Post-HSC

[Thorney]

Hi! 

I recently finished my HSC. In all honesty, I think I did pretty well! I'm not stressed or anxious about my results. 

What I wanted to focus on was post-hsc emotions. I'm finding it hard to adjust to life now - not having to do much, and relaxing. I cannot remember the last time I fully relaxed. 

I can't actually find many stories about people post hsc, only stress and anxiety during the hsc; hence I am wanting to know about other experiences! 

I'm not exactly depressed or anything, I just don't really feel excited about anything. I'm going to Uni next year and doing something I really, really like - and I'm just not excited about it. I think it's part of myself relaxing and being content with where I am and not being ready to move forward. I think about living alone and I just can't fathom it. (I won't be living alone for a number of years, but it just seems like another massive change and I don't know how people do it). 

Pre-HSC I was (and still am) an introvert and I prefer being alone. But now, I seem to want to be around people (a lot!), likely for familiarity. 

I'm also really missing my friends - I try and catch up but there is just so much happening between all of us. I try and talk to family about some of my general anxiousness but they are busy (and/or dealing with their own stressors). I'm considering talking to a professional about my mental health.

During the end of my HSC I became so anxious I was throwing up just due to pure stress. I have never been an anxious person, let alone so anxious I had a physical reaction. I sought out some stress tablets and they helped. I had to take some post-hsc as well, because I just feel/felt so anxious due to this massive change in my life. It's all just so new. 

My question(s) are/is, how do you cope with these big kind of changes? How do you cope with feeling a bit lonely? How can I get myself to actually relax and not hold on to this kind of stress? 

I (like many others) are/am just so used to school, after so many years - it is such a massive change that happened so fast, I feel like I have whiplash. I'm not exactly struggling mentally, but I'm not the same compared to pre-hsc, and I want to make myself excited and a bit more happy again and honestly, just try and get myself mentally back to 'normal'. 

Thank you for reading. Have an amazing day! Please share some similar experiences if possible 😊. 

[Thorney]

Hi Indigo! 

I am trying to research a little bit more just to help identify my thought patterns so I can look at past experiences of others so I can learn something from them! It's a bit hard trying to find someone dealing with post hsc emotions, a lot of post-grad anxiousness, though! 

I'm not trying to overthink what I am dealing with, but I am trying to get a decent idea so I can communicate effectively with my psychologist (when I have one). 

I have found a few mental health books that I may want to buy - but any recommendations will be very helpful thank you!! 

You are right about my Uni thoughts, I definitely do need to question them. I try to, but I am perhaps not as effective as I could be. I do know however that when I get to Uni and I see some of my friends from high school often (sometimes on the daily as one friend is doing the same course) I will feel much more at home. As I said before, right now I see Uni as another large part of study, but I know it's not all like that, and it's a lot of fun. The negatives comes from me projecting my HSC 'negatives' onto Uni, and I am trying to stop that behaviour by reminding myself of what school was like before the HSC, and for me that was a lot of fun, and I have a lot of good memories from that time. 

It's a little annoying that my 'morning anxiousness' has come back - I house-sat for a family friend for a few days last week and I felt completely fine. No anxiousness, no loneliness, just me relaxing and not having to worry about anything. I had 2 dogs with me and they were great companions. So you can understand my frustration when I came home and started to think a bit more about Uni, and now I am getting this anxious feeling again (albeit a LOT milder compared to during my HSC). It may just be because I have these emotions and experiences attached to this house, and I am thinking about it more... I honestly don't know haha. 

I wish school kind of told us a bit more about finishing school. Theoretically it's very straightforward, but mentally and emotionally in reality it is so SO much different. Especially if you have fragile mental health after the hsc, like I do. It's especially strange because I'm not full-time working and I have Uni to think about, unlike post-grad. 

I'm getting there very slowly, and your support means a lot to me. I reach out to friends every so often to see how they are doing - and I talk to my family a fair bit. Thanks again! Feel free to reach out to me as well if you want support. 

[indigo22]

Hi Thorney,

I'm sorry I haven't replied as yet. I had a busy day yesterday with a lot of driving and it has left me quite tired.

I just need a day to get some energy back so will post to you over the weekend.

I hope all is well with you today,

indigo

[indigo22]

Hi Thorney,

There is another topic I would like to go into with you. Forgive me if you already know a bit about this but you may not be aware of some of it.

You were talking about cortisol levels. Mere thoughts can stimulate chemicals/hormones to be produced in the body. Our normal state in regards to our nervous system is known as ‘regulation’ (also known as ‘rest and digest’). When the nervous system becomes unbalanced due to stress, fear, etc., it goes into a state of ‘dysregulation’ (also known as ‘fight, flight, freeze’).

This is an inbuilt protective mechanism designed to help us survive. For example; you are living in the distant past where humans and animals occupy the same environment and you are faced with a dangerous situation, your nervous system will go into dysregulation and transfer all energy to the limbs so you can run from the danger as quickly as possible. Once the danger has passed, the nervous system returns to regulation.

What happens these days, however, is that people are under stress on a long term basis so the nervous system is in dysregulation a lot of the time and can become stuck in that state. It no longer recognises when the danger has passed and is always on alert. It needs to be trained back into regulation.

I too drove myself into the ground when I was caring for family members with cancer, I felt I had no choice but to keep pushing myself and ended up paying the price. That price was/is chronic fatigue along with a nervous system that is on alert. I am working through this with my psych who also does somatic work.

So, at the first sign of feeling anxious, stop, take in as deep a breath as you can, hold it for a couple of seconds, then breath out as slowly as you can until your lungs are empty. This exercise puts pressure on the vagus nerve which signals the nervous system to return to regulation. You may need to do this several times a day while at the same time being aware of your thoughts and questioning what made you anxious.

There is a lot of information out there on beneficial breathing and the vagus nerve, so try doing some research on those topics.

The book I think would be very informative for you is called “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessell van der Kolk. It is not necessarily an easy read, but it is worth the time and effort for the knowledge you gain from it.

Let me know if the breathing helps you to calm yourself, hope you are enjoying the weekend,

indigo 

[Thorney]

Hi Indigo!

Thanks for your response, I have been away on a trip and just got back! 

I wasn't anxious during the trip, which still indicates that getting up for work etc stresses my body out so I get a little bit anxious. Work itself isn't making me anxious, though! 

I have looked into some of the topics you are talking about. Thank you for the breathing exercise as well! I will have a look at the book you recommended, and I will also look at the other books I have bookmarked! 

Now that I'm back I'm going to look into getting a referral from my GP. When I was coming home I felt a bit weird about 'my space' (being my bedroom) - not that it seemed unwelcoming, just that I am still associating stress from the HSC etc with that space, I think. When I see a psychologist I will make sure to talk with them about it.

Overall I am quite relaxed. I have realised that I am struggling with apathy from the burnout and emotional exhaustion. Mainly just not feeling a lot and not enjoying the things I used to. I still don't think I am anxious or depressed, though! 

But yeah. My next steps are a) reading some of these books! b) taking the time to do enjoyable things in my space to make it seem more comfortable and c) get a GP referral for a mental health professional :). 

I am also trying to incorporate some meditation into my routine, I don't really know where to start but I am going to find a basic technique and try and meditate for ~20 minute periods. (My mental health app has 3 minute guided meditations or so). I think I will definitely benefit from it. 

How have you been going? I hope you have been doing well. 

[indigo22]

Hi Thorney,

So glad you were able to get away for a while and were able to relax.

I am going ok, it’s still a busy time of the year even though I don’t celebrate Christmas.

Do you have plans with the family?

I love your plan of action, they are all the best steps you can take to help with recovery.

With respect to the meditation, there is a company called hemi-sync that make recordings with binaural beats which are designed to align the two hemispheres of the brain and make meditation an easier process. I believe they still offer their meditation free for download from their website. If you have Spotify, there are also many hemi-sync tracks available there. My advice is to start with a short time (say 5 - 15mins) and work your way up to a longer time as you get used to it. It is always beneficial and the benefits accumulate over time so it could be a good idea to keep a journal of your experience with it so you can look back and see the progress you are making.

I am really proud of you for taking the responsibility of your health into you own hands and working toward recovery in a meaningful way.

I will be here over Christmas if you want to chat about how things are going.

Take care,

indigo 💜

[Thorney]

Hi Indigo!

Thanks for your response :). 

Christmas plan wise I have some family coming over / some family members staying for a few days, which will be nice! Even if you don't celebrate Christmas, please don't be alone! Even if you walk around a social/busy area just to see people and feel the excitement the holiday brings! 

Now that I am actively pursuing seeing a mental health professional I feel a lot better. I haven't been anxious in any shape or form for a while now!

I'm starting to see parts of my old self shine through - being excited about some things, and looking forward to Uni etc. I am still feeling slightly apathetic but I'm trying not to focus on that nor my burnout and just continue to 'quietly' accept it but not dwell on it. 

Now that I am starting to feel a lot better I have been properly processing not going to school anymore. When I finished I recognised that I won't be returning, but I didn't properly process it. It's hit me now that I won't be going back. I never really liked school all that much and I was excited to leave, but I miss seeing my friends and the structure of school. I'm not sad, though. I just reminisce on the good parts and the good memories. Luckily for me, I had/have a good friend group and I have a lot of good memories. I always think of the quote: "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." I know it's a fairly popular quote but it helps me think of all the good times and it puts things into perspective - no matter where I go, I will always meet new people / make new memories with old/new friends. 

Take care of yourself over the holidays, Indigo! As I said before, please consider adopting a new cat if you feel a bit down, if you are able 🙂 I will make sure to update in the future but for now, stay safe and have a happy new year! Your encouragement and support continues to and will always mean a lot to me. Thank you. 

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^ I hope you like the little cat 🙂

[quirkywords]

Thorne I like your honesty and insights into your feelings. I am sure your posts and I Diego’s will many others reading here and  feeling they can relate to you.

Thanks again for sharing. 

[indigo22]

Hi Thorney,

I love the little cat, thank you.

I will get drawn into having another cat at some point, of that I have no doubt. Just not for a while.

Glad to hear you are starting to feel better.

Hope you are having a lovely Christmas with your family, good food and good company 🎄

Take care and talk soon,

indigo 💜

[Thorney]

Hey Indigo!

How was your Christmas/New Year? I hope things have been good for you 🙂 .

I saw my GP for a referral, she agrees with my burnout and apathy, and she doesn't think I have anxiety or depression, just stress related things. I'm quite glad about that - but it's not very good that I'm still a bit stressed.

I haven't really been 'anxious' in a while. Now I just occasionally have doubts in the morning about Uni and how I will feel being back in an academic environment. I remind myself not to worry about things I can't control, and I also remind myself that there is a lot less academic pressure compared to the last few years of high school. I'm trying not to set too many expectations should I not like Uni for whatever reason, but I am hoping that it will help my stress. It's basically just nervousness over Uni and what to expect. (Which is totally normal, but coupled with my stress is likely a problem). 

The problem is I have so much free time so I just think about my current situation (trying to find a solution) and I just go round in circles. I can't really relax more than I am so I'm just trying to do breathing exercises like 4-7-8 to try and calm my mind. Hopefully once I talk to a psychologist I will feel a lot better and they can guide me through this. I'm mainly just frustrated that I still feel this stress (even though nervousness about Uni is totally normal) when I should just be relaxing. Oh well haha. 

I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. Enjoy the days I have off and listen to my body. All I really want to do now is lay on the couch and watch Netflix, haha! I have also become a bit more tired. I think my body is just recovering. 

I'm planning on buying a physical journal this year! I think that will be a good way to document my thoughts feelings and emotions as I head into Uni etc. I'm waiting to hear back from a psychologist, hopefully they get back to me before my holiday that spans most of Jan.

I have also been trying to reach out to my friends etc about how they have been feeling, mainly about Uni etc. It helps to be connected with others who are also going through it.

How have you been? How was your new years? How have you been going mentally 🙂 ? Do you have any insight on my current predicament? 

[indigo22]

Hi Thorney,

Happy New Year, it's lovely to hear from you.

You are doing such a good job of taking all the right steps to help yourself, I am so proud of the way you are handling this situation.

Good to hear what your GP had to say and I hope you get a chance to see the psych before you start uni.

Your idea of a journal is excellent, it really helps to get things out of your head and into physical form so you can track your progress over time. Great that you are doing the breathing exercises as well. Did you end up giving meditation a try?

You would be feeling tired after having your nervous system running on high alert for so long, I think this will pass as you become more comfortable with your new chapter in life. Having those connections with friends will help as the time gets closer.

One thing I think may be of help to you at present is to get out into nature. Do you have a beach, a botanical garden, forest, lake, large park or zoo anywhere near by where you can take walks. Try not to think about anything while you are walking, just observe your surroundings, the trees, birds, butterflies, animals or whatever is in that space at the time. This is another form of meditation that I feel would really help you. Nature is very healing for the nervous system so try to get amongst it as much as you can for the next few weeks. Even sitting by a pond watching the ducks is quite soothing. Other than that, you are already doing the best things you can do.

I had a quiet festive season, by choice. I have been a singer in bands all my life and spent so many New Years Eve's being the entertainer that these days I enjoy just having quiet time. I have always been creative, have dabbled in crafts, making jewellery, cutting gemstones, flower arranging, creativity in one form or another has always been my way of expressing myself. I stopped singing when I had an emotional breakdown about 20 years ago and have not yet found my creative spark again (mainly because my depression became chronic). I have been in some very deep dark places over the years, but for the past few years (mainly since I moved) I haven't sunk to those depths again thank goodness, I would not wish that on anyone. I was never a gardener in the past, but I think I knew instinctively that it would help me work through the grief of losing my little feline companion, and it has done that. It has helped me to feel more grounded. I don't have a lot of energy so an hour or so each day is all I can do at the moment, but that may increase with time.

Please keep in touch, would love to hear how you are going whenever you have some time.

Thinking of you,

indigo 💜