My check in

[check-in_chick]

Hello everyone, I am new here and looking for a little daily support to help me to recover and stay well. I have recently been discharged from my second hospital admission in 3 months for depression that led to a suicide attempt. I have spent more time in hospital than out in recent months and now that I am out in the real world I find I'm missing my daily check-in and group support.

So this is my check in for this morning.

I feel a bit teary but with the sort of tears that won't come. I feel tired and sleepy and a little drained. I had a psycho therapy session yesterday and I was surprised at how drained it left me. It wasn't too heavy duty but I felt extremely emotional at times over past incidents that I haven't cried over for a while. Today I have a headache and finding it hard to get started. Despite all of that I feel safe. I don't like how I feel today but I will cope without resorting to self destructive activities. I will try to remain present and take very small steps in my recovery. 

Thanks for listening and any words of support are most welcome.

R

[HA1]

Hello CIC - and welcome to the BB forum. 

 You have joined a wonderful little community here, making your first post is always hard.  Congratulations.

First of all can I say how pleased I am to hear that you are determined to remain in the present, and that you have accepted that recovery will often require small baby steps along the way.  Massive strides forward just in those two points.

Its a great idea to use this forum as a chick-in point. A place to vent your issues with others that are in the same place as you. So you are not alone now.  Sharing your pleasures and pains, is very much part of the healing process, and since for many of us, it is not possible to do so on a face to face basis with people around us, using the anonymity of the BB forum is a massive release valve.

The extreme tiredness and feeling drained, is exactly what I felt after 'checking-out'.  I  was very teary then, and yes, they were mostly dry tears.  But I want to let you know that you will get better.  Finding those things that helps you manage the illness that we have is important for the path to recovery.

Tell us a little bit more about yourself.  Do you have family support, are you married, any children, and do you work.  If so, how are you coping with these other parts of your life?

Please get back to us and let us know how you are going.   

Take care

K

[check-in_chick]

Hi K, thanks for your reply. I have a lot of support from family and friends. But I find checking in with them a little difficult. I need time to think about how I'm feeling to give a response to them when they ask how I am.  Then I find that they want to give me feedback that will fix how I'm feeling rather than just listen to what I'm saying and understand that I'm not looking for an instant answer but rather a validation of how I am in this moment. I know it can get better because I have seen and experienced a glimmer of that in recent weeks. 

I have great professional support too but set around weekly therapies so my check in with them is not a daily thing.

Since writing my first post I have had a little nap and my headache has eased. I am feeling a little more energised now.

R

[HA1]

Hi CIC 

Great that you have support available - that is important.  

Yep - when anyone asks me 'how are you', I tend to hesitate and wonder should I tell them that I feel like crap, and every other 'pain' that I am feeling. But no, my response tends to be 'I'm OK'.  What I too want, and I suspect many of us are the same, is someone to share with, someone to tell exactly what I feel.  I don't want sympathy, rather I need understanding.  I am thinking it might be the same with you?

(Ahh, those naps are great.  I gave up feeling guilty about my irregular naps - I have decided it is an important part of my healing process.)

Good to hear back from you.

K

[white knight]

Hi CIC,  like AOK, a very warm welcome her on Beyond Blue.

Love your flower. It displays a love for life and with that symbol it seems to me you have already taken a baby step with that choice.

Beyond Blue forums are simply amazing. I've been on here for about 6 months and I can say, even though I am a regular poster, I get more out of my attendance than what I give. It has educated me about others, their similar symptoms, their struggles and their care.

Like AOK, I hope you find comfort here. Comfort is for you and you alone to seek. You should, with every step towards recovery taken, feel comfortable.

So glad you are here.   Tony

[check-in_chick]

Thanks Tony and AOK, this is an old photo of the lillies in my garden but I returned home last week from hospital to find them in bloom again. I love spring. I am already so much better in that I wouldn't have said I love anything a month ago. The sun looks like it might peak out soon so I'm thinking a sit in the garden with a cup of tea might be nice right now.

R

[geoff]

dear CIC, welcome to this site where there are so many wonderful people who either vent or reply back to those needing help, and it's lovely for you to have joined us.

There is nothing wrong with having naps what ever time you like, because I couldn't miss my nap at about 11.00am or so.

The problem of when other people ask how you are, and then give you the run-down of what to do and how you should feel is by no means any help, it's turns you off asking them again, because all we just want is for these people just to listen to us, someone to be able to cry on their shoulder.

Any interrogation is the worst possible type of trying to help us, it makes us close up and then all we want to do is hibernate.

You have been through a very difficult period, and sometimes even with great support it's not enough to get us through, so that's why it's always good to be able to talk to people who have been through the same or similar journey, because we have experienced the trials and tribulations of what this terrible illness does to us, and all the wonderful people on this site have been to hell and back several times.

There is a great amount of understanding here, so can I say that your interests are well protected here, because most times we don't know what the person looks like, except for those that display their photo, but also where we live, so it's really an anonymous site, but a very caring one.

So please when you feel as though you can trust us then we will try and encourage you to reply back to us, so take care. L Geoff. x

[check-in_chick]

Today I feel agitated,angry, tired and quite irritable. I struggled to get out of bed this morning. Sleep was like quicksand sucking me back down. It seems to go from one extreme to another. A week ago I wasn't sleeping very well with terrible broken sleep and now I go so deep I can't get out.

But I did get out of bed and I have had breakfast and showered and dressed. I am grateful that the sun is out, that my family is so very supportive and that my headache from yesterday is gone. R

[HA1]

Good morning CIC - thanks for checking in.

As I am lying down in bed, it's good to see the sun shining outside. Will be a good and nice day.  Been awake since 4 am, finished a pot of coffee, but keep crawling back into bed.  But that is ok.  I will enjoy the day going for a long drive.

Monitor your agitation & irratibility levels, as it is not uncommon for this to be caused by the AD's (my psych has told me to monitor mine for that reason).  They may need to be adjusted.

have a good one!

K

[check-in_chick]

Hi AOK, enjoy your drive. I have been on this particular AD for about 4 weeks after being on two other different types over the last year or so. I do get agitated a bit but I guess I was on a bit of a high after leaving the clinic and now I'm back to real life and making sure I don't fall into the same avoidance, denial, self medication that has been my coping mechanism to date. I am trying to sit with these unpleasant feelings, acknowledge they are there and that it will take time and a lot more therapy to feel well. I have been doing a bit of gardening this morning. Do you happen to know any home remedies to keep snails away from potted plants ?(outside). I can't use commercial snail repellent because we have dogs.

R