Drug relapse and loneliness

[Built2Bbetter]

Hi there, im just wànted to get something out as I'm annoyed at myself, I have been an addict for around 20 years, 10 of those a heavy user. I stopped using 3 & 1/2 years ago and within the last 3 months I have started using again I'm so annoyed and disappointed at myself. I have held down a steady job for 2 years, had both my kids in my full time care for 2 years got money in the bank but I have no one, no friends and no relationship, I don't even know how I'm so insecure and antisocial I thought if I did all the right things it would work out for me but instead I've realised it isn't going to be ok, I'm going to be alone and sought comfort with drugs.... I'm really worried my kids will start to notice my behaviour, I have booked myself in for weekly counselling sessions and reduced my work week from 5 to 3 days just to try take the pressure off myself..... Is there no end to this,I don't want this and any nice woman wouldn't want this in there life either... I have a couple of years until my kids should be all moved out of home I'm trying to just hold on for another couple of years but I'm failing.... All I want is someone nice to hug me, kiss me and lay down and fall asleep bedside me so I know that I'm not so alone, I'm scared to let my kids down if I don't sort myself out soon I will do so much damage and will have failed them, I feel so sad. I dont need people to tell me it will be ok I just want some advise on how to deal with this, I have no hobbies or interests other than drugs, Ive spent 3 years laying on my bed watching Netflix every spare moment because I don't have no idea what else to do... Is anyone else like this? Thanks for listening

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I'm really sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing and the feelings of disappointment and frustration you're experiencing. It takes a lot of strength and courage to write a post here and acknowledge these struggles and reach out for support.

It's positive to hear that you have taken steps to address the situation, such as booking counseling sessions and reducing your work hours to alleviate some pressure. These are important actions towards self-care and recovery. Bit cliché but ... progress is not always linear, and setbacks can happen. What matters is your determination to keep moving forward.

Maybe when you do counselling you might be able to address the antisocial issues and might make it easer to find that "someone nice" you mentioned. Also, you said that you have no hobbies or interested, there must be some sort of show you like to watch on netflix? 

If you could... what sort of things would you like to do? Make things? Woodwork? Watch Movies? 

Just curious.

Listening if you want to tell me more.