired person allows me to sit back and enjoy the ride to wherever it is we are all going. I see myself as an observer of human folly rather than a participant. Although, I have had my fair share of follies in my day. My contributions are relative to the world I see around me. My lists are purely thought projections. In my time, I have been considered as the court jester rather than a sensible, responsible adult person. It has taken many decades to cement this image into place. I love it.

amd1953

amd1953

Hi Melodica,

I love all questions. Size does not dull the keen blade of knowing. In fact, one size fits all. If only I could find some answers now and again, it would make life much more interesting. There is always the chance that I might have to adapt to the answers I receive. But I am more than willing to accommodate the disturbance in the Matrix. A bold river flows around obstacles and makes allowances for their location. It might occasionally be diverted from its original course, but it keeps going until it gets to the sea. Nature is relentless in its purpose.

melodica

Hello again:

I relate more than you'd expect. I think deeply too, though I rarely voice much of it. There's something in your idea of being an observer rather than a participant that resonates. Most of my reflection happens internally, worked through before it ever reaches words.
Your point about children's entertainment carrying real philosophy struck me. Life moves too fast for most people to notice things like that. I long for a slower pace as a society, one where we actually have time to reflect and understand each other, instead of just grinding through the day. I wonder what depth we're missing out on because of it.

I like the world you've built for yourself. It's a clever way to say true things without having to be taken too seriously.

melodica

What you describe is like my vision of true resilience, which is like a river that continues to flow, with us as the key point. We flow through this life with its many setbacks, and as we experience these, we can choose to keep flowing with the river or take a detour. Sometimes we need to take that detour, to learn lessons or understand where we're heading. Then we get back in the boat and keep going.