I had a black dog video

[MaryG]

A friend shared this on FB and I remember when my GP gave me this book to read. I was in a bit of a fuzz at the time and I wasn't quite ready to fully accept my reality. But now 4 months on I watch this and think yep that pretty well describes it. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

[JessF]

I love that video. The dog is cute though, so I have mixed feelings about it. Probably explains a lot!

[MaryG]

Ha yeah I know what you mean. I love dogs and I don't like to think that one is being so mean. 

[geoff]

dear Mary, the last time I said to someone that I was just thinking of them it must have frightened them of, but I was thinking of how you were going the last couple of days, so I hope that the journey which you have been through, you don't do the same, but I don't believe you will.

The video is absolutely brilliant and with the pictures it shows is just so true, and maybe Beyond Blue could incorporate something like this onto this site, and maybe Christopher may like to comment on this.

Mary I wanted to really know how you are getting on, as it's been a little while since you have visited the site, because to overcome your self medication is always so difficult to do, but that's not to say whether or not yo have broken down again, but I would love to hear back from.

You journey with myself has been a difficult one for yourself, and it's never easy to overcome your ordeal, so please I would to hear back from you. L Geoff. x

[MaryG]

Hi Geoff,

thanks for asking after me. You are such a wonderful caring person. 🙂 

I am doing pretty well at the moment. Really feel like I am beginning to be able to recognise and control my triggers. I am managing to recognise and avoid the big black hole most of the time. I have extremes of anxiety at one end and despair at the other but even when I am experiencing these episodes I can mostly not get too drawn in and I seem to exist in parallel with them instead of tangled up with them. Not sure if that makes sense to you, but that's how it feels. I don't know if that is the medication really kicking in now and levelling me out a bit or if I am slowly rewiring my brain.

It was the anniversary (2 years) of my father's death recently and I was quite anxious leading up to it but I didn't associate that feeling with the day until I was thinking about it later. I have been suppressing my feelings for so long and never admitting to myself that I get anxious about things (terrified of appearing weak) that when they appear now I am confused by them rather than recognising why they are there.

That all sounds kind of logical in my head. Not sure it translates well in print!

My drinking is very much under control now and I have simply put it into the same category as foods I don't eat. I have great self control over food, so if I count it as a food with calories etc then I can just not have it. I dreamed I was in a hotel overseas and I was planning to buy a bottle of Vodka and drink the whole lot. I woke up and I was so glad it was just a dream.

I have possibly just replaced one obsession with another and I am a little addicted to exercise at the moment. I am not worried as it is a much healthier pursuit and doesn't get me into any trouble except for the odd pulled muscle.

So anyway I guess I have more good days than bad at the moment and I see a future with me in it for the first time in a long while.

I hope you are doing OK too Geoff and that you read this before you head off to bed this morning.

Take care, Mary. 🙂

[geoff]

dear Mary, I'm going to have a cat nap at 11am, but everything that you have said all makes a hell of a lot of sense.

I have said this to you before and will do so again, 'that I'm so proud of you', to be able to control or conquer that need for the amount of alcohol that you were consuming, to now finally being aware that it didn't achieve much at all, it only delays the consequences or the inevitability of what really had to happen.

Because I hadn't heard from you I was beginning to worry for you and that I had thought at the back of my mind that it had taken over again, but for some reason I had a feeling that 'no you are alright', please Mary don't give a heart attack, but now I am happy.

It doesn't matter if you swap one obsession with another, the highlight of this is that is has worked for you, and nothing pleases me so much, after all those weeks that we talked and discussed all the pro's and con's of what you were struggling with.

Please don't leave it for so long to check back with us, because it's still a problem that either you or me can quite easily fall back into. L Geoff. xx

[MaryG]

Hey Geoff,

I guess when I'm feeling relatively OK I don't post here. It's one of my self esteem issues I am beginning to work on, but I sort of think well nobody wants to hear how little old me is going. Everyone else's problems all sound so much more important and worthy of discussion than mine. Sounds like self pity but I don't mean it that way. 

I'll definitely try to post more often.

Mary 

[geoff]

dear Mary, everybody has a soft heart here, but no matter how you are feeling it's always great to hear back from you, as I wish those that have also conquered a journey and do feel better it's lovely to know they are, well one day I may need your divine assistance. L Geoff. xx