Staying well

how to let go - ideas? resources?

replies: 11

hi everybody i'm not sure if i am posting this in the right section? does anybody have any advice of resources they have found helpful in letting go of something? i have lost something i am not going to get back and i am stuck I cannot get past it. m... View more

hi everybody i'm not sure if i am posting this in the right section? does anybody have any advice of resources they have found helpful in letting go of something? i have lost something i am not going to get back and i am stuck I cannot get past it. my psych says i am stuck in the grief (?) phase? i have been trying guided meditations for letting go on you tube but im not feeling any better? thanks everyone

"Grow a thick skin"

replies: 2

Grow a thick skin, take it as- water off a ducks back, don't worry about it, get over it... are all comments we have endured. Why do people say these things and are the justified? As humans we perceive everything from our own perspective, our own eye... View more

Grow a thick skin, take it as- water off a ducks back, don't worry about it, get over it... are all comments we have endured. Why do people say these things and are the justified? As humans we perceive everything from our own perspective, our own eyes and other senses. That means we can never se things 100% from anothers viewpoint- ever! Some can possess empathy of a wide range that enables them to get some idea what the other is feeling but not all people have that ability, they are in fact, cold in comparison. As part of expression the ones that cannot project themselves to know what it is like to hold a mental illness they cannot understand a/ why we behave the way we do b/ why we cannot change it straight away. That might well be naïve with high expectation (from our viewpoint) but to them they are merely giving expression. What they don't realise is that our inability to act like them is ingrown, part of our illness or personality which, makes their demands quite unfair. In another thread I wrote (topic: so what are their mental illnesses) I pointed out that some seemingly "normal" people can have issues like- bullying, gambling, drug addiction, cruelty tendencies, manipulation, gaslighting and so on but they survive ok in society under the umbrella of "normality" when in actual fact their issues are quite serious yet they aren't approached to overcome their flaws. Why are we? It comes down to a few things, one is we often put ourselves out there as someone that is more obviously flaws (after all we have a label eg bipolar, depressed, anxious) so that is misinterpreted as an opportunity to give advice (rather than support). What is most important here is that your mental illness is a part of you. When people give unwanted advice like "grow a thick skin" they are indeed expecting you have that ability when it is highly unlikely you don't and by the way- you have a right to be yourself. I've developed a defence with this. "You need to grow a thicker skin" My reply "like you need to stop smoking"? (or stop playing psychiatrist, or stop being judgmental etc) . That might seem over reactive but I've learned, if you keep taking these comment without recourse- you pay a price- the comments keep coming. This is also mentioned in the thread (topic: wit, the only answer to torment). Feel free to put those threads in the search bar. Mental well being includes a broad range of remedies we can apply to our daily lives. Feel free to comment. TonyWK

Acceptance, a golden goal

replies: 1

Having goals allows us to focus on our ambitions. Every time our mind targets such dreams its one moment less of preoccupation with our difficulties. So why have I singled out "acceptance"? You don't use extreme force to learn acceptance. You mould i... View more

Having goals allows us to focus on our ambitions. Every time our mind targets such dreams its one moment less of preoccupation with our difficulties. So why have I singled out "acceptance"? You don't use extreme force to learn acceptance. You mould it, caress it, respect it, be in awe if it..so it eventually becomes part of you! So think about the things that a good dose of acceptance could be applied to. Examples- Life- that the passing of a person as is the birth of a human being is part of life. Having a mental illness be it lifelong or short term Moods, extreme behaviour, personality...etc Employment struggles Relationships Acceptance covers as many topics as positivity. Being positive transforms a negative thinker into a world beater in everything you connect with. A few examples. Fear of death. Can you see the opposites of that fear to accepting that life has that ultimate end. Accepting that would put the matter at rest except in times of a loved ones passing. Unemployment. You've finished uni and that magical job of high salary hasn't materialised. All those years of study and and sacrifices continue. To accept that no matter how you apply yourself to seeking work, if you weren't to find a job.. then your best is sufficient in terms of effort. What I'm trying to explain here is that when we approach hurdles in our lives we have a challenge and such challenges will always come and go...all your life. There won't be a long period of time without a speed bump. Do we fall down in despair or do we "take it in our stride"? It is your choice but that choice, to accept the rocky road will always be there, isn't one some of us can naturally pick. I've accepted the following- I have a mental illness with medication for the rest of my life. It took me about 5-7 years to " get there". Now its no big deal. That's Tony, me, the way I am. Quirks like intolerance to traffic, crowds, parking meters, exaggeration and manipulation...yep that's me. If you study other people and quiz them, they have their quirks also. It may be a fine line between my quirkiness needing medication and their individuality within common boundaries of what we see as normal but it would be far great a battle for me if I didn't accept such a position. Acceptance of many facets of your life gives you calm, prevents ongoing worry and self inflicted trauma. The end result is being pleased your mind is at rest. I had a bad day Saturday. I accepted that. It happens. Tony WK

Difficulties getting out of the house

replies: 10

Hi everyone, I have anxiety and depression - although it is the anxiety that is the real kicker. I am off work at the moment. My lovely husband works (a lot), so I spend most of the day and evenings alone (but with my beloved dogs). I'm in the positi... View more

Hi everyone, I have anxiety and depression - although it is the anxiety that is the real kicker. I am off work at the moment. My lovely husband works (a lot), so I spend most of the day and evenings alone (but with my beloved dogs). I'm in the position where I don't like being alone, but I also don't want to go out. I'm wondering what strategies you used to get out of the house? It sounds like such a simple thing, but it's something I'm really struggling with. And the struggle I think further increases my anxiety - the thought that others can do it- why can't you? Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I am very thankful for this forum as it makes me feel not so alone. Sophie

Healthy diet

replies: 7

I have been learning about how a healthy diet helps with anxiety. So I have been making a few changes to my diet. Like fish oil, fruits and nuts too. Has anybody been doing the same thing?

I feel so incredibly alone

replies: 44

Im struggling in so many ways, not sure where to begin.... i have no friends, not even online and I feel so alone. I go to the library everyday feeling so alone. i have so many medical issues. Ive been on poverty-line newstart allowance since novembe... View more

Im struggling in so many ways, not sure where to begin.... i have no friends, not even online and I feel so alone. I go to the library everyday feeling so alone. i have so many medical issues. Ive been on poverty-line newstart allowance since november last year. I am waiting to hear if my disability pension claim has been approved or rejected - the waiting is causing me severe anxiety. Everything is now with the processing team including the last phase gp medical assessment. Im terrified I will be rejected as I am not able to work or study. The only place I can afford to rent does not allow pets, Im so depressed without an animal in my life. Im struggling so badly with this. I have always had a dog. I am seeing a lady who often wants time alone, to be with her kids alone and to see her friends alone. Im struggling with this because I feel I am not important, financial or good enough for her to want to spend time with me. She tells me she feels guilty when she needs these things, that it shouldnt be ‘ this difficult or hard’. I wonder what I am doing wrong. I want so much to make her happy. I hope i can find some friends on here for support, I dont want to be alone like this anymore.

My morning

replies: 4

I woke up today instantly reminded of one of the most sadest things that’s happened to me, to others this may be small and stupid but this really breaks my heart I woke up today also reminded about the fact I can’t tell the person I love how upset I ... View more

I woke up today instantly reminded of one of the most sadest things that’s happened to me, to others this may be small and stupid but this really breaks my heart I woke up today also reminded about the fact I can’t tell the person I love how upset I am how depressed I feel I can’t get comfort from him or anything to do with support for myself otherwise it’ll just make things worse I woke up today realising I don’t have anyone to talk to about this or they’ll just say he’s a dickhead and I should break up with him but they don’t know the full story and I don’t want to talk about it I just want support about my problem now I woke up today crying on my bed alone wondering what can I even do about this I felt alone depressed like I have no support and if I ever will ..

Early Sobriety, Anxiety and Depression even worst!!

replies: 11

Hi I’m 32 years old and grew up in a household where my two younger brothers were idolised by my dad as they were good at sports and I was put down for being an academic and shy or not having any confidence and was told I was fat I was also bullied a... View more

Hi I’m 32 years old and grew up in a household where my two younger brothers were idolised by my dad as they were good at sports and I was put down for being an academic and shy or not having any confidence and was told I was fat I was also bullied at school and always felt like an outsider My mum always had my back. still does I remember from a young age feeling awkward, nervous, not good enough ect. Fast forward to my teenage years and I quickly gained a liking for alcohol as it was the only thing that made me feel normal and that I could talk to people and come out of my shell. Ive abused alcohol since the age of 15, always drinking more than others at parties ect. Using it to relieve social anxiety. Started everyday drinking from 16/17 onwards. Got into a relationship at 18 with a man 20 years older than me with 4 kids and was with him for 12 years, 9 years solid then the other 3 were on and off. We’ve been broken up for 3 years now. when I left him at 27 my drinking escalated and I seemed to cross some invisible line where there was no turning back to normal drinking. I ended up drinking anywhere between 2-4 bottles a day for the next 5 years besides the times I’ve been in inpatient rehab, which has been 4 x over the last 5 years. im 40 days sober today but I feel nearly worst then what I did mentally and emotionally then when I was drinking. Physically I feel better I’m not vomiting every morning and then waiting for the bottleshop to open. My negative self talk/beliefs are horrible. I haven’t got a job, I have social anxiety, I have GAD, I worry about absolutely everything. I really want to finish with the alcohol this time but I’m having extreme anxiety about even leaving my house, thinking all the what ifs. I’ve never even had a job interview in my life as I worked for my ex. i have no motivation, I’ve been reading lots of self help books and I am spiritually minded. I try to keep faith that I will somehow start to feel good about myself but I feel like I live in constant fear of life and since I’ve stopped drinking I don’t have a crutch to allow me to escape my thoughts or myself. i am proud of myself for making it this far. I want some friends, I don’t want to feel alone. But I’m scared to try new things on my own. I’ve done it before in the past but I’ve lost it atm. Also I have a massive fear about running into people I know in public and that’s always on my mind when I do leave my house and raises my anxiety as well. Can anyone relate?

Fighting alcoholism

replies: 4

Hi, I’m new here. I am currently starting my journey to beating the bottle, I’m learning the triggers for my drinking and it’s tough. I have not spoken openly to anyone other than my dr and husband about this issue. Im looking to hear from anyone who... View more

Hi, I’m new here. I am currently starting my journey to beating the bottle, I’m learning the triggers for my drinking and it’s tough. I have not spoken openly to anyone other than my dr and husband about this issue. Im looking to hear from anyone who is further down the line and help me to know it will get easier. I feel trapped because I’m so ashamed to speak to my most trusted people about this habit I’ve been hiding to so many years.

Is "snap out of it" fully unjustified?

replies: 4

It's one of our most irritating comments we come across, notably those without any mind struggles tell us basically that we have the choice to overcome our symptoms with mind control in a split second "snap" and we'll be normal. Of course, someone th... View more

It's one of our most irritating comments we come across, notably those without any mind struggles tell us basically that we have the choice to overcome our symptoms with mind control in a split second "snap" and we'll be normal. Of course, someone that has the normal capability of mind control would wonder why you can't do what they do. Not only is that lack of empathy (also a serious deficiency of the mind) but it is simply naive. Like all matters however, why dont we remove the anger and emotions about this and examine if there is an elememt of truth to it, I think there might be. i think it lies in enambling those with a MI. As a child have you ever about to cry and your mother points at you and says "stop" or some other direction that causes you to stop your path towards crying? You stop and hold it in why?- because you you were told to by someone in authority in a direct manner. Dissecting this a little. If emotions at that moment were uncontrollable you would still cry regardless right? Does this mean you wanted to cry as a choice? And your mother countered that choice. If you had soft parents that , everytime you cried you got sympathy, would you allow yourself to cry more ofyen? Of course. As adults when we have depression or other struggles we no longer have that parent telling us to, get out of bed, go to work, stop crying... Does that mean as adults we dont need that? We do often need such prompts because normally it should come from ourselves...but alas, we haven't got it in us...the person saying "snap out of it" does! We didnt develop that control or we lost it. So, imo there is an element of truth to that direction only in that such directions are absent from our own capability. Being told to "snap out of it" can be used as a reminder of how our mood is effecting our behaviour and how frustrated others can be about us. We can answer them like this "have you known anyone that has "snapped" out of it?" "Is "snapping out of it" a proven psychiatric process, a reflection of your qualifications maybe? But you are far better off putting such directions aside as naive and ineffectual. If however you take the direction and turn it into a motivating tool you could use it as an example of what you lack- the minds isolation to some abilities lacking and work on them via therapy and recovery. "Snapping out of it" is needed by professionals over a long period of therapy not by people clicking fingers. TonyWK

Pinned discussions

A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members

replies: 715

All discussions