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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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white knight Inlaws- coping with rejection
  • replies: 2

The topic of inlaws comes up regularly here. In most such posts it refers to the poster being the new addition to the family by marriage. Common problems arise including you are not good enough to marry their daughter or son. Jealousy that you are ta... View more

The topic of inlaws comes up regularly here. In most such posts it refers to the poster being the new addition to the family by marriage. Common problems arise including you are not good enough to marry their daughter or son. Jealousy that you are taking attention off a sibling of your partner or, in some cases pure prevention of a warm welcome. But these problems are often compounded by our own expectations. As a partner to a person we automatically assume that our partners happiness in finding you as a mate would download to his/hers family being content - not so. In 1984 I met my first wife. She was the youngest of 5 children. 3 of her siblings were engaged to be married. My fiance and I decided on a wedding date and this upset her oldest brother and his fiance, their justification was that he was the eldest, so he should marry first which was ludicrous. The more likely reason was he was the first born and his parents favourite child and for the first time, the limelight was taken away. His fiance embarked on a demonising campaign that forever harmed the siblings relationships My actions following that was to drift away. I still encouraged my wife to attend family get togethers but I rarely attended. I reminded her that I married her, not her family. How far do our obligations extend? Well I'm of the view that you can remain civil but elusive, you can be evasive but dont ignore. If effort to get to know you isnt returned you are powerless to remedy that unless you keep trying and keep getting disappointed. What do you think? TonyWK

pat06 addiction
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I have a addiction to porn and I want to break it. How did people concur their addiction?

Hi all, I have a addiction to porn and I want to break it. How did people concur their addiction?

Chloe_Inglewood Off the meds - will lifestyle and other strategies be enough
  • replies: 1

Wondering if I’m going to spiral... After 10 years of medication and sick of side effects but scared of coming off, I’m off the meds. I tapered off slowly - have experienced vertigo in the 2 weeks following no dose. I’m exercising regularly -which he... View more

Wondering if I’m going to spiral... After 10 years of medication and sick of side effects but scared of coming off, I’m off the meds. I tapered off slowly - have experienced vertigo in the 2 weeks following no dose. I’m exercising regularly -which helps a lot, I’ve become more aware and use strategies to prevent anxiety/stress which contributes to deterioration of my mental health. I saw a psychologist last year and found the talking to someone helpful. My question is what hope do I have that this won’t last all of my life? I have three kids/ teenagers currently, I work full time in a pretty stressful nurse manager job, but I can’t seem to prevent a spiral when the pressure builds. Today I’m feeling pretty crap well it’s middle of the night and I’m writing this unable to sleep- overthinking setting in. I want to have kids, job and a life but struggle with just the two. Ive experienced a fair bit of trauma in my job but my childhood experiences affect me most- Sexual abuse and emotional/verbal abuse. I feel judged at work for having days off for my mental health- I don’t tell people why I’m off but I still get comments- not helpful. Now I’m a manager permanently for over two years, I’m not sure whether I should be one because of the impact of stress but why can’t I have a career I love. What hope is there to lead a full life?

Guest5643 Stop mind racing while falling asleep
  • replies: 1

If anyone has trouble falling asleep try this. For yrs ive used a soft toy dog called a snuggle puppy that has a beating mechanical heart in it. Its actualy made for puppies for there first nights in a home to comfort them while sleeping. Like most p... View more

If anyone has trouble falling asleep try this. For yrs ive used a soft toy dog called a snuggle puppy that has a beating mechanical heart in it. Its actualy made for puppies for there first nights in a home to comfort them while sleeping. Like most people my mind is more active when trying to sleep. This toy is perfect for stopping that. With me the regular constant sound of the beat and the gentle thumping slows my breathing to a relaxed steady pace and it shuts my mind off and fall asleep quite quickly

white knight What "family" is all about when unwell
  • replies: 5

Over several years here I've noticed a common theme with nearly all members posts. They have elements of guilt, sorrow, worthlessness, despair and confusion. I rarely if ever see spite, revenge, nastiness or anger. To me that equates to people despar... View more

Over several years here I've noticed a common theme with nearly all members posts. They have elements of guilt, sorrow, worthlessness, despair and confusion. I rarely if ever see spite, revenge, nastiness or anger. To me that equates to people desparate to find peace in life, are often the one harmed by others, cannot find solutions to their illness and are "lost" mentally feeling very much alone with their challenges. If this is you then you likely are putting other peoples needs above your own. You aren't well, you need care and consideration before you can perform your role to the maximum in your own family. Too often when family members know you have depression others think just taking your medication daily is the extent of what happens but thats ok with headaches, blood pressure and vitamin difficiency. Mental illness needs many extra changes from others and yourself. When unwell it is justified and necessary to turn your focus onto yourself. You, being considerate of others will find this strange but selfishness for a period has its advantages...it results in you recovering and that will enable you to revert back to your family and friends needs. Point out to others that this period of self focus is temporary even though it feels you'll never recover. You will. During your recovery guilty feelings will engulf you especially you incapacity to parent. This guilt needs to be offset by good feelings and it comes by way of expression - expression of kindness and appreciation. In the following thread some of this is covered Beyondblue Topic who cares for the carer? In that thread I make a suggestion that if you are bedridden with depression you can show appreciation in subtle ways. If you can attend the bathroom or get a drink from the fridge, you can make a cup of tea for your partner when they arrive home from work. At least try...endeavor is everything. That's one example of how kindness, the expression of it, doesnt have to disappear while ill. Family member as well need to know changes need to be made in their behavior, duties and expectations until your recovery is complete. Thats what family is all about. TonyWK

gloria10 managing health with full time work
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am looking at some advice on how to manage health problems when working full time. Along with depression and anxiety I have a list of other health problems that get in the way and I find it hard to manage. This means I often take a day off work... View more

Hi, I am looking at some advice on how to manage health problems when working full time. Along with depression and anxiety I have a list of other health problems that get in the way and I find it hard to manage. This means I often take a day off work every couple of weeks because I find everything, including anxiety, overwhelming. I am getting better with taking better care of myself by starting with diet and making sure I have the right energy throughout the day. But I feel so guilty when I need to take this time off. It doesn't help that I'm casual either and it puts my job on the line. I would appreciate advice Gloria10

Soberlicious96 From hopeless to helpful - The story behind my username
  • replies: 2

Recently a lot of people are telling me that I am “awesome” and “amazing” and “such an inspiration” and lots of other positive encouraging things. But let me tell you it wasn’t always like that. About 22 and a half years ago, people were telling me v... View more

Recently a lot of people are telling me that I am “awesome” and “amazing” and “such an inspiration” and lots of other positive encouraging things. But let me tell you it wasn’t always like that. About 22 and a half years ago, people were telling me very different things; like “I’ve had enough of your lies” and “Go away, I’m done with you” and “Get your act together or get out of my life” …. Actually, that last one was the kicker. It came from my sister. She’d sprung me having my ‘morning drink’. I was trying to secretly glug down a bottle of mouthwash, telling myself I was just ‘looking after my dental hygiene’ when really, I had reached the point where I could no longer brush my teeth without gagging. Almost every other person in my life had slammed the door in my face and I had no-one left. I even thought about living in my car and told myself it would be okay because homeless people don’t have a job, and I still had a job. But only just, and not for much longer. It didn’t start out like that though. It started out being so much fun! I was going to parties and going out dancing and seeing bands and going out to dinner and out on dates. But from the age of 15 there was ALWAYS alcohol. And if there wasn’t, then I didn’t want to go. I thought people who didn’t drink were ‘weird’ or ‘boring’ or too scared ….. obviously, I was also quite judgemental. I didn’t grow up in a home with excessive drinking or abuse or anything like that. But I did have some significant traumas happen to me as a child, and saw alcohol as the thing that would ‘fix’ me. Or at least dull the pain. But alcohol is a depressant and sooner or later, when a person drinks to excess, it turns on you and becomes the thing that is ruining everything. And removing everyone from your life. In recovery, we call it ‘The greatest remover on earth’. So anyway, a few days after my sister said “Get your act together or get out of my life” I got help by going to AA. That was December of 1996 and I haven’t had a drink since. And I can tell you that sobriety and recovery has been both the hardest, and most wonderful thing I have ever chosen and/or been coerced into doing. Ever. Moral of the story; if you want to drink, that’s your business. But if the booze is costing you (removing from you/your life) more than just money, then help and hope are only a phone call or a meeting away. Visit www.aa.org.au or call 1300 AA AA AA (1300 22 22 22).

LonelyGirl89 First time for me
  • replies: 16

Hello there, I recently got released from hospital after 7 weeks. I have OCD, anxiety and depression. I am currently on medication but I get worried about relapsing. Does anybody have that same feeling? Anybody else have anxiety, depression or OCD?

Hello there, I recently got released from hospital after 7 weeks. I have OCD, anxiety and depression. I am currently on medication but I get worried about relapsing. Does anybody have that same feeling? Anybody else have anxiety, depression or OCD?

Ohdear I don't remember ne before blue
  • replies: 3

Hey guys im new here, i came looking for somewhere to chat to like minded people because sometimes i feel like the people around me have heard enough or have enough on in their own lives. I do have a psychologist but hes new and i really miss the old... View more

Hey guys im new here, i came looking for somewhere to chat to like minded people because sometimes i feel like the people around me have heard enough or have enough on in their own lives. I do have a psychologist but hes new and i really miss the old one so we will see how that goes. A family member of mine tells me all the time how depressed i am and how ive changed and i try to look back at the person they remember and i wonder how did i get here and how do i get back there. I was 20 the last time i remember being carefree and happy, thats about 7 years ago now... 7 years wasted being anxious and scared feeling like the world will fall from under my feet any second, 7 years hating myself and being insecure about my weight but not sticking to making a change. I just want to wake up and choose to be happy i want to love me for me and embrace life and everything it has to offer, i don't want the running real of negative thoughts and fears in my head any more or the tight anxious feeling in my chest. But i dont want meds either. I tell myself that if i got my weight under control id be more confident and happy and the rest would follow, i place so much importance on appearance but only my own.... Ill accept you however you are, but myself the fact that im overweight over rules any other possible positive quality i possess. These feelings are taking a toll on a lot of the relationships in my life, i can tell my sister has had enough of me. I feel bad for my BF because i was at a good place when we met and ive just back spiralled so far and now he has to deal with all my jealousy and insecurity (damage done and i dont know if i can ever fix it). Then theres work, i wanna be confident and happy and make a difference and be someone people can come to when theyre having a tough time..... But all that seems to come out of my mouth is negativity. The real cake topper is just being exhausted all the time, i have so much trouble believing that this level of tired can come from being overweight and depressed but that is the conclusion drawn by most GP's. So i wanna change, i want to get positive and start looking after myself and living life. So if anyone has pointers on breaking the loop of negative thoughts or activities to rationalise the irrational catastrophic thoughts. Tips on how to get past the feelings of exhaustion. Im definitly not here for pitty, i just want to get better. thank you.

StevoP Either quite ill/going to just really fade away into nothing is going to happen to me
  • replies: 1

Look Ive given it my all, but like if people are just there to continually take a pot shot at you, then like life is just going to get you down at some point. No matter how much that you just ensure yourself and stand up for yourself against this ppl... View more

Look Ive given it my all, but like if people are just there to continually take a pot shot at you, then like life is just going to get you down at some point. No matter how much that you just ensure yourself and stand up for yourself against this ppl, asserting that theyre in the wrong and you're not whatever has been said. Anyway that is incredibly difficult and just tough, as well as awkward and vulnerability becomes a big thing now for me. So yep like just try and be nice and gentle, lol ahahaha can have a laugh about it there though saying that but nah just try and be respectful though about this yep yeah