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Just_Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 703

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

Kazzl Helpful books and resources
  • replies: 103

Hi everyone Members often refer in their posts to books and other resources that have helped them. This thread is a place to list those books so all members can find them easily. The titles might include scholarly, mass market and self-help books, sp... View more

Hi everyone Members often refer in their posts to books and other resources that have helped them. This thread is a place to list those books so all members can find them easily. The titles might include scholarly, mass market and self-help books, specialist websites or blogs, podcasts, vodcasts or print or online journals or magazines. Please note BB has a list of websites and resources under Get Help, so maybe check there first for online resources. (Also note that we cannot include live links to online resources.) To make things easy to find, please put the category of the content first in bold, then the title of the book and then, if you want, a brief comment. Please note that anything listed here reflects the member's views only. Publications and other resources are not necessarily endorsed by beyondblue. Happy reading!

Chris_B Worried about other users - how are we all doing?
  • replies: 43

Hi everyone, I thought I'd check in to see how everyone is doing; while the nature of these forums is as a place of support, and it feels good to help others, we need to make sure our own welfare is looked after too. Sometimes reading the experiences... View more

Hi everyone, I thought I'd check in to see how everyone is doing; while the nature of these forums is as a place of support, and it feels good to help others, we need to make sure our own welfare is looked after too. Sometimes reading the experiences of others can be validating, because we feel 'we've been there', but sometimes it can also be a trigger for bringing up unpleasant feelings. I've started this thread so we can have a constructive discussion about helping others and helping ourselves - how do you cope when you read about others in distress? Do you have a self-care plan in place, and if so, what is it? Really looking forward to hearing from you all.

All discussions

quince Your good qualities.
  • replies: 8

Hey all, Is anyone is keen to share some of your good qualities? The things about you that you really like, or that make you a good and valuable human? A lot of the time we tend to focus on the critical voice inside which might be telling us why we'r... View more

Hey all, Is anyone is keen to share some of your good qualities? The things about you that you really like, or that make you a good and valuable human? A lot of the time we tend to focus on the critical voice inside which might be telling us why we're not so great. But there's a voice of self kindness in there too, even if it's hard to find sometimes. I am going to try and make it to 10 good qualities, even if it takes me a little while, and I'd love for you to join in. x quince

Travis_R Diet & Wellness
  • replies: 5

Hi All, I'm incredibly excited to be joining the Beyond Blue Forum and can't wait to get to know everyone as we connect now and into the future. I wanted to jump in and ask how people feel their diet relates directly to their physical and mentall wel... View more

Hi All, I'm incredibly excited to be joining the Beyond Blue Forum and can't wait to get to know everyone as we connect now and into the future. I wanted to jump in and ask how people feel their diet relates directly to their physical and mentall wellness and what stratgeies you may be putting in place to help with your Diet. I am a big believer in having balance and setting goals to keep me on track. Look forward to hearing everyones thoughts. Take care, Trav

Lillith_E The power of acceptance
  • replies: 2

Firstly I want to send big love to everyone here. Seeking support, guidance and facing the monsters of mental illness for yourself and loved ones, takes great bravery. Please allow yourself a sincere acknowledgement of this. I am sharing today during... View more

Firstly I want to send big love to everyone here. Seeking support, guidance and facing the monsters of mental illness for yourself and loved ones, takes great bravery. Please allow yourself a sincere acknowledgement of this. I am sharing today during a space of pain, transition and working through acceptance. My journey with mental illness started through DNA, continued on through illness and pain, moving to self discovery/healing and has lead me to a place where I now support others in a Mental health support role. The purpose and pride I feel in my job is something that I hold close to my heart and identity. And it is with great sadness that I am faced with a heavy decision to take a step backwards. Along with mental illness (which I have managed through years of therapy/support and medication) I also have chronic illness (Fibromyalgia and Ankylosing spondolytis) due to the unpredictable nature of these illnesses and a decline in my health - I feel I may have to step down from my roll as a support worker, and engage in work that does not require me to be responsible for the well-being of others. I take great pride in striving to be an exceptional worker, and a light in the lives of those who need it most. But with the instability my health is now presenting, I no longer feel I can provide the kind of support my clients deserve. I guess I am posting, seeking support. And perhaps sharing from others who have experienced this transition? I am soon to begin sessions with a psychiatrist to work through the acceptance of living with these illnesses and taking a step back from a role that gives my life a sense of great meaning.

Meg1977 Help
  • replies: 2

hi lovely people My first post was about dealing with my own anxiety and that of my sons Which im happy to report seems to be abit better. I also mentioned that id started Medication myself which is what im needing support with and this is personal S... View more

hi lovely people My first post was about dealing with my own anxiety and that of my sons Which im happy to report seems to be abit better. I also mentioned that id started Medication myself which is what im needing support with and this is personal So i apoligise if its not allowed i tried to be physical with my hubby since taking Medication and i felt absolutely nothing nada zilch it made me feel 10x worse Hubby said it didnt matter but it did to me ive only been on tablets for 2 wks And am considering stopping for this reason i know it might not seem logical But i want that closeness to my hubby Thoughts?

ecomama SELF-CARE in challenging times and ANY TIME.
  • replies: 13

Hello my beautiful BB FAMILY.. SELF - CARE ugh! I'm going to be all out 100% honest about this term for me, I see it as a 4 letter word x 2 so much worse! I fight with this ALL THE TIME. But then .... just sometimes... I DO SOMETHING... then feel a l... View more

Hello my beautiful BB FAMILY.. SELF - CARE ugh! I'm going to be all out 100% honest about this term for me, I see it as a 4 letter word x 2 so much worse! I fight with this ALL THE TIME. But then .... just sometimes... I DO SOMETHING... then feel a little better that I did lol. I TRUST the body of knowledge that our MH care professionals tell us ALL THE TIME about self-care, I do, but I really super struggle with it. If you have ANY tips and tricks for the self-care battle please share them. I want to swim in the ocean of self-care with all the other self-carers showering care upon themselves and LOVING it. How do you do this? WHAT do you do? In earnest anticipation of us creating our own BB self-care ocean here.... Love EM

KC12 Habits that helped
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I am on the road to recovery from depression and learning to manage my anxiety and I really want to change my life and habits. I think if I manage to create good habits and a healthy lifestyle it can help me in the long term and not sure if i... View more

Hi all, I am on the road to recovery from depression and learning to manage my anxiety and I really want to change my life and habits. I think if I manage to create good habits and a healthy lifestyle it can help me in the long term and not sure if it would help me to recover but I don't think it will hurt either. I just want to know about other people's experience and see what kind of habits did you create that have helped in the long term?

Soberlicious96 "You can't say that!!" - knowing when to admit/accept that you don't know what to say.
  • replies: 3

Sometimes people say things that they think are helpful/constructive, when they are not. They/we don't usually mean to say unhelpful or destructive things, but we just can't find the solution. And we usually really WANT to, but just can't. So we say ... View more

Sometimes people say things that they think are helpful/constructive, when they are not. They/we don't usually mean to say unhelpful or destructive things, but we just can't find the solution. And we usually really WANT to, but just can't. So we say the first thing that comes to mind without really thinking it through, or searching our minds for a better or different response. Have you had that kind of experience? I have. Take for example my experience with a hair dresser I had one time. It was an appointment that was a 'trial' for how I wanted to wear my hair on the day of my upcoming wedding. I was both excited and nervous, and obviously quite sensitive too. So I described how I wanted to wear my hair, and her reply to my description was "Oh you can't wear your hair like that. Not with those big flappy ears either side of you head!" I WAS MORTIFIED!!! Here I was, a 'precious' bride-to-be, and there she was INSULTING my ears as being too 'big and flappy' to wear my hair pulled back and out of my face for my special day!!! I ended up smiling through gritted teeth for the rest of the appointment, and then getting my car and bursting into tears and crying all the way home. I felt so insulted and put down. and so very ugly and self-conscious. She COULD have gently suggest instead some alternative styles ..... but no, she just told me I had 'big flappy ears'. Like too when you break up with someone, and sometimes the first thing someone else says is "Oh well, there'll be someone else out there for you." And yeah, maybe there will ..... but maybe too, single life is better for some people? It's hard to move on from something that you've not even really processed yet. Usually the last thing you want to think about is 'someone else'. I guess what I am trying to say is that it's okay to say "I don't know what to say." or "I don't know what to do" and even to admit that you want to help, but don't know how. I sometimes even admit that "I might be about to put my foot in my mouth, but I think or feel ........" Sometimes the first thing we are tempted to say, can be the LAST thing a person needs or wants to hear. Perhaps you would like to share your experience of this, being mindful of course not to really identify any particular person or place. Maybe too you have some great solutions and alternatives to offer? Anyway, the floor is yours, my fellow humans! xo

Fraserg14 Losing Hope, finding hope
  • replies: 7

This is for anyone who has ever struggled to understand depression, be it their own or someone else’s. My name is Fraser and this is my story. For a long time I was depressed, but I couldn’t tell you how long because at the time I honestly didn’t kno... View more

This is for anyone who has ever struggled to understand depression, be it their own or someone else’s. My name is Fraser and this is my story. For a long time I was depressed, but I couldn’t tell you how long because at the time I honestly didn’t know. Ironically, for an even longer time, I not only didn’t believe that depression was a real thing, but thought that people who claimed to have it were simply being self-indulgent and just needed to pick themselves up and get a little perspective. After all, if people can endure kidnapping, torture, rape, children dying and so on, what possible reason could someone who had a seemingly normal life have to be depressed about? This former opinion I am now quite ashamed of, and not because I ended up suffering from depression myself, but because of the lack of empathy I showed for my fellow man and how ignorant I was. This story isn’t so much about me as trying to give people an insight into depression, but my understanding of depression and my realization of a way to try and overcome it came about as a direct consequence of what happened to me, and so to really understand this, you need to understand me. To that end, I shall briefly explain how I came to be writing this. It was May 2005. I was in the fire brigade at the time, and as a practical joke on a colleague I’d gone onto to an on-line dating website he was on to set up a fake profile and flirt with him. Juvenile I know, but if you’ve ever met a fireman, they do joke about a lot to get through the harder bits of the job. Anyway, once I was on-line, actually finding some pen-pals to while away the long nights seemed like a good idea, although I had no intention of actually meeting anyone as I’d only recently got out of a failed marriage. Almost immediately one profile caught my eye. Firstly the lady in question called Ruth, was one of the beautiful women I’d ever seen, but more than that, she’d written just one line rather than the usual long blurb people seemed to put down for the wish list for an ideal partner. She’d written just 9 words in one intrinsically sad statement which I will never forget. “I just want someone to be nice to me”. I couldn’t believe such a beautiful looking person could have had a life that resulted in this being her sole request, so I emailed her. I didn’t expect a response, she was well out my league and I didn’t even have a profile picture, but I wanted to reach out and try and give some hope that there was someone out there for her, or in fact probably lots of people who would be nice to her and not to let whatever experiences she’d had with an ex-partner taint her views on love and romance. It’s funny, but had that thought process have registered a little better at the time then perhaps my recent life and events might have been quite different, but at the time it was just a fleeting thought, a random act of kindness for a stranger that was quickly dismissed in my mind and lost in the chain of events that followed. To my surprise, Ruth emailed back, and over the following weeks emails turned to texts, texts turned to calls and we spent every spare minute in touch with each other. Living over 300KM apart, meeting wasn’t that practical and she was still living with her soon to be ex-husband who’d recently be charged with assault for beating her up (hence the profile request). We did eventually meet on the 14th July that year and it was without a doubt love at first site. 3 days later we planned to move in together and 17 days after we met I moved all the way to Manchester to live with Ruth and her daughters in our new house that I hadn’t even seen. I also proposed on the same day in the middle of Manchester train station, to which she said yes and less than a year later we got married on a beach in Kenya. For a long time it was magical. I never thought it was possible to be so happy and in love, and at times it was almost overwhelming. We had the occasional marital tiff as most couples do, but nothing serious. We endured a lot of hardship and struggles with kids, serious illness and finances and we always came through it stronger than we started. It seemed like a match made in heaven. Not once when she’d come home from work did I not feel my heart race, and not once did I wake up in the morning without a stupid smile on my face feeling like the luckiest man alive. By the end of 2013 things were definitely feeling strained after Ruth losing her job and starting a new one which was a long commute away, and the situation was not helped by me having to take a job which meant working away from home. On Easter Monday of 2014 I discovered Ruth had been having an affair, and my world fell apart. I honestly didn’t think it was possible to feel so much pain. I tried for several months to make it work still, but in the July she then discovered she was pregnant as a result of the affair, wanted to keep the baby and was leaving me. I wanted to die, plain and simple. Anything had to be better than this unfathomable hurt, but suicide wasn’t a logical choice was it, so I needed to do something else. With a seemingly rational thought process at the time, I decided that I would move to Australia and start over. New start, new job, new country, new life, and all with nothing to remind me of what I’d lost and left behind. It’d be hard, but it did seem like the only sensible solution. Fast forward exactly 6 months, and here I am, locked in a psychiatric ward after trying to take my own life. So what went wrong? Well firstly, I didn’t leave my problems behind, I just left my situation. My problems came with me, as they always do. I don’t know exactly when it all became too much and it wasn’t until I started to have counselling after my attempted suicide that I began to understand what the process even looked like. I didn’t understand why I felt how I did or why I was so unbelievably sad and unhappy, but given what I did know, I knew the situation wasn’t sustainable. Feeling how I did simply wasn’t a viable long term solution, there wasn’t anything I could envisage that would ever change it, so the only logical choice was to end my life. This is one of the first things that people need to understand about depression. Suicide can seem to someone who is suffering from depression not like an act of desperation, an impulse or a whim, but like a perfectly logical, considered and sensible plan to end their pain the only way they can think of. The idea may seem strange and the result horrific, but the process of reaching this decision can itself be no different to considering a new job or a house move. You weigh up the pros and cons, balance the books, and select the logical choice. Unfortunately, the facts and figures a depressed person is trying to make sense of are skewed, but you can only work with the data you have and without the equivalent of a mental accountant to point out the flaws in your sums, it’s difficult to spot the anomalies on your own. My choice to end my life was sensible and logical at the time and without alternatives. To me, that was how it felt, but what was so awful in my life that this was all that was left? What had I lost, what had changed to drive me to such an extreme and very final solution to resolve my problems? The answer thankfully for me, didn’t quite come too late. I lost hope. 3 simple words, which until you really think about their meaning may not sound that profound, but losing hope is I think one of the hardest things anyone can endure and what drives a lot of people to depression or suicide. I never consciously thought about hope, never studied it or focused on it, so I didn’t actually realise when it had gone, I just knew I felt different. If you think about hope, and you think about your life, how many times do you hope? Every life event I can think of started with hope. I hope I get this job, I hope she says yes, I hope it’s a good day at work, I hope the weather is nice on holiday, I hope it’s a boy, I hope he’s healthy, I hope you get better, I hope I win, I hope, I hope, I hope. Hope is our inherent optimism, that what we want might or will happen. When it doesn’t work out, hope is still there as we hope bad things don’t happen again or hope things get better. You may never have consciously thought about the importance hope plays in your life, but I urge you to try and realise just how integral it is to your everyday life and for your future. Now for a moment try to imagine not to have any. At all. No hope you’ll ever feel better, no hope that your future holds any joy, no hope you’ll ever be loved. To lose hope is to lose everything. It’s a dark, frightening and lonely place to find yourself in, and I now understand completely why people to choose to end their lives when they feel like this. They’re not being selfish or trying to hurt the people close to them that they may leave behind. If you’ve ever lost someone to depression, you may well feel anger or resentment on some level towards that person, but they weren’t trying to hurt you, of that I am sure. It wasn’t your fault that you couldn’t stop them, any more than it was their fault that they did it. They were ill, and the illness stripped away their ability to rationalize their situation properly and to find something to be hopeful for. If you’re reading this and feeling extremely sad or emotional in everyday life yourself, you may have already been diagnosed with depression, or even be suffering from it and not realise it, so think about hope. What do hope the future holds for you, and how do you hope things will turn out? If you can find hope, you will find a way back and you’ll find a way to start to build your life back. It won’t be instant, it may not be easy, but hoping you’ll make it is a great place to start. If you can’t find any hope, if you realise it’s gone, please get some help now. Don’t wait, go and talk to someone. A professional, your GP, your boss, a friend, a colleague, anyone. It’s amazing just how much people have the ability to surprise you by being there for you if you give them a chance. I hardly knew my bosses at work, and the 3 of them were there for me in ways I couldn’t ever have imagined. Truth be told they were as much a part of me pulling through as any of the counselling or professional help I received. It’s very difficult to live without hope, in fact it may be impossible, but just because you’ve lost it doesn’t mean that you can’t get it back. You do however need to recognize that it’s gone in order to go and find it again, and seeing a psychotherapist or counsellor is a good beginning. I’m not a psychiatrist or doctor, I’m just a regular guy, that’s had a fairly regular life, and I don’t profess to have a cure for anything or to hold all the answers to life’s deep and meaningful questions. I am however fairly confident that based on the laws of probability, I can’t be and won’t be the only person to try and take my own life because of losing hope. If this article helps even one single person come to terms with their own issues, to seek help, or to understand the problems of a friend or a loved one then it’s been worth it. Remember, there is always hope. It’s just that sometimes you may need a little help to find it. For me, I hope to one day find someone who loves me as much as I love them. I hope to make a life for myself in Australia. I hope to meet new friends. I hope to change people’s lives for the better. I hope to see my friends and family again back in the UK. I hope to travel and experience e new things. I hope for joy, I hope for a long life. I hope.

HGR Bed wetting
  • replies: 4

I need to talk to someone else with this problem. I not sleeping well worrying about this problem. Its happening more and more frequent.

I need to talk to someone else with this problem. I not sleeping well worrying about this problem. Its happening more and more frequent.

one_teaspoon Need guidance for get my mojo back
  • replies: 3

I'm really struggling to find motivation to be productive... my to do list is sooo long I get extremely overwhelmed, get low and just ignore the list. I would love to see someone like a life coach or something but I can't afford it. In 2004 I sustain... View more

I'm really struggling to find motivation to be productive... my to do list is sooo long I get extremely overwhelmed, get low and just ignore the list. I would love to see someone like a life coach or something but I can't afford it. In 2004 I sustained a work place injury and my monthly medication bill is $315.80 and WorkCover only pay a lousy $19.20. I'm my mums full time carer and I’m on a carers pension so money is tight. I see a psychiatrist but I can't go as much as I'd like because he charges $350 for 30mins. I’m trying to prepare for life after caring which sadly is fast approaching but I just can’t get my mojo. Are there any services like this that can help me? I have major depressive disorder, PTSD, binge eating disorder, insomnia, chronic pain (peripheral neuropathy & CRPS).