Existential Crissis

[MissBenthos]

I have been well for over a year now - depression and anxiety free. I have a great job, plenty of friends, am now engaged to my long time partner, I have a volunteer job, I'm still taking medication and am still seeing my psychologist once a month. Basically I can't see anything wrong with my life.

So I don't understand why I still question what the point in life is. I frequently wonder what my purpose is and find it hard to set goals. How can I find meaning in life? I don't feel passionate about anything and I don't know what else I can try?

[Peppermintbach]

Hi MissBenthos,

You seem to be feeling very frustrated, perhaps lost and very discontented. On “paper” (so to speak), things appear to be going well yet there seems to be a strong sense of emptiness and a lack of fulfilment in your life. Then again, considering the title of your thread, I suppose that is unsurprising...

I hope you don’t mind if I quote you:

So I don't understand why I still question what the point in life is. I frequently wonder what my purpose is and find it hard to set goals. How can I find meaning in life? I don't feel passionate about anything and I don't know what else I can try?

Those above questions really resonated with me.

I feel those are universal (and difficult) questions. I suppose the difference between individuals is some people have a much stronger desire to seek out the “why?” and life purpose and meaning related questions than others.

For some people, I feel that contentment can arise from common goals, such as, maintaining healthy relationships, interesting or meaningful work (paid or volunteer), offspring and pursuing hobbies. But, perhaps for other people, there’s a sense that those things and as wonderful as they may be, is “not enough” for an enriching and purposeful life. Something is missing , so to speak, and the hard part is figuring out the “missing” part.

As much as I would love to answer your question, it goes without saying that the only person who can answer the above questions is you (in the same way that no one else, but me, would be able to answer for me either if I were to ask myself those questions). Sorry, I’m probably being completely unhelpful...

If it helps in be slightest, I can relate to your feelings of searching and trying to seek meaning. I often feel very lost in life and struggle with a sense of a lack of meaning and purpose in my life.

I wonder if you have heard of existential therapy? I’m not sure of the exact technical term but I know some psychologists specialise in that area so perhaps that’s something worth looking into? Just a gentle suggestion from me...

I’m glad you shared and you’re always most welcome to use this space to write as much as you like 🙂

I’m happy to continue this conversation with you (if you would like).

Caring thoughts,

Pepper

[MissBenthos]

Thank you Pepper. I would love to continue the conversation.

Lost, empty and frustrated are exactly how I would describe myself. It's nice to know I'm not alone in that.

The harder I search the worse I feel and I don't want to slip back into depression, but if I keep aimlessly wondering through life without goals will it come back anyway?

I hadn't heard of existential therapy before, I will look into it, thanks for the suggestion.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi MissBenthos,

Thank you so much for replying. I’m very glad to hear from you again 🙂

I agree it can definitely feel very comforting to know there are others who can relate...

I think existential therapy is a pretty specialised area so not all psychologists offer it but I feel it’s definitely worth looking into. It may or may not be for you but I suppose there’s no harm in researching.

I noticed your comment:

The harder I search the worse I feel and I don't want to slip back into depression, but if I keep aimlessly wondering through life without goals will it come back anyway?

I feel that I can relate to some of your paradoxical/contradictory emotions. I think the search can be frustrating and sometimes disheartening but at the same time, not searching and letting things “be” isn’t enough either.

I also feel very lost and empty in life and personally, I have this urgent need to know “why.” I feel a strong need to know or figure out my purpose or meaning. But I’m drawing a blank at the moment, which is incredibly frustrating.

I found great comfort in some of Nietzsche’s works and also benefited from Victor Frankl’s “Man’s search for meaning.” But just so you’re forewarned, some people might find the content in Frankl’s text triggering; he was a remarkable man but a remarkable man who survived extreme horrors during The Holocaust. So the book has some very heavy and potentially triggering parts. A great book though...

Caring thoughts and hope to hear from you again (if you want).

Pepper

[MissBenthos]

Morning pepper,

Not sure if I could stomach stories from the holocaust but I will have a look at your other suggestion. Thank you 🙂

A friend once said to me "the purpose of life is to be born, reproduce and die". As cynical as that is I can't help but agree. Are we trying to make meaning where there is none?

[Peppermintbach]

Hi MissBenthos,

No worries, you’re most welcome 🙂 They’re just book suggestions but only read/look into what works for you. No pressure...

I think if we want to look at things purely from a human biological perspective, perhaps your friend has a valid point in terms of the continued survival of our species . But as with most statements, i feel it’s also highly debatable too.

If you agree, I feel naturally you’re entitled to feel that way. You’re entitled to agree with your friend. That’s a given 🙂

Although I feel if it was truly enough for you, dare I play devil’s advocate, and wonder why you’re asking yourself those questions if what your friend mentioned was enough? Sorry, you don’t necessarily have to answer me but it’s just something you might want to think about in your own time (if you want...no pressure).

Although I must admit that I feel that statement doesn’t apply to men/women/other who don’t want children (or in other cases, can’t have children). I personally don’t want children so on a purely personal level, that statement doesn’t apply to me. But I feel, for people who want children, it could possibly apply 🙂

Your question “are we trying to make meaning where there is none?” aligns with existentialism. After all, and you probably know this anyway, the philosophy behind it is life has no fundamental meaning and that it’s up to each one of us as individuals to seek and define meaning. Some people find that scary and discouraging but others, like me, find it empowering (if very frustrating at times) because it’s a kind of freedom...a difficult freedom in a way ...but a freedom of sorts...

Anyway, thanks again for your reply and sharing your thoughts...

I’m not sure if my post was helpful but I just wanted to share my thoughts. No pressure to take any of it on board if you feel it doesn’t apply to you 🙂

Pepper

[MissBenthos]

In regards to why I ask myself these questions when I agree to that statement is "is that all?"

I'm unsure on whether I want children myself but even if I did would that give my life the meaning I'm looking for? Guess I won't know until I'm there, but from where I am now I can't imagine that it would. Hence, why even bother being alive if that's all there is to life? But at the same time it does seem like the only logical explanation I've heard.

Now I feel like I'm waffling, hope that makes sense.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi MissBenthos,

Thank you so much for elaborating a little. What you’re saying, “is it all?” makes sense in terms of why you’re asking. I don’t think you’re waffling f all. I really appreciate your insight 🙂

Obviously I don’t know whether you would find having children meaningful in the way that you need. You may or you may not...but you know that already. I can see what you’re saying about how it feels like a logical explanation to you.

Then again, I suppose that’s also partly perception too...but if that perception sits well with you then perhaps it’s something worth holding onto...

Personally, as I touched on earlier, I don’t know what is my own self defined meaning or purpose. I’m still searching...

As for your “why even bother...” question. That’s a big question that I honestly can’t answer, and maybe you were asking rhetorically anyway.

I suppose maybe that’s where the whole making/creating our own life meaning (as per existentialism) comes in. But it’s tough of course to figure out what is enough for each of us...

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts. I really enjoy reading them and exchanging ideas with you 🙂

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

*correction: “waffling at all”

Sorry, please ignore the accidental letter there.

Thanks 🙂

[MissBenthos]

No problem Pepper, thanks for all you replies 🙂

I hope we can both find our purpose.

Other people certainly do seem to find content in the stereotypical get married, buy a house, have a family thing. People around me have been talking about buying new cars and buying new dresses for x event, and for me that just makes me hate the world that it revolves around money like that. Makes me feel bad in a way that I can't be happy for them but spending lots of money on flashy new things I don't understand.