Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

I love that you see Emus about.  What a juxtaposition Emus with Highland Cows... they usually live in such very different climates to each other.  I wonder if the emus were just passing through the paddock or whether both were comfortable sharing space for a time.  The kangaroos here tend to avoid paddocks that have cattle in them, I don't know who dislikes who.  Yes Highland Cows are cute aren't they & their calves are little fluffy bundles of gorgeousness.

I did watch most of the first series of muster dogs (when I remembered it was on), mostly because my Grandpa & some of my Uncles ran sheep & had Border Collies for mustering duties.  I loved watching the dogs work & clearly remember one of my Uncle's dogs who would only need to be told to "bring up" & the dog would round up & bring the whole flock in without any added whistles or calls.  Watching them cut the sheep out I knew the dogs were smarter than me... 😖🤣 I could never learn all the different whistles needed.  It was interesting with muster dogs the different training methods used & the different personalities of the pups.   

I wouldn't write off getting a dog if you do move to a single bed apartment.  Many dogs do fine as apartment dogs (even Great Danes).  Overseas keeping dogs in apartments is very common because that is the housing available.  The one issue could be if it were a strata complex is that they wouldn't allow a dog.  I don't know if they are common in WA, but in Vic there are lots of single bedroom units that have a little courtyard/grass area & sit on their own land, so no worry about strata rules.  

I will keep everything crossed that you have cool weather for your trip to Perth.  Will you stay with your friend or book somewhere?  Having a biopsy is a good idea, even benign tumours come in different types & it would be beneficial to know what type it is.

Well I'll be off to bed soon as from today I'm determined to no longer stay up late or most of the night.  My intension is that I will now go to bed by 9:30 - 10pm so I can get up at a reasonable hour & actually do things.  I don't know why, but I find the earlier in the day the more I manage to get things done.  

I hope you had a good day & are feeling brighter

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

Yes, that’s so true that emus and highland cows are from such vastly different environments. I hadn’t stopped to think just how unusual it is. The emus seemed to be grazing in the paddock along with the cows. You see emus in paddocks a lot around here. For some reason the cows and kangaroos co-exist in paddocks too and don’t seem to mind one another.

That would have been wonderful watching your Grandpa and Uncle’s dogs on mustering duties. They really are remarkable aren’t they. They take so much stress out of the process for farmers and are such reliable workers and companions. I watched Muster Dogs last night and it is a sort of follow up of people from earlier series and how they are going with their dogs.

A unit with a courtyard would be great. I’m noticing looking at real estate on the internet they do cost more than an apartment in a bigger complex without a courtyard. Even compared to 3-4 years now, real estate prices have skyrocketed. It’s all very uncertain at the moment and I am focusing on one step at a time. I’m in a strata complex now that has recently allowed pets, providing they’re not a disturbance. Several people had unofficial pets already (dogs and cats) which no one minded about anyway.

Yes, hoping it won’t be too hot in Perth. I’m staying near where I’ll have the biopsy which is the other side of the city from my friends. It seemed to make sense to stay there and it’s also very close to my old mechanic where I’m getting my car serviced. But I will still try and catch up with friends while there.

I’m sitting on a bench at the moment in lovely forest by a river in a neighbouring town. I have days I just have to get out of my town. I will do grocery shopping here also. I’m feeling very tender today in relation to some distant grief from late teenage years, but it’s in a good way. I see my psych tomorrow and it looks like that might come up again tomorrow along with other things I planned to talk about. It’s a loss that was extremely powerful and I had no support for at the time, so it’s sort of sat there frozen in me for decades. But there is movement with that grief now which is a good thing. The tenderness is the healing.

I hope you had a good sleep last night and woke refreshed this morning. I too generally do better with earlier nights and earlier mornings. I just have to share that the light is so beautiful here, filtering through the canopy. There is a beautiful, gentle breeze. The river is still flowing though levels are falling. I’ve been looking out for marron (freshwater crayfish) which you can sometimes see in the river, but haven’t seen any today.

May you have a lovely evening Paws and day tomorrow too.

Warm hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Where you were sitting in the forest sounds lovely & peaceful.  It must have been very hard for you not getting the support you needed at the time & feeling that you weren't able to express your grief, but instead had to bury it inside.  It is healing being able to finally acknowledge grief & it's good you now feel able to do so. I'm glad for you that you have your psych there to both witness & support you at this time.  I'm happy to listen if you feel you want to talk about it here.

As you probably noticed it is now later my new target of being in bed by 10pm.  I fell asleep fairly quickly last night & thought it would mean me getting up at a reasonable time at least.  Nope, I slept all night & most of the day & didn't get up until close on 6pm today.  There is no point going to bed yet as I will just be awake & tossing.  I'm really annoyed & disappointed with myself.  Actually I'm annoyed, frustrated & disappointed with myself about a lot of things at the moment.  

I don't know what the issue is between the cattle & kangaroos here, but I've only ever seen the roos in the surrounding paddocks when they are free of cattle.  I'm now thoroughly convinced my neighbours have gone as the penny has dropped that I haven't heard their dogs for quite some time & they were always barking especially at night.  Just now I've realised I haven't heard the dogs from the farm to the south of me for some time either, I wonder if that one has been sold off too.  I find it sad every time I drive along my road at the moment that so many of these dairy farms aren't being farmed & that there are now so many houses left vacant.  

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Paws,

Try not to be annoyed with yourself. I feel like to sleep for so long there has to be an underlying physiological factor. I’m having to often sleep in the day at the moment even when I’ve slept at night. It’s totally involuntary and my body just goes down. It could be my liver condition which can cause fatigue and daytime sleepiness. Other health issues that have left me weak and exhausted could be a factor too. When the brain and body have gotten into a particular pattern, and things like immune, endocrine and autonomic function are out of whack, our bodies can just make decisions to do things to try to restore some balance. I feel like there are explanations and solutions and it can just take some time figuring out what helps the situation. I have gradually had to accept I can do less than I want to do which has been frustrating. But I’m also learning to let go of trying to control things, and I think conversely that helps as my body feels less overwhelmed and it is kind of freeing. It’s like I start to recover more when I let go. Not sure if that helps 🤔

That does sound a bit sad that your neighbours and nearby farms appear to have been vacated. I wonder if it’s linked to a downturn in the dairy industry. I’m in a beef and dairy farming area here. I haven’t noticed significant changes but I’m also in town so I may not be aware of any that may have occurred. I do think the farming landscape is going to progressively change in the future. Some of that will be linked to climate change. But also perhaps even dietary changes. I discovered in 2022 I’m strongly allergic to beef and very strongly allergic to dairy, so I’m no longer supporting those industries for health reasons. But a lot of people are dairy free now and beef consumption is possibly becoming less too. Perhaps some other kinds of farmers will take over the land near you and start some new types of farming or horticulture.

Yesterday when driving home I saw more emus. There were about 10 in a paddock on the left. Then a couple of minutes later I saw an adult emu in a paddock on the right with two little chicks in tow. Sooo cute 🥰 I’m guessing he was a male as I think it’s the father who usually raises the chicks.

 I had a good session with my psychologist today. I only got to briefly touch on the grief issue that’s coming up for me as I was dealing with the primary issue I intended to talk about. I won’t try and explain the grief issue, at least at the moment. It’s a bit hard. But I do feel with each session with my psych it is productive and I come out of it with a clearer perspective and some ideas for going forward. We are very much on the same page which helps a great deal. 

Well getting up the energy for a walk. There’s smoke around so there must be a bushfire or burning off somewhere. Last night there was smoke around too and it made the moon look an impressive fiery red. The galahs are quite noisy outside as they often are this time of day.

I hope you are having a good evening and that maybe your sleep patterns follow as you would like them to tonight and tomorrow. But take it easy and don’t feel pressure either. Rest well. Sending warm hugs your way 🤗

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Ohhh emu chicks are so sweet... lucky you seeing them with their dad.

Today would have been my late sister's birthday... I think that has played a part in my staying in bed this week.  I'm not giving up on getting myself into a healthy sleeping routine, but I think I need to accept that this week it will be difficult.

According to the local grapevine all the empty farms have been bought out by a WA company who are planning to turn them into pulp paper timber plantations. This is raising a lot of opposition from the rest of the farming community, due to the negative impacts it would have on water supplies etc, plus the reduction of people in the community & the issues that would cause.  I must admit I don't like the idea either, as I can't see any benefit for the people who live here.  

I read on the ABC news site that Perth is entering into a heatwave with temps in the 40s over the coming days.  I do hope it doesn't get too hot where you are.  I can't begin to imagine having temps that high in December.  I suppose a silver lining is that heatwaves usually don't last very long, so at least there should be much cooler weather when you go to Perth next week.  

You seeing smoke  in the air near you has me concerned.  Do you have the emergency app on your phone to notify you of fires or other incidents in your area?  Even if you are in the centre of your town it would still be safer to stay on top of what is happening around you.  Yes I'm a worrier when it comes to people I care about.

I'm so pleased that you found the session with your psych helpful even though it didn't fully deal with your grief.  

I'm hoping to go back to big town either tomorrow or Friday as I didn't get to the Telstra shop after my recent GP appointment as planned.  If it goes smoothly then I hope to run a couple of other errands whilst I'm there.  Fingers crossed.

I'm thinking we had better get the Tasmanian ferry to start it's voyage from Scotland or it will be too late for the xmas spectacular.  Especially as it has to make a few stops on the way to pick up party guests.  I understand after much debate on board an Albatross is navigating the ship, so at least we can be sure it will get to where it is meant to.  I hear that the Ostriches have been saving their discarded wing feathers to make each of the hippos a Tuttu. These are all packed & everyone is ready, just waiting for the ship to reach them.  

Hugs

Paws