I wasn’t one to share my feelings and for weeks I was writing this in my
head, not that I’m a writer but I needed to get it all out, and when I
did a felt like I was free, I posted this on face book to all my family
and friends, the love and support ...
View more
I wasn’t one to share my feelings and for weeks I was writing this in my
head, not that I’m a writer but I needed to get it all out, and when I
did a felt like I was free, I posted this on face book to all my family
and friends, the love and support I got and stories they told me or
going though something like I did at some point, I have to share it with
the world too A mother’s fight over the years with depression, facing my
fears and opening up can't remember when I was truly happy with me, I
think it would have been about the age of 21 was truly happy, fit,
healthy just loving life and everything about it, It all became a blur,
crying one moment, yelling the next, not able to sleep then get up in
the morning nearly impossible I became one of the many that get a mental
illness I lost control having depression, one day it all just got to
much, trying to cope with everything nothing going right, i sat on the
floor and just cried for hours, my children didn't know what to do but
hug me, I kept it from my husband, but he new there was something not
right, I kept it from my friends they didn't know how I felt or so I
thought I was lying not just to myself but to the world, the friendly
out going girl that was full of confidence that everybody know and loved
was just me covering up a side of depression and anxiety, that was
taking over me this had to stop and stop now I think It really begun at
the age of 14 being teased horribly by some girls at my school, to the
point I left the school, but didn't know I was depressed back then,
after meeting my birth mother at the age of 16, I got a little more
depressed not knowing where I fit in and who I really was, I knew I was
adopted but I think I really didn't know at the time how I'd feel or how
I would react to meeting her Then my best friend passed away 5 days
before I had my first child But wasn't till I had my first child I was
diagnosed with depression for the first time at the age of 23 I couldn't
believe it, after 4 months of my daughter not sleeping more then an hour
at a time day or night I lost the plot, we went to sleep school with her
for help & i was put on meds by the doctor to cope with my life, was on
them about a year looking back now I should have stay on them because I
relapsed twice back into depression & anxiety, At 24 I had a miscarriage
but really didn’t morn or anything because it was 2 weeks till I was
getting married I will have to say I married the sweetest supportive man
ever was the happiest day I can remember within this fight of depression
second time I was 25 was after my son was born, sleep deprivation &
anxiety of being stuck in a my little world at home with two children
got to me, my body really got to me also this time after having a 4.6kg
baby that left me with excess skin and couldn't get rid of the baby fat
and didn't see the signs & fell into depression again, everything was
going great with my life when I broke down again, this year, missing
family and friends, and wanting to see them more, wanting move home so
badly to Melbourne, body image, asking myself questions what I wanted to
do with my life, what did the future hold and why I couldn't cope and do
it all, I’m a mother this is my job, i closed myself off, i was safe in
my little world, I now know I'm not that woman and you can't do it all
but this time was different I saw the signs and found help, It's more a
mid life crisis this time, being 31 now I'm still fighting it, day by
day!!! still have anxiety, hard not to with four full on kids, I look at
life differently now days, I don't like my body, but I can change that,
i can see my family & friends, I can have some time off and the world
wont fall apart it wasn't easy to share my feeling as i have always run
from my emotions and shut them away it was easier to do that I know now
life could have been easier it I talked about them out loud, I’m a
Survivor, stronger then I have been in years, just letting this all out
I feel free This has helped me with the healing process don’t get me
wrong I have a long way still to go but a weight has been lifted, small
steps, but it helped me, Ask for help, everyone's can change there way
on their thinking, doing things they are really passionate about, eat
right, exercise and always ask for help, I closed some door pushed
people away but we cant have regrets, and cant go back, as much as I
would love to some days, I’m looking forward to what my future holds,
first time in years, there is always someone with a story and everyone's
is different, open your ears, eyes, arms and your hearts, someone needs
you and won't know how to ask for help! I’m a busy mother of four, a
photographer and writing my first cookbook, I was trying to do to much
all the time and ended up in a big mess, Ask for help
A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
