Fast tracking problems - anti dwelling- identifying the moment

[white knight]

I have, through natural processes, chased methods of how I can more quickly overcome roadblocks in my life. This is fundamentally due to having had a stressed life eg long relationships failing and the grief processes along with them. Over time I've grown less tolerant of that grief and become more desperate to leap frog them onto happier times. This is why I'm sharing this with you as it has saved me from much hurt.

The scenario- A long term relationship begins to fail. You've tried counselling and changes, nothing works. Your partner says they no longer are in love with you. Your natural strategy is save the relationship but you've already tried doing that with counselling... what extra counselling will you both need that would reverse this falling out of love development? Sometimes a partner will hold on forever waiting until all their issues vanish, they rarely ever do. When is the time to be realistic? Well that is subjective but as a rule of thumb there are signs that pop up regularly that tell you it can be saved or cant be saved. Eg both declaring love for each other and acknowledging outside stresses are to blame is a "can be saved" moment. A "I'm not in love with you now" is a "cant be saved" moment. Those phrases may be comments that are regretful and expressing that could go from cant be saved to reconsidering if it can be saved, but this isnt common.

I had a "cant be saved" moment in a past relationship. My partner over many years had manipulated our finances to become the number one controller of our money. I was on an allowance. By this time I wasnt happy about it and felt my easy going demeanour resulted in being taken advantage of. I was earning 3 times her salary but always treat us to equal. Then a lifelong passion arrived- to purchase a special vehicle. That car would be owned by our company so it was a tax incentive... or we pay extra tax, so it was also clever to buy. She was not a car person so rejected the idea. At one point in our discussions she made a statement- "you can have the car but you have to save for it out of your allowance". I worked it out to take 42 years. That night we talked and that moment it "cant be saved" came "well start saving". I've discussed "passions" in other threads but a passion is a burning desire and those without a passion dont have that feeling and cant relate. It was over.

So, making quick decisions saves us from more hurt and dragging out issues- nip it in the bud!. Your thoughts?

TonyWK

[randomxx]

Thanks for that anyway Tony , appreciated.

l'd rather 4 foot steps too tbh - l think. Does feel pretty weird so far on my own after everything of this last few yrs and now gf, still getting my bearings though.

Speaking of, just last wk it was Sydney then Portugal but about a mth earlier she says, talking about me doing this, l'll just come to you and stay awhile whenever l can.Naturally l'm thinking ahhh, nice , then we can go back to Sydney for awhile later, l'm having hope again- 2 wks later she says, oh no no, l wouldn't wanna go stay in vans, l'd rather be home,, what ???

She was like that with everything , even a ring earlier, moving down to mine, like big things, complete u turns.

Anyway, this morning l moved. Been eyeing of this spot over the wkend, 100mtrs up but off from the main stretch, nice trees but safe ones, sun for my solar, still got great views, small walk down to river but just a ways over and out of the way now, the tourists can knock themselves out.

Thanks again Tony.

rx

[randomxx]

Gees that's an idea, l know l'll sort something like that out , l'll have to think about it for my setup - or lack of ha ha , atm.

l was eyeing of the roof top car bladders , just as a solar hw thing, just water water though, l could sit one in the back of my truck.

Def potential thx Tony , l'll have to give it some thought.

[white knight]

My retractable hose is made to also lie down flat. So it's mounted under the van.

TonyWK 

[randomxx]

Been seeing a lot of these little toilet tents people set up outside their van or whatever. Any idea what sort of toilet they put in the tents ?

Any suggestions on any of that ?

Haven't had a situation to ask anyone as yet but seeing a lot of them about. 100s of toilets on offer l know but they mostly all seem to still be just the cassette chemical type at the end of the day no matter what the price tag or fancyness.

rx

[white knight]

RX

Our last 2 vans that I built had a 165 Thetford porta potti. These have detachable water reserve on the top. About 21 litre capacity. I owned a camper trailer that I installed a piece of marine ply to the drawbar triangle piece. Then I had a permanent square box section about 150mm high so the bottom of the 165 unit fitted snug so would tip over. I used telescopic tent poles as a frame (stored elsewhere while travelling) and made a cover from blue tarp material the size of the marine ply with press studs on it. So once parked I'd retrieve the tent poles, position them at each corner of the marine ply inside the tarp cover and raise it all with the telescopic poles. presto, one toilet. Also had a portable shower.

The recent purchase has an inbuilt cassette type which of course is much more convenient as it has water from the tank. One click and the cassette comes out to empty and one click back again.

The fold out tents that spring into shape arent easy to fold back again, sort of a figure 8 shape. My personal preference if not using the drawbar idea is to buy light canvas from spotlight, cut your size of the tent and as a temporary measure staple the sides, bottom, back and top as you want it. Then get a local upolsterer to sew it up including a door with velcro. plus some press studs on the back. Add the male part of the press studs to the wall of the van. All you need then is a roof frame which you could use a fold up washing line say 120x80cm thats hinged on the van wall. 2 telescopic tent poles from the corners to the ground.

Hope that helps.

TonyWK

[randomxx]

Thanks for that Tony but so you've built 2 vans then eh , lot of work from scratch. l use to build horse floats and we often put living quarters in extended floats but that was a fairly low work job compared to a full caravan.

The draw bar job sounds like a classic.

The cassette ones use a chemical yeah ?  Doe sit dissolve everything and then what you poor that out where do you empty them ?

l've got cassette loo l built into this van but haven't fully used it yet , just light duties ha ha, find an outside set easier myself so far  as it's not a real big van.

Atm every one along here have these llittle tent toilets now no need to attach anything these days by the look they're just made of the same small tents nylon stuff and saw one guy setting it up they peg to the ground just like the tents.

PS , any opinions/ thoughts on staying in contact with an ex ?

What did you find best in the past ?

Thanks again.

rx

[randomxx]

Sorry yeah , they must be those figure 8 pop up types your talking about. Didn't see the guy do it from start he was just moving this one into it's spot and pegging it down.

[randomxx]

God almighty, what a night.

l've had the most beautiful spot last few wks, trouble is though every wkend it literally gets bombarded . Last wkend was so bad l took off on the Sunday for the day l was way too tired though had nowhere l wanted to go, longest day plan was when l got back they'd all be packing or gone.l wound up with 40odd tents and utes and drunks all walking past my door and looking in swimming using my track down to the water, partying all night letting off some incredibly loud  bangs all throught he night. Sounded like a shotgun only even much louder, what a wkend.

On the Monday l moved well away from the river up into trees, peaceful wk, then got bombarded again this wkend, could not believe it. Groups 3x the size motor bikes racing up and down allllll day thumping music , partying all night. Last noght 3 am they started reving this car to it's max. They did it for about an hr, 10mtrs away, l was amazed thinking wth they're trying to do blow it up l was amazed it didn't- yelling and cheering drunk as skunks music still thumping., more of those loud bangs, too loud for crackers or even a shot gun, dk wth they were.

Woke up 6am, thinking all night what to do, 2 days left of the long wkend, looked out and they were all asleep, must been 30 or 40 tents and cars in the group it kept growing. Thought right, l'm packing and getting out of here, feel bloody traumatized . Knew a spot just over the bridge pure peace toilets and all towed the van over to there and here l am, went back to bed.`

No wonder all the permanents through that section are all tucked away in the bush, bloody hell.

Anyway l'll go for a ride tomorrow and find a new spot, spend today recovering my nerves. Thought go out Mond while it's still th wkend so that l can see any other bombarded spots to stay away from.

There was 20 or 30 others that came in last few days,  all left very next morning- some same day they arrived- bit smarter than me. That whole strip was empty apart from about 100mtrs of it filled with this clan.

So there's been some v big initiation lessons for me Tony but l'm also very sorry to be side tracking this thread too btw, l did start in the thread link you gave me a few wks back on this stuff but the notifications mustn't have been popping up and l hadn't seen you back there. l'll try to let this thread get back to it's topic.

Shout out and thanks to Paul too btw, how are you mate haven't been able to see you about of late, hope your doin ok. 

Best to all

rx

6 am l looked out the window they were all asleep

[white knight]

The "dump points" for loo emptying is in wikicamps or Google dump point and the town. Eg Echuca dump point"

The vans I built were feather light. Polystyrene walls, lightweight palata ply for cupboards etc. The 1st was 11ft weighed 460kg 745kg loaded, the 2nd 740kg 995kg loaded 16ft. Revolutionary really and was detailed on van forums

I don't mind changing topic here, at least you're getting benefit.

In general we take less than 5 minutes to pack up and leave. It's common for couples to get female backpackers parking close by for security reasons but apart from that etiquette is 2 caravan lengths away. The camp then get drunk attitudes are common. We don't park near boat ramps either. 6am holding a beer revving engines is common.

In terms of your ex, depends on the person. I frankly can't stay in contact with an ex. Too difficult.  But I've known some that do. If you want to then tactful honesty is the way, eg "I need someone more stable and flexible with their life plans, you might be more suited to someone more adventurist.  It's no one's fault we aren't fully compatible ".

TonyWK 

[randomxx]

Thanks for that Tony as always. Had a bit of a sleep feeling much better. look out and there's just 1 couple walking their dog holding hands, ahhhh, now that's an improvement. lt's only a v nice car park here really but toilets and tables, nice over nighter, and it's peaceful.

Did you keep the 16fter ? Nice work though and plenty of it too eh . The float business was mine l don't weld though and had a subby doing frames.

My  van now is just one that came in at work and l really liked it so l've kept it and did it up. lt's just a 90 viscount pop top off rd, ultra light, about 980 empty can't believe some of the tracks and 2ft deep pot holes it's just rambled along and in and out of not batting an eyelid it's a beauty. greased up all the lifters so easy to just pop up or down now. Kinda like the windows in the pop up bit too get fantastic cross flow breeze cooling it down very easily.

A couple parked next to me other day some very swoosh camper trailer all this fold out stuff they spent 2 hrs setting it up holy smoke. Ha, but they had the brains to pack up again 3hrs later and take off from this spot. l was out, dk what went on with the clan across the way while l was gone but it sure sent them packing.

These guys also had jet skies and boats too , man, what a wkend, quieter in Burke street.

Interesting anyway what you've said, haven't had much in the way of luck with people as yet round here, seems the drunks and partyers are following me around so far.

Only found one forum so far all they talked about was all the fancy bits they were adding onto all their pretty 100k vans but will browse for others.

gfx , yeah actually she only wants stability herself tbh she's exhausted. Hated me doing this but the main reason l did was that we'd split up bc she was too wrecked to manage a relationship , her reasons anyway. Think the reason she's think about going back os now is that her son's now left Australia, him and his w split up , we've split up, and she just can't cope with the expense or the crazy center link pressures said os was 50x easier and without us or her son now she has no reason to go through it anymore.

Could be her ex over there in this too, just a suspicion .They didn't even work out anyway though, so l'm feeling bad for her if she does bc it won't end well either and although it was nice in ways over there and easier, she never liked it anyway prefers it here even with the pressures.

Anyway l suppose it's her circus now.

l get what your saying ex w is the only one l've ever satyed in touch with that's just for our parenting and d.

Gf hasn't been calling last wk or so , think l'll just leave it for now. lt was hurting still talking especially her thinking about going back os.

l've always felt a clean slates best but with her we've been this kind of midway thing all yr but l think the time has to come now.

Thanks as always Tony.

rx