Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Ggrand]

Hello Paw 🐾,

Im pleased you liked your hamper..it’s okay that you ate it all, because I also made me one and sat outside and enjoyed it...

Its nice hearing that your feeling good...

I so wish we had some rain..it’s completely dry out my way..the neighbours took the cows away again😢.im missing them a lot....We have brown snakes, King browns, red belly black snakes out my way..and I can definitely say I respect them when they are on the move...January is their mating month..and often see them around....but not so much this year..maybe because no water around....

Maybe with the clay..you could practice some skiing ⛷ 😁.would be easier then slip sliding away....I can relate to that so much and remember me doing all sorts of acrobats while trying to walk on wet clay....and who know you might discover another form of clay transport😂...

I like hearing you “waffle”..so never enough for me.....Keep at it lovely Paws....I’m always listening...

Haha..My furs get sick of waiting for me to go to bed..and make themselves very comfortable on mine...when they are ready...I don’t think we have much say about anything once we invite our fur babies into our life...They have this adorable knack of taking charge of me/us...and our homes...

I wanted to thank you for your kind words on mine and hope so much dear friend that next year..we’ll this year now..is much better then the past years....

Love and hugs...

Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hi Grandy.

"We have brown snakes, King browns, red belly black snakes out my way"..

Remind me if I ever get to visit you in real life to wear cast iron "thigh high" boots. 😁 Tiger snakes are bad enough..... There is a dam in the paddock next to my place.... so lots of food for snakes here..... When I first moved here the locals warned me there is a giant python lurking in the area.... not sure if they were simply pulling my leg .....or if it's the local version of the Yeti.

Don't think clay skiing is the thing for me.... I tried snow skiing once.... spent 98% of the time on my rump 😂..... It's so embarrassing when little kids are swishing past.

Well I still haven't gone into town to get groceries & things.... I thought writing it down would give me the extra push to get it done.... Yet again I've failed to do what needs to be done.... I wish I could work out a why I keep doing this....The list of things needing doing keeps growing.... and growing....

Is it self sabotage... setting myself up to fail.... fear of succeeding.... fear of trying.... a different face of my paranoia... anxiety... depression... I wish I could understand it...

I've been up all night.... Woofa has stuck by my side.... He's awake now.... I best feed hil

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Paw 🐾.

Yes definitely I will remind you about the armour....When I owned the property (8acres)..I had a few encounters with the snakes...the worse one was when I came home from work one day..Made a shandy..I opened the door to go outside and was met by a brown snake on my backdoor mat...Haha I never moved so fast..Slammed the door shut..peeking out my window to watch it..it went under the concrete veranda...I was paranoid after that..I checked absolutely everything in my home under the beds, in wardrobes, under my bed sheets before I went to bed...That continued for quite some time..I eventually made up some cement and filled the gaps in that led to under the back veranda....Since I’ve moved here into the next town..I’ve not seen many...

I can relate to not doing anything..I have not done anything and don’t feel to... I know I have to soon..my inner voice tells me to but my body says nope..it can wait...What for anyway?..it’s only me here...Mind and body needs to be friends if things are to get done..mine are fighting each other at the moment..I wonder who will win....

I hadn’t shopped for a while..My younger son took me to town and helped me to do a shopping...when I’m on my own..my anxiety takes over and I don’t know what to buy..mostly then I just throw a few things in my trolley bread, milk, eggs. and get out of their...

Paws sweetheart...anxiety and depression sux big time..your not a failure at all...your unwell and it’s hard to go out...when we’re feeling that way...please don’t be so hard on yourself...When you’re ready things will get done..there is no hurry...there is always tomorrow...things can wait....

Most important is you sweetheart..taking care of you...first...and being kind and compassionate to you..the way you are with the people here....

No sweetheart not self sabotage..It’s hard to comprehend why our own mind tries to stop us from doing what we want to do without fear...I wish I knew the answers to your questions...I wish I could understand anxiety and depression..I don’t even think the professionals do....The mind is a whole galaxy of its own..most of its functions undiscovered as yet..

Our dogs know us and are sensitive to how we are feeling..Woofa is a beautiful friend, who loves and cares for you. Just like you do when woofa is unwell...I often think that the dog were meant to have for our well being are sent to us from a force stronger then we know..

oops out of space..

Sending you my love and caring hugs.💜🤗.

Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paw 🐾..

Just calling in to wish you a happy Easter..and to give you some ...Chocolate Eggs🍫 🥚 ..and a lovely little fluffy rabbit 🐇 for Woofa.....

Love, care and hugs...💜🦋🤗..

Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Thank you very much for the chocky egg, I'm feeling spoilt now.

Woofa sends you thank you slobbers for the bunny, the muffled sound is because he is talking with it in his mouth. Yes he still hasn't learnt it's rude to talk with your mouth full.

Love & huggily hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Paw 🐾..

Is that a picture of woofa?...

He has the most gorgeous innocent looking eyes...and cute expression on his face...beautiful dog...

Kya and Ebony have so many toys scattered around..there favourite is a child cloth book that sounds like cellophane when the play with it..it’s inside the material....

I hope you and woofa are feeling okay today..

My Care, love and hugs lovely lady..🌈💜🤗..

Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Yes that's Woofa. He was about 1 year old in that pic. Now a lot of the black has gone grey & he will be 7 in July.

It sounds like you place is similar to mine with a "toys on floor" obstacle course to be negotiated. Do your furs destroy toys or just play with them? Woofa used to love de-stuffing toys or ripping them apart to get the squeaker, it seems this year he has finally out grown out of that except for getting the squeaker out of the rubber pigs from Woolies.

I made a follow up appointment after my last Psych session. But I've decided to stop seeing her because every session seems to be more & more about her beliefs & conspiracy theories. So now I have to ring her & cancel the appointment. I'm stressing because in my last session she carried on about how a number of patients had cancelled sessions because of the virus & how that was her income being cut.

Biggest huggily hug

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Lovely Paw 🐾....🤗..

Sorry it’s taken me time to reply to you..

Woofa looks so cute, and to me he has a look of mischievous in his eyes...

My dogs, don’t destroy their fur toys..Well they can..If the play tug of war with them..but usually it’s one grabs the toy..then the other wants it and it’s baby elephants running all around until they get puffed out and lay their looking at each other..toy still in the toy...my dogs are 7 and 4..

Sweety, if you don’t connect to her, it’s best in my opinion to cancel your appointments and hopefully you can find one that you can connect to....My first psychologist after around 4 visits gave me a look that made me so ashamed..she judged me..then the psychologist canceled all my other appointments...she hurt me so much that day...I haven’t seen another once since..I am really sorry that she isn’t doing her job properly...My opinion only..I wonder if they get their qualifications from an online course with no people skills included....If she was a good psychologist and made a difference to the people’s lives she is councilling....then they wouldn’t be canceling their appointments...So Please dear Paws don’t stress...you come first..and you need the right psychologist that can help you..

I still haven’t got back to the mindfulness course..I have tried a few times, but my mind keeps wandering..and things don’t sink in....I am pleased their is no time limit on it...Please Paws, you keep going forward on the course...don’t stop or wait for me...You go for it lovely Paws..it may help you some...which I really hope it does...

Much love and care dear Paws...💜🦋..with hugs🤗🤗..

Thank you for the biggest huggily hugs...I needed them..

Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Hi there lovely Paws 🐾 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

Dear Paws although I haven't been around much for a while please know that it's a pleasure knowing you and I do care very much dear friend.

I read back again, have been reading lovey.

I really hope you're going ok Paws it's so hard being low isn't it and often feels like it'll be that way all the time. Thank goodness usually it does pass with time and better sleep.

I'm sure the amount of sleep we gets paramount. Talking of, you were having trouble with that I hope it's sorted itself into a routine poor love it knocks us about.

Absolutely adore that piccy of Woofa how cute the ears are in it. I'm scared of dogs till the trust is there and even then there's fear. I'm glad you have the big fella hun. Nice hearing you and Grandy 🤗💜 talking about their cute antics

Loven the comments you use to describe things like the gardening in wet weather being a sport 😄 wow sounds pretty treacherous. Maybe a rope around your waist 😆

I'm so glad it's cooler now. Can't understand why some people actually quite a few love the heat. Brrr shudder. Hope it's not frozen there like gorgeous Grandys though crikey

I'm leaving you a jar of sunlight 🌞hun. You're very deserving because you give people light in your support and posts and you being you.

I really do hope life's giving you some goods darl.

Take good care hun.

Love care 🤗 and always 👂even if not posting 😊

⚘

[ecomama]

Hello Paws, Grandy and DB

I'm quite new on the forums. I only read back a few posts. I'm sad to hear that some psychs say and do things like you mentioned Paws & Grandy. Sad because if those 2 psychs really knew how hard it can be for us to take all the steps to GET to them, then they're doing more harm in the treatment you mentioned.

This thread was about goals.. I had to make a few via a telehealth appt with my GP the other night and I was quite unprepared. We ended up with 5. I remember one about being able to feel joy again but can't remember the others lol. They might be on my copy of the MHCP IDK. Oh I remember one about learning a strategy to 'file' my memories so they have less emotional provocation within me.

Since that appt I have seen helpful YouTube clips other BB members have said were helpful. I watched one and it gave me hope, almost excited me. It takes a lot to excite me nowadays. It was on EMDR. I was so hopeful that this new psych just might do EMDR.

I spoke with our psych at work today, told her my recent steps and SHE was so excited for me, lol, that made me chuckle. My work psych actually works part time at the same clinic! Hasn't met my new psych but said that all of the psychs there do EMDR. What?? I felt a mixture of happiness, hope and relief.

Just a side point, I made a 'private' goal today to get into 'better' sleep patterns. I think my most comfortable sleep patterns would be to be able to have an afternoon nap each day, but my sleep needs to fit around my work day normally. I'm taking 2 months leave soon, I may allow myself afternoon naps on whatever days I can, straighten out my sleep for work days in the last 2 weeks of leave. I think the new psych appts and continuing counselling too might tire me out. I also plan on hiring a gardener every 2 weeks, and gardening around those days, so I hope to tire myself out physically not just mentally.

EM