Re-inventing yourself

[white knight]

We have many members here that are not happy with themselves, their personality nor their character. Low self esteem is the result, trying hard to be like everyone else around them and accepted as an equal. This leads to desperately wanting change within, such change impossible to fulfill. How do you re-invent yourself?

Imagine your car is over heating. You realise you only have water in your radiator so you replace it with proper coolant. It no longer overheats however you haven't changed the car in any other way, it just performs more reliably. Such a subtle change has huge results but the character of the vehicle is the same.

If we all changed our character fully then we'd all be sheep, look the same, bah bah the same etc. We should always embrace our uniqueness. Subtle change is achievable but often needs professional guidance by those that can see things more clearer and are trained to help you find the best out of who you are. Like many changes, professional help is one avenue recommended but self help is always a good journey to pursue.

• Read- the internet has a vast amount of information you can source about human behavior
• Listen- to friends and family about what behavior is unacceptable or too weird for most people's tolerance
• Act- put theory into action, theory itself isn't enough.
• Ask- this is tricky. Making behavioural/reactionary changes then asking others brings along the spotlight. Better to wait for others to give positive comment and just feel good about the response.
• Continuation- the introduction of subtle changes doesn't have to stop. Over time it can become routine and that makes it a simple task eg "I'm going to stop talking about myself so much and begin asking others about their lives". No longer can others claim you are self centred.
• Achievability- Sometimes the temptation arrives because we admire a quality in another person. A friend might be capable of being popular and talkative. Find you own niche, you might be more at ease with one or two close friends than having 10 acquaintances that really aren't friends!
• The grass is greener- When we observe others we admire- it doesn't always mean their situation is ideal. Some people just like us seem happier, no problems etc. Your happiness depends on your ability to enjoy your grass on your own property, even believing its greener than over the fence. Happiness can be an illusion in others.

Subtle changes are good, it leads to you becoming a better version of yourself.

TonyWK

[Autumn77]

Thank you for this post.

It's true, we always worry about what people think of ourselves.

I would also like to add, it makes a difference in who you surround yourself with. I'd prefer to be around positive people who give you compliments on your personality to lift you up.

😊🤗

[white knight]

Hi Autumn

Thank you for replying.

You are right, select positive people for company. Not always easy.

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TonyWK

[ladybird22]

Yes surrounding ourselves with positive people is vital, however not always that easy. I've lived in this country rural area nearly 6 years but still struggle to fit in and wonder whether I ever will. Ive tried a few groups but just not interested in whats offering at the local community centres. I seem to have lost my passion for life and cant really think of what i want to do for the rest of my life.

Ive had an incredible amount of changes in my life nd Im not far off another big one. For me to move forward in life its important Im with like minded, friendly and kind people and unfortunately they are hard to find. I seem to have lost my spark for life and that concerns me. Ive started taking my meds again, but so far they havent helped. All the strategies I learned some time back I seem to have forgotten. I dont want to fall down that hole again, its scary..

[white knight]

Hi ladybird

Thankyou for replying to this thread.

We also reside in a small country town. The golf club are cliquey as is the bowls club. But the sewing group my wife attends is great, why?.

The reason is that the group is small, 4 or 5 people. Any more than that and you arent needed to survive the group.

At the end of the day, you only need one good friend. So, keep going, dont give up. If someone acts toxic leave them aside.

Riral areas usually are made up of people that have known each other for decades. But there will be a few there that are bored with the same faces and want new blood. It will take time.

TonyWK

[ladybird22]

Thanks White Knight.

Something to think about; smaller groups as opposed to larger clicky groups in rural areas. I will definitely give that some thought. Im not into golf or bowls, possibly because I tried going to a bowls club social weekly bbq not long after I moved here and they seemed to just stick together. Not many of them noticed (or cared) that there was a new girl on the table, so Ive deleted that possibility. I do like "mixed" groups, although will still give the ladies groups a go too, nothing to lose I guess. I think of travelling a little further once a week. That way I have far more options like U3A courses and I can do a big shop while there.. I know that although im a private person and find I cant tolerate many people, a couple of good friends are important. Anyhow I guess this is the flip side to living in a rural area. I will work on my garden to be and my chooks to be and relish in the peace and fresh air!