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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Single_Soul Aarghh Depression!!! My Story....
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone! I just joined Beyond Blue and would like to communicate my experiences with depression and life thus far: Firstly, it is a relief and a god send that such a place exists here. This is a real and soulful place where anyone can express ... View more

Hello everyone! I just joined Beyond Blue and would like to communicate my experiences with depression and life thus far: Firstly, it is a relief and a god send that such a place exists here. This is a real and soulful place where anyone can express their feelings upon their life and current situation. I'm 32 years of age right now and to be honest lucky to be here. I've abused my body to the extreme (smoking, drinking, drugs etc.) seen many a friend come and go & I'm considered as a 'black sheep' by most of my extended family. Not too long ago, I went to bed and left the window open thinking 'If I have a heart attack and die tonight they can jump through the window instead of knocking the door down trying to find me, thus less trouble for my mother when she has to travel to my town to clean the house up'. That was my most recent rock bottom. A time before that, I got drunk at the local pub and as drunk people do, acted like a total fool and disrespected the girl that I was seeing at the time, and my mates. That was the end of short-lived relationship with that lovely girl. Furthermore, the next night I was feeling like total crap and called my mother and acted like an idiot. Not long after received a call from my dad saying 'do not call your mother in that state again!'. I lost the respect of my family and friends, I was alone and the closest to committing suicide ever in my life the next day. I felt like a total loser and that I had no friends or family who gave a stuff about me! As you can see, I have past issues with wanting/willing/waiting to end my life. It was a fight and struggle to straighten up! Drinking and drugs helped dumb me down and forget about the issues I had in life. Dumbing down came with it's consequences. I was spiralling in and out of depression, my health was failing and I never really learned to deal with the issues head on! On the positive side, I have a mother who has listened and supported me from day one! Thank God for her! She has understood me, bailed me out of situations countless times and see's the true me. Also, I have managed to be full time employed all my adult life earning a dollar (at times 50c), and I love weight training, mountain biking & bushwalking. It isn't all grim. I am a good person! I pride myself on my realness, honesty and integrity. Let me tell you this; If YOU are also a real, honest and good person (indeed you are!) ALL YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ARE VALID AND JUSTIFIED!! Let me tell you what else, YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS WORLD!! There is ALWAYS someone out there who can help and listen. Sometimes you just need to look ok?! Life is not handed to most of us on a silver platter. We must work hard, fight the temptations & not believe those who want to draw us into their negative whirlpools. We must control our internal dialogue (thoughts) because not everything we think in our minds is reality (especially negative thoughts about ourselves). No one is superior, not the bully at school, not the prime minister or even the queen! If someone does have a superiority complex it is because they are actually covering up their feelings of in-superiority. In the end, a person may be a member of this or that group but we are all INDIVIDUALS!! We ALL feel specific emotions (love, hate, jealousy etc.) that are actually not limited to this earth, they are experienced in some other animals on this planet and beyond! Aaanywho, I will continue to focus on the positives, my health and being a genuine real person who feels. I will project my genuine self (soul) and try to understand and see the real person (soul) in everybody I encounter. Check out my recent walk/jog in the bush dedicated to everyone here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OyIeP-HcZ8 Peace and love to you all

Denis Always be an optimist
  • replies: 3

Like many of you I suffer from depression,anxiety, PTSD etc but my mottos for survival is "Always be an Optimist" and":There is always someone worse off than you'. These certainly are platitudes but my personal story might help. I am a Vietnam Vet - ... View more

Like many of you I suffer from depression,anxiety, PTSD etc but my mottos for survival is "Always be an Optimist" and":There is always someone worse off than you'. These certainly are platitudes but my personal story might help. I am a Vietnam Vet - I saw a man shot dead in front of me - it only got to me in 50s.I was a Bandsman (musician) and the Bandmaster still kept conducting even when the shots were fired - stupid bugger. I am fortunately on a Vet's pension but in my last job as a consultant and teacher I was earning $900 a day in 2004, not every day of course. When I was born in 1949, I had an elder brother who had Cerebral Palsy (CP) - spastic they called it in those days.Five years later my sister was born - she also had CP. My other sister has her Masters in Nursing. I have been married threee time sao I do understand those issues -0 my wife and I have been married

Meg82 Just want to share
  • replies: 2

Just want to share with some people who might just understand how big this is and give me the right amount of excitement because I am not getting the right reaction from those close to me as I don't think they quite get it and I don't blame them. My ... View more

Just want to share with some people who might just understand how big this is and give me the right amount of excitement because I am not getting the right reaction from those close to me as I don't think they quite get it and I don't blame them. My doctor says I am at the point where I can tackle my depression and anxiety without medication and I am medication free after many years of fighting just to be happy, 1 nervous break down, self harming and being suicidal I can officially say that I am winning the fight and can cope on my own. It feels unbelievably good to achieve that when even only 2 years ago I never could have imagined it. I just keep thinking and realising what I have gotten through and not being able to believe I actually did it. It has been a very very long time. I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I was 13, I have been medicated since I was 22 and I am 30 now and finally feeling like I am in a healthy enough mind set that I can put a lot of my major issues behind me.

Dennis38 The journey
  • replies: 1

Sometimes it’s hard to know where to start, just like when you are depressed it’s hard to determine when it started. Some times when we are looking back we may see when it started, the problem with looking back is that we tend to forget to look forwa... View more

Sometimes it’s hard to know where to start, just like when you are depressed it’s hard to determine when it started. Some times when we are looking back we may see when it started, the problem with looking back is that we tend to forget to look forward and we cannot see the next ledge above us. Sometimes that’s all we can do is simply move up one more ledge. One more step up towards the light. The saying “A journey of a thousand miles starts with but the first step.” That first step is not only the hardest but the most important step. It means you are finally taking the steps to pull yourself out of the hole you feel you are in. We can not take that first step for you, but we can offer you a hand up to that next ledge, we are the shoulder that you need to lean on and cry, we do not judge as we, each and every one of us here, have been or are in your shoes. We are the hand in the darkness that you are groping for, we will not let go once you take hold our brother, our sister, but you must reach for our hand. Look up and you will see our faces, you will see the same scars, you will see that there is help, that there is a light and we will help you reach that light, we will help hold the darkness at bay if only you will reach up and take our hands. We will not offer you false platitudes, we will not say that you will feel better with a little sleep, and we will not say that you have no reason for feeling the way you do, we will not judge as we each of us are brothers and sisters in the dark, each of us reaching out for the next ledge, for a hand in the darkness, all that we ask is that you trust us not to let go. We will each help you as best that we can know that we can show you to the light, but you must be willing to start and continue the journey, but once you start this journey to the light we will be there step by step, we each and every one of us one day will stand tall and once again proud, we will remove the yoke of depression/anxiety from each other. Who are we? We are your brothers and sisters in the fight against depression and anxiety.

livelovelife From despair to hope, from shame to dignity, a brighter future awaits us all.
  • replies: 3

Hi there, New to this forum. If you bear with me I would like to share my story with mental illness (psychosis and depression) so you know where I'm coming from and to give hope to others. I was a very normal teenager and young adult, never had any s... View more

Hi there, New to this forum. If you bear with me I would like to share my story with mental illness (psychosis and depression) so you know where I'm coming from and to give hope to others. I was a very normal teenager and young adult, never had any serious mental health issues until I decided to stop seeing my mates who were all druggies. Good decision? Yes and no. I no longer was influenced to take drugs but with no job (due to fight's with my father who I worked for only) and no friends or educational pursuits/purpose in my life, I slowly fell into severe depression. One night I had a psychotic episode and was taken to hospital (by my parents) and was diagnosed with psychosis. This lead to 2 stints in halfway houses/mental institutions for about 4 months total which felt like 2 years. Yeah....it was pretty soul destroying and traumatic if you've ever been in one, especially for a young man. Once out, I was put on depression medication plus seeing a case worker and psychologist. After about 3 years of this process I am now off medication completely (for 1 years), no longer required or feel the need to see a psychologist, am stable mentally with my thought processes and my goal is to one day help others who have been through something similar to me. (nearly finished my education in this area). For me, it was a combination of things which helped get my life on track, firstly sticking to the medication, then finding supportive and good friends. ONCE my head/thoughts were clearer (in touch with reality) I started volunteering and I cannot stress how helpful this was, to know I could help others (once you've helped yourself) and could make a difference, it changed my whole perspective on life. After about 5 years since my psychosis diagnosis and all the trauma that came with that I can now speak openly about my experiences to anyone who asks about my life or what I've been through. Sounds silly, but movies like Silver Lining Playbook helped me feel 'normal' and gave me a sense of dignity about my struggles with psychosis (even though the character had bi-polar). Plus, organizations like BB (not big brother but beyond blue..jokes) have helped with the shame and guilt I have felt of having a mental illness and being put into a 'nut house'. One thing that kept me going was that I was so determined to get educated and make something of my life. At first I couldn't say exactly where that determination came from? On reflection I now believe it came from some people in my life that just spoke a word of encouragement and inspired me in some way from years ago. For example, I started to remember my legal teacher from year 11. Not your average lawyer but an inspiring human rights advocate, he told me that in life we had to 'reinvent' ourselves, twice, three times, four times or more. He told me that life is all about what we stand for, that we all need something to stand for, something to fight for, other wise what are you truly living for? What's the point? In other words, a purpose. I realize the statistics about relapses on psychosis and depression but I'm determined to focus on the positives and if the worst happens, now I know how to pick myself up again. I'm not saying what worked for me will work for everyone, but if someone can find hope and encouragement through my story then well .....maybe that's my purpose? And maybe the person I help will find their purpose in helping others? Thanks for opportunity to share. P.S. Does anybody else find it annoying when visiting a GP and your mental illness that you used to have must be explained every single time because it's on record? Bloody annoying..haha.

1963 some help please
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I'm completing the Moodgym program online & was after help with an exercise. Moodgym has asked me to take note of an event that was associated with anger or distress. "Write down the event, your interpretation of it, your emotions and your co... View more

Hi all, I'm completing the Moodgym program online & was after help with an exercise. Moodgym has asked me to take note of an event that was associated with anger or distress. "Write down the event, your interpretation of it, your emotions and your consequent behaviour. Then survey some other people (not just your closest buddies) ask them their interpretations of the event and how they would react. Ask them, for example, to respond as if the event had happened to them, to imagine they were in your shoes. Are the reactions all the same? Does this modify your interpretation of the event?" That's what I'm asking for, some responses from other people please. My event was a re-occuring one; most weeknights when I get home my partner talks to me impersonally [eg; just asks about bills or if I can run an errand, etc.], the ratio of positive interaction to impersonal or negative interaction is out of whack. She knows recently I've had a bad run with depression and this night she didn't ask how my day was at all & actually got stuck into me about some financial things that she thought I'd neglected. That's the event. I felt down but also a bit angry & upset. Like, how can she just concentrate on stuff that & not even ask how I'm going, considering all the circumstances. We had talked about this before, how she can seem so impersonal, & even though we'd had arguments in the past about it, I felt so upset that I decided to bring it up, so that was my consequent behaviour. It didn't go well, she felt under threat & started attacking me, & I ended up feeling down & alone that night. So, can I have some responses please, to help with the Moodgym exercise; imagine you were in my shoes; what would be your interpretation of the event, how would you have reacted? Thanking you in advance

Chris_W828 Just one of those weeks (poem) *explicit
  • replies: 3

To the world ur a leper,the passenger with b.o; nobody wants to be near you, neither do you tho.. You sit back and think, surely there's something u can do; but fuk no, it doesn't work, it's proved through and through.. No change in the couch, no doc... View more

To the world ur a leper,the passenger with b.o; nobody wants to be near you, neither do you tho.. You sit back and think, surely there's something u can do; but fuk no, it doesn't work, it's proved through and through.. No change in the couch, no doctors to vouch - for the meds you fu*ked up with; the one's ur now without.. no clothes that are dry, it's too cold to even try, first a sigh, then you cry, then you hope to god you die.. Come on dude relax, take a breath cos you ain't got no chill pill; no though, fu*k it, there's no way to get that glass filled.. So what's the next step? ur doomed, stuck and wrecked; off a cliff maybe? oh wait, there's none near you, you've checked.. So life seems pretty broken and fu*k yeh it is; but no one comes back, whos spirit is weak, you gotta just tell urself 'it's just one of those weeks'.. There's nothing you can do when it's just one of those weeks.. Take it like a hooker, it's just one of those weeks.. Don't think, just do, it's just one of those weeks.. You've been here before, it's just one of those weeks.. Things should get better, it's just one of those weeks..

twistnchurn My appoach and belief
  • replies: 3

I'd like to start off by saying that this is my journey and what i have come to understand. We've all had it tough and we all have it differently. -Firstly, my background does not explore or even mention feelings such as love or what not. Sadness, de... View more

I'd like to start off by saying that this is my journey and what i have come to understand. We've all had it tough and we all have it differently. -Firstly, my background does not explore or even mention feelings such as love or what not. Sadness, depression are all categorized as one big disease if you like. I've grown up most my life without my dad and i slowly realized the vital values and teachings a father passes onto his child are very important,. -From being extremely social to borderline psycho, if you will, i've learned a thing or two transitioning across the spectrum. i've concluded that we only believe to what we are exposed to. That self-acceptance is a major factor to 'true' happiness, and exposure in all aspects of life is extremely important. By exposure i mean putting yourself out there, slowly at first. Overcoming our fears, i believe fear gives room for growth, i hate to be comfortable and fearless. Probably why adrenaline rush junkies are who they are lol. But anyway In my journey being very social was the peak of my happiness, being used to exchanging ideas, familiar with other peoples interpretations, confident within ourselves. But in that life i had to learn a couple of things, in that life i didnt know what struggle was. You could tell i've been just one happy kid this whole time. I hated that, i wanted struggle, i wanted to be at rock bottom just so i could rise up again. Lost my girlfriend, lost my license, lost alot of friends, domino's effect, one by one till i was at home for 18 months without my license and all that jazz with it. Hit rock bottom, trial and error on myself consistently to break this. Long story short opposite to the typical, 'depression' belief, i believe that this is one big journey, one big lesson, the process of becoming a man and a million other titles religiously or not for self growth. i've always questioned and paused for a moment for those people who were so insightful in areas such as this, did they go through hell aswell. -Respect respect respect, i am now respectful of all people, unlike my previous self. I never understood alot of things nor did i care, why refugees all had similar personalities, why races have such strong views and another thousand questions all shared the same theory, fear, unfamiliar, anxiety etc. -Giving to the homeless, gives great gratification. Anyway there just the positives i've gained over the past 2 years. I'm 22 now. Yeah sure i can focus on all the suicidal thoughts, all my social anxieties, insecurities, 'judgmental people' (which is a form of your own insecurities anyway) in this post but i don't feel the need too, 6 months ago i would have. I think if my train of thought can make me content and hopeful for the future i think it might just help others. I have a fairly complex mind, but don't we all. Just my 5 cents

Brendo82 Brendon's Story.
  • replies: 1

Writing my story here is both a catharsis for myself and a message that I hope will become an inspiration for others. If you struggle, if you feel hopeless and that your challenges are too much to overcome, I want you to know that you are not alone. ... View more

Writing my story here is both a catharsis for myself and a message that I hope will become an inspiration for others. If you struggle, if you feel hopeless and that your challenges are too much to overcome, I want you to know that you are not alone. You are stronger than you know, and by opening up to your friends and to your family they will always have your back. I was originally diagnosed with anxiety disorder when I was 16. Facing my last two years of school, I spun out of control, unable to go out at all and making myself sick just to avoid embarrassment.The cold sweats. The dry mouth. The nausea and the dizzy spells. The racing thoughts and the jack hammer heartbeat. I had it all and I felt I was losing my mind. Through CBT counselling, I pushed on and was able to resume a normal life for a time. This was the first time I asked for help, and I have taken the power of that simple act to heart. Never let anyone tell you that seeking that help isn't a massive first step. But the issues that brought on the anxiety and the attacks were soon swept under the rug. By 24, I was back in counselling when the anxiety blew out into major depressive episodes. I was isolated from friends and family, unsure of my life's direction and carrying more and more emotional and psychological baggage. I admit that when I sought counselling on this occasion, I was not honest, and it was back to square one no matter how hard I tried to deny how sick I became. I am now 31. Recently, my accumulated baggage blew up into episodes of self harm.I found myself in front of the mirror hurling abuse at the stranger looking back. I was indulging in self created stories of how I hated myself and that failure was all I could hope for. On the blackest day of my life, I gave myself a self inflicted beating and was unable to stop. When I quite literally could take no more, something in me snapped. I admitted to my partner what I had done and broke down. It would have been the easiest thing in the world to lay back down and deny the seriousness of what I had done. Such behaviour had become my bread and butter. One look at the bruises however, and I couldn't just pass it off. I saw for the first time the chain of my illness going back to early childhood, and realised my future was disappearing with every new episode. I have now sought treatment, long overdue but much welcome. Through regular and ongoing sessions with a psychologist, a course of anti-depressants and frank discussion with my friends and family, I have resolved that this time is going to be different.I have learnt already from ACT ( Acceptance and Committal Therapy ), that I can't make my illness just go away. Denial or self bullying just don't work. I can't flick a switch and suddenly be happy. The bad days will come again, and I will be sad, and I will be angry. I will still have spells of anxiety. This is all ok - these emotions are part of the human experience. ACT therapy instead is about your thoughts - it's about recognising your thoughts both good and bad as being just stories and electing instead to channel your energy into positive activity. It's about investing in the the here and now rather than being weighed down by the things you can't change from your past and the fears about your future. I'm optimistic about the future. I'm in a clear headspace, and I am determined to take my life back. I get now that I don't have to let my illness overtake my potential. I hope that if you are reading this you too can take heart. Tell your loved ones and do the best you can. The darkest hour really is right before the dawn!

lostone73 From the other side
  • replies: 2

I really dont know where to start or even if this will get past the moderators , but i wish to tell me story . It all started 20 years ago when i fell sick with a virus of some sort . I had seen many doctors and was told i had depression which seems ... View more

I really dont know where to start or even if this will get past the moderators , but i wish to tell me story . It all started 20 years ago when i fell sick with a virus of some sort . I had seen many doctors and was told i had depression which seems to be a doctors way of telling you that they dont know whats wrong with you .I was upset there is no doubt but i dont not believe that i was depressed then and i do not believe it now . Over the next 16 years i took my pills like a good little person . There were times i stopped and started them at will .When i stopped i just stopped. I never really thought much of them other than this was a pill i was to take when things got hard. This was the pill that was to make me feel better when i felt bad . I was never once questioned about these pills . I simply went in got my script and left. I was now labeled as mentally ill and this would follow me to this very day. Over this time i had a range of health symptoms that i would see doctors about , odd ones that where never answered to where they had come from. But now i know . You see a bit over four years ago i went thought a rough patch in life . I had also stopped my drugs as i didnt need them , in the last 16 years i had never felt depressed and i didnt then . So because i was living so far from town i simply stopped talking them. I started to get these wierd symptoms again and in fact they were worse this time for what ever reason . In fact after my vision split on me one day i went to hospital. I was informed that i now had anxiety , something i had no clue what it was. I was handed two little pills and a script to take other 1 3x a day . I left the hospital happy , in fact as high as a kite. The next day i felt no better so i took the pill from my script , not even knowing what it was . This is when my nightmare that is still going today started . You see it was a medication my body did not like it . My life changed this day and in a matter of days my whole life feel apart . I gave my house back to the bank , i move into town because the shear fear of living in the bush i could not handle . Within days i would sit and cry all day and that was only when i could not sit still because i was so anxious. For the next 3 months i was treated by our local mental health team and many doctors . I would question why i felt the way i did but was simply dismissed as having anxiety and depression . The anxiety and depression that i never had before this drug. I was simply told to keep taking the drug and things would get better . But it never did . In fact if you could think of your worse five minutes with anxiety then that is what every second of every day was like for me for 3 months . You see because i was being treated by people that are meant to be trained i simply dismissed my gut that there was something wrong. I simply kept taking my misery pill three times a day. After things did not get better but in fact started to get worse i started to do my own research. I started to read about the pill i was taking and found out that not only was i having a bad reaction to it i was also addicted to it . Addicted to one of the most poisonus thing i could be taking . I had to get off it and as soon as i could . I contacted someone in Melb about reducing and i started on the 10% . The first time was a nightmare with horrible pain . The second time was beyond a nightmare and i ended up in the ER. I saw a doctor and explain what was happening and what i was trying to do . You know what he told me ? Well keep taking it . The next morning was the day i will never forget . I sat on the kitchen floor , ready to end it all, the pain was that bad . I spoke with god , something i had started to do . I heard something tell me to just get to the door . I had a appointment with mental health but i could not move . I rang my Mother in law to drive me the 300 meters down the road and crawled to the door . I made it was told i would get to see a doctor that could help and he did in one way . I explained that i was addicted to a very short life medication and what had happened when i tired to cut . He said i should never have been on them and replaced it with a long life one . I stopped the medication within a week with no problems . Or so i thought. I never felt well after this happened but again i was told again and and again that it was the anxiety and depression and this was all that was ever addressd . In hours of talk and $1000 of dollors all that was every addressed was the anxiety and depression . No matter how many times i yelled that i was never like this and it had nothing to do with my past . I was simply anxious from the symptoms and depressed for having to deal with them and what it had taken. Over the next four years i again believed the people that were experts . I even ended up trying different drugs but after a few days of calmness my anxiety symptoms would go though the roof . Again i was told to just keep taking them but would have to quit after a month with shocking symptoms . It would take me months and months to come back down to any side of normal . The normal was living with mild symptoms . I was being driven crazy on why this was all happening and of course this was making me depressed and anxious. But now today it all comes together . I am working with a great man . One that is highly trained and he tells me that the whole mess is caused from the drugs that where given to treat the problem that was never there . I was withdrawing for the first drug when i was given a second drug . These second drug nearly killed me and even when i stopped i had symptoms of my brain trying to heal . But because this was never addressed i was given drugs yet again which effected me yet again . Over and over this happened for four and a half years . Because i was never listened to , because i was simply dismissed by the so called experts that i was mentally ill. I am so angry , so sad and so ruddy anxious as yet again i come down from another drug . The symptoms are shocking and there is not a day that goes by where i wish that i was not dead . But you know what really upsets me? Yes what happened to me may be rare but it happens and people should know about this . In fact some of it is not that rare. In fact there is a post here that i read that is a persons who brain is adjusting from stopping drugs . It is not the illness returning , it is the brain adjusting from the drugs that where feeding it , the same as happens with smoking , drinking and any addiction when removed . What also should happen is that the people treating should know about it because a bad reaction matches the symptoms of the problem and when it comes down to it the only person that can tell the differance is the one it is happening to . A very bad reaction happens in 100 people in 100000 . My question is where is the support for us? I not only have to live with all this , all the PTSD it has caused , all the symptoms why my brain trys to get back to normal but also with most experts that have little clue telling me that it never happens . Research it , it happens . Luckly not often but it would have been nice to have been told this four and half years ago so i could have made up my own mind and not tricked into this hell.