Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

I originally read own as owl & only noticed it wasn't owl when I read your addendum.  

Lass before you even fully decide where you might move to, I really do think you first need to get estimates from a few real estate agents for your place "as is" & to get an idea of what work is worth doing & whether it would make a marked difference in sale price.  It is important not just to consider in dollar terms the worth of doing the work, the bother & stress that would come with getting it done plus all the time it would take.  Then you need to look at the costs of moving, from agents fees, legal fees, removalist costs etc.  Only then will you have a clear idea of what you can afford to move to.  Getting this done doesn't mean you have to act on it right away... yes in another year or so it will have changed a bit, but that's ok it will still be comparable.  You can then take the time to search online for locations that meet what you want.  It might mean being a 10 minute drive to the coast, rather than a 10 minute walk... it might mean having a short drive from an outer suburb to attend things in the city... how close to other people... how far from amenities... all these things you can work through at your own pace, until you find maybe a few different locales that will suit.  I honestly believe that doing that sort of prep work before I moved made it all much easier & far less stressful, it also gave me time to check out any areas I wasn't familiar with.  Most importantly it helped me to determine just what were the most important things I needed to be content with where I lived.

I've decided to firstly set my wildlife camera up to view my birdbath... I think having it set where I know there are animals for it to capture images of, will mean I need only wait a few days to a week before checking it.  That way I will get an idea of how the settings are working & things like size of animal to distance ratio for capturing small creatures.  

I hope your rest day went well & you had a nice day for a walk.  

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

Thank you, yes, I will most definitely look into costs of various things and what is worth fixing up at my place and what I can just leave. Some things have to be done. The external roll down shutter on the kitchen window broke two years ago. I tried multiple sources to repair it without success. I eventually gave up and have been in the dark in my kitchen having to use the light. It’s difficult getting tradespeople to travel to my town to fix it. I was given numbers I called, left messages but no response. The local handyman who’s helped with other things is booked up months in advance at the moment. But I definitely can’t leave it like that whether I sell or not. I just couldn’t deal with trying to solve it anymore for a while. The garage door has never worked properly, hence I’ve always parked my car outside. The garden will need a serious spruce up. But the big thing too is sorting stuff I have and really need to largely get rid of. I will most likely be moving to a small, one bedroom unit so I have to streamline everything. That is good though. I find it is liberating to have minimal stuff. I have many emotional hours ahead going through a lot of stuff that was my parent’s. I’ve still got very complicated grief in relation to my mum’s death and it hurts like hell going through her things. I’m welling up just typing this. But it has to be done.

Tonight I’m in a half way town on my journey home. I’m so glad I broke up the journey. I’ve managed to pick up some great meals at the local supermarket that are the kinds of things I can eat. I’ve had their ready meals before and they are fresh, locally made and high quality. I have a chicken protein salad quinoa thing for dinner plus a tabbouleh salad made with quinoa and kale for my breakfast tomorrow. These foods are so much better than anything in my town’s local supermarket that just doesn’t have those sorts of things. I nearly moved to this town actually. It’s near a big regional centre and I do wonder what it would have been like had I chosen to live here. It doesn’t have the beautiful ocean like where I live now but it may have been less isolating.

One thing I can sense about myself is I have an itinerant spirit. There is a part of me that gets restless and just wants to travel around. There are challenges with my health and fatigue levels yet I am happy on the move, providing I don’t try to do too much in a day. I really feel nomadic at heart. I may get that from my dad who was an itinerant worker for many years before I was born and I know he loved that. Last year when my health improved after June I did two short road trips and I could sense how much I didn’t want to come home. I have an adhd brain which may have something to do with it too.

I think that’s a great idea to set up the wildlife cam where the bird bath is. You will get familiar with how it all works and you might find visitors to the bird bath you were unaware of. It will be fascinating to see what might be about in different places. You may find you can contribute info to citizen science projects too. Maybe you might see some creatures such as quolls or other marsupials 🤞 I look forward to hearing about any discoveries you make.

As I don’t have so far to travel tomorrow I’m going to do a bit of a walk in this town in the morning. I’ll then take a scenic drive home. I find getting off the major highways actually a relief. The driving is less intense and more relaxing. Again, I think I crave variety too. So taking different roads seems to really be good for my brain that needs new experiences and for my spirit that has a sense of freedom when I do that.

My few days with my good friends, their little girl and fluffy cat was so good for me. My histamine intolerance symptoms are less severe and I was even able to have a cup of coffee today and yesterday, something my body wouldn’t tolerate for a couple of months before that. I will never take drinking coffee or eating certain foods for granted again! I’m still limited but improving 🙂

Sorry, rambling away here! I hope you are having a lovely, restful evening Paws.

Warm hugs to you 🤗

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

I'm so glad your trip away with your friend & fluffy cat has you feeling revitalised.  Do you know if it is the store you bought them from that make the salads or do they get them pre-made from a local supplier?  If they come from a local supplier you could ring & see if they supply a shop nearer to you.  The general store I go to stocks things from local suppliers who also supply many of the smaller towns over quite a largish area.  

I wonder how much of your thoughts of being itinerant are fed by the fact you simply aren't happy living where you do.  Of course many people do decide to up sticks & travel... the grey nomads cohort springs to mind... I couldn't travel long term... my mind just thinks of all the cons of doing it... I'm afraid my adventurous days are behind me... though I do hope to do small trips away once I get a fur friend.

Well I went to my GP & even managed to ask for the certificate to say permanently.  I felt like a fool as I ended up in tears as she asked questions, but she did agree & now I just have to mail it & the return form.  

I hope your walk about town was relaxing with lots of nature to see.  Yes I also find getting off the highways is usually a much nicer drive.  I hope you enjoyed yours.

Huggily hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Paws,

I’m so glad you were able to ask for the permanent exemption and the doctor supported you. Please don’t feel like a fool for the tears. Those are your honest emotions and I think it can be helpful for the doctor to see that and how much something impacts you. I know I often present a more positive front to the doctor than I’m actually feeling. Then when I communicate about a particular health issue I often feel they are dismissive. For me that’s a pattern of positive stoicism learned in childhood as a survival mechanism as showing vulnerability wasn’t safe. But with my psychologist at least now I can let myself cry if I need to. I do think it is good for us to cry and have another human present with us who is safe and can witness our vulnerability. There is no shame in crying whatsoever. It likely helps the doctor understand you a bit better in terms of the things that are challenging and how they impact you. I’m so glad the exemption means that issue is gone for you now and you won’t have to think about it again.

I think the store in the other town does a mix of both. Someone there told me that certain meals they make themselves such as the roast dinners, but I think the ones I just had might have been a local supplier from the way it was packaged. Those sorts of things are not in my town but may be available in a neighbouring town half an hour from here. They are the sort of thing I make for myself at home but it was really convenient they were available when I was on the road.

I think there’s a few factors with my itinerant drive. I do know there were many years where I didn’t leave the city at all due to a mix of chronic pain and not having money to do even short holidays. So I think maybe I crave opportunities now to see new places. Bur last year it followed a period of intense fear attacks where I felt unsafe even in my own home. That is a complex trauma thing. So once my health improved I desperately wanted to break out of the freeze state I was in. It was like enacting the fight-or-flight response to get back to safety. And it was so successful. I improved more and more each day and felt so much better. I came back a changed person. But also it’s not feeling comfortable in my own town too and also I get to see lots of interesting things to photograph! It just feels really good to be on the road.

Yesterday I took scenic country roads through rolling hills and farmland. I had an emu cross in front of me and had to stop. It is amazing seeing them up close. They are so big! It’s happened before where one sort of saunters onto the road and doesn’t seem to be intent on moving quickly. I also enjoyed walking around and near a couple of cute little towns, both with a lot of character. Lots of cute buildings and stores such as gift shops, antique shops etc. I hope maybe you can get some small trips away Paws. Would you take your fur friend with you somewhere where you can bring pets? I know some caravan parks allow pets in some of the cabins they have and some other accommodation places allow it too.

Just remembering that on my walk in the first town I was in yesterday morning I saw a humorous sight. There was a flock of Wood Ducks by the river. But amongst them was a giant duck twice there size, likely a domestic duck crossed with a native duck. The giant duck seemed totally accepted by the group and moved about with them, but looked so funny as it towered above all the others 😂 I crossed the bridge to the other side of the river and there I saw a pair of Wood Ducks with lots of little fluffy chicks 😍 It was such a lovely start to the day.

I hope it's a good day for you today Paws. There's been bits of rain here but it's warmish as well.

Big hugs to you 🤗

ER