I don’t really know what is wrong with me

[zenny]

I don’t know what is wrong with me. I know that whatever i have going on with myself is not healthy. I overthink every little thing in my life. I hate myself. I have so much anxiety about my future and the pressure that my family has on me isn’t helping at all. I actually don’t even know if its the pressure i put on myself overthinking or its actually real. There is moments where my heart feels like its in my throat and I can’t swallow. I have this sinking feeling that everything will go to shit. I think everyone hates me. Every time things go wrong i don’t know why i want to harm myself. I am such a people pleaser and i hate that. How do i know what is wrong with me.? I have so many things going on and all i feel is uncertainty and stress. I just wish I didn’t exist. I am writing this because my hands my mind just feels so weird. I cried a little before this. I had a few important things to do today and i’ve been anxious the whole day. I just feel so weird so sad so out of place i wish things were better but i never do anything to make it better i only like to sleep and sit on my bed why is life so exhausting what is wrong with me?

[Sophie_M]

Dear zenny,

Thank you for your post to the forums tonight. We'd like to offer you a warm welcoming hug to our beautiful, supportive online community. You're not alone - we're all here with you.

Your words reveal a lot of inner turmoil and pain, and we want to let you know how brave it is to share these private thoughts publicly (even if anonymously), and we also want to acknowldege your level of self awareness, which is really quite well expressed here in this post - even if the struggles with self harm do make you feel confused at times.

There are many here who share similar experiences and feelings, and many threads covering how to work through moments of wanting to self harm, so please look around and familiarise yourself with other posts and coping mechanisms, but also to help you understand what may be going on for you in these moments.

We've reached out to you privately tonight, zenny, so please check your inbox, and don't hesitate to contact us anytime (24/7) on the phone lines 1300 22 4636, or via our online chat  services. 

You could also contact Lifeline or KidsHelpLine (they talk to young adults up to the age of 25 as well), so that you can have a range of support options at your finger tips.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

 

[Baileysmells]

Hey zenny, I relate to you hard. One thing you need to give yourself is a break, some patience.

Putting yourself down is not helping hey? That voice can be super tough to shoot down, it’s like building a habit. You’ve built a habit subconsciously of putting yourself down so your brain goes there first because it’s the routine. Does that make sense? We have to build a new habit of nurturing ourselves, imagine yourself as that kid you were before; how would you treat them? Us humans pretty much run on patterns, we have an unknown perplexity to draw ourselves to patterns and notice them. Try and find the pattern. Work on one bias at a time, and no comparison to others! Comparison is the greatest thief of our confidence.

Cry whenever you get the chance tbh, it’s healthy. Take care -b

[Ebz]

Hey Zenny, i feel the EXACT same way. Literally. 

im sorry I don’t really have anything helpful to say. I’ve read quite a few posts similar to yours but none have hit home like yours has. You’re not alone 💟

[ecomama]

Dear Zenny, welcome to the forums. 

These are pretty extreme thoughts and feelings you had when you wrote your initial post.
(Hey Ebz, I'm sorry you're feeling this way too). 

How are you doing today? 

I admire the clarity and honesty of your words. I'm so sorry you're going through this atm. 

There IS hope. Hold onto this hope. 

You may need to talk with your GP about your feelings. There are medical ways to try to calm some these thoughts. 

Seeing a Psychologist (some ppl see a Psychiatrist too) is probably a very good idea to support you. 
Your GP can refer you. 

I'm not sure how old you are? If you're a teen then eHeadspace has Counsellors online. 
Please call any Helpline given if you need to, any time. 

The thing about these thoughts is that advice from MH professionals can help so much! 
Some ppl think that others will "fix" them. This could be true to a point. 
The growth and healing journey will be more successful if you seek support and try as many of the strategies and advice offered as you can. 

As Bailey mentioned.... changing the habits of your mind. 
This is a feedback loop. We can change these. 

Suffering from anxiety and depression at the same time is tricky. 
One will have us "out there" and some times a lot of nervous energy. 
The other can make us feel so heavy and paralysed. Even though we're really not. 
It's tricky but not impossible! 

Hang in there and we'll be here whenever you need to talk, 
Love EM