Stuck??

[Clairbearclair]

I am pregnant and close to my due date, i work for the government and on maternity leave and this is my second pregnancy. I have a supportive partner that does everything within his means. He works a full time job and has to travel a hour and a half to get there, 3 days a week our son makes the commute with him to go to daycare. We have been trying very hard to secure a rental in the area, recently i requested some feedback and decided it is best to leave our dog and our cat behind with my parent's where they are happy but it is just depressing. 😞

The other problem is money all of a sudden, we got messed around with our pregnancy insurance and i am seeing a specialist obstetrician, i have paid a large amount of it off but still have a 4000 bill, and the hospital is charging me 2600 because our specialist is a private doctor. Even though it's all inclusive. I really wish i didn't bother with pregnancy insurance and going private.

If i wasn't so close to my due date, i could have time to see a public specialist. But i am so close and bubs is sitting very low now.. and i have already paid a lot and done all the care with this Dr?

I have ptsd from violence in my childhood and when i was pregnant last my partner and i briefly split so i was alone with the labour and although we were able to work through our differences the separation destroyed me and i never truly got over it until a year ago. So being pregnant again it's bringing up some old feelings even though i thought they were resolved from the bottom of my heart?

I need to add (sorry) i am the person in the relationship that does all the organising, all the bills and money saving and appts and deadlines for things. My partner does as much as he can but i don't know what to think. I don't know what to do, i am too overwhelmed and i am miserable now. We have to pay the bills now and the Dr is saying a payment plan is fine but the ladies at his reception were oh so god damn rude and made me feel less of a human, even giving me a ultimatum because i missed 1 payment but it was their fault not mine and they didn't want to admit fault. The Dr says his sorry about it please don't worry about them but how can i not after what was said? I never been confronted like that in my life and i work for government. I cried on the spot and they did it to me in front of my 3 yr old boy. I have gone from feeling really confident and cheerful about this pregnancy to really down, stressed crying and stuck in this house.

[Soberlicious96]

Dear Clairebearclaire,

Welcome and well done for reaching out.

I am sorry to hear that you are going through all these emotions right now, expecially considering you thought they were 'resolved'. But the thing with PTSD, that I tend to think anyway, is that trauma is not so much 'resolved' as perhaps it is something that we learn to manage differently. Does that make sense? The reason I say that is because you are probably never going to forget what happened to you - either in your childhood, nor the sadness and anger at the last separation - and so when things happen that remind you, or 'trigger' you, that's when it seems to come up all over again. It doesn't necessarily mean it's not resolved as such, but just that you've been reminded or triggered and that this could be an opportunity to learn a new and better coping skill.

Having said all that, having a difficult pregnancy, the thought of leaving beloved pets behind, and having those reception girls be awful to you, AND those big bills you have is such a big load ..... I would cry too. And even then, nothing wrong with crying. It's very normal and human to do that.

What I can and will tell you is this; nothing lasts forever. Not the good, no the bad, and not the ugly. This pregnancy will finish and you will have a gorgeous new human to meet, the bills will get paid (because after all, you did indicate that you are on a payment plan), and that feedback that you received recently, in regards to the rental, I am hoping that means that something close to your husband's work has become available, yeah? I know that things don't change quickly sometimes, but they DO change.

Just take each day as it comes. You don't have to fix your whole life problem at once. In the meantime, perhaps you could consider getting some face to face counseling? It might help to talk things through with someone who is not involved, but can help you to develop some new and better coping skills, yeah? Might help to slow your mind from racing off into the depressive 'what if' type of thinking.

Anyway, I don't know if that helps at all. I do hope it helps a little. Take care. I'll be thinking of you. xo

[Ebi]

Hi Clairbearclair,

Congratulations on your pregnancy and your imminent birth. It sounds like so much is going on and so much is going in your head.

I gave birth 8&1/2 months ago, and the lead up to it was quite stressful... So I just wanted to reach out and say please take care of yourself. You are so important and you are about to do something really important (give birth). I know it's hard but maybe try to let go of any little things that might contribute to the stress.

As Soberlicious said, your distress is understandable with having to leave the pets behind, rental and financial stress, rudeness from the reception staff... Is there anyone around you (family and friends) that you can lean on a bit just to get a bit more emotional support? And/or counselling could be good...

It sounds like you might be regretting the pregnancy insurance because of the cost but I'm sure you had good reasons when you got it. Don't let regret get you down.

It also sounds like, as much as you appreciate your partner's efforts, you might wish he could help you a bit more... Have I got that right? Please correct me if I'm wrong. Are you guys good at talking stuff like this through? If you are emotionally connected and supporting each other I think it'll go a long way to easing you through this challenging period.

Thinking of you, Ebi