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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

All discussions

integrityguy Maybe I can offer some hope...
  • replies: 2

Hello fellow anxiety sufferers. I've been reading through your forum posts. A lot sounds familiar, especially the way the mind and body react to certain situations. I've suffered from anxiety for most of my life, but I've only recently realised that ... View more

Hello fellow anxiety sufferers. I've been reading through your forum posts. A lot sounds familiar, especially the way the mind and body react to certain situations. I've suffered from anxiety for most of my life, but I've only recently realised that it hits me the hardest when I go through a major life change or upheaval ... and especially with relationships (or potential relationships). My first major anxiety attack probably happened when I was 12 - starting high school. It was the same school, but different class structures, higher expectations and different teachers. I felt left behind and overwhelemed. The same thing happened during my first week of university, and I was put on anti-depressants by my GP. In my early 20s I would go on to see several counsellors, 2 psychiatrists, a couple of social workers and several mental health nurses. I ended up in a mental health ward for a week. In my early 20s, I dated a girl who was suffering from chronic fatigue and was also a victim of sexual abuse. I wanted so much to take care of her and bear her burdens that I ended up becoming overwhelmed myself. (Cue anxiety). The relationship lasted 6 days. I spent most of my time obssessing over the fact that I was powerless to change her situation. Even after we broke up, I wanted so desperately to fix her - to erase the pain in her past and present, to make her better. Of course I couldn't, and the more I tried, the more pressure I put on myself and the more anxious I became. Over the next decade or so, I put a relationship at the top of my "life agenda". The only way I saw myself as moving forward in life and being happy was to find a girlfriend who would eventually (all things going well) become my wife. This led to a false belief that a relationship is essential to happiness. I "tested the waters" with several girls that came along, never getting very far. I tried dating websites and a dating agency, I agonised to my family and close friends over my "bad luck. I waited...and waited...for a girl to take an interest in me. I watched all my friends settle into relationships, get married and start having kids. I saw myself as falling behind and I hated myself because of it. Last year I was almost 31 and still desperately wanted a life partner. I started emailing a girl I met the year before who lived in another state and had a mutual friend. We exchanged messages for about 3 months. Between each message, there were bursts of anxiety and so many questions - is she interested? Is she just humouring me? Am I wasting my time? Is this going anywhere? Am I making mistakes? Eventually the questions became too much for me and I flat out asked her if there was a chance of a relationship. A few days passed, and she told me ... no. I struggled, but I moved on. A few months later I started messaging a girl on a dating website - she also lived out of town (but a bit closer). Things started getting a bit more serious, and the anxiety levels, once again, hit the roof. I began planning out our future together in my head. I met up with her in person - twice. However every time we planned to meet, I would have a panic attack and my mind would go into overdrive. Eventually I asked if we could discuss our future, and she avoided the question. I broke things off a few weeks later. Fast forward to today ... I have just started dating a girl I met earlier this year. The anxiety is still there and it threatens to overwhelm me sometimes. But I've explained as best I can to her, without trying to scare her off, that my anxiety is caused by my reaction to situations and I have strategies to manage it. I have now reached a compromise with myself - a relationship adds to happiness, but is not (and should not become) the source of ALL happiness in my life. I have so many reasons to be happy - supportive friends and family, a steady job and good income and an amazing church community. A girlfriend is just one more reason to be happy. So as my long-winded narrative winds down, I want to share some of my thoughts about anxiety management: *(1)* I accept anxiety as a part of me. I will never be free of it, but that doesn't mean I can't keep it in check. I cannot deny its existence (it will always be there) or demand that it be gone (that's not going to happen). *(2)* I look at anxiety as a false signal - something which is caused by irrational beliefs I've developed over time. With time and experience I am wrenching those beliefs out from the depths of my mind, exposing them for what they are and breaking them down slowly. They are stubborn, but I am persistent and I am stronger. *(3)* Every time life throws me major anxiety, I will always try to look at it as an experience to grow, to arm myself with new weapons to fight it and keep it under control. I wish everyone peace of mind and courage to overcome whatever obstacles anxiety throws at you.

SOD SEEKING OPINIONS ABOUT "LEARNED BEHAVIOUR " DOES IT EXIST ?
  • replies: 13

While i've been looking for answers to my life time living with depression, behavior issues, addictions, over all not fitting in to this world , i've been told by some mental health professionals, that LEARNED BEHAVIOR ,maybe a issue with me. I under... View more

While i've been looking for answers to my life time living with depression, behavior issues, addictions, over all not fitting in to this world , i've been told by some mental health professionals, that LEARNED BEHAVIOR ,maybe a issue with me. I understand the theory of what i've been told, but i'm unsure if it exists, or if there is any truth in this ? any information would be greatly appreciated . CHOW.

meaghanperris Forgiveness
  • replies: 3

Forgiveness is not about condoning another’s hurtful actions, it is about releasing your negative emotions and perceptions about the painful events. Otherwise you keep yourself chained to those events or people - you keep it alive within you - and yo... View more

Forgiveness is not about condoning another’s hurtful actions, it is about releasing your negative emotions and perceptions about the painful events. Otherwise you keep yourself chained to those events or people - you keep it alive within you - and you carry it with you where-ever you go. It is a very heavy burden to carry around and you end up crippling yourself emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. Holding on to anger, resentment, etc. keeps you in ‘victim’ mode - powerless. It means you are letting those people who have hurt you in the past dictate who you are in the present moment. You can take your power back by releasing these negative emotions and no longer let them hold sway over your thoughts, feelings and actions. Only you are responsible for what you do, think and feel. You can choose to hold on to painful events, like a weight around your neck, or you can choose to remove that burden by releasing it (giving it no more emotional energy and therefore power) and living a happier life despite past circumstances. In other words… let the past be in the past, and live in the now moment. You can’t change what happened in the past, but you have choice over how you live now.

ontheroad travelling with husband and depressed - any advice
  • replies: 6

Hi, I am new here, overseas at the moment and looking for advice, or maybe just someone to talk to. Have lived with depression on and off (bipolar) for 20 years. However have been reasonably stable for past 6,7 including the 5 years I have known my h... View more

Hi, I am new here, overseas at the moment and looking for advice, or maybe just someone to talk to. Have lived with depression on and off (bipolar) for 20 years. However have been reasonably stable for past 6,7 including the 5 years I have known my husband. After we got married we decided to go travelling for some months (was feeling very happy at this time and it seemed like a top idea) I had a reduction in medication with the thought of maybe trying for a baby. I hit the lows, the worst in years, 2 weeks before we left. decided to go ahead with trip as I thought I would feel better soon as I increased medication. 5 weeks on and I still feel pretty down as well as distant from my husband which is really difficult as we are together most of the time. I am not enjoying the things we are doing, places we are going, socially anxious when staying with relatives- but am trying to make most of it as I don't want to spoil his holiday as well. For example - we went to ankor wat and whilst I could intellectually understand it is impressive, my response was the same as if I were seeing it in a magazine, only the effort was far greater and I felt bad that we had spent all this money for me to feel this way (he's already been there) This afternoon, when i stayed in bed with a book I felt like I was having a day off work! I think travelling together is our weakest point as a couple and I know he really wants me to have a good time, but travelling together in foreign countries whilst I am depressed is really really hard. And now I am questioning our relationship as I do when I am not so good and I can't tell whether it is us, me or? I've really gotten out of the habit of CBT, relaxation and planning over the last few years and finding it hard to get in a routine as we travel. started a second reading of the happiness trap, but starting finding it harder to do the exercises, the more down I got. Anybody got any tips to gain an even keel? cheers

Hoelee maybe better days really do come
  • replies: 1

okay so i had a rough last few months with anxiety and also alot of crap happening but i just want to share to people that there is always somebody out there who can help you through what your going through. keep being strong and let somebody know. x... View more

okay so i had a rough last few months with anxiety and also alot of crap happening but i just want to share to people that there is always somebody out there who can help you through what your going through. keep being strong and let somebody know. xx

meaghanperris Change
  • replies: 0

Sometimes we loose things, sometimes life takes more than it gives, but in time everything comes around and eventually even know our paths may have been rocky or taken detours we will find serenity, happiness and people who take our breathe away. Som... View more

Sometimes we loose things, sometimes life takes more than it gives, but in time everything comes around and eventually even know our paths may have been rocky or taken detours we will find serenity, happiness and people who take our breathe away. Sometimes feelings and moments will take us by surprise, a new connection, a door opening, a feeling or just seeing the beauty in something you never saw before. We need to hold onto these beautiful moments for the hard times. We need to rid the negative from our lives and just love the positivity. We have the choice to be happy, the choice to live a life of love and amazing moments. The hard moments when we want to give in make us appreciate those beautiful moments so much more. Every breathe, every moment is a chance to change, to love fiercer, to be stronger

meaghanperris Regrets
  • replies: 0

Regrets Moments I have when things challenge me, moments where I am scared, these moments still happen even after recovery. I think it’s normal in life. I’m sure it’s what growing is. Learning and being able to pull ourselves up when we start to slip... View more

Regrets Moments I have when things challenge me, moments where I am scared, these moments still happen even after recovery. I think it’s normal in life. I’m sure it’s what growing is. Learning and being able to pull ourselves up when we start to slip. I make the choice to be free and happy and let go, live life by the little moments that make us smile, the moments that take our breath away and know that everything that happens must have a reason or purpose behind it. Every person comes into our life with a purpose, whether it be to learn or love or experience something new. Whether it be good or be heartbreaking every person, every experience is a opportunity to learn something. Never stop learning, never give up, never let the chance to open your heart or mind go bye, life’s to short for regrets.

Antman Food & depression
  • replies: 8

Hello all I'm a multi year sufferer & first time reader & poster .Have been taking medication for about 10 years. Have read quite a few posts . Like many know its a up & down ride everyday . I'm interested in hearing some commentary on abdominal pain... View more

Hello all I'm a multi year sufferer & first time reader & poster .Have been taking medication for about 10 years. Have read quite a few posts . Like many know its a up & down ride everyday . I'm interested in hearing some commentary on abdominal pain & upset stomachs . Are there any specific foods that you believe , know of , upset your stomach , set off negative thoughts ? Also in an opposite way , anything that you think helps ? Many Thanks

sammi3110 Trying to win the fight-My story...
  • replies: 3

This isn't about getting sympathy or hoping people will feel sorry for me. It's about telling my story. My story I am sure is similar to others, but anyone who has suffered anxiety & depression knows that no one in the world can truly know exactly wh... View more

This isn't about getting sympathy or hoping people will feel sorry for me. It's about telling my story. My story I am sure is similar to others, but anyone who has suffered anxiety & depression knows that no one in the world can truly know exactly what you feel or think, what monsters hide in the cupboards of your mind, what creepy crawlies scatter through your everyday thoughts. For me, it didn't just happen, nothing horrible happened to me, no traumatic life changing experience bought it on, I guess over time it just gnawed it's way into my life until it got so unbearable that I had no other choice but to face it. I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 16, it feels so long ago now that I can barely remember it all happening. I know I didn't want to go to school, I cried most days and found it extremely hard to concentrate. I was drinking, smoking and doing drugs, like all teenagers do but I guess I was pushing the limits a bit. I was on a medication for 6 months but due to the excessive drinking etc I found that it made me feel worse so I stopped taking them. Over the years I got more into partying, binge drinking and taking drugs most weekends and sometimes to get me through the weeks. I was constantly striving for some form of attention or acceptance whether that was through friendships, work, family or relationships. I was in bad relationships with men who did not at all help my already crumbling self esteem. I remember feeling lost all the time, like I was wondering this earth with no idea of where to go or what to do. I made it worse by masking my issues with smiles and laughter. I was a social butterfly and whilst I felt so totally alone, I had a million friends. Life continued like this for some time until the breakdown of another toxic relationship forced me to realise that I couldn't live like this anymore. I packed my bags and moved home to my parents where I hoped to find myself a little and reboot. It took me months to put weight back on that I had lost, to rebuild my self esteem, to see the light in most days, to really feel like I had a purpose or that I was worth something. I still wasn't in the place I wanted to be but at least I started to climb out of the deep hole I had been in for many years. During this time I met someone very special. He made me find the light in myself that had gone out many years before. I felt alive and like I was on a natural high everyday so both with our own baggage we started a relationship which I am happy to say still continues today. Don't be fooled in to thinking that I was cured and that I lived happily ever after. This wasn't the case. Depression & Anxiety followed me into my new happy light filled life. It sat quietly dormant in the corners of my mind while I laughed and smiled and enjoyed all of the new experiences coming my way with my new best friend. It sat there waiting for the perfect time to launch it's full attack. Just when I couldn't be more happy or content, I tripped and fell into that big black hole. The hole that makes you analyze everything, question your life, your relationship, your career and mostly yourself. The hole that makes you push people away, makes you feel so hateful towards yourself that you don't even want to look at yourself in the mirror. The hole that makes you not want to get out of bed in the mornings, makes you cry at the drop of a hat and the hole that grinds your thoughts away until you can't even think rationally anymore. This episode was so much worse for me because I was happy and sad at the same time. I couldn't have been more content with my life and I had a great partner who I wanted to be with forever yet I couldn't get a grasp of myself emotionally and mentally. I was so confused as to why this was happening, why was I so sad when I had not one reason to be sad at all. I had minor anxiety through out my younger years but mostly was able to control it and push through but I found that my anxiety levels started going through the roof. I found it hard to make friends, I found it hard to make the effort to go for lunch or dinner with the friends I already did have. I stopped answering calls and responding to texts, I didn't want to go do anything anymore. It was one of the hardest times of my life. Not only was I suffering but I was putting a major strain on my partner. He didn't understand depression and didn't understand why I couldn't 'just snap out of it'. He struggled most days to have a normal conversation with me because I was always accusing him of not loving me or constantly asking for reassurance. For reasons I still don't know, he stayed with me. For that I am forever grateful. One day I finally crumbled in a heap on my bedroom floor. I was home alone but felt more alone than I ever had in my life. I cried and cried and cried until I could not even open my eyes anymore. I looked in the mirror and wanted to die. Not literally take my life, but I wanted to disappear, I wanted to just not think or feel or be this way anymore. I knew I was bordering suicidal which really really scared the shit out of me. I did NOT want to be that person. I called Lifeline and spoke to a lady, we spoke for about an hour. We spoke about everything, she made me realise I wasn't alone and made me realise that there was help out there. She told me to book an appointment with a doctor and helped me through my own thoughts until I finally could see and understand what I needed to do to save myself and to save my relationship. I booked a doctor appointment and was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety and was prescribed medicine(again). I walked out of the doctors feeling good, feeling like I had just taken the first step to life again. To actually being a human again. I started the tablets and had a pretty rocky start, it is really true about what they say...'it gets worse before it gets better'. The tablets made me extremely unwell, made me dizzy, made me feel high and stopped me from sleeping for some time. But after about 3-4 weeks I started to see a change. I wasn't crying as much, I wasn't over analyzing every situation and my partner and I weren't fighting. I started feeling positive about my direction in life and wanted to keep improving. I started exercising and eating healthy and I really did start to feel genuinely happy with everything. It was the most amazing feeling and something I dont think I remembered feeling for years. Many people criticize medication but for me it turned my life around. I even started to help friends of mine through some dark times in their lives by offering support, a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to that understood exactly what it felt like to be in such a dark place. I basically felt like I had finally overcome my depression and anxiety and that I had full control of my life and my emotions. There were still days I would get down but I would be down just for that day, not for weeks and weeks to follow. I often found myself pushing negative thoughts out of my head and looked for the positive ones. I finally had control Or so I thought! Today I sit here, with puffy eyes from crying, a sore throat and runny nose from sniffling myself to sleep, and that horrible numb feeling I know all to well. It has snuck up on me again. I feel like running and hiding but I know wherever I go it will be right behind me. I am wondering how this happened. My life is going in the exact direction I want it to, I have a million things to look forward to and yet I can feel that sadness, stress and anxiety feeling wash over me. It crept in a few weeks ago and although not obvious to me has been obvious to all the people I care about around me. The irrational thoughts started, the irritability started, the mood swings kicked in, the insomnia begun and that fucked up feeling of I hate myself jumped straight back up on that horse. I am scared because I dont want to have to go through this all again. I am terrified that maybe this time I might push people to the limit and mostly I am scared of what permanent damage I am going to do to myself and to the relationships around me. How did I get here again? What is wrong with me? Why is this happening to me? Why dont people understand how hard a life like this is? Why cant I be normal? What am I supposed to do? Someone please make it go away?.....these are some of the thoughts that are running through my head right now. But the main question I have right now is.How many times am I going to fall before I cant get back up again. I am trying to fight my way through the negative thoughts, and I am hoping I can beat this episode like I beat the last one. I feel stronger than I felt last time but does that mean my depression and anxiety is stronger too? I try to look forward and to all the amazing wonderful things in my life and they do offer some comfort but am I going to lose all these things?.....I guess time will tell. I am back to reading and researching as much information as I possibly can on depression and anxiety but mostly on depressive episodes. I can see that depression and anxiety is something that never really goes away for the sufferer, they just have to find ways to defend themselves when they feel it creeping in. I guess that I am trying to accept that this is something I am going to have forever. Its something that I have to live with forever and ever and that thought scares the shit out of me. I dont want to have to struggle through every day. And although most days are fine, the bad days are so horrible that I wouldnt wish them upon my worst enemy. Today is a bad day but I only hope tomorrow is a good one. I am scared but prepared to get through this again. I got my ammo and Im ready to fight. I know I am a good person deep down. Depression & Anxiety might be a part of me but I am determined to not let it rule me.