A little while back, about 5 weeks I guess, I had a complete break down
at work. In a large part it was my own fault because I'd felt something
was not right for many many months, but typical of the Aussie male, I
was certain I could deal with it. I ...
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A little while back, about 5 weeks I guess, I had a complete break down
at work. In a large part it was my own fault because I'd felt something
was not right for many many months, but typical of the Aussie male, I
was certain I could deal with it. I cannot stress enough just how
serious a mistake this line of thought can be. I've been taking the same
dose of Anti-Deps for so long, I just figured they'd always work. This
is not how it works. The weeks leading up the breakdown (not the first
time it's happened I might add) I'd known things were getting bad, but
as I said above, I was sure I could handle it. My memory was going
south, my weight was dropping rapidly for no reason and though I
pretended otherwise, I was drinking way too much. My work was suffering
(I'm mid-senior level management in a fairly high stress position), I
was forgetting to do things both at home and at work, or worse I was
doing things that made no sense and that I simply didn't remember doing.
But I'm an Aussie male, I can handle things myself, right? WRONG! And
this line of thought nearly had me take the most extreme form of
"escape". I was and am lucky my best friend is in a similar position and
he could see things were not right. When the break down at work
happened, I knew I had to do something and my mate basically threatened
me with physical violence if didn't. I took steps. I saw my Doctor and
realised after the first of several visits over 3 or 4 weeks, that one
cannot simply assume there will be improvement without some help. I
guess in many ways I was lucky. I didn't take that final step. Instead I
took the advice of friends and the Drs, an increase in the dose and a
few weeks away from the stress of work, and I am in a completely
different world. The point of this is simple. Whilst it may not be the
case, and I'm sure it isn't, for everyone for me it was a case of
vigilance or the lack thereof. Despite a number of unfortunate
occurrences in my personal life, I should have paid more attention to
what was happening and realised it was the disease (and believe me,
thats what it is) and nothing I was really responsible for. I don't and
won't pretend I'm cured. I know that's not the case, but I do know that
if that mongrel black dog comes barking at my heals again, I'll
recognise him for what he is and I'll kick his backside because I know
can. I'm back on the horse and I'm staying in the saddle this time.