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Letting People Down Or Feeling That Way.

Beaser
Community Member
Hi and best wishes to everyone. I was wondering do people have feelings of letting people down when they dont feel up to social events. I am lucky to have some great friends and for example i have just been asked to go away for a few days but its just easier to say no . I know that i have to push myself but i have been battling a bit of late and i feel tired and mentally drained. I dont want to lose friends because of not doing things . Im really battling with this problem.
37 Replies 37

HappyHelper88
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Beaser Thank You for your post and welcome

I can definitely relate I feel awful to cancel and let people down most people around me don't pressure me and understand mental health days but not all
sometimes its good to try and make an effort once in a while but don't feel like you have to always attend

Sorry your feeling drained 😞

If they are your real friends then they should understand this
If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

There is a saying "I'm not in this world to live up to others expectations."

As HH stated, they should understand.

TonyWK

Petal22
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Beaser,

Im sorry you feel this way but I believe there is no need to be a people pleaser.

Please your self, sometimes we need a bit of down time and that’s ok.

Beaser
Community Member

Feeling a bit flat today.  I didnt go on a trip away for the long weekend with one of my best friends.   It just makes me feel guilty at times when i decline.   Almost like i let people down .  I know i have to make an effort at times and i just feel so guilty when i dont go away with friends.   I dont want to lose the people i love.  I went away a couple of weeks ago and i just didnt have the energy i guess to go again.   Anyone else go through similar things.  Thank you.    Beaser

Eagle Ray
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Yes Beaser, I very much relate. I’ve struggled with fatigue since I was 13 and had to adapt to a new normal with major shifts in my health. So many times I’ve felt I’ve let others down because I just haven’t had the same energy and capacity to do everything they do. And I think some of us are just more sensitive and need more time to rest and recharge.


You seem like a sensitive soul and you care about not wanting to let others down. I’ve had this sensitivity but I’ve gradually learned in recent times to sense what I’m really up for and what’s really too much for me. I’ve realised that it’s ok to say no to others. Some people are not always understanding but I’ve found the most genuine friends do get it. And I’ve also found that it’s those friends that too set limits on what they do. They’re more sensitive too.

 

There might be times it’s good to motivate yourself to do things, but I think the best thing is to tune in to your inner voice and how you feel in your body too. You could try imagining both scenarios, doing the activity and then not doing it, and see what it feels like inside. Whatever feels most peaceful I think is usually the right decision.

 

Spending time with others can certainly really help us with the right people and an activity we enjoy. But it’s good to be aware of our limits too. Another option to going away for a few days, if it feels too much, is catching up with people more briefly, such as having coffee, seeing a movie, or whatever you like to do. It can take the pressure off being social for several days but you still get the interaction.

 

Hope you’re feeling better and you don’t need to feel guilty (I’m only learning in recent times not to feel guilty myself - that I can make decisions according to my own needs and interests rather than worrying about pleasing others).

Beaser
Community Member

Thank you Ray.    

I actually went away fishing for two days with some mates last weekend.   I had a great time and i didnt feel any pressure     This combined with a change of medication, i think has really helped me.  I was open for the change of meds as i felt my former ones had been of little help.  Im feeling as though the new ones are working better.    Brett.

Eagle Ray
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Dear Brett, that’s wonderful news. It’s so good to not feel any pressure. Sometimes there’s something that just needs to shift, whether it’s a medication or some other aspect of life, and things start to right themselves and feel a whole lot better. Really glad you enjoyed the fishing trip with your mates.

Very best wishes,

ER

 

Beaser
Community Member

Hi Ray and other friends here. 

I was going so much better but have really dipped in the last few days. Im not even sure why , i think maybe a fire that occured locally has triggered my slide.   I was in a fire prevention role for 10 years and due to my mental health i had to leave, i  think i feel some sort of guilt about this. That and not being able to help im feeling very sad as a result. Im just so lonely with it all.      Brett.

Eagle Ray
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Dear Brett

 

I think sometimes we do go back and forth emotionally, and that’s really ok. I understand you feeling affected by the recent fire and knowing you were in a fire prevention role in the past. It’s a great commitment you already gave in 10 years in that role, and you really don’t need to feel guilty you are not doing it now. I think you made a very wise decision to protect your mental health and well being. There is absolutely no shame in doing that and it’s really sensible.

 

I’ve been struggling in a similar way recently in terms of mental and physical health issues that have been limiting my work capacity. At times I’ve been feeling guilty too but have to keep reminding myself that I’m someone who’s always worked extremely hard and done my best. I’m learning I have to recognise my limits and that right now there are certain things that are too hard for me, and that’s ok.

 

Sometimes it’s also learning not to worry about what we think the perceptions or judgements of others may be. You are the best person to know your limits and prioritising your well being is the most important thing. We might assume others think less of us, or our inner critic thinks we are inadequate in some way, but I want to assure you that you not inadequate at all. 

I can sense how conscientious you are and how you have a lonely feeling about not being able to do more. But it is so ok to be where you’re at and not put yourself under pressure. You are a good caring person and you deserve kindness and good things.

 

Take care and sending you kindness, gentleness and support.