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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Shining_Star Fighting alcoholism
  • replies: 4

Hi, I’m new here. I am currently starting my journey to beating the bottle, I’m learning the triggers for my drinking and it’s tough. I have not spoken openly to anyone other than my dr and husband about this issue. Im looking to hear from anyone who... View more

Hi, I’m new here. I am currently starting my journey to beating the bottle, I’m learning the triggers for my drinking and it’s tough. I have not spoken openly to anyone other than my dr and husband about this issue. Im looking to hear from anyone who is further down the line and help me to know it will get easier. I feel trapped because I’m so ashamed to speak to my most trusted people about this habit I’ve been hiding to so many years.

white knight Is "snap out of it" fully unjustified?
  • replies: 4

It's one of our most irritating comments we come across, notably those without any mind struggles tell us basically that we have the choice to overcome our symptoms with mind control in a split second "snap" and we'll be normal. Of course, someone th... View more

It's one of our most irritating comments we come across, notably those without any mind struggles tell us basically that we have the choice to overcome our symptoms with mind control in a split second "snap" and we'll be normal. Of course, someone that has the normal capability of mind control would wonder why you can't do what they do. Not only is that lack of empathy (also a serious deficiency of the mind) but it is simply naive. Like all matters however, why dont we remove the anger and emotions about this and examine if there is an elememt of truth to it, I think there might be. i think it lies in enambling those with a MI. As a child have you ever about to cry and your mother points at you and says "stop" or some other direction that causes you to stop your path towards crying? You stop and hold it in why?- because you you were told to by someone in authority in a direct manner. Dissecting this a little. If emotions at that moment were uncontrollable you would still cry regardless right? Does this mean you wanted to cry as a choice? And your mother countered that choice. If you had soft parents that , everytime you cried you got sympathy, would you allow yourself to cry more ofyen? Of course. As adults when we have depression or other struggles we no longer have that parent telling us to, get out of bed, go to work, stop crying... Does that mean as adults we dont need that? We do often need such prompts because normally it should come from ourselves...but alas, we haven't got it in us...the person saying "snap out of it" does! We didnt develop that control or we lost it. So, imo there is an element of truth to that direction only in that such directions are absent from our own capability. Being told to "snap out of it" can be used as a reminder of how our mood is effecting our behaviour and how frustrated others can be about us. We can answer them like this "have you known anyone that has "snapped" out of it?" "Is "snapping out of it" a proven psychiatric process, a reflection of your qualifications maybe? But you are far better off putting such directions aside as naive and ineffectual. If however you take the direction and turn it into a motivating tool you could use it as an example of what you lack- the minds isolation to some abilities lacking and work on them via therapy and recovery. "Snapping out of it" is needed by professionals over a long period of therapy not by people clicking fingers. TonyWK

white knight Inlaws- coping with rejection
  • replies: 2

The topic of inlaws comes up regularly here. In most such posts it refers to the poster being the new addition to the family by marriage. Common problems arise including you are not good enough to marry their daughter or son. Jealousy that you are ta... View more

The topic of inlaws comes up regularly here. In most such posts it refers to the poster being the new addition to the family by marriage. Common problems arise including you are not good enough to marry their daughter or son. Jealousy that you are taking attention off a sibling of your partner or, in some cases pure prevention of a warm welcome. But these problems are often compounded by our own expectations. As a partner to a person we automatically assume that our partners happiness in finding you as a mate would download to his/hers family being content - not so. In 1984 I met my first wife. She was the youngest of 5 children. 3 of her siblings were engaged to be married. My fiance and I decided on a wedding date and this upset her oldest brother and his fiance, their justification was that he was the eldest, so he should marry first which was ludicrous. The more likely reason was he was the first born and his parents favourite child and for the first time, the limelight was taken away. His fiance embarked on a demonising campaign that forever harmed the siblings relationships My actions following that was to drift away. I still encouraged my wife to attend family get togethers but I rarely attended. I reminded her that I married her, not her family. How far do our obligations extend? Well I'm of the view that you can remain civil but elusive, you can be evasive but dont ignore. If effort to get to know you isnt returned you are powerless to remedy that unless you keep trying and keep getting disappointed. What do you think? TonyWK

pat06 addiction
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I have a addiction to porn and I want to break it. How did people concur their addiction?

Hi all, I have a addiction to porn and I want to break it. How did people concur their addiction?

Chloe_Inglewood Off the meds - will lifestyle and other strategies be enough
  • replies: 1

Wondering if I’m going to spiral... After 10 years of medication and sick of side effects but scared of coming off, I’m off the meds. I tapered off slowly - have experienced vertigo in the 2 weeks following no dose. I’m exercising regularly -which he... View more

Wondering if I’m going to spiral... After 10 years of medication and sick of side effects but scared of coming off, I’m off the meds. I tapered off slowly - have experienced vertigo in the 2 weeks following no dose. I’m exercising regularly -which helps a lot, I’ve become more aware and use strategies to prevent anxiety/stress which contributes to deterioration of my mental health. I saw a psychologist last year and found the talking to someone helpful. My question is what hope do I have that this won’t last all of my life? I have three kids/ teenagers currently, I work full time in a pretty stressful nurse manager job, but I can’t seem to prevent a spiral when the pressure builds. Today I’m feeling pretty crap well it’s middle of the night and I’m writing this unable to sleep- overthinking setting in. I want to have kids, job and a life but struggle with just the two. Ive experienced a fair bit of trauma in my job but my childhood experiences affect me most- Sexual abuse and emotional/verbal abuse. I feel judged at work for having days off for my mental health- I don’t tell people why I’m off but I still get comments- not helpful. Now I’m a manager permanently for over two years, I’m not sure whether I should be one because of the impact of stress but why can’t I have a career I love. What hope is there to lead a full life?

Guest5643 Stop mind racing while falling asleep
  • replies: 1

If anyone has trouble falling asleep try this. For yrs ive used a soft toy dog called a snuggle puppy that has a beating mechanical heart in it. Its actualy made for puppies for there first nights in a home to comfort them while sleeping. Like most p... View more

If anyone has trouble falling asleep try this. For yrs ive used a soft toy dog called a snuggle puppy that has a beating mechanical heart in it. Its actualy made for puppies for there first nights in a home to comfort them while sleeping. Like most people my mind is more active when trying to sleep. This toy is perfect for stopping that. With me the regular constant sound of the beat and the gentle thumping slows my breathing to a relaxed steady pace and it shuts my mind off and fall asleep quite quickly

white knight What "family" is all about when unwell
  • replies: 5

Over several years here I've noticed a common theme with nearly all members posts. They have elements of guilt, sorrow, worthlessness, despair and confusion. I rarely if ever see spite, revenge, nastiness or anger. To me that equates to people despar... View more

Over several years here I've noticed a common theme with nearly all members posts. They have elements of guilt, sorrow, worthlessness, despair and confusion. I rarely if ever see spite, revenge, nastiness or anger. To me that equates to people desparate to find peace in life, are often the one harmed by others, cannot find solutions to their illness and are "lost" mentally feeling very much alone with their challenges. If this is you then you likely are putting other peoples needs above your own. You aren't well, you need care and consideration before you can perform your role to the maximum in your own family. Too often when family members know you have depression others think just taking your medication daily is the extent of what happens but thats ok with headaches, blood pressure and vitamin difficiency. Mental illness needs many extra changes from others and yourself. When unwell it is justified and necessary to turn your focus onto yourself. You, being considerate of others will find this strange but selfishness for a period has its advantages...it results in you recovering and that will enable you to revert back to your family and friends needs. Point out to others that this period of self focus is temporary even though it feels you'll never recover. You will. During your recovery guilty feelings will engulf you especially you incapacity to parent. This guilt needs to be offset by good feelings and it comes by way of expression - expression of kindness and appreciation. In the following thread some of this is covered Beyondblue Topic who cares for the carer? In that thread I make a suggestion that if you are bedridden with depression you can show appreciation in subtle ways. If you can attend the bathroom or get a drink from the fridge, you can make a cup of tea for your partner when they arrive home from work. At least try...endeavor is everything. That's one example of how kindness, the expression of it, doesnt have to disappear while ill. Family member as well need to know changes need to be made in their behavior, duties and expectations until your recovery is complete. Thats what family is all about. TonyWK

gloria10 managing health with full time work
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am looking at some advice on how to manage health problems when working full time. Along with depression and anxiety I have a list of other health problems that get in the way and I find it hard to manage. This means I often take a day off work... View more

Hi, I am looking at some advice on how to manage health problems when working full time. Along with depression and anxiety I have a list of other health problems that get in the way and I find it hard to manage. This means I often take a day off work every couple of weeks because I find everything, including anxiety, overwhelming. I am getting better with taking better care of myself by starting with diet and making sure I have the right energy throughout the day. But I feel so guilty when I need to take this time off. It doesn't help that I'm casual either and it puts my job on the line. I would appreciate advice Gloria10

Soberlicious96 From hopeless to helpful - The story behind my username
  • replies: 2

Recently a lot of people are telling me that I am “awesome” and “amazing” and “such an inspiration” and lots of other positive encouraging things. But let me tell you it wasn’t always like that. About 22 and a half years ago, people were telling me v... View more

Recently a lot of people are telling me that I am “awesome” and “amazing” and “such an inspiration” and lots of other positive encouraging things. But let me tell you it wasn’t always like that. About 22 and a half years ago, people were telling me very different things; like “I’ve had enough of your lies” and “Go away, I’m done with you” and “Get your act together or get out of my life” …. Actually, that last one was the kicker. It came from my sister. She’d sprung me having my ‘morning drink’. I was trying to secretly glug down a bottle of mouthwash, telling myself I was just ‘looking after my dental hygiene’ when really, I had reached the point where I could no longer brush my teeth without gagging. Almost every other person in my life had slammed the door in my face and I had no-one left. I even thought about living in my car and told myself it would be okay because homeless people don’t have a job, and I still had a job. But only just, and not for much longer. It didn’t start out like that though. It started out being so much fun! I was going to parties and going out dancing and seeing bands and going out to dinner and out on dates. But from the age of 15 there was ALWAYS alcohol. And if there wasn’t, then I didn’t want to go. I thought people who didn’t drink were ‘weird’ or ‘boring’ or too scared ….. obviously, I was also quite judgemental. I didn’t grow up in a home with excessive drinking or abuse or anything like that. But I did have some significant traumas happen to me as a child, and saw alcohol as the thing that would ‘fix’ me. Or at least dull the pain. But alcohol is a depressant and sooner or later, when a person drinks to excess, it turns on you and becomes the thing that is ruining everything. And removing everyone from your life. In recovery, we call it ‘The greatest remover on earth’. So anyway, a few days after my sister said “Get your act together or get out of my life” I got help by going to AA. That was December of 1996 and I haven’t had a drink since. And I can tell you that sobriety and recovery has been both the hardest, and most wonderful thing I have ever chosen and/or been coerced into doing. Ever. Moral of the story; if you want to drink, that’s your business. But if the booze is costing you (removing from you/your life) more than just money, then help and hope are only a phone call or a meeting away. Visit www.aa.org.au or call 1300 AA AA AA (1300 22 22 22).

LonelyGirl89 First time for me
  • replies: 16

Hello there, I recently got released from hospital after 7 weeks. I have OCD, anxiety and depression. I am currently on medication but I get worried about relapsing. Does anybody have that same feeling? Anybody else have anxiety, depression or OCD?

Hello there, I recently got released from hospital after 7 weeks. I have OCD, anxiety and depression. I am currently on medication but I get worried about relapsing. Does anybody have that same feeling? Anybody else have anxiety, depression or OCD?