Post-HSC

[Thorney]

Hi! 

I recently finished my HSC. In all honesty, I think I did pretty well! I'm not stressed or anxious about my results. 

What I wanted to focus on was post-hsc emotions. I'm finding it hard to adjust to life now - not having to do much, and relaxing. I cannot remember the last time I fully relaxed. 

I can't actually find many stories about people post hsc, only stress and anxiety during the hsc; hence I am wanting to know about other experiences! 

I'm not exactly depressed or anything, I just don't really feel excited about anything. I'm going to Uni next year and doing something I really, really like - and I'm just not excited about it. I think it's part of myself relaxing and being content with where I am and not being ready to move forward. I think about living alone and I just can't fathom it. (I won't be living alone for a number of years, but it just seems like another massive change and I don't know how people do it). 

Pre-HSC I was (and still am) an introvert and I prefer being alone. But now, I seem to want to be around people (a lot!), likely for familiarity. 

I'm also really missing my friends - I try and catch up but there is just so much happening between all of us. I try and talk to family about some of my general anxiousness but they are busy (and/or dealing with their own stressors). I'm considering talking to a professional about my mental health.

During the end of my HSC I became so anxious I was throwing up just due to pure stress. I have never been an anxious person, let alone so anxious I had a physical reaction. I sought out some stress tablets and they helped. I had to take some post-hsc as well, because I just feel/felt so anxious due to this massive change in my life. It's all just so new. 

My question(s) are/is, how do you cope with these big kind of changes? How do you cope with feeling a bit lonely? How can I get myself to actually relax and not hold on to this kind of stress? 

I (like many others) are/am just so used to school, after so many years - it is such a massive change that happened so fast, I feel like I have whiplash. I'm not exactly struggling mentally, but I'm not the same compared to pre-hsc, and I want to make myself excited and a bit more happy again and honestly, just try and get myself mentally back to 'normal'. 

Thank you for reading. Have an amazing day! Please share some similar experiences if possible 😊. 

[Thorney]

Hi Indigo! Thanks for your reply 🙂 .

I saw my psych yesterday, it was pretty good. He agreed and said I don't have an anxiety disorder, but I may be experiencing some 'conditional anxiety' which is why getting up in the morning before work and having the same routine as the HSC may be upsetting me. This isn't a formal diagnosis or anything, just his idea. He said to change the routine up as much as possible so it throws my body off. 

He also said the doubts I am experiencing could be from Imposter Syndrome (also not a formal diagnosis, just his idea) as I'm doubting my ability to succeed in Uni because it could negatively impact me because of burnout, that my degree choice (Pharmacy) might not be the right career path for me, etc. 

It sucks because when I'm not having these doubts off their own accord (conditional anxiety) I'm thinking about it and the problem because I'm trying to solve it - so I'm almost thinking about it constantly because there is nothing else TO think about. It really sucks, and I am trying to stop myself from thinking about it. 

Do you have any ideas as to how I can re-direct these thoughts?

I did do one guided meditation however I think I slept through most of it 😅. It was late at night, which wasn't the best idea haha. I'm going to try again shortly though! 

I think Uni will be a very strange time. Dealing with academic content again and seeing friends and being more tired - it's just like school but a new location, and it's also nothing like school at the same time. I'm curious about it, but at the same time I am weary of putting myself back under academic stress. However I am reminding myself that it is nothing like the HSC. I really hope I can hold myself together and not freak out. 

I will definitely try and sit outside more - that's something I should definitely do more. Luckily the family holiday I am going on for most of Jan is a cruise, so it should be very relaxing! 

I'm glad you enjoyed the festive season your way, try and do something a little creative like colouring in! That creative spark is never gone 🙂 . I'm glad your depression hasn't reached that point since you moved - it sounds like you did the right thing! 

Do you often have social interactions? With your neighbours or otherwise? I hope you aren't too isolated. 

And Happy New Year as well! I hope you keep in touch too, it's always nice to hear from you 🙂 . 

[indigo22]

Hey Thorney,

I do talk to neighbours, I have lovely neighbours which is a bonus. They are aware of my mental health and don't actively try to engage me in anything, just chat when we see each other and they have helped me with things I can't manage by myself on occasions. I just generally don't go out a lot. I am not anti-social, so when I go out to do my shopping, I interact with people. I have a just a few friends that live a long way from me, so we talk on the phone fairly regularly, same with my niece and nephew.  So I really don't feel lonely, I am accustomed to living alone. I think of my home as my safe zone, no one can touch me there. I came from a dysfunctional family where there was a lot of arguing so I still get triggered by loud and obnoxious people, but I am also able to calm myself quite quickly when the situation has gone away.

I am what is known as a HSP (highly sensitive person) and I think you may be also. If you look up Elaine Aron on the internet, you should find a quiz or similar to see if you fit the criteria. It is basically someone who feels things more deeply than the average person does. The chaos when I was young used to upset me and when I cried, my older siblings would call me a cry baby. It was just I had/have a greater sensitivity than they did.

A part of that sensitivity for me has been some psychic ability that has showed itself on many occasions. It was scary when it first happened, but over the years I have become used to it. I mention this because there was one occasion in particular that took me completely by surprise. I was just playing a game on my computer a few years ago and I distinctly heard the words "what do you believe to be your greatest asset?". There is no way that came from my thoughts, it is not something I would ever have thought to ask myself. So I gave it some thought for the next 10-15 minutes, going over what the answer might be and then the answer became obvious.

So now I am asking you this question, take your time and let me know what you come up with.

In your original post you said that what you are going to uni to study is something you have wanted to do for some time. Do you still feel that way about it? Take a moment to see how your body reacts to that question, does it constrict and feel uncomfortable, or does it feel relaxed (even if there are a few butterflies). Your intuition is your best teacher in situations where you are unsure of yourself or what you should do, but you need to take a few minutes to listen to what it is telling you. It may be that you do need to take a gap year, or that you need to test the waters of uni and make a decision once there. Your intuition will never steer you in the wrong direction.

Hopefully all of that will help to redirect your thoughts for a while ha ha.

Hope you are enjoying your day,

indigo 💜

[Thorney]

Hey Indigo! 

Thanks for your reply 🙂 .

I'm glad you feel safe at home and you have people to talk to. I have briefly looked at HSP just out of curiosity and I may do so again, you are right - it may be something beneficial to consider! 

Honestly, with this weird point of my life I don't really have anything immediate to look forward to because I don't know what's out there, if that makes sense? I'm not saying I have nothing to look forward to, but compared to school I knew what to expect and exactly what I wanted because it was expected. But now I'm stepping into unknown territory where no one is holding my hand and I have to learn from the mistakes I make and try and navigate this weird, wacky world. Which isn't exactly a bad thing, but it's just so strange. 

So yes, I am still looking forward to Pharmacy. I know enough about it to know what to expect, but there is also an element of surprise. I won't know what the job is like until I live it and I suppose that is the beauty of life. 

I am mainly doing Pharmacy because I enjoy chemistry etc, but also because of the job security. However, I am also using Pharmacy as a 'stepping stone' to access other careers through further study. I was looking at doing a masters of biomedicine and potentially going into forensic science, or I have recently discovered the field of environmental science which I could also go into (through a masters). 

Everyone has to start somewhere and if I get to my 1st placement in a hospital as a pharmacist and say 'nope, this is not for me' then I would look into one of my backup options and change careers. 

Currently I am interested in environmental science because I love the idea of research and laboratory work. Pharmacy still incorporates that in some aspects, but doing a masters and further study is to give me more options. 

I hope that makes sense haha. Pharmacy is stable and a definite back up option, and the chemistry knowledge combined with other degrees can open up a wealth of possibilities. I know what my passions are and where my intuition is leading me, and I just hope I can fall in love with Pharmacy and still use it as a stepping stone - or not like it and change degrees. I have a lot of back up options, so hopefully it all works out. 

Thanks for your reply. I'm becoming more grounded moving forward and I have a lot of interests that I have been developing. It will be terrible if I end up not liking Pharmacy, but sometimes you do just have to trust your intuition and keep moving forward. If I am being honest, I am more excited about careers related to the masters' degrees mentioned then pharmacy - but I suppose it just depends on how Pharmacy goes. 

Thank you again, Indigo - you are always a great person to talk to and I place incredible value on your insight. Let me know your thoughts! 

[indigo22]

Hi Thorney,

It's great that you are setting yourself up with options for the future, that is very intelligent. With the way the world is these days, change is inevitable, your choices will allow you to change with the times.

I would only offer one bit of cautionary advice. I am also fascinated by forensics but please give it a lot of thought. As part of that role, you would see the worst side of humanity and what you see cannot be unseen. We have another Community Champion here named Croix. He was a detective for a number of years, the things that he had to see and deal with in his role, have left him with long term PTSD and had to be invalided out of the force as a result. Many of our heroic first responders and investigators suffer in this way. Just something to think about.

The Environmental side of things sounds like it would be interesting with research and development of new ideas and solutions.

Who knows, maybe some day you will become famous in the scientific field for a new breakthrough in science. 😀

With respect to not having things to look forward to, please try to enjoy this time of just 'being', we don't always need to be 'doing', go with the flow for now. You have a cruise coming up with the family, make that an opportunity to reignite your sense of wonder. As children, we are filled with a sense of awe and wonder but we tend to lose that as we get older because we become caught up in how we are supposed to be in the world. It's good to just allow some of those childhood tendencies to come to the surface again every so often when you are able.

I have to say, you do seem a bit more settled now than you were when you first posted, I hope that continues to be the case. I know adult life can be quite daunting at first, and it definitely is a whacky world, more so than ever before, but you will start to feel more at ease about it with time and experience. You have got a good head on your shoulders so I think you will be able to adjust to it fine in the long term, you have a very mature outlook for your age.

So "what do you believe to be your greatest asset?". I would be interested to hear how you would respond to that question.

Hope you are having a lovely day,

indigo 💜

[Thorney]

Thank you so much for your response Indigo. It really, really means a lot to me. You should also be very proud about how far you have come. I do feel a lot more settled now - with what my life looks like right now (I'm in no rush to get to Uni!) and I have come to terms with Uni and everything moving forward. I'm starting to feel a lot happier (very slowly, but it's happening!). 

Now, when you first posed the question 'what do you believe is your greatest asset' I originally thought of my adaptability. Of course, everyone is capable of adapting - humans have and are just so good at it. This may be a broad answer, but I believe it is my sense of self. To know where I am in the world and be confident enough to know my weakness and strengths, and tackle challenges I face. I know my worth and I know what I can be - I aspire to do a bachelors and masters in amazing fields and hopefully really help people. 

I hope that answer is okay. I didn't put heaps and heaps of thought into it - because I don't think you need it. 

Thank you for your cautionary advice as well - someone I know had the same kind of 'trauma' from working in high stress situations, so I am definitely being cautious as to that kind of thing. 

I'm going on my cruise very shortly so I won't be online for a little while - but I will send you a message when I get back! See how you are going, and I will update you on how many books I read 🙂 . If you haven't been on a cruise before, I definitely recommend it (unless you get sea sick). 

Take care Indigo and I will message you after my cruise! In the meantime, please let me know as to what you think of my response. ♥️

[indigo22]

Hey Thorney,

I hope you have/had a lovely time on the cruise and return feeling refreshed and ready for the next phase.

I love your answer, it tells me a lot about who you are and who you aspire to be. What you have described are personality traits (that are very positive traits to have) but try digging a little deeper. The actual answer is much simpler, the hint is in the word 'asset'. I can't give you the answer, to learn from that question, you need to arrive at the answer yourself, that way you will always remember it. 🙂

I am looking forward to hearing all about your trip when you return.

Have fun,

indigo 💜