Staying well

The best praise you'll ever get - overcoming insecurity

replies: 0

In another thread I covered self praise so you can boost your self esteem particularly during the post marriage separation period. Why do we need praise? With many people we lack security. Feeling insecure is a natural phenomenon. As an atheist I've ... View more

In another thread I covered self praise so you can boost your self esteem particularly during the post marriage separation period. Why do we need praise? With many people we lack security. Feeling insecure is a natural phenomenon. As an atheist I've envied religious people because they have an ultimate being that they can worship. That alone would be enough to fill the void of any insecurity. For me there is nothing that does that, the closest I have had is my love father that passed in 1992 at 65yo (I was 36). So that leaves people that feel insecure with searching for methods to improve our own self esteem. Here are some ideas- Financial security Aging Improve knowledge like travel, education Ask for reassurance from a partner eg communicate your needs Share your skills Change professions Forgive yourself Become more positive (like attending motivation lectures) Reject persistent criticism that lacks recommendations Accept yourself Praise yourself Self praise in a mirror as mentioned in my other thread was instrumental for me post separation. It took a few months of "you are a good man, you are a good father, you will create a good future for yourself and my children". More importantly it was reaffirming what was right and not allowing my wife's abusive labels to remain within my mind. Feeling insecure can effect you emotionally and even physically. Dr Lisa Firestone (Co author of the book Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice said- “The critical inner voice is formed out of painful early life experiences in which we witnessed or experienced hurtful attitudes toward us or those close to us. As we grow up, we unconsciously adopt and integrate this pattern of destructive thoughts toward ourselves and others.” So, to overcome the feeling of insecurity we must counter it with an equal reaction. TonyWK

Accepting yourself

replies: 11

Acceptance is in the mix, in terms of the process we have to face where it comes to our demons. Like all the other factors in our quirky lives with mental illness challenges, we often have more intense fights to endure. We have to accept we have a me... View more

Acceptance is in the mix, in terms of the process we have to face where it comes to our demons. Like all the other factors in our quirky lives with mental illness challenges, we often have more intense fights to endure. We have to accept we have a mental illness- no mean feat before we can feel relaxed in our own skin. We have to accept being “different”, not normal and we have to accept others wont/don’t/cant understand. We have to accept the download of all this and the discrimination from nasty people. Then there’s the challenge of accepting ourselves. To top all this off we have the the computer. This machine has made incredible advances in communication, knowledge sharing and we as a result are far more aware and educated. But there is a downside….misunderstanding. In respect to forums we shed our outer skin, expose our deepest thoughts and in many cases display information about our inner thoughts we would not normal reveal. This can have ramifications. I’d argue that we with emotional needs far greater than normal and sensitivity at peak levels, that we are prone to fall into traps on the internet more often. Facebook is a good example. I covered this in a thread- https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/why-social-media-is-no-good-for-you . Bullying from some quite nasty people had occurred with me over a 5 year period by one low life person that surprisingly was a popular fellow with others…for a time. Until people realised his inner persona wasn’t all that nice as his exterior appeared. By the time harm was done, the personal messages of “take more medication and go back to your doctor buddy” cut deep and there was no way I could just “laugh it off”. Internet disputes place us in a situation whereby you feel you cannot avoid them. We humans cannot agree about everything. But the worst thing about internet communication is, we don’t see the smile when the other posts, we don’t read the words how they were intended to be received and we certainly don’t have a vision of the good nature of the person…that often is clouded. We need to always try to move forward because the bigger picture of life itself is important. It isn’t an easy task because we are still chewing at the bit about our side of a story…so we have to be brave if we are going to use computers as our tool to talk, find common ground and swallow our pride. Acceptance a challenge? yes and focus on the bigger picture. What do you think? Tony WK

Making wise decisions

replies: 7

Every day we make hundreds of decisions, many of which we make without thinking we have actually made a choice. This process can drain those that dont have a lot of mental endurance. Some decisions are made out of obligation to other people, a spouse... View more

Every day we make hundreds of decisions, many of which we make without thinking we have actually made a choice. This process can drain those that dont have a lot of mental endurance. Some decisions are made out of obligation to other people, a spouse, family or club members. Such decisions are putting other people before ourselves which is honourable but I's argue that often these decisions are harmful, not due to intent but due to kind people ignoring their own limitations. Look around and you are likely to see examples around you. I have a 73yo friend that has 12 vintage cars all in a state of disrepair, one is being restored. He joined the 'men's shed' and a few weeks later two members there passed away. So he now attends two days a week for 8 hours a day because "no one else can manage it but me". In another breath "but I know I'll never finish restoring my cars, even the one I'm doing now". My only comment "your dream was to restore at least one car to drive around on Sundays but you are putting a clubs needs over your own". My friend realised he was being over generous when two club members arrived and over a cuppa both declared they were "bored at home with nothing to do". Furthermore when my friend asked if they could open up the clubhouse doors and manage the shed (which would free him up a few more hours each day) they declined one saying "I dont want to get that involved" and the other "I'm not that bored". We have friends staying with us. For 2 days we've driven them around, gone out for lunches and so on as they havent visited our new house in this new area before. Today my wife wanted to take them on a two hour drive visiting the beach etc. I declined. This is what prompted this post. Sometimes you have to regroup, remind yourself that burnout can occur easily and put yourself first. It is ok to be first. Do you have strategies that result in you being number one? Do you have difficulty placing your needs above others needs? TonyWK

Determination- do you have it?

replies: 5

There is many common themes I see amongst the mentally challenged. Among them is determination and we read about it every day, those poor souls with all sorts of challenges in life. even the ups and downs of life itself can be an enormous climb to co... View more

There is many common themes I see amongst the mentally challenged. Among them is determination and we read about it every day, those poor souls with all sorts of challenges in life. even the ups and downs of life itself can be an enormous climb to conquer. Then once you have, at the peak of that mountain you realise- there is another higher mountain and the next. This scenario is manifested when we expect smooth roads in life. A mental picture of paradise, a place you yearn for daily. I recall my mother when we were kids crying and saying "I just need a holiday". As kids we thought that would fix it all, in reality she wasnt coping with her daily struggles of life itself. Daily life is tough for many. Think about the thousands of tasks we do weekly just to live- rubbish/recycling/green waste processing, employment, kids needs, cleaning, debt attention, credit cards, bills, people interaction, the weather, toxic people, family issues and the list goes on. You indeed need to be determined to survive this if, on top of all that you have a mental illness. Then that alone with DR visits, medication woes, ups and downs and other peoples reactions to it all...how to combat this challenge? Well, combatting this is the worst approach to take IMO. Acceptance is the only effective way to find peace. Once you accept live as the above and there is naught you can do to change it, then you can develop ways to automatically go about these chores and relationships with less thinking about them- automatically do them is the way to go. I mean we can lie on the couch and think about all the stuff we have to do and go "I think I'll just lie here and vegetate for a while" or you can rise and focus on just one task. Worry about the next task later. A thread pertaining to the process of "dont think DO" is following. This can help in your development of becoming determined and therefore coping with life better. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/switching-mindsets Can you be a hermit and be determined? Yes you can. Challenges can be so huge to you but small to others. It doesnt matter, face your challenges methodically when you are comfortable. Write your daily challenges down and tick them off as you complete them. Do you have trouble being determined? Do you lack motivation? Do you want to find your inner peace? https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/inner-peace-the-glory-of-being-you TonyWK

Regret making comment on Youtube

replies: 4

I made a comment on Youtube for the first (and so far at least) only time about a year or two ago. It had my first name in it, but not my last. I'm wondering if the Youtuber (who shadow banned me) would have been able to see my email address? Technic... View more

I made a comment on Youtube for the first (and so far at least) only time about a year or two ago. It had my first name in it, but not my last. I'm wondering if the Youtuber (who shadow banned me) would have been able to see my email address? Technically, there wasn't anything wrong with my comment, but it's complicated and ever since I commented on this person's channel, they have been talking about me and my family can't tell that I'm the one they are talking about, they just think they are talking about a random or not really talking about anyone in particular at all. If they do know my full name (my full name is in my email address), they could possibly use it against me somehow, but I'm not sure how exactly. I know this probably sounds really complicated, but I just want to know, would they have been able to find out my full name? Would they still be able to see my comment that they shadow banned and would it be possible to easily remove my comment? If I deleted that email account, would it automatically delete the comment I made? I thought I was being reasonably polite in my comment, but well.. yeah... complicated.

Recovery Themed Books/TV shows/Movies/Podcasts

replies: 29

Hi All There is a tonne of first-person literature out there telling about experiences of MH. I've read a tonne of it. And watched so many tv shows and movies on this theme. Does anyone have any advice of media/books dealing with recovery from MH str... View more

Hi All There is a tonne of first-person literature out there telling about experiences of MH. I've read a tonne of it. And watched so many tv shows and movies on this theme. Does anyone have any advice of media/books dealing with recovery from MH struggles? I'm really interested also to read about ppl who have survived attempts. The only book I know about this is Rosie Waterland Every Lie I've Ever Told I found some support in the chapter on addiction in So Sad Today - but that was otherwise a harrowing book. Rupi Kaur's poems are quite empowering. Anyone else got any tips?

Trigger Warning Embarrassed about Weight Gain

replies: 6

I've put on 10kg during the pandemic. I know it doesn't sound like a LOT, but all my life I have hated my body and have been so desperate to lose weight that now actually gaining 10 whole kgs is making me the most miserable I have ever been. There is... View more

I've put on 10kg during the pandemic. I know it doesn't sound like a LOT, but all my life I have hated my body and have been so desperate to lose weight that now actually gaining 10 whole kgs is making me the most miserable I have ever been. There is nothing I like about my body anymore. I get so depressed looking at old photos of myself wishing I could be that "thin" again (even though when those photos were taken I thought I looked "fat" too...). It's gotten to the point now where I'm too embarrassed to go out and see my friends because they'll just think I've let go of myself. In fact, I avoid going out altogether. I try to come up with excuses when a friend asks to meet up. They're worried about me now because I've been isolating myself for months. Every single day now I try to avoid looking at myself and I've been wearing very baggy clothes to cover myself up. I don't take any photos of myself and never wear any of my favourite clothes anymore (I'm too scared to try them on because I know how upset I'll get when I realise they don't fit me anymore). I can't seem to lose weight though. Eating has been a coping mechanism for me lately. I've got plenty of other things going on in my life and food is what seems to be bringing the most amount of happiness. I have a sugar addiction, and I know that, but I am finding it so hard to break out of the cycle when I feel as though it's the only thing making me want to live each day. It sounds so ridiculous when I type it out. It also sounds so fatophobic, and I hate sounding like that. I really just wish I could feel confident in my new and bigger body, or be able to lose some of it. This is my first post on a forum by the way. I'm not sure what I'm hoping to gain, I think I just want to feel less alone.

TRY THIS TO HELP BEAT LONELINESS!

replies: 1

Hi Everyone They say it is very easy to be lonely in a room full of people. Or to have lots of 'friends' including Facebook yet actually feel alone. I am a very gregarious person and seem to fit well into groups, but decided to use the below method a... View more

Hi Everyone They say it is very easy to be lonely in a room full of people. Or to have lots of 'friends' including Facebook yet actually feel alone. I am a very gregarious person and seem to fit well into groups, but decided to use the below method a couple of years ago as I felt that I needed more quality friends, with whom I could really share the 'good stuff'. I came across it a long time ago but had kind of forgotten it. It involves making up a community/village list of people you know who you would feel really sad to not have in your life anymore. I can include parents, partners, family, best mates, old friends, mentors etc. Then ask yourself when was the last time you either told them you loved them, or really appreciated their friendship, and why? Can be verbally, or in message form, whichever feels right for you. For me, this very simple action actually did wonders to boost connections and trigger deeper conversations. I felt quite powerful not just making the call or sending the message, but found it helped those I connected with in them knowing they are also not alone! I several cases, rather then just leave it at 'we must catch up sometime', I made sure to actually set a time and place to get together. Some friends had new partners, and my grown kids gave me great feedback after I reached out to them. Of course the overall process took a bit of work but it was enjoyable and I got better at it as it went on. So now my wife and I get asked out more often and I have some much deeper conversations with friends including when they ask my thoughts on an issue they may have. I hope this may help someone on our forum a little bit. Very happy to discuss more! All the very best, The Bro.

Disability and mental health

replies: 1

I didn't know where to put this thread or how to even start it but here it goes. Living with a physical disability as well as having mental issues is tough. They seem to compound each other, like when one gets bad the other soon follows. I don't know... View more

I didn't know where to put this thread or how to even start it but here it goes. Living with a physical disability as well as having mental issues is tough. They seem to compound each other, like when one gets bad the other soon follows. I don't know where to begin to describe to someone whats its like to live with. Here is a space to share experiences or whatever it is your going through: my random vent about having a disability: I feel trapped in my body sometimes, other times I'm so dissociated from my DID and bipolar that I don't feel my body and push it to far then can't move for days following. It sucks. I don't want the chronic pain. I don't a body that can't do what my brain wills it to. I don't want the stares when I go out because I'm a young person using aids. I don't want to go out and not know if I can physically do all I need to when I'm out. I don't want this anymore. My mind is trapped in a body that's failing it and tbh it's scary. People dont seem to want to understand it either. I have talked about my mental health on here before but feel ashamed of talking about having a disability. I don't know why. Today it's just really getting to me and the pain is bad and Im trapped in bed coz I can't move properly and It makes me want to cry and I'm really tired. And then the thoughts are getting out of control. And idk anything anymore.

Money problems?

replies: 14

Financial "stress" is a hollow feeling. Just as you think you are doing OK, a bill arrives you didn't expect. Or Centre link has sent you an unexpected debt?... I know that feeling. Being manic as a young man with an adult defence service wage and lo... View more

Financial "stress" is a hollow feeling. Just as you think you are doing OK, a bill arrives you didn't expect. Or Centre link has sent you an unexpected debt?... I know that feeling. Being manic as a young man with an adult defence service wage and low "on base" rent led to signing the loan papers whenever I wanted another car. In the end I had 5 loans with an old car to show for it. So, with Xmas out of the way what can 2017 bring to you that's positive so at the end of this year you will feel more successful. Maintain some realistic expectations of your position by NYE this year. Raise the bar too high and you'll be disappointed. Remind yourself, with words of appreciation that you are better off than some. Don't fool yourself that you are the worse off. Revamp your bill system. Carefully consider direct debit. be wary however. One major telco continually took money from our account even though we cancelled it. This is common and places more burden on you and anger. We now pay insurances through dd but telephone, internet water and rego is bpay for that reason Shop around. Insurance companies vary greatly. If over 50yo consider insurance companies that specialise with retirees. Multi policy discounts? If you don't ask you don't get. I flash my motor card and health card always. Communication. There is nothing worse for a landlord than being left in the dark. Be honest and direct. Need help paying rent? If its OK get a boarder. One friend of mine purchased a $700 caravan and charges $150 a week rent for it. Caravans allow you a roof in desperate times. It prevents using the street for a bed. Its insurance. Accept that life's ups and downs come and go. Realise that a housing or financial crisis will need long term fixing and the way to that goal is short term hard work with commitment before the light at the end of the tunnel shines. Worry only produces ulcers. Suicides nationwide last year totalled over 3,000 with 3/4 made up of males. Way over the road toll. Many of those would have been money issues and a thought process of there being no hope. Progress could be just around the corner. Give up smoking or halve your luxuries, baby steps add up to leaps and bounds. Reward your efforts. My friends gave up smoking and I was shocked they bought a Porsche as reward. Their cigarettes cost more!. Whatever your "fix", you can make effort. NYE 2017 can be a better situation. Never give up and accept life will throw hurdles unexpectedly. Tony WK

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A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members

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