Struggling to cope, please help.

[Guest_4643]

Hi, my name's Tayla and I'm 20. Relatively new to these forums, but I've commented on threads and made some of my own so far so if people could check this out and the others and reply it would mean a lot please, although I'm not forcing anyone.

I have a great Psychiatrist that I'm very thankful for and happy and comfortable with. However it can be a while in between sessions because he has other patients and other work to do, and other non Psychiatry work commitments with other work stuff he does.

I see my GP, but I don't find her as helpful as my Psychiatrist. Yes she's nice and sometimes she helps, but I don't know, I just don't feel like she helps me as much as my Psychiatrist does. I'm not trying to be rude or say anything mean about her, that's just how I'm starting to feel lately.

I live in a small town in Regional Victoria, about 4000 or so people. Lived up here for about 2 years, with my parents. I don't have any siblings, no friends online and in person and no family members apart from my Mum and Dad. They struggle some days too with depression etc also.

I can't do anything here. I've looked for jobs even asked in person and I'm always told no although I'm willing to learn. I've tried to join groups here and I'm always told I'm not allowed because it's for older people. I don't know why. I'd be grateful to join and try to be positive and laugh and meet people, and do whatever they do.

I also can't study because that's super expensive. All of the free courses I've looked up you need qualifications and certain things, for example you had to do a course prior to doing a free one, have to be a certain age and have certain skills, etc. So I don't. I don't have any Employment Agencies nearby, I do look things up online.

I'm not really a sporty person and sometimes I regret that. Even the local sports won't accept me though. Believe me I've tried everything I can.

I even called the local triage and the guy on the phone was so rude, refused to speak to me and help me and I was polite and just asked if I could come in for support because my Psychiatrist and I discussed that and he said I could give it a go. That made me feel so hurt and unwanted because I've never spoken to a triage before.

I went to the local Headspace Centre and was made fun of for my mental illnesses by the managers and group members. I complained and she lost her job. eHeadspace has always been rude and unhelpful to me too.

Please, please help. Anybody. I'm struggling so much.

Tayla.

[bpd1990]

Hey,

Im sorry your struggling. I also live in a small regional town and understand how hard to can be to get support or into groups.

the mental health system can be more triggering but please if you need support don't give up! the last thing you might feel like doing is fighting but to get the help we deserve its a long hard fight.

it seem you have are doing everything right. keep researching keep fighting the system and don't let one triage person put you off calling again if that what you need.

I know its hard but stick with it. you have this

[Guest_4643]

hey there bpd1990,

sorry for my late reply but thanks so much for yours.

your kind words mean a lot to me, thank you so much. I'm doing my best. and yeah it's really sad about the mental health especially in a country town. maybe not a lot of people suffer mental health in some country towns (well some farmers do), I have no idea. people hide it well also.

good on you for being strong yourself and trying to help me, I appreciate it a lot. thanks so much.

please take care and be safe.

love and hugs,

Tayla xo

[monkey_magic]

Hi mb20lover,

Hi again. What a struggle living in a small town can be. I live in a big city so everything's pretty much accessible here. I suppose things will get easier once you relocate which might not be an option for you now but later down the track.
Being persistent helps as well so perhaps writing letters to future employers/ places you want to volunteer at might help. Even though you've already seen them I still wouldn't give up trying.
Being idle with not a lot to do definitely doesn't help depression. When your busy I find depression can sometimes take a back seat and yes it sounds like you are doing everything in your power to get something in motion.
I also use the happy colours app. I used to colour paint by numbers books but lately been using that yes, very addictive app. I actually still have a book I could colour lying around.
I hope connecting to ppl online has helped, it doesn't change the fact not much is happening where u live though.
Please don't give up though as something might still happen. Is Tafe an option at all. I remember being on Centrelink substidised the Tafe fee and it wasn't that much to do my course.
You sound like you have a lot of determination and get up and go.
Well done for reaching out and doing everything possible to get somewhere... it's just a shame it's been out of your control at this particular time.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Tayla,

Your psychiatrist sounds fantastic, and you seem to have a certain rapport with him, which is important. I think it’s a shame though that there can be long waits between sessions.

The mental health services, & services/activities in general, sound very limited there. I’ve read about issues with limited access to services and activities in regional and rural Australia...it really is quite sad...

What strikes me most is I feel you’re probably very lonely. I think social connection is very important for most of us to have good mental health. I feel sad that you’ve had pretty bad experiences so far...

Even though you seem pretty open to joining those groups and that’s great, the people in your town seem to be unwilling to get past the age difference, which I think is a loss for them...the rejection and lack of opportunity must be hard.

I wonder if there are group activities and events in nearby towns/bigger towns that you could look into?

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[monkey_magic]

Hi Tayla,

You posted that you were feeling down on the 3 things you are thankful for thread and I just wanted to jump on and say did u want to talk about it?
I'll be here.

[Guest_4643]

Hey monkey_magic. Sorry for just replying now, been down and a bit busy and we have a family friend over until Monday, so my apologies there.

I get what you mean, and thanks for your kind words.

I did apply for Centrelink for the disability pension for Mental Health because that's what I was told to do by professionals and others, it was stressful but I sent the forms in before Christmas and I'm waiting to hear back from them. It was the only thing I could get because of my circumstances, age etc.

I've looked into TAFE, Uni, all of that. I can't afford it and like I said the disability thing from Centrelink was all I could apply for, because the TAFE stuff etc says you have to be 22 and other stuff and I'm only 20. And other silly stuff like that. TAFE is so expensive and I can't afford that. The free ones you have to have certain skills, you would've had to already do some course similar or whatever, and I don't have any of that. So I don't fit the criteria.

Thanks for saying I'm being persistent etc. I'm doing my best but I keep getting shut down and pushed away. I just want to hide in a bubble or a shell or whatever term you want to use. My life is so repetitious every day - wake up whenever from my insomnia, have a coffee, have a shower, eat something if I'm up to it, take my meds, go for a walk, and so forth. I like being in my room at night alone with my music and watching funny stuff online can help. That's when I feel not really happy exactly but content if you will. I like my alone time, and I've gotten so used to and adapted to being alone so much, even when I was in primary and high school. Which by the way I left in year 10 so 2015 due to bullying (I've been bullied my whole life in person and online) and I was getting physically ill, so much so that I ended up having my first surgery which was pretty major (I could've well you know, if I didn't have the surgery), in November 2018. My anxiety and depression was SO bad, I can't put it into words. Plus I was dealing with a lot like the loss of my Grandparents in 2013 & 2015 then.

Thanks again though.

Tayla

[Guest_4643]

hey Pepper. my apologies for the slow replies, been down, a bit busy and we have a family friend over like I mentioned until Monday. but I prefer being on here trying to seek help for myself and trying to support others. I hope I've done that.

yes I completely agree with you and it's wrong. my Psychiatrist is lovely and in all honesty, the only good professional I've ever had. I'm so thankful. I trust him a lot and he just makes me feel better when I'm talking to him. he always smiles at me, we have chats (in the time we have anyway) not just about my mental health, but also general things, have a laugh, he puts me at ease, etc. to me it's like he's not just my Psychiatrist but also a friend. does that sound weird? I hope not.

and yeah, to say I'm lonely would be an understatement. I do my best every day. that's why I decided to join these forums.

the only things in the closest biggest town from me (which is 30 mins away) is Wellways who never got back to me, and Headspace. I went to the Headspace Centre for an 8 week group back in July last year or something. the manager and group members made fun of my mental illnesses and it was just so traumatic and still is. she lost her job because I made a complaint. that's all there is. even eHeadspace has always been rude to me.

so I've done everything I can. I want to ask my Psychiatrist if I can call him between sessions, obviously not at home or anything like that, like on a business number (the ones starting with 9), but I don't want to make him uncomfortable and I keep forgetting to ask. do you think it could be beneficial writing down stuff I'd like to discuss as much as I can in the time, so I don't forget etc and have it next to me to read when I do Telehealth with him? (that's like Skype).

I'm doing a free Mindspot course, and they tried contacting him on the number I provided them that was on my prescription from him, but they said it was disconnected. I don't have an email for him or anything like that. I contacted the company I do Telehealth with but they seem unreliable about passing things onto him most of the time and I'd rather go through my Psychiatrist personally since some receptionists there can be rude.

Tayla.

[Guest_4643]

hey again monkey_magic. thanks for replying again and being there for me, it means a lot. I'm here for you and everyone else on these forums as much as I can be too, and I hope I've supported you and others.

I'm just really down about my GP and other professionals treating me like crap and not doing their jobs and helping me, my Psychiatrist is the only one. I miss him when I don't see him. I don't mean that to sound weird or anything. it's hard.

I'm not eating much lately, but I still go for walks. normally I eat a bit more. with the family friend here, it's hard when I don't have anyone my age or a teen. they talk rubbish and whenever I try and say something no one cares even if I have a laugh. it's like I don't matter. this is why I'm antisocial. sigh.

and just other things.

Tayla

[monkey_magic]

Wow,

You've certainly dealt with/ are dealing with a lot no wonder you feel down. Life can be like a rollercoaster at times.
I'm glad to hear that you are content at night time listening to music and watching funny stuff on-line. I do the same. Love my music, when I'm driving and watch funny vids whenever. It's really important to have that.
I've only got one surviving grandparent left and grief definitely does take it's toll. An ex boyfriend passed away he was only young which really affected me for a while as well.

Goodluck with getting the disability pension. I, myself am on Newstart and work in an office casually.
Can your parents help out at all with paying for your study?
I hope that you feel better soon.

MMx