See-Saw, Marjorie Door - Finding the middle of the proverbial stick

[Just Sara]

I recently posted on 2 threads re self love and self-esteem; wonderful topics and worthy of our community's agenda.

Something I wrote sparked some thought this morning about balance and what this means. I have an analogy I use for this school of thought; a long stick with positive on one end and negative on the other. I guess it's like a see-saw. Playing on one of these growing up meant going up and down was fun, but when each stood still and the plank held steady so both had their feet on the ground, things were balanced.

For most of us on here, we tend to find a counter balance for every good thought we have, be it big or small. eg. I did a great job cleaning the house this morning, it looks great! Rebuff - Mum's coming over today; she'll pick my work to pieces. That's what I thought balance was.

This is how we see-saw from one extreme to the other. It might have been fun physically as a child, but in our minds, there's just one person controlling the balance. So we run from one end to the other trying to play this game alone, then exhaustion and low mood sets in.

I chose the pseudonym 'Dizzy' because I had a duality of thoughts constantly going back and forth trying to find this sense of balance, but all I got was dizzy. Mind boggling confusion and each day was 'up and down'. I'd been playing both roles...me and 'them'.

This morning I remembered what I used to do when I didn't have anyone to play with on the see-saw. I'd sit in the middle and shift my weight to make it move. It wasn't as good as playing with anyone else, but it created movement none the less, just not as drastic as the level created by two. It also meant I had total control.

I wrote a list of all my accomplishments in my life and thought about how I really wanted others to validate those. Looking at the list I told myself to let go of wanting to have someone else to play with and look at it from a place of control and self support.

Wow...I've done some great things in my life! Understanding there's just me to look at my list, I didn't need a counter balance. There were so many positive things, finding negative ones was just too hard; you know...running to the other end of the see-saw.

Just sharing my thoughts...can you relate?

Please try this and let me know how you go...Dizzy xo

[Doolhof]

Hi Dizzy and Everyone,

I remember in the summer, the slippery dip would get so hot. I used to like sliding down the side of the slippery dip like a long banister on a stair case.

We also used to have a competition to see who could hold on underneath the slippery dip, by grabbing the sides and trying to swing ourselves up to the steps.

Ha. Ha. I liked your story about climbing the slippery dip so you didn't have to go home with Nana.

Every now and then our Grandma would come and stay and look after us when Mum and Dad went out. One day summer evening I climbed out the window and climbed up the tree across the road.

Grandma told my sisters to tell me to get down. I told them to tell Granny I would only get down if she climbed up to get me. Poor Granny!

We lived close to a beach, I used to love spending my summer holidays down at the beach. Our town attracted quite a lot of tourists, so we met lots of different people.

I remember being quite young, not sure how old I was. I took my teddy to the beach. I used to go there a lot by myself I don't think Mum had any idea where I was half the time.

I met a couple on the beach whom I had never seen before and joined them in their picnic lunch. When I returned home to tell Mum, she was not at all pleased!

I also used to climb on the roof, make a parachute for my teddy and chuck him off the roof. I would then jump down into the sand pile Dad had there. I was so lucky I never broke anything!

Ah the memories! Some days I still have a swing in the park when I stop there for my lunch. I do wait until the kids have got off first though!

The slippery dip is still my favourite though.

Cheers all, happy playground experiences to you all.

[Just Sara]

Oh Mrs D...your childhood memories made me laugh out loud. Picnic with strangers...priceless!! Your mum's response was probably normal though. As a parent, I've gone silly with worry about my son. He climbed to the top of a very large pine tree and fell down. He didn't tell me for days until I saw some bruises. I guess we can't wrap them up in cotton wool, and as I've said; 'sometimes we have to learn from experience too'. He never climbed a tree again thank goodness!

I met a man in a shop yesterday and we talked about our hardships growing up. We didn't have any running water in our kitchen and had to use a plastic green tub to wash up in. The hot water came from the boiler in the laundry/bathroom (a separate room off the back of the house) which had a fire underneath. The toilet was down the back, but we did have a cistern and sewage. That was a luxury!

When I hear young people complain about their life sometimes, I want to shake them and let them know just how lucky they are to have such amazing homes and opportunities. Money is in abundance compared to how my parents had to work three jobs to look after us, and we still had holes in our school shoes!

OMG I could go on for ages about this. I think sometimes I forget where I came from too. Life was so hard for adults, but as kids, we spent hrs just playing with things like the clothes line or a spare tyre in the back yard. I guess we had nothing to compare it to.

Well, I think I've just found some balance in my anecdote. I'm so privileged to have my own home and people who care about me; the simple things in life...

Kind thoughts...Dizzy xo

[Doolhof]

Hi Dizzy and Everyone,

Perspective is amazing isn't it!

As a child, I thought it was excellent that on Sundays we sometimes had scones for lunch. All that delicious home made jam and cream scooped off the fresh cow's milk. I had no idea we had scones for lunch because there was nothing else in the house to eat!

Mum used to encourage me to go to the jetty to catch fish. If I had known we really needed the fish to eat, I would have gone more often.

I have always been terrible with knives, so Mum always said she would fillet the fish. I just scaled them down at the jetty.

Memories and perspective!

I guess a lot of kids these days are just not given the freedom we had as children. Their "playground" has changed.

Cheers for now, hope you have a great weekend everyone, from Mrs. Dools

[White_Rose]

Ladies

I'm dropping by to say hello. I have enjoyed reading your posts. I would love to stop and play with you girls in the park.

My childhood was spent in England so we escaped that dreadful burning sun and especially the way it made the metal slides too dangerous to use. I love the swings also but was a bit afraid to swing too high. My real joy was the roundabout. Pushing it round until it was going fast enough and then getting on. There was a strict pecking on for this. The smaller the child the sooner they were allowed on the roundabout as they were too young to jump on when it was going fast.

Of course the thing you girls missed out on was snow. Having snowball fights and rolling a small snowball round the garden until it became big enough to make a snowman.

I'm with you Mrs D on my mother never knowing where I was. Now it amazes me they seemed so unconcerned. My kids played outside all the time, but I always knew where they were. I remember being at the seaside and paddling in waves. I think I would have been perhaps eight. I got stung on the legs by what was afterwards decided must have been jellyfish. These were not Aussie jellyfish, just had a nasty sting.

Anyway it hurt like hell and was crying and walking along the beach trying to find my way back to the family encampment on the beach. When I eventually found it there was no one there. I think they had gone to buy ice cream or similar. so I had to sit there with the stings hurting like hell. What, in retrospect, amazes me is that no one appeared to notice a little girl walking along the beach crying, And no one from my family appeared to be concerned about my whereabouts. Ah those were the days.

I have had the week from hell with all the old wounds being reopened by one psych and given further information about that situation by another psych which further deepened the hurt. I have some supports here but I find I keep writing about it. Almost compulsively. Maybe if I keep talking I can get rid of it? Really at a low point ATM but I have plenty of jobs to do and keep my mind away from the horror.

Mary

[Doolhof]

Hi Mary,

I'm really sorry you are going through such a tough time at present. It is great we all have this wonderful site where we can share how we feel and know that people understand to a certain extent how we are feeling.

You mentioned snow balls. Here in S.A. we certainly don't have snow very often, and certainly no amounts heavy enough to do much with it.

We do have beaches with sand though. Have you ever made a ball from sand? I was some what of an expert as a kid. Ha. Ha.

You get some wet sand, mould it into a ball, then take it up to the dry sand and roll it in that, moulding and compacting at the same time. We used to make "forts" on the beach and have sand ball battles or just see who could throw their sand balls the furtherest.

I loved the beach. As a depressed youngster, I loved the force of the waves thrashing up against the rocks during a storm. The power, energy and force comforted me somehow. I felt my life was in turmoil like the huge waves crashing upon the rocks. I would stand out in a storm for ages.

It would be impossible to make sand balls on some of England's beaches! As least you didn't get sand between your toes and in other places! Ha. Ha. Like your sandwiches!

Cheers all, from Mrs. Dools