How to say No?

[Bethie]

Hi

I've recently found it harder and harder to say No to to people.

When I say no to my 14 year old son I my anxiety really acts up with feelings of self doubt and thinking I'm a bad mum. It gets to the point where I get angry at him. He doesn't exactly miss out on anything. All his school stuff is brought well ahead of time and activities are paid months in advance he does out of school. Christmas alone he's had just over $800 worth of gifts. Not like the basic shoes/clothes but new BMX frame (over $500) and a new pocket bike to name a few.

Even when friends ask me for a coffee and I'm busy I still find myself squeezing the time in because I can't say no.

I never used to be like this before my husbands accident 7 months ago. All I basically had to do then was go to work and makes sure everything was paid on time and my husband took care of the rest because I was making very good money. ATM I've gone on carers payment to look after him for a while but I know I've still got my job when ever I want it. Luxury of being a trade.

Dor a anyone else find those 2 letters N O hard?

[Ggrand]

Hello Bettie,

Merry Christmas, I also do not say no. I feel when I say no to anyone I have guilt poring in. With me though I was never allowed to say no. When sons, friends asked me if I could do something for them I would stop what I was doing and do it, regardless if I wanted to or not.

I was leasing the small shop in this really tiny town, most of the residents here are unemployed, so I used to let them tally up for a week, This week went to 2 then 3 then, so on, I even accepted a substantially large cheque to cash once, it bounced, When the shop went broke and I had to close I lost thousands of money from the tally ups and cheque, I lost nearly all I owned in that shop, after it closed I asked the people for the money they owed me, a few paid but the ones that couldn't and asked me is it okay to pay me when they have the money, I said yes..Needless to say that was years ago and I'm still waiting and these people are still living in this tiny town, because I can't say no I lost a lot of money that I desperately needed.

I was known as the go to person because I couldn't say no..I still haven't learnt my lesson, I still can't say no, I just don't like saying no. I would feel guilt if I said no.

kindness only,

GG.

[geoff]

hi Bethie, I've read most of your replies back to people and they have always been terrific and you are a great addition to the forums.
To NO, doesn't to be so, because that will make you feel terrible, so you break it down to replies like ' that doesn't suit me right now', 'or we will look at it later on when I am available'.
This is a quote from an article 'Saying yes when we want to say no tends to bite us later, in the form of resentment and exhaustion”'
When you say NO, and it isn't accepted, persist, using the same words, if it still isn't accepted distract them, and if you are feeling nervous about saying NO, then consider your own needs along with your own priorities, they are not going to stop loving you, they may be cross for a short time, but will easily be distracted by something else.
You simply can't say yes if you have take out a loan for 36 months with 24% interest, that would only deepen your situation, eventually you will have to say NO, 'no I can't afford to buy you that car it's way too expensive'. Geoff.