Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Ggrand]

Hello Paw 🐾 ..

I am so grateful that you took your sisters suggestion and seen a new psych. That takes a lot of courage...and you did it..well done darling...

Its good to hear that you have been helped by this new psych..and not crying as much....I very pleased about that..

small baby steps forward is always a great achievement...My fur babies and I have our Paws 🐾 crossed for you as well.....

I really hope darl. That you can continue those baby steps and start feeling better....

Sending you my love with some warm hugs..dear friend..

Grandy...xx...🕊🌱..

[Ggrand]

Hello Lovely Paw 🐾...

I love that you come in to support me with your caring suggestions and thoughts...but sweetheart...What about you?..How are you feeling?...Your important to me ..dear friend and I would love to be able to try to support and care for you as well....

RUOK.?.....I hope your feeling better with your new psych...It’s hard when they just disappear..my mhn nurse has moved back to her town..that’s around the 4th mhn that I’ve learnt to trust then move on.....I hope this new psych your seeing stays for you...

Good night dear friend..

sending you my love and lots of warm caring hugs..💖🤗🤗🤗.

Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Am I ok....yes & no. I'm not in a deep dark place with the depression which is sooo good. The teary bouts are getting less & less.. also a win.

I just can't seem to be motivated/interested in anything. I'm really sure you understand what that's like. From bed to couch & back again. There are things that need doing...its just not happening. What's also not helping is one of my fears has raised it's head again. I know there is nothing to fear, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm being watched if I go outside. Apart from the odd car, milk tanker & school bus that go past, there are really only the neighbours cows & the local wildlife within eye sight of my place. The fear comes from events when I was a child, but I don't know what triggered it now.

I'm still not sure of the new Psych....early days....will keep going for now.

Thank you for asking

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Lovely Paw 🐾..

I’ts really hard work to keep on top of depression...I’m pleased that your crying is easing off a bit...I hope that continues for you...

I can fully understand the no motivation..I don’t sleep in bed..so I’m nearly 24/7 on my lounge...I am trying though to do things and have an unusual project I’m thinking about doing..although I’m excited about doing it..Today I couldn’t get started...maybe tomorrow....or the next day...I have always been ordered to do things and can’t bring me to do them.....I think it’s because we live alone...That it’s harder to motivate ourselves....

I can’t walk on my own...and it’s hard for me to go any further then my front veranda most days...When I’m at work or WW decides to take me for a walk..I’m constantly looking behind me to make sure no one is behind me....I’m scared if their is....and If their is anyone behind me I move away from their pathway and wait until they pass me....I think similar to you feeling watched....

My dogs start barking well before i hear or see anyone..even if a car is coming..that lets me know and if I’m on the veranda I’ll go inside..Um what I’m trying to say sweetheart..if your outside..with no close neighbours..Maybe you could keep your dog close to you when your outside...would your dog start barking if someone was in eye sight of you?...If your dog does bark then when your fur buddy isn’t barking..you might feel less afraid....just me thinking out loud..🤗..

Good girl...with the psych..I hope that you can feel a connection with him/her and feel comfortable enough to open up a bit....and be helped with your mh..

Thank you for your beautiful post on mine..you have a beautiful heart...Lovely Paw 🐾...Please take good care of you..the best you can and be very gentle and kind to your golden heart...

Good night sweetheart....I wish you a deep restful sleep with peaceful dreams...and a better day tomorrow then today was..

Sending you..my love and care with some 🐻🤗..

Grandy....

[demonblaster]

Our lovely friend Paws 🐾 Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers 👋

Dear Paws you poor love you've been/are doing the hard yards thats sad to hear. You're always so lovely and caring to others dont like it that its so awful for you.

I too can strongly relate to the lack of motivation its so incredibly hard isnt it. I think our best plan of attack is to want to do something even if just that it'd be an achieve which os quite lifting.

Do or did you have interests hun, maybe something could be learnt or rekindled.

You poor darl having the feeling of being watched that'd be very unsettling. I'm sorry that it comes from previous happenings the mongrel.

Your big boy sounds like excellent company for you and unconditional loves such a plus isnt it.

Dear Paws I really do care very much about you and appreciate your support immensely.

Take good care hun and try hard to dig up some lovely memories of happy times dear friend it helps add light to your life.

It's within us hun we have the power to turn it around.

I very much hope the new psych can be a good help to you.

Hoping today you have some light and warmth hun.

You're valued and appreciated very much lovey.

Care hugs and light 🐾💗🤗🗯⚘🌱

[Ggrand]

Hello Paw 🐾..and everyone..🤗..

I’m just calling in to wish you a beautiful day today....and to give you a warm caring hug..to help bring some comfort into your day.,,,and know that your loved and cared for...

I hope your day is a good day Lovely Paw 🐾...

Grandy...🕊🌱...

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, Deebi

Thank you for your lovely support, I really do appreciate it.

My sisters came for lunch last week which was special. They were open about being worried about me & that being the reason they came over. It's a 4hr drive each way, so was a very long day for them. I do know how lucky I am to have them.

I saw my Psych this week & had to tell her that though I remember I had a visit 2 weeks ago, I couldn't remember anything of what we talked about. My memory blanks really upset me, it's embarrassing & scary forgetting so much, I should be used to them after so many decades, but it doesn't get any easier.

The tears are flowing for no reason tonight. I'm struggling to think of positive things. I so want to be better.

I have managed to do one thing. I took my woofa dog to the vet for a check up. He loves going to the vet, they all spoil him & he gets lots of treats. He is getting old for a dane, so I was very happy when the vet said he was in great shape, especially after nearly losing him 2 years ago to an auto immune issue.

I also re-read "The Wind in the Willows". I think I enjoyed it more as an oldie than I did as a youngster. For something that is described as "a simple tale about friends mucking about in boats" it is beautifully written & delightfully whimsical. I definitely recommend it if anyone wants to lose themselves for an hour or so.

The tears have stopped & I'm feeling much calmer now. Woofa dog will be wanting his breakfast in an hour so no point trying to go to bed til then. He is curled up next to me sleeping at the moment using me as a pillow. The neighbours cows are starting to settle....I never knew how chatty cows are at night til I moved here to the country.....the first light is not far off....the birds will soon be stirring....I like watching nature wake up.

Wishing everyone a lovely day ahead

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey there dear Paws 🐾 Grandy and all ☺

Dear girl I'm so sorry hearing the struggles you endure and some for yrs that'd be so hard poor thing. Our memories are so important and take up a great deal of our thinking. Just wondering if you take photos or momentos hun from good occasions which could make it easier on you jotting a few key points down to jog the memory or stimulate you reading and thinking of them.

How sad you were so u happy and although I do think crying is good for mh it's also exhausting and makes us feel a bit like Frankenstein on a worse day 😊

I truly hope you're feeling a bit well a lot brighter now.

Your big boy sounds like a beautiful companion, awesome he got a good bill of health.

Do you watch Tv much hun or listen to music? Any hobbies drawing knitting gardening etc?

You may have seen something I was experimenting with which helped a bit in bad times. A letter from the alphabet and allow only good thoughts associated starting with that letter. Any beasty thoughts let them slide through.

Eg; M...

Monkey

similar to us

Bananas yum

Smart

Cute

That funny movie with a rangitang etc

D = Dog your boy

Friendship

Company love

Diamond sparkles pretty facets etc

Dance freedom movement coordination etc

While you think of other it opens your mind to good hapoy thoughts cause depression closes us and distracts you for a while.

You're such a kind good person so supportive and appreciated here darl.

Very pleased to see you talking about how you are, you help many but not so much for you ☺🤗

Pleasure knowing you and thank you for your lovely post at mine 😊

When you feel up to be good knowing how you're feeling poor love.

Hold on huns you're amongst friends here ⚘👋🐾✨

[Ggrand]

Hello Paw 🐾

Popping in to thank you so much for your beautiful care and gentle help you have given me...

Also wishing you a very merry and peaceful Christmas, to you and your fur buddy...

Ive bought you a yummy hamper filled with cookies, candy, a plum pudding, Christmas cake and chocolates...and a beautiful red rose 🌹 for a beautiful person.....for your fur buddy I got bone flavoured chew toy...I hope you both enjoy...

Merry Christmas to you both with love and hugs..💜🤗.

Grandy...

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, Deebi,

I usually only post when I'm feeling so low I need to get the pain out.

Tonight is different, I'm doing ok mood wise, so I'm just going to waffle on for a bit. My sleep patterns are all over the place, but I'm going with the flow, ignoring what the clock says & trying not to stress about it.

Oh Grandy I loved the hamper lass, sorry I didn't invite you over to share, but it was so yummy once I started I reached the bottom & there was none left before I knew it. 😊 Woofa sends thank you slobbers for his chew toy & is waving it under my nose to remind me what a terrible ma I am as I forgot to buy him a real bone for Xmas.

Tomorrow (or looking at the clock that should be today) is expected to be a shocker weatherwise, hopefully Tuesday will be a lot cooler so Woofa & I can go early into the nearest town to buy me some groceries & him a big juicy bone.

Thank you Deebi for your helpful suggestion & for the chuckle "a bit like Frankenstein on a worse day". I must say that even though they are not aimed at me, I find your helpful remarks to others, helpful to me as well. You are a wise woman lass. Yes my woofa is good for me, he reads my moods really well. At the moment he has abandoned me & put himself to bed (on my bed!!)

The tiger snakes are on the move here, the other day I had one go for a very casual wander past my front door & I think Woofa bailed one up near the wood pile on Friday, luckily he came away when I called him. I keep reminding myself what the local snake catcher says "given the chance they will prefer to run away rather than to stay & bite". I'm still super careful outdoors though.

Thankfully we aren't in drought here, but I would still like to know who stole spring. As late as the 1st week of December it was still so wet here that the chap who mows my paddock before the fire season got bogged twice & the local farmers were grumbling about not being able to mow for their hay. Then from the following week we have had straight summer temperatures. I'm on clay here so when it's wet you either sink or go slip sliding everywhere, which can make gardening something of an adventure sport. I missed having spring so I could potter in the garden with mild temperatures & reasonably dryish ground. It is just a mild grumble, whenever I feel it coming on I remind myself of those facing the drought & the fires.

Well I think I've waffled more than enough.

Hugs

Paws