I feel like just an empty shell

[Checkthebatteries]

I have two public health and a physiology degrees so I know my covid stuff. I live alone. I have depression and anxiety. I am close to my parents, who are fit and healthy but are in their seventies and my mum has a respiratory illness. They are also my only family. Exercise is a huge part of my life and I am also wary of the effect of long covid on it.

I lived in WA so it was great for a few years. Then at ANZAC day all restrictions were dropped and cases have skyrocketed. I no longer go to the shops, go to the gym, go to painting lessons, go to parties, go shopping, go to the movies or concerts, go on air travel, go to sports training sessions, eat out etc. I miss my friends and wonder if I will ever get to do the things I love again. I really just have this existence all by myself and I feel I have lost my identity. I have a very boring job that I do party from home. Despite all that, one of my parents now has covid and other is likely to follow. I am bracing for them to go into hospital at least in the next few weeks, I also probably have it.

I feel I'm now a prisoner wasting my life and worried sick about my loved ones while being powerless to help them and am isolated from society, without being able to do any of the things you can do for mental health. I have tried walking and running on my own but I am now bored of it and it doesn't fulfill me. I feel this will go on forever.

[Aline SM]

Hi Checkthebatteries, thank you for sharing how you're feeling.

I think something that might be helpful is to expand our idea of what we can do for mental health. We usually think of doing big things and forget the small ones that may be as helpful as the big ones! For example: what are a couple of things you can do at home? Let's think about things that are related to your identity and things that just make you feel happier. You've mentioned you used to attend painting lessons, maybe you could try buying painting apparel, put on youtube videos, put some of your favourite songs on and have your moment. Maybe you could create your "box of love" (an imaginary place where you have the tools and words to boost your mental health and put you in the right headspace). I'll share a few things I have in my "box of love":

- reading, painting, drawing, singing

- breathing exercises / mindfulness exercises (just consciously choose to focus on your breath for 2min and take deep breaths)

- serving a cup of tea or coffee and sitting comfortably to enjoy it

- listening to podcasts while cooking or cleaning and organising the house

- go for a walk or simply just doing some stretches

Make a list of things you enjoy doing that don't involve you needing to go out (shops, gym, parties...) and that you can do daily. Find small pleasurable activities that give you the sense of love, happiness and fulfilment. You don't need to schedule any of these, just start doing until it becomes a part of who you are! Let's fill your "box of love" with what works for you.
Please let us know how you're doing and what made to your "box of love" 🙂

[Beeee]

Hello Checkthebatteries,

Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry you've been feeling isolated and powerless. It is unfair that the rest of the world has decided covid is no longer an issue when many people are still being seriously affected by it. As someone with health anxiety, I have also found it difficult to return to normal life.

As Aline SM mentioned above, something that could be helpful is adapting the things you enjoy to things you can do at home. For example setting up your own painting class, movie nights at home, scheduling in weekly phone calls with friends.

You mentioned one of your parents has covid. I hope they're doing well. If you're worried about their health or your own, call your GP, let them know what symptoms you're/they're having and they'll recommend the best course of action. For me, once I got covid, I felt less afraid as I knew I could overcome it. So hopefully there is a positive result from this.

Wishing you the best

Beeee

[Fiatlux]

Hi Checkthebatteries,

Checking in here is a good start.

I get the whole boredom thing… coming to you from Melbourne.

Walking was fun, when I still had my dog. Sadly she didn’t make it through 2020. Maybe try to find a walking/ running partner?

I too was living alone since 2019. I had found a great new yoga studio. Attended some weekend wellness retreats and I was on a fantastic pathway to health and healing and Covid lockdowns stopped it all.

Honestly since we are now supposed to be back to “normal” I just can’t… not right now anyway, but I am hopeful for the future.

Only during meditation can I run carefree on the beach again. An isolated beach at least.

Covid maybe with us forever but I have faith that the scientific and medical profession will find a better vaccine like they have in the past, so we can live without this fear.

In my experience, Covid is best avoided than cured.

I suppose I am ok with my own company and don’t crave close connection with other people.

In between Melbourne lockdowns I did go out to a Comedy show and weekend farmers markets. With winter setting in I am content with staying indoors but I am planning to get out and about this spring.

I am hitting my mid 50’s and although Covid derailed my plans, life is still too short. There are far too many places in Australia that I haven’t explored yet.

Stay healthy and look forward again 🙏🏼