Staying well

From hopeless to helpful - The story behind my username

replies: 2

Recently a lot of people are telling me that I am “awesome” and “amazing” and “such an inspiration” and lots of other positive encouraging things. But let me tell you it wasn’t always like that. About 22 and a half years ago, people were telling me v... View more

Recently a lot of people are telling me that I am “awesome” and “amazing” and “such an inspiration” and lots of other positive encouraging things. But let me tell you it wasn’t always like that. About 22 and a half years ago, people were telling me very different things; like “I’ve had enough of your lies” and “Go away, I’m done with you” and “Get your act together or get out of my life” …. Actually, that last one was the kicker. It came from my sister. She’d sprung me having my ‘morning drink’. I was trying to secretly glug down a bottle of mouthwash, telling myself I was just ‘looking after my dental hygiene’ when really, I had reached the point where I could no longer brush my teeth without gagging. Almost every other person in my life had slammed the door in my face and I had no-one left. I even thought about living in my car and told myself it would be okay because homeless people don’t have a job, and I still had a job. But only just, and not for much longer. It didn’t start out like that though. It started out being so much fun! I was going to parties and going out dancing and seeing bands and going out to dinner and out on dates. But from the age of 15 there was ALWAYS alcohol. And if there wasn’t, then I didn’t want to go. I thought people who didn’t drink were ‘weird’ or ‘boring’ or too scared ….. obviously, I was also quite judgemental. I didn’t grow up in a home with excessive drinking or abuse or anything like that. But I did have some significant traumas happen to me as a child, and saw alcohol as the thing that would ‘fix’ me. Or at least dull the pain. But alcohol is a depressant and sooner or later, when a person drinks to excess, it turns on you and becomes the thing that is ruining everything. And removing everyone from your life. In recovery, we call it ‘The greatest remover on earth’. So anyway, a few days after my sister said “Get your act together or get out of my life” I got help by going to AA. That was December of 1996 and I haven’t had a drink since. And I can tell you that sobriety and recovery has been both the hardest, and most wonderful thing I have ever chosen and/or been coerced into doing. Ever. Moral of the story; if you want to drink, that’s your business. But if the booze is costing you (removing from you/your life) more than just money, then help and hope are only a phone call or a meeting away. Visit www.aa.org.au or call 1300 AA AA AA (1300 22 22 22).

First time for me

replies: 16

Hello there, I recently got released from hospital after 7 weeks. I have OCD, anxiety and depression. I am currently on medication but I get worried about relapsing. Does anybody have that same feeling? Anybody else have anxiety, depression or OCD?

I don't remember ne before blue

replies: 3

Hey guys im new here, i came looking for somewhere to chat to like minded people because sometimes i feel like the people around me have heard enough or have enough on in their own lives. I do have a psychologist but hes new and i really miss the old... View more

Hey guys im new here, i came looking for somewhere to chat to like minded people because sometimes i feel like the people around me have heard enough or have enough on in their own lives. I do have a psychologist but hes new and i really miss the old one so we will see how that goes. A family member of mine tells me all the time how depressed i am and how ive changed and i try to look back at the person they remember and i wonder how did i get here and how do i get back there. I was 20 the last time i remember being carefree and happy, thats about 7 years ago now... 7 years wasted being anxious and scared feeling like the world will fall from under my feet any second, 7 years hating myself and being insecure about my weight but not sticking to making a change. I just want to wake up and choose to be happy i want to love me for me and embrace life and everything it has to offer, i don't want the running real of negative thoughts and fears in my head any more or the tight anxious feeling in my chest. But i dont want meds either. I tell myself that if i got my weight under control id be more confident and happy and the rest would follow, i place so much importance on appearance but only my own.... Ill accept you however you are, but myself the fact that im overweight over rules any other possible positive quality i possess. These feelings are taking a toll on a lot of the relationships in my life, i can tell my sister has had enough of me. I feel bad for my BF because i was at a good place when we met and ive just back spiralled so far and now he has to deal with all my jealousy and insecurity (damage done and i dont know if i can ever fix it). Then theres work, i wanna be confident and happy and make a difference and be someone people can come to when theyre having a tough time..... But all that seems to come out of my mouth is negativity. The real cake topper is just being exhausted all the time, i have so much trouble believing that this level of tired can come from being overweight and depressed but that is the conclusion drawn by most GP's. So i wanna change, i want to get positive and start looking after myself and living life. So if anyone has pointers on breaking the loop of negative thoughts or activities to rationalise the irrational catastrophic thoughts. Tips on how to get past the feelings of exhaustion. Im definitly not here for pitty, i just want to get better. thank you.

Either quite ill/going to just really fade away into nothing is going to happen to me

replies: 1

Look Ive given it my all, but like if people are just there to continually take a pot shot at you, then like life is just going to get you down at some point. No matter how much that you just ensure yourself and stand up for yourself against this ppl... View more

Look Ive given it my all, but like if people are just there to continually take a pot shot at you, then like life is just going to get you down at some point. No matter how much that you just ensure yourself and stand up for yourself against this ppl, asserting that theyre in the wrong and you're not whatever has been said. Anyway that is incredibly difficult and just tough, as well as awkward and vulnerability becomes a big thing now for me. So yep like just try and be nice and gentle, lol ahahaha can have a laugh about it there though saying that but nah just try and be respectful though about this yep yeah

How do you approach a potential employer about a wage subsidy

replies: 6

I am applying for positions all over the place and like so many, not getting any reply. I would like to let potential employers know about the wage subsidy they could access if they employ me but I'm not sure how to do this. Has anyone found a tactfu... View more

I am applying for positions all over the place and like so many, not getting any reply. I would like to let potential employers know about the wage subsidy they could access if they employ me but I'm not sure how to do this. Has anyone found a tactful way? Do I mention it in my letter of introduction? Tell the employment agency to ring them? Try to speak to someone in the organisation before applications close? Or just wait until I get hired and then go, "Congratulations, you just won the Lotto! I come with a bonus set of steak knives!" I feel like the wage subsidy would be a good incentive to look more closely at my application, even if my experience is a bit old or maybe there is another candidate with a perfect employment record.

Writing as Helpful Hobby

replies: 1

Hi All, A little hobby I found really helped me when I was pretty depressed that I thought I would share is writing fiction. How it worked for me was I created characters (only semi intentionally) that reflected different aspects of my personality an... View more

Hi All, A little hobby I found really helped me when I was pretty depressed that I thought I would share is writing fiction. How it worked for me was I created characters (only semi intentionally) that reflected different aspects of my personality and put them in a over dramatized version of situation I had found myself in and just wrote what came naturally. I didn’t set out to create characters in that way it more so just happened as one can only really write from ones own imagination ad experiences anyway. I found it very helpful in just getting thoughts out there and in some ways conversations between characters helped make real some of the circular thoughts I got in my head when feeling depressed/anxious as instead of being mingled together in your head they are separated out into discrete ‘person’s' who speak one after the other, so I was able to focus on each ‘voice’ one at a time while writing. While not all voices are nice in terms of self talk it helped me to remember that not all my self talk was negative only some of it and that voice can be countered my other ones that are still mine. It also provided a way much like other hobbies of getting into a ‘flow’ mental state and often more frequently than other hobbies I have- the reason being is whilst for say a sport you need to be at the place with the equipment etc. to get into that zone, if you’re writing fiction you can come up with ideas/scenarios/conversations at any time in your head (on train, waiting in line or something those quiet moments that can sometimes be hard to sit alone with yourself.). So might not work for everyone but might help someone so I encourage anyone who likes stories and is looking to try something different to help with their anxiety/depression to give it a go.

Alcohol - destroyer of families and souls

replies: 1

Hi Little bit background. I am just over 60, my wife has just turned 48. We have been married 18 years have two beautiful daughters. My wife is an alcoholic, serious demonsare emerging and I don't know what to do. Reading some of the posts from other... View more

Hi Little bit background. I am just over 60, my wife has just turned 48. We have been married 18 years have two beautiful daughters. My wife is an alcoholic, serious demonsare emerging and I don't know what to do. Reading some of the posts from others is like reading our story. Narcissism, my fault she drinks, life like walking on eggshells, and now she wants to move out after a huge argument over nothing in which my youngest daughter also got involved because she is tired of hearing us fight and me being blamed for things that are just not right. It's is not an option, I am self employed have been most of my life and therefore almost unemployable at such an age. I have to keep working at what I do but that means extended periods of travel overseas (sometimes 2 weeks, sometimes a few months but family flies to join me when school holidays are on). I hate it but it's life. Work is very irregular, 2 years ago minimal work , home for almost 10 months. Then had an 9 week and 5 month contracts the following year. I get paid well WHEN I am working. I am not here to debate this is a factor in "confused lifestyle" which brings pressure or stress. But we have no other options believe me I have tried to find alternatives. The kids still at school, mortgage and bills have to be paid. I tell you all this because if she moves out I can no longer work and that will destroy our family, everything we have worked for. Her story is one of confused life, widow met widower (children both sides) then came my wife. Her mother died when she was young which hurts her and cause of much sadness. She hated her domineering father, her sisters did their best to raise her but domineered her life. Finally out she moved in with chap who hit her and she left. She does have history of habitual use of cigarettes, alcohol and (no longer)cannabis). She was a totally different person in early years of marriage. But now age, changes in life for BOTH of us don't help the situation. She has some back and hip problems which she thinks drinking helps with, refuses medications but alcohol is replacing food. Will not got to AA. The only time we fight is when she is drunk. I try t do what is recommended give her space, not argue but sometimes the hurt inflcited gets the better of me and I argue back. I just don't know how to handle this anymore, what to do. Our kids are beside themselves with fear of family breakup. I love her totally, need her, want her - I just don't want the alcoholic !

Downsizing lifestyle

replies: 3

Hey everyone; I'm at a time in life where living alone brings a few fears up. Being in a low income community where break-ins happen regularly, no-one close to rely on in an emergency, living far from the CBD and resources, not many friends, paying a... View more

Hey everyone; I'm at a time in life where living alone brings a few fears up. Being in a low income community where break-ins happen regularly, no-one close to rely on in an emergency, living far from the CBD and resources, not many friends, paying a mortgage along with rates etc and stamp duty on any property I end up buying away from the insecurity of this area. I've been looking into over 50's lifestyle villages where there's no stamp duty, onsite pool, clubhouse amenities, close to beaches/CBD/medical/activities and a social life I couldn't get anywhere else. This also means there's always people to count on in an emergency or when I'm lonely. And no, this isn't an advertisement! lol I don't work but I'd like to. Passing on what I've learnt over my life (part-time of course) is an attractive option too, bringing in much needed extra income. What's the problem you ask? I'm scared. Anxiety keeps me not only procrastinating, but frozen some days with trepidation. Moving or staying is a huge decision to make at retirement age. How do others feel about my situation and what would you, or have you done? Thanks

Singles Support on BB

replies: 60

Hi, This might seem like a odd thread for me to create but... In my time here at beyond blue, I have come upon a number of users who have reported about the loneliness of being single, never having a girl friend, never will find a partner, not being ... View more

Hi, This might seem like a odd thread for me to create but... In my time here at beyond blue, I have come upon a number of users who have reported about the loneliness of being single, never having a girl friend, never will find a partner, not being in a relationship etc. Many users put there stories in new threads each day, so existing users might not be able to find these other users and therefore might not be able to lend a hand of support. Some users might feel they are the only ones to experience this problem. So to help (?) users with similar problems I thought a thread where users, male or female, might eb able to support each other, and create connections even if in a virtual space. I hope you will find this space helpful... Tim

ANGER -> are you reactive or mindful when responding to people? *New members are very welcome to contribute

replies: 85

Firstly I want to thank Karen, (Ggrand) who ignited my idea for this thread. (Not pun intended lol) Are you 'reactive' when confronting someone? Do you run away, or step back and 'think' before you speak? These are important questions about anger and... View more

Firstly I want to thank Karen, (Ggrand) who ignited my idea for this thread. (Not pun intended lol) Are you 'reactive' when confronting someone? Do you run away, or step back and 'think' before you speak? These are important questions about anger and especially rage. I'm sure everyone who visits these forums will have at some point in their lives experienced out of control reactions or even 'inaction' that they regret or question afterwards. Eg..."Why didn't I say anything?" or "I shouldn't have said anything." Personally, I'm no stranger to the effects of reactive anger. It took me many yrs to address and finally defeat as an ineffective and damaging personality trait. I still struggle sometimes, but more times than not, I deal with it productively. Anger's a normal animal/human reaction for survival. It goes hand in hand with Fight or Flight responses to keep us safe and alive. What modern society's done though, is create confusion, denial and fear in understanding what a 'threat' actually is. There are so many 'rules of engagement' outlined in our laws and cultural niceties, we're stifled trying to identify when a 'real' threat is immanent and, how to approach matters effectively...nature vs nurture. I think this is a discussion we really 'need' to have. It plays into our recovery and how we want to live our lives in peace with confidence. Are you known as an angry person, a fence sitter or passive/aggressive for instance? These are all tied into our responses to internal or external anger. For the sake of this thread topic, I'd like to keep anecdotes etc to personal experience and not about 'others'; to look at ourselves for answers. I'm eager to hear your thoughts... Sez

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