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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Chibam Racism
  • replies: 12

Okay, first off, to limit any confusion, I'm white, 3rd generation Australian. Raised Christian, but I'm not a disciple of any major religion. I just read this article about what some muslim women are going through here, in light of currant events, a... View more

Okay, first off, to limit any confusion, I'm white, 3rd generation Australian. Raised Christian, but I'm not a disciple of any major religion. I just read this article about what some muslim women are going through here, in light of currant events, and it's pretty sad. The ones who were interviewed seem to be feeling phsyically threatened, or at the very least shunned by the non-muslim community as a whole and for various reasons, I don't believe it's an overreaction on their part. I wish someone had some good ideas about how to stop the racism. It makes me feel dirty to know that this is such a strong aspect of the community I'm supposed to identify with. But perhaps what disgusts me more is that in some way I can actually relate to it. I was bought up to be racist. From a very young age I remember sometimes hearing my dad rant things like "All (Ethnic Group A) are grubs!" or "Ah, you bloody (Ethnic Group B) ratbag!" while watching the news. My community was virtually all white Christian, especially my classmates. Throughout my school life, I never actually had significant contact with anyone from ethnic groups "A" or "B" to be able to make up my own mind about these people, so basically my whole experience of these other ethnic groups was through the racist rantings I got bombarded with in the privacy of our home. By the time we learned in school about the Nazi holocaust and how terrible a thing racism is, I think the damage might've already been done. I like to believe I'm not at all racist. I know it's absurd to judge someone based on their race, or the behaviour of a handful of members of their community. But deep down, gut reaction-wise, I get uneasy around people from ethnic groups "A" and "B". I try not to let it show - my problem shouldn't become their problem - I never have anything derogatory to say about them. But I just really wish I didn't have this disease. I wish we, as a country didn't have this disease. I wish it wasn't part of who we are. It makes me wonder, is this generally how the story goes? Does all this ridiculous hatred come from a bunch of nonsense ranting people heard as kids? Were we so bombarded with cultural horror stories of vampires and werewolves that now whenever we see someone wearing a funny cape or who is especially hairy we believe their coming to suck our blood? It seems so ridiculous that these hollow statements are causing so much pain.

V17 Validation: Excuse, reason - what does it mean?
  • replies: 9

Hello, The word valid or validation, in the context of feeling, is something I've only come across since I've began this journey. I'm finding it difficult to get my head around it. Like for instance, when I act in a manner - say I'm feeling angry - t... View more

Hello, The word valid or validation, in the context of feeling, is something I've only come across since I've began this journey. I'm finding it difficult to get my head around it. Like for instance, when I act in a manner - say I'm feeling angry - that in hindsight, I see as me taking anger out on my son; to be told my feelings are valid confuses me. I mean, what about accountability and repercussions? I'm thinking perhaps by validating my anger because I feel it, doesn't take into consideration the reflection process after I feel it and why I feel it. Does this make sense? Or is this term 'validation' an immediate response and part of a process? I'm feeling confused about it and would welcome and appreciate any thoughts on this. V.

white knight Your attitude is not a mental illness
  • replies: 4

Many of us struggle here just to get out of bed, get kids off to school and even minor tasks. That state, the one we struggle with, wrestle with and seek comfort from others, is mental illness whereby your will, desires, dreams are slow to achieve. H... View more

Many of us struggle here just to get out of bed, get kids off to school and even minor tasks. That state, the one we struggle with, wrestle with and seek comfort from others, is mental illness whereby your will, desires, dreams are slow to achieve. However, our attitudes from poor to good are fully achievable within a reasonable time frame and it can only come from you. A change in attitude can turn around a number of things. You might have a poor attitude towards your carer because he/she is the only person present most of the time and you attitude is that because they are in the firing line- they should cop it. STOP NOW. Change your attitude because a/ it is hard to put up with and b/ your relationship could be terminal and the most important- c/ its wrong and its your doing. Long relationships, marriages that have lasted over 20 years seem , from my observation, to have the worst attitudes towards each other. It is a clear case of taking their partners for granted and their attitudes are often full of contempt for the other person. It like its a case of years and years of being with each other has formed a resentment that is hard to change. Relationships are a work in progress. Once the work stops the spark is put out. No spark and there is little happiness. Changing your attitude from this form of negativity is hard. Firstly you need to erase all past issues, conflicts, arguments and the like. Then reignite your relationship with some romance and care. This "care" can be as little as returning a question they have asked you daily "r u ok"? If your partner is your carer then they likely deserve all of this new found attention for their journey with you has been and continues to be, a hard one due to illness. But overall attitude change from bad to good, can change your life. Again, I'm not referring to mental illness and its restrictions. I'm talking about what you are capable of. So you might have to dig deep to separate what is effected by illness and what is bad attitude. A change in attitude has a snowball effect. It can enlighten your partner to make them feel more positive too. They in turn feel better that your approach to them has improved, you are showing respect, care and pride. You appreciate them working when you cannot. Their happiness lifts you too without you realising it sometimes. And if you have children, you would be moving their home life closer towards a 'normal' household. Dad is sick but he now smiles at us. That's gold.

SourceShield ...and this is why I am so (bleeping) Angry...NOW! - THE CLEAN VERSION.
  • replies: 11

Hey Peeps, (This is TAKE 2 - The original was laden with a few CHOICE WORDS...I am grateful that I can simply edit and re-post.) The reason that I am so angry/furious/Bleeped-Off/Enraged... NOW... Is because I feel that I've wasted so much (bleeping)... View more

Hey Peeps, (This is TAKE 2 - The original was laden with a few CHOICE WORDS...I am grateful that I can simply edit and re-post.) The reason that I am so angry/furious/Bleeped-Off/Enraged... NOW... Is because I feel that I've wasted so much (bleeping) time worrying about crap that I shouldnt have been worrying about. I feel that I have spent too much time (bleeped) off at the small stuff. Concerned about (bleep) that now just seems sooooo immaterial. I am sorry - I love swear words, and I really wanna use many choice words right now, but I get that we can't, but I am THAT (bleeping) furious. Please don't get me wrong...this is a GOOD thing for me. I am learning to vent in a positive way - for me and for my health, holistically. I know that may seem selfish and I will get it, if no one continues to read this because perhaps the brevity of my anger may trigger something. But I have come to see BB as a dear friend...someone that I CAN trust, and that means so (bleeping) much to me. I have three - YEP, count 'em... 3 convictions for getting into fights with guys. Nearly ended up killed in a bar fight - Glassed in the face, and my partner was killed. I never got to go to his funeral. His parents didnt know he was gay. I must learn to release this anger...in a healthy way for me now, or it IS going to kill me. For real. Internally, as in chemical-overload, or externally, as in killed because I lost control one day. I have been so angry for such a very long time. I've hated for such a long time, and I NOW get that it really AINT WORTH IT, SO I GIVE IT UP. I must surrender. I have to stop lying to myself, and beating myself down...ALL THE TIME. I am lovable. I am a good man. And, I can be as healthy and as happy as I choose to be. And so it is. I must do whatever it takes now. I forgive my family. I love them...pack of (bleeping) weirdoes to the MAX...but I love them. I must LOVE me now. And, that means that I must share the love that I really DO feel with everyone. Thats how I am going to beat the RAGE inside me. Kill it with KINDNESS. LOVING-(bleeping)-KINDNESS. Thats me, anyway. I hope you all know that I love who you are, and I'm here. WelcomeToEarth. LuvYa

SourceShield --->>> SNORT <<<---
  • replies: 3

Hello. No - this is not a reference to some A-class stuff...that Patsy from Ab Fab may also be into, but more-so, stands for... Smiling Negative-thought OverRide Therapy. It's actually just a form of SmileMeditation, that I've been practicing for a f... View more

Hello. No - this is not a reference to some A-class stuff...that Patsy from Ab Fab may also be into, but more-so, stands for... Smiling Negative-thought OverRide Therapy. It's actually just a form of SmileMeditation, that I've been practicing for a few years now, along with LaughterMeditation. My autistic noggin can take things a bit TOO seriously at times. I guess that in these forums, its easy for the written word to be easily misunderstood...especially when so many of us are dealing with all sorts of 'things', on all different sorts of 'levels'. But, ask anyone that knows me in person...and theyll tell you that I laugh a lot. I do my job - I work hard and smart but I like to have fun while I am doing it! I learned this technique a few years back, and I would like to share it here with all you beautiful people... ---SNORT--- I usually do this in bed, when I first wake up...to 'program' my day! I lie there...Deep, slow, intentional breaths...Generate a smile that meets the eyes - in other words a really big smile, and yes, your cheeks will be feeling it! Also, lift the eye brows...I wish I could upload a pic...but essentially your creating a really big smile, that meets the eyes, and lifting the eyebrows as well...the eye brows kinda like what you would do if youre really surprised!. Big smile, eyebrows lifted...youll probably feel silly...but dont worry about that...no one will see you. And, when youve got that sorted...think of as many things that genuinely make you smile or at least think of as many 'feel good things'- whatever that is for you. Sometimes for me, when I cant think of much...'cause I am having one of 'those' moments, I will just focus on my dog Bundy...and thats plenty. I do that for about 20mins now, but to start off with do it for as long as you can, but no longer than 20mins. 20mins is plenty to reprogram and rewire the pathways. Also, watch out because youll also come up against thoughts that wont make you smile at all...thoughts like...why did she say that???...what did they mean???...why are they so mean to me???...just smile through those thoughts! And, if crying comes up...allow yourself to go with those tears! Crying is a great release of stress and cortisol, the stress hormone. And, I find after a really good 'cry-release' - It makes my smile so much more meaningful! Thats it. Seriously. Its not meant to be rocket-surgery! Simple and effective SmileMeditation. Takes about 4weeks to perfect! HaveFun!

white knight There isn't much use in "hoping"
  • replies: 7

A Facebook message said"I hope 2017 is a better year than 2016". The word "hope" in that phrase , to me is a hollow word. Its sort of like, the writer has no say in their own destiny...they are relying on luck. The good thing about a "been there done... View more

A Facebook message said"I hope 2017 is a better year than 2016". The word "hope" in that phrase , to me is a hollow word. Its sort of like, the writer has no say in their own destiny...they are relying on luck. The good thing about a "been there done that" life is that one immediately notices a bad attitude or in this case an attitude relying on luck rather that an attitude of progressive determination. That fact is, we shape our own future and yes there are unexpected tragedies and financial problems and the like that hinder our positivity. But overall, a positive attitude will see you have a better year next year through determination. List your new years resolutions. Eg I won't take abuse anymore I will set aside rest times I will listen to my friends problems Etc. Luck plays little part in our future. I believe we shape our own future with being decisive, taking action, researching things we don't know and building relationships. What do you think about this? Good luck! Tony WK

Lostflutterby Scrapbooking
  • replies: 3

Has anyone ever created a scrapbook/ journal to help with their journey. I have the means and opportunity but am unsure on how to start and was wondering if anyone had managed this?Likewise, what would you include in your scrapbook? Thanks.

Has anyone ever created a scrapbook/ journal to help with their journey. I have the means and opportunity but am unsure on how to start and was wondering if anyone had managed this?Likewise, what would you include in your scrapbook? Thanks.

SourceShield --->>>THANK YOU<<<---
  • replies: 16

Hello. I could feel myself slipping. This weekend...BB, helped me to stay a float. The posts that I have read, and those that I have commented on, have genuinely helped me to not do anything foolish. I'll be honest, it's actually taken me a few years... View more

Hello. I could feel myself slipping. This weekend...BB, helped me to stay a float. The posts that I have read, and those that I have commented on, have genuinely helped me to not do anything foolish. I'll be honest, it's actually taken me a few years to 'trust' BB - thats just me, hyper-vigilance can also sneak up on you in the online-world as well. Comes from never feeling safe as a kid. But, this weekend I have shed tears that have washed over me...and have cracked me open, to let more of the light in. I have shared from my soul...and I have felt genuine connection and care, from complete strangers. I'm not gonna over-analyse that, because I get that its always easier to hide behind, or more-so, hide in front-of, a computer screen and to write words, words, words, that are just that...words. BUT - I have laughed and smiled at the pure awesomeness of so many of the peeps that share on BB. I actually can't express fully how much I feel that BB has SAVED me this weekend. I know it sounds corny but there you have it...I am incredibly thankful. I carry myself as a very confident, assertive and intelligent man but sometimes I feel SO pathetic, stupid, worthless and useless that it floors me. Sometimes, I just dont cope. Lately, thats how I've been. The psychological conditioning and programming that I live with...has a lot to answer for. The autism, and major depressive episodes...break me down, and at the most inopportune of times. And, I crumble. BUT - not this weekend. I feel oddly at ease and peaceful. And, thats thanks to you guys...all of you. MuchMuchMuchLove&Gratitude. Kaitoa Wolfe

SourceShield Addicted To Dopamine...and all the rest.
  • replies: 2

Hey. I have come to see BeyondBlue, or more-so, the Forums and how I can respond to other threads etc...as another way that I am 'feeding' an addictive personality behaviour. HFA - for me, means that my brain goes at high speed, all the time. I use t... View more

Hey. I have come to see BeyondBlue, or more-so, the Forums and how I can respond to other threads etc...as another way that I am 'feeding' an addictive personality behaviour. HFA - for me, means that my brain goes at high speed, all the time. I use this 'power' for good - completing a PhD and I run my own company and micro-businesses, as well. But, I have mindfully assessed that as I respond to more post - though still sincere and as objective as I can - this gives me a huge 'rush'...its the dopamine (other neurotransmitters etc would be at play, but this would be the dominant chem released) I am becoming addicted to the forums, because, as I respond I 'feel' good. Dopamine = Happy Chem produced when we 'do' things, the REWARD drug!. Like when we tick things off a list...dopamine rush! BUT - Dopamine will also be released when unpleasant situations are encountered. i.e. when I get an email stating that a post is being moderated. Sends my brain into...OH NO, WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG NOW mode... Which also releases dopamine. I am writing to, see if others can see this in any areas of their life too?. Having an IQ of 160, I have prided myself on how my brain is quick and efficient with info-processing, but when we combine this with how the frontal lobe, the home of the empathy network, can work or doesn't work together in some cases, its easy to see how we can become addicted to stimuli. i.e. Lets say that a person was abused as a child. The neo-cortex will develop in such a way that they are forever 'feeling' and looking for danger...as is seen in hyper-vigilance. The dopamine receptors will maladapt and instead of 'scouting' for 'positive' ways to release the happy-chem, theyll seek out painful and hurtful and abusive relationships because they are hooked to the way the dopamine rush feels for them...even if it is an abusive relationship. Its all rather twisted. I work from home, and I can easily sit in front of the laptop and 'post' all day...like a drug fiend. I'm gonna clean my room now - which will be a 'good' rush of the chem. Lift some weights and then take the muttly for a walk. Eat some good food. And, limit my time on BB...as much as I am thankful to the community, for being here. Its important to release the 'chems' in other ways too, so that when I am on BB...its a pleasure and not a chore! This revelation has helped me to see more space in my life that needs balance and harmony. How is it for you?. MuchLove.

white knight Being withdrawn to achieving confidence
  • replies: 3

I find it amusing, of all the people I’ve met that have had a diagnosed mental illness, none have in my opinion been arrogant. Why would this be? Could there be a common factor among the emotionally unstable that does not allow them to be seen or act... View more

I find it amusing, of all the people I’ve met that have had a diagnosed mental illness, none have in my opinion been arrogant. Why would this be? Could there be a common factor among the emotionally unstable that does not allow them to be seen or act in an arrogant way? I think so. In a sliding scale it could be assumed we are within the scope of withdrawn and confident. Confidence is when we have sufficient knowledge on topics and can convey that knowledge to other people. An “air” of confidence results. We can rely on our own abilities and opinions then we are confident within ourselves. Arrogance is when one has knowledge of topics but believes other people have less knowledge and portrays grandeur. We all know what withdrawn means and it doesn't sound positive. However seeking withdrawal could be voluntary as a means for example of finding safety. Some of us are comfortable with our own company or limited in the numbers of people in contact and the quality of people we associate with. On-line forums such as this one offers anonymousity which can be wonderful for the withdrawn because one can regulate ones input from zero to regular. So most of us should have a goal. To become confident within ourselves enough so that we possess knowledge of our illnesses, emotions and restrictions to the point whereby we know all facets of our condition. That alone would give us awareness enough to continue on with life better than it has. It would mean we are improving, advancing and in many ways we are conquering our fears brought about from doubt, lack of information and knowledge. Once confident we can then pass onto others our store of information. There is one proviso- that we don’t emit an air of grandeur or we would have slid onto into the arrogant category. People don’t like arrogance so that would work against us. Learning, for many new members is right here within the pages of this forum. Each night you could choose two threads, read, learn and digest them to add to your knowledge, for knowledge obtained about yourself and why you are like you are is one of the best tools for recovery. Remember, recovery is not likely 100% but a level of happiness, contentment, as much stability you are capable of achieving and a minimum of social communication. Research, listening to others mixed with professional guidance can be a potent mix to point you in the right direction to becoming confident. Confidence through knowledge is good. Tony WK

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