Need to be kept accountable to help meet goals

[scorch]

Hi everyone.

So as some of you know I suffer from depression and anxiety.  I'm trying to live my life to the fullest, but as anyone who has a mental illness knows, it can sometimes be very difficult to get your butt into gear and do what needs doing,

I am often overcome by feelings of worthlessness and that I am a failure.  I know that these feelings are lying to me, I AM precious and beautiful and worth so much!  I HAVE accomplished many things and will continue to do... but you know, the feelings can still drag you down sometimes.

Anywho... I've been talking to my husband (who is remarkably understanding and patient with my erratic behavior/mood swings) and we've decided to set some goals for us to aim for, so that we can reach our MEGA GOAL which is to undergo IVF treatment and hopefully start a family.

I have PCOS which is a genetic disorder that means it is incredibly difficult to have children.  It also has about a zillion other side effects including high risk of depression, higher risk of diabetes plus plenty of physical effects all which make me feel like a hideous freak who is hardly a woman at all. We've been trying to have kids for 5 years now, but all treatments have come to naught.  We will have to undergo IVF, but it is a long process that costs heaps of money... and we just don't have the funds.  This kind of set us both back and over the last year or so we've been sitting stagnant on the kid's issue and it's been negatively affecting our marriage.

So the other night we decided enough was enough.  We have to get serious about having kids, which means working towards our MEGA GOAL. 

We're going to attack this on two fronts.  First, my husband is trying to pick up some extra work as a security guard as well as his normal day job.  Any money he makes from that is going straight into a special 'baby making' bank account.  He's also been putting aside a little each week for the last couple of years, but now we're hoping to boost that.  I am also putting a little from my wage into the account too.  It's already a struggle for us financially, but we'll make it work because this is something we really want.

The second part of our goal is for me to lose a whole lot of weight so that I'll be in prime fitness when we can finally undergo treatment.  I have to lose about 40kg.  I know that sounds like a lot, but I'm really heavy even though I look like I weigh a lot less  (thank goodness!)

This is where you guys come in.  Because of my depression, I struggle to start things.  It's hard to get out of bed in the morning, so it's really hard to summon the energy to hop on the treadmill and do a workout. 

I've got a home setup of a cheapo treadmill and a rowing/cycling machine, so I've got easy access to equipment and no excuses.  

So it it's not too much trouble, will someone touch base with me once or twice a week to keep me accountable and make sure I'm actually exercising and eating healthily?   Does anyone else need to lose weight and want me to help keep you accountable and on track?  Is there a whole bunch of us that want to get healthier and we could all keep each other accountable?

I hope that some people will think this is a good idea.  When we share the load we can go further than we ever could on our own.

[scorch]

Wow Neil, what an awesome couple of posts!    You've packed so much info there I don't even know where to start lol.  Thanks for taking the time to make such a detailed reply, that's really nice of you to do.  And yes, a couple of times there my mind went straight to the gutter.  Lucky I'm alone reading this or I'd have to explain why I suddenly burst out laughing.

Let's go for some bullet points, hopefully I'll cover everything you mentioned.

- New clothes, don't need them yet.  My current stuff still fits, but just this week I noticed it is starting to get looser which makes me happy.  I've got some older clothes packed away from when I was thinner, so when I lose a bit more weight I'll bring them out of the woodwork.

- Hubby is trying to lose weight too, but he doesn't really like using the machines we have at home.  He prefers a competitive environment or going out for a bike ride.  Sometimes he uses the rower, but usually he'll just wait until he can get out on the bike.  He tried to join the local gym, but it costs way too much money and we can't afford it.  I'll talk to him about the boxing stuff you mentioned, I think he'd like that.

- Which leads us to the boxing.  I actually bought a pair of those gloves you mentioned a couple of days ago.  I found the bag was kind of grazing my knuckles when I tried it out, so we picked up a pair for about $15 from the local sports shop.

- I will try the exercises you mentioned, but I'm a bit scared I'll put a hole in my house.  Our house is pretty flimsy, made of asbestos sheeting... so I really don't want to damage it lol.  I was wondering, is it worth buying a set of those practice focus mitts and use them instead of pillows? 

- Now for the word that gave me fear... pushups!  argh!  I get so scared at the thought of pushups, but I'd never heard of the wall pushup.  I think that is something that I could try to begin with, every time I've tried to do pushups the usual way or on my knees I've just ended up looking like a fool.  So yes, wall pushups sound more my speed.  I will have a go and we'll see what happens.

- Finally, Neil I just want to say this.  I really appreciate all the effort you put into helping me get well.  Please don't apologise for the length of your posts... they are chock full of helpful and interesting advice, and I am sure that other people are reading them too and getting some ideas for their own exercise regime.  You have no idea how thankful I am that you take your time to do this.  You're a star 🙂 xox

[Neil_1]

Hey Scorch,  

 Thanx for the reply – it’s really helped to assist me with further information for you.  

The pillows option is obviously the kind of set up if you’re just busting to do something like this and possibly can’t afford glove mits, but if you can – YES go and get a pair of the mitts. 

Now I’ve done this a number of times, but to explain it might be a little bit difficult – perhaps if you google, ‘glove mitt boxing training’ or something you might get a version for what I’m about to say.  

Let’s say, you’ve got the gloves on, and hubby has the mitts on – also having the mitts is brilliant, cause then you can do straight punching, you do upper cuts;  you can punch low, punch high, etc.  So you’re punching and hubby will take the blows to the mitts – but what hubby can do is to bring one of the mitts in a round arc to potentially take your head off (stay with me here, cause that won’t happen – at least it shouldn't if you’re on good terms in won’t happen :), so what will happen is when you see him bring his arm up and around, you duck down, the mitt goes by over your head – then you’re back up and punching again. 

It just adds in some dynamic body work to the session so you’re not just staying still.   What is another great thing to do when doing this is to NOT stay still – take small-ish steps to the side or forwards – same with the mitt guy!  🙂  So you’re punching and moving about at the same time.  

 That is so good you’ve got gloves – it’s a great all over cardio workout, because it also does work your core/your abs/obliques.  

Rule of thumb though – start easy and slowly work into it.  

Same with the wall pushups – if you’re walls are a bit dodgy, try to find a much more solid wall – and it’ll be in the confines of your own home, so it doesn’t matter how you look – for all intents and purposes, you’ll be the only one there – so if things don’t go as planned – who cares – the main thing is, you’re giving it a go.  🙂  

If hubby is competitive – and let’s face it, I think that’s how blokes seem to be hard-wired – get him on the rower and to go for 5 minutes.  Get a little exercise book and write down the distance he covered.  Have a decent rest and give it another go and write down and then for a 3rd time and record.  Make the rest time the same each time, so perhaps two minutes and then back into it again. 

Then the next day or session on the rower, pick up the exercise book and see what distances were achieved – and voila, you’ve got a starting base for an ‘inner mind competition’ but also for your body and fitness as well.  

There’ll be times when you won’t go as well as before – but over time, the distances should increase.  It’s also a great way to learn to pace yourself – ie:  don’t go out too hard or you’ll be stuffed by the 3 minute mark and the last two minutes will be a slow kind of torture. 

BUT always remember that as well – if it IS 2 minutes to go and you’re really struggling – keep thinking, ‘gee, it’s only two minutes, that’s nothing – not in the greater scheme of things – and so push through that – push through it when you finish the accomplishment for what you’ve achieved will feel even better/greater’.  Scorch, this is also something definitely for you as well - and I've used 5 minutes, but really you can choose what ever time you'd like.

  I’ll shut up for now – I just get too excited and carried away when I talk about fitness regimes.  My long term vision is to be the healthiest (beer drinking HA and lol), fit 80 year old that can ever be.  

Cheers  

Neil

[scorch]

Neil, thanks for your advice.  It is always appreciated, and I will work on what you say.

I have a confession though, I haven't exercised since Friday 😞  Saturday my hubby and I helped a mate clear out his shed, and I was so tired by that I didn't do any exercise.  I figured with all the lifting and carrying it didn't matter that I missed it.  Sunday was my mum's birthday and we helped her by doing some yard work and demo a brick bbq pit.  So there was no exercise done that day either.

And yesterday I just couldn't be bothered.  I've done none today, and maybe I will do some tonight but I feel so down lately I just want to crawl into bed and die.

My house is a mess, my brain is all over the place, hubby and I had a stupid fight yesterday, my sheep ate my plants, our portable hard drive broke... it all just feels too hard right now.  I'm scared I'm going to give up on the exercise and undo my good work by binge eating or getting drunk to make the sadness go away.

It was hard enough just mustering the energy to write this post.

*sigh*

I found myself repeating 'just let me die' over and over in my head last night.

I'm so tired.  I can't stop crying.

I feel like such a failure.

[Neil_1]

Dear Scorch  

Take a deep breathe – hmmm, take several.  Oh and please let them out!  🙂   🙂    In nice and deep through the nose, hold for a short while and then through slightly pursed lips (what IS pursed lips anyway!) breathe out nice and slow.  Do this 8-10 times.  Make a cup of tea or have a drink of water.  

Then contemplate ‘this’ – you last exercised on Friday you say.  I say, no – officially in a gym like situation, then the answer is yes – but exercise comes in many shapes and forms.  Saturday with the shed clearing out, you figured correctly in that being lifting and carrying, it WAS a workout.  You worked your arms, legs, your core and your cardio-vascular system as well.  Ditto for Sunday as well.  Well done.  

Yesterday you couldn’t be bothered – I understand that totally.  Your body was telling you, please I need a break – and so you’ve given yourself a break.  Don’t beat yourself up about that – that is all fine and good.  

By the way, I’m super pleased that you were able to post this – and even more so, as you said it took a lot for you to do so – so again, another big well done to you Scorch. 

Ok ok, the house duties never ever stop – that’s unfortunately a given and if only we could all wave a magic wand, and the tidying up would be done, the dishes would be done, the washing hung on the line, and bought in, folded and ironed (if you’re so inclined – I personally stopped ironing over 10 years ago – I love the crumpled shirt look!) – but yes, house work is never ending. 

Silly disagreements happen often – it’s great that you’ve been able to acknowledge that and hopefully you’re both in a situation soon where you’ll be able make up and move on.  These pop up from time to time and who knows why?  And then when one thing happens, it’s never enough for it to just stay being the one thing, and so other things are sent to test us as well. 

And it’s totally fine to be feeling utter crap and being down about all of this – it IS fine to want to go to bed and curl up. 

Please Scorch though, to sleep – not to end things – just to sleep and get your batteries recharged so you can jump back up and fight the fight again.   Scorch, if you don’t feel like exercising today or tomorrow, then don’t – you’ve been going so awesomely of late and have been so diligent with everything that you’ve done – now is just a small roundabout that you have to negotiate before you continue on again.  

 I can also let you in on a secret Scorch – absolutely in no way are you a failure.  You have been on the up and up over recent times and I say this with regard to your exercise regime and it’s been brilliant – not only that, but with your weekend bulk cooking and searching for methods to make things better for yourself – cleaner ways of eating, different ways of exercising.  That is someone who is searching for positiveness and is chasing after a goal.  

Sending you a positive warm {hug} Scorch.  

Take care,  

Neil

[scorch]

Thank you for your positivity and encouragement Neil.  It always means so much.

I don't have many words to write today, I'm still feeling so fragile and the words don't seem to want to come.

I haven't exercised yet, but yesterday I did cook up some healthy meals to replenish my empty freezer.  So at least I had the energy to do that and make sure we are still eating right.

I have training tonight, so we'll see how that goes.  I don't want to go, but I'm going to try to force myself there.

I weighed in this morning, couldn't face the scales yesterday.  I haven't lost any more weight, but surprisingly I didn't gain either.  I think I'll get over this rough patch, it just may take some time.

thanks for being there. *hugs*

[Neil_1]

Hi there Scorch

Thanx for posting back 🙂

What's in the air????   I don't know, but I don't like it.  Your post resonated so much with how I am at present as well.  We're all really struggling and everything is such an effort.

In fact my gym session never even got going yesterday - I began the warm up on an exercise and then I just pulled the pin on the session.  That kind of thing I can barely remember EVER happening - it has before, but I've managed to grind through the session, but yesterday, nup ... just couldn't.  I did get onto a treadie though for 40 minutes, so that was something.  But no weights.

Scorch, as I mentioned before, you've been going so well for so many weeks now, a bit of a break is often what's needed for a bit of a freshen up.  I think that's what my body was telling me yesterday and it's important that we listen to our bodies, because otherwise there could be an injury just around the corner.

Everything is ok Scorch - it's a rough patch at the moment, so just ride through the waves of this thing - brilliant that you're still eating clean and healthy and when you feel able to commence again, do so - but no pressure on that.  Take the time that you need.

Kind regards

Neil

[scorch]

I'm wondering if we're all feeling low because of the change in weather or the fact that daylight savings has kicked in?  Usually I don't put any stock into that kind of thing, but everyone I know has had a rubbish week - and it just happens to have been rainy and getting dark early all week.  I just wonder if maybe that does something to our emotions or the way we think.

I'm sorry you weren't able to get into your session, but you did 40 minutes of treadie time... so you still accomplished quite a lot, even if it wasn't what you wanted.

I think with this awful illness we have, any movement forward at all is a victory.   Like with the AFD's - maybe we can't do a whole month just now, but 3 or 4 days grog free is something and should be noticed and celebrated.  '

Any movement is better than stagnating, and that's what I'm trying to keep reminding myself.  Even if we just do a little bit each day, that's a good thing.

I didn't end up going to training, but only because our back yard was flooded last night when we got home and we decided it was a good idea to dig a ditch to divert the water from our door instead of going into town to train.  So hubby dug a ditch in the rain while I stayed inside and did the dishes. 

I'll let you know if I manage some exercise this afternoon.  If I don't catch you until after the weekend, I hope have a safe and content one. *hugs*

[Neil_1]

Hey Scorch

Wow, that’s some rain that you must have had at your place!!  Yes yes, much better to be looking after the home in those circumstances.

I love your attitude – any movement is better than pretty much nothing – and that’s a good way to think – and great that you’ve got that in your mind.  Keep it there, that’s good.

Yeah, I don’t know what it is with grog – I went off it for all of February – perhaps I was in a different mind-space/place then, cause I did it for the first 3 days of April and then nothing since then. 

I’ll try again – and as you say if I can knock off another 2-3 or even 4, then whoo hoo, excellent stuff.  And if I can’t – no big deal – I’m not going to beat myself up about that either.  So hey, I’ve just found a WIN – WIN situation for me.  🙂  Giddy up.

 Cheers

Neil

[scorch]

Good on you Neil!  I think it's important to be able to see the win-win in situations.  So often we beat ourselves up because we didn't reach a certain goal.... but that makes us ignore what we have achieved already.

How did you go over the weekend Neil?  I've been thinking of you, hope you're allright.

As for me, no exercise done at all... but I'm going to turn that around today, with the start of a new week and all that.  I'll keep you updated.  Hope you'll let me know how you're going too.  🙂

[Neil_1]

Hi Scorch

The weekend was ok – nothing ‘good’, but nothing too bad either – so that’s “ok”. My niggles must be worse than I thought, cause even with this time off so far, they are still there – yes Neil, of course they are – you haven’t had that much time off yet!

I’m still managing cardio almost every day – it kind of defeats the purpose a bit though, cause then I head to the fridge each evening and night to self-medicate – oh well, I’m still upright each day.

The new week is here – and in fact it’s fast zooming by – only a couple of sleeps to go till it’s Easter Friday and then yay, a double long weekend as we’ve also got Good Monday off as well.

If you didn’t manage too much exercise last week, I’m judging that your weekly Wednesday weigh-in either (a) might not have happened, or (b) possibly didn’t reveal too much lost?

Kind regards

Neil