Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?
Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.
This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.
Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to
find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about
me and my life.
IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.
I am here to help you why can't you see that?
Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?
IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.
Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?
IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.
Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.
IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.
Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.
IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.
Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.
What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.
I think the only thing that matters is what YOU feel.
Ok your friend ignores her critic. Great. Good for her. That doesn't mean it works for you. Does talking about it help you? Does analysing and experimenting help you? If not then stop and if it does continue. Each to their own.
I think this discussion is very helpful. The key thing I get from it is I'm not alone. That as happy as others may seem from my point of view they too have demons just like me.
The big question... Is talking about your critic helping you?
I am not sure if it helps talking about it, but I like thinking and analysing and I like hearing how other people cope and their ideas.
I think my inner critic is here for the long run but I am getting stronger and also know I am not alone.
I think it is an important discussion because I think some people are not even aware they have this critic they just believe their negative thoughts but by naming the inner critic we can learn how to cope.
So I suppose it helps me feel better about myself in some ways.
I am always interested in how other people cope.
So would like to know how people can soften and lessen the negative voice of the inner critic?
I wonder if I blame my inner critic for everything that goes wrong. Today was not a good day for me and my inner critic was no where to be seen. I am ok now but I think being over tired affects me more than my inner critic.
Can anyone relate to that or have any other ideas?
Hi Quirky 😊
Are you doing ok? What made today such a hard day if that's ok to ask.
My critic has been having a field day stomping on my ego and generally being her usual bully self. Today wasn't a good day. I listened to my critic a lot.
Ah tired. Lack of sleep is not worse than my critic for me... It just lets her take control. Same goes for being hungry. Worrying about finances. Gaining weight. All the usual stresses that open the door for the critic with a megaphone.
My question for my critic is not really much of a question but it works for me...
Critic puts me down. Catastrophises.
I say who cares? So what?
Critic keeps building the drama. You'll gain weight. He'll think you're hideous. He won't be attracted. He won't love you anymore. He'll leave. He'll take the kids. You'll be alone....
Eventually it becomes ridiculous. I'd be alone? No because they are my babies and I have a right to see them. I have friends and family. Plus he's held my hand while I screamed and puked on his shoes. And seen me unable to walk. A few kgs is not going to worry him.
I hope you can find some relief Quirky. Please take care of you!
Quercus you always raise some interesting questions no issues.
My bad day was a few days andI really can't remember much just a few things upset me then partner did not understand how I felt, or more that he doesnt want that Quirky around and neither do I, she is so demanding!. All fine now but scares me ifI really became ill he would not cope and my inner critic then eminds me of all the horrible things I have done in my past and how you would expect anyone person to cope.
I am not sure i would say So what?but I like the attitude.
Don't worry about me, I think I use the forum sometimes not that often just to express an emtion and hope others may relate. We all have not goo days.
I often think we sometimes are our own worst enemies but refusing to see th goodness others see in us and constantly being negative to our selves or only believing the negative side. This thread is a bout talking to your inner critic,butI feel now if we believe the kindness that other see in us that horrible inner critic would be crushed.
So often I see people on this forum saying wonderful things about others but not believing one kind thing said about them. I have done this and keep wondering why I continue to do it.
So how would you feel if we started to take on board the kindpoints others notice in us so that our inner critic would be silenced .