Staying well

TRY THIS TO HELP BEAT LONELINESS!

replies: 1

Hi Everyone They say it is very easy to be lonely in a room full of people. Or to have lots of 'friends' including Facebook yet actually feel alone. I am a very gregarious person and seem to fit well into groups, but decided to use the below method a... View more

Hi Everyone They say it is very easy to be lonely in a room full of people. Or to have lots of 'friends' including Facebook yet actually feel alone. I am a very gregarious person and seem to fit well into groups, but decided to use the below method a couple of years ago as I felt that I needed more quality friends, with whom I could really share the 'good stuff'. I came across it a long time ago but had kind of forgotten it. It involves making up a community/village list of people you know who you would feel really sad to not have in your life anymore. I can include parents, partners, family, best mates, old friends, mentors etc. Then ask yourself when was the last time you either told them you loved them, or really appreciated their friendship, and why? Can be verbally, or in message form, whichever feels right for you. For me, this very simple action actually did wonders to boost connections and trigger deeper conversations. I felt quite powerful not just making the call or sending the message, but found it helped those I connected with in them knowing they are also not alone! I several cases, rather then just leave it at 'we must catch up sometime', I made sure to actually set a time and place to get together. Some friends had new partners, and my grown kids gave me great feedback after I reached out to them. Of course the overall process took a bit of work but it was enjoyable and I got better at it as it went on. So now my wife and I get asked out more often and I have some much deeper conversations with friends including when they ask my thoughts on an issue they may have. I hope this may help someone on our forum a little bit. Very happy to discuss more! All the very best, The Bro.

Disability and mental health

replies: 1

I didn't know where to put this thread or how to even start it but here it goes. Living with a physical disability as well as having mental issues is tough. They seem to compound each other, like when one gets bad the other soon follows. I don't know... View more

I didn't know where to put this thread or how to even start it but here it goes. Living with a physical disability as well as having mental issues is tough. They seem to compound each other, like when one gets bad the other soon follows. I don't know where to begin to describe to someone whats its like to live with. Here is a space to share experiences or whatever it is your going through: my random vent about having a disability: I feel trapped in my body sometimes, other times I'm so dissociated from my DID and bipolar that I don't feel my body and push it to far then can't move for days following. It sucks. I don't want the chronic pain. I don't a body that can't do what my brain wills it to. I don't want the stares when I go out because I'm a young person using aids. I don't want to go out and not know if I can physically do all I need to when I'm out. I don't want this anymore. My mind is trapped in a body that's failing it and tbh it's scary. People dont seem to want to understand it either. I have talked about my mental health on here before but feel ashamed of talking about having a disability. I don't know why. Today it's just really getting to me and the pain is bad and Im trapped in bed coz I can't move properly and It makes me want to cry and I'm really tired. And then the thoughts are getting out of control. And idk anything anymore.

Money problems?

replies: 14

Financial "stress" is a hollow feeling. Just as you think you are doing OK, a bill arrives you didn't expect. Or Centre link has sent you an unexpected debt?... I know that feeling. Being manic as a young man with an adult defence service wage and lo... View more

Financial "stress" is a hollow feeling. Just as you think you are doing OK, a bill arrives you didn't expect. Or Centre link has sent you an unexpected debt?... I know that feeling. Being manic as a young man with an adult defence service wage and low "on base" rent led to signing the loan papers whenever I wanted another car. In the end I had 5 loans with an old car to show for it. So, with Xmas out of the way what can 2017 bring to you that's positive so at the end of this year you will feel more successful. Maintain some realistic expectations of your position by NYE this year. Raise the bar too high and you'll be disappointed. Remind yourself, with words of appreciation that you are better off than some. Don't fool yourself that you are the worse off. Revamp your bill system. Carefully consider direct debit. be wary however. One major telco continually took money from our account even though we cancelled it. This is common and places more burden on you and anger. We now pay insurances through dd but telephone, internet water and rego is bpay for that reason Shop around. Insurance companies vary greatly. If over 50yo consider insurance companies that specialise with retirees. Multi policy discounts? If you don't ask you don't get. I flash my motor card and health card always. Communication. There is nothing worse for a landlord than being left in the dark. Be honest and direct. Need help paying rent? If its OK get a boarder. One friend of mine purchased a $700 caravan and charges $150 a week rent for it. Caravans allow you a roof in desperate times. It prevents using the street for a bed. Its insurance. Accept that life's ups and downs come and go. Realise that a housing or financial crisis will need long term fixing and the way to that goal is short term hard work with commitment before the light at the end of the tunnel shines. Worry only produces ulcers. Suicides nationwide last year totalled over 3,000 with 3/4 made up of males. Way over the road toll. Many of those would have been money issues and a thought process of there being no hope. Progress could be just around the corner. Give up smoking or halve your luxuries, baby steps add up to leaps and bounds. Reward your efforts. My friends gave up smoking and I was shocked they bought a Porsche as reward. Their cigarettes cost more!. Whatever your "fix", you can make effort. NYE 2017 can be a better situation. Never give up and accept life will throw hurdles unexpectedly. Tony WK

The price of bad memory

replies: 8

We humans are accustomed to certain "givens". It's a given that the person you are communicating with has speech, hearing, thinking processes and memory. In fact unless they have an obvious physical injury we assume people are capable and fall under ... View more

We humans are accustomed to certain "givens". It's a given that the person you are communicating with has speech, hearing, thinking processes and memory. In fact unless they have an obvious physical injury we assume people are capable and fall under the umbrella of "normal" until proved otherwise. Memory loss is one of those that isnt obvious but worse still is that even if you tell others you "cant remember" so many aspects of life depend on a good memory that people tend to dismiss it at the time but not the next time. Now, this isnt their fault, life with us humans demands we have a good memory sufficient enough to recall the basics. What happens when that level of basic memory also erodes? How hard is life then for the sufferer and the people he/she is trying to communicate with? I have it first hand, a failing memory. I used to joke with workmates in my 40's about going out to my shed and forgetting why I went there. Now in my mid 60's it is, at a guess, 10 times worse than that. Daily my poor wife will ask "remember when..." and my usual answer is "nope, remind me". The supply of further information has a 50"% chance of prompting my memory to recall enough to answer. Why is my memory declining? From google Possible causes of reversible memory loss include: Medications. Certain medications or a combination of medications can cause forgetfulness or confusion. Minor head trauma or injury. ... Emotional disorders. ... Alcoholism. ... Vitamin B-12 deficiency. ... Hypothyroidism. ... Brain diseases. Reasons 1 and 3 cause alarm for those with mental illnesses. Medications and emotional issues. I like many of you have at least one of these. OK, what can we do? Mnemonics has helped me a lot for the last 30 years. It is using methods to aid the memory. Eg If you need to remember when shopping- Sugar, air freshener, lasagne and tacos. Use the first letter of each to get SALT. Remember salt only and you might find it easy to recall the items. Notebooks- The problem with these is I cant remember to write it down or if I did to remember to take it with me. Use your notes in your mobile phone. I do remember to take my mobile phone so that is an effective tool to use. Alarms. I do use my alarms for meetings and special events. Facebook- good for birthday reminders Explaining- I have on occasions named my sister or daughter by my dogs name!! Yes, it happens. They take offence. Try to explain the disability. If they dont accept- then they dont understand. TonyWK

When all is lost....what can you do? Be radical? how measured?

replies: 1

Some years ago I wrote a post - When all is lost....what can you do? Be radical? https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/when-all-is-lost-what-can-you-do-be-radical- When I reflect on the content of that post, a post desi... View more

Some years ago I wrote a post - When all is lost....what can you do? Be radical? https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/when-all-is-lost-what-can-you-do-be-radical- When I reflect on the content of that post, a post designed to give you options when all else has failed, its intent was to avert suicidal actions brought about due to not being able to find solutions. By taking radical steps you could just be saving yourself. What are "radical steps"? Change of career/workplace Change/addition of social interests Addition of therapy groups Change of environment Change of living location Change of relationship status Identifying/acceptance with ones own sexuality All these changes have different impacts on us. There is a balance however as to the extreme of the changes. Any kneejerk reaction can have a negative effect and plunge us deeper into the abyss. Like any change we need a carefully thought out plan but that is not always possible when desperate. So what do we do? How radical do we act to avoid a more serious situation? My suggestion is to make subtle changes that become more radical if those subtle changes aren't effective enough. Eg A city dweller might identify that city living is having a negative effect...better to try living in a regional area rather than a true outback environment. After all in a small regional town one can be just as isolated if one chooses but a outback residence can impose extreme isolation when people contact is still a good thing. The message is clear- radical steps to save yourself should be measured. The steps above are radical indeed when implemented even when measured. We should avoid extreme actions that could pose more adverse results on our well being. Discussion welcome TonyWK

OVERWHELMED AND NUMB

replies: 32

I have come a long way since struggling anxiety and depression but that low feeling us almost like a drug that I keep craving. I am blessed with an amazing husband, 2 great kids, parents that do far too much for me for their ailing age and have had t... View more

I have come a long way since struggling anxiety and depression but that low feeling us almost like a drug that I keep craving. I am blessed with an amazing husband, 2 great kids, parents that do far too much for me for their ailing age and have had the same friend circle for decades. I have so many reason to be grateful and feel blessed and yet I feel no genuine joy. I don't cook like I use to. I'm not a homemaker like I should be. I'm just always on the couch infant if the TV. I see things that need to be done round the house but don't know where to start. I'm ashamed to say that I fantasies about being diagnosed with something that I can blame this feeling on. Then feel bad for being so selfish to put my loved ones through that. I just feel like I can't "adult" sometimes. I hear what married friends did during the day....prepare meals, declutter the house, build a shed...and I feel like I'm failing as a wife and parent and not setting a good example for my kids. I've been in and out of therapy all my life but decided to get a referral for a psychiatrist. I've heard women in their 40s are getting diagnosed with ADHD now. My son has it and reading up on it made me think...I thought this was all normal behavior...maybe I can get the help I finally need (or maybe I'm still fishing fir something to be wrong with me so I can blame it on that!) I don't even feel comfortable being here. I feel ashamed and selfish. Yet I keep writing. I feel alone in a room full of loved ones. I feel unworthy sharing a bed with a man who has proven 100 times he loves me unconditionally. I read self help books. I do daily affirmations. But the slightest spanner in the works and I just want to quit my job and be alone. But I can't afford to. I'm turning 47 and I feel I have nothing to show for it but giving up and taking advantage of loved ones' help. My boys are in their late teens and I feel I haven't prepared then for the real world. I don't know why I'm here. You guys helped I my darkest hours 3 years ago. I quit a toxic job and got help with your support. I don't even know what I need or want right now. I'm just overwhelmed and numb. Money is such an issue. It's the root of our problems. I don't love my job but it keeps me safe, it's somewhat flexible and helps with our debts. It's the festive season and I don't want to go out, buy gifts or anything. I don't know what's wrong with me? I just want to feel joy around me....and I can't.

Xmas body weight increase

replies: 0

Anyone that has tried more than 15-20 diets and failed to meet their goal is full of despair and sadness. What has changed a lot in the last 15 years or so is our knowledge of genetics. DNA and the complexities are slowly being unravelled to expose t... View more

Anyone that has tried more than 15-20 diets and failed to meet their goal is full of despair and sadness. What has changed a lot in the last 15 years or so is our knowledge of genetics. DNA and the complexities are slowly being unravelled to expose the secret of why we are what we are. Everything about you will eventually be known. Including why we are overweight. Then there is the post birth reasons. Your food (both quantity and quality and how its prepared), environment, exercise etc all come into the mix that can add to over weight issues. We know that mental illness is often a life of extreme behaviour but it is also extreme with feelings, sensitivity, more need for comfort food and things like alcohol. Some people reach for a lolly when anxious....we'd reach for a packet or two. Can we blame mental illness for our appetite? Well, so many people out there would say no sadly, they'd say "just stop putting food in your mouth". Such is the same naivety with over eating as there is with mental illness itself. What I would like to promote, as a person that has always been over weight is a few observations using myself as an example- - I was clearly over weight at 18 months old. I have a photo - My mother was obese and my father had a beer belly (but didnt drink alcohol) - All members of my family (except my late brother who was diabetic 1) has tried many many diets and not succeeded. - The urgency of losing weight is clear. Failing knees, ankles and backs I'm 6ft tall. My weight peaked in 2012. It was the ultimate insult. I felt obese, I puffed, I rolled out of bed, I was unhappy. So what could I do. My wife and I (yes she is overweight) embarked on the following plan. No we didnt call it a diet. - Eat healthier. Keep carbs down eg less white food like pasta, rice and flour - when we eat out (often Chinese) cut down one dish. - Eat more fish and white meat, less red meat. (this is also as I get gout) - sugarless chocolate - whole oats for brekky -home grown vegies is also therapeutic - Worry does nothing towards reaching your goal. - a little exercise but only do what is sustainable. A quick 15 minute walk. I'm feeling more comfortable at my current weight. And this has been going for 2 years and is indeed sustainable. We dont ignore our cravings but we limit them. Achievable goals is best. Accept you for being you and that includes your size. As long as you do your best to eat sensibly, exercise and stop worrying. Your thoughts? TonyWK

My wife and daughter are into horses

replies: 3

As above, I have been married for the last 16+ years and my wife and one of my twin daughters are into horses. My wife was into them when we first met but sold her horse when we hooked up and after we built a new house and had twin daughters and they... View more

As above, I have been married for the last 16+ years and my wife and one of my twin daughters are into horses. My wife was into them when we first met but sold her horse when we hooked up and after we built a new house and had twin daughters and they grew up to around 10-12 years old the horses came back on the seen. Only one of the daughters is into horses (thank you) and the other is starting to get other interests. Just after we had our girls my wife wanted to move house so we built a new house at a lot of expense and moved in with all going well. Since then the horse world has taken over and one daughter is involved. The wife now does not seem to be interested in anything not involved with horses, and one daughter as well. The wife now works at the horse place and has also had issues with the people she works there with. Myself and the other daughter who are not into the horse life seem to be just supporting them as we don’t have any direct interest in what they are doing. My wife now wants a new car to tow a horse float when we purchased a new 60,000 dollar car for her which she has no thought of taking care of or looking after. i used to go away a lot on holidays and now can’t do so as the wife and one daughter have to feed horses twice a day and thus we cannot go anywhere directly without organising people to look after/ feed the horses. I have a full time job and are at the stage in my life that being 58 years old are trying to work out where my life is going heading towards retirement. My wife would love me to buy a property so she and other daughter can have horses and do what they want to do. I on the other hand are looking at what I will do when retirement comes up and don’t want to outlay major money to go into debt for a property that I don’t want nor the debt that goes with it. i am at a loss with what to do with my life at the moment and have great doubt about where it’s future is going let alone my daughter that is not into horses which I am worried about as through COVID she has had major issues with handling the lock downs etc to the point that we have had her get counselling to try and help things through. I am at a point in my life that I feel I am of little use to the family and only seem to be a financial asset for them without thinking of my own requirements and also my daughter that has no real interest in horses.

I am a nurse and the struggle is real! - Covid 19 ......lets talk about how we are feeling.

replies: 14

Hello, I am a frontline nurse. My job is to stand at the drive through testing site for long hours wearing a mask, faceshield, gloves and protective gown. Currently at the moment im seeing so much panic in people, I know this because they line up at ... View more

Hello, I am a frontline nurse. My job is to stand at the drive through testing site for long hours wearing a mask, faceshield, gloves and protective gown. Currently at the moment im seeing so much panic in people, I know this because they line up at the testsites at 4am and have just started camping out in the carparks. In my state other test sites have closed down due to a whole backlog of tests. But my site still remains open. I give up my personal health and my families to test you. Yes a stranger that I shall never see or meet again. I will get covid-19, it is in evitable because im putting my health on the line to provide you with health care. Yes I get paid for this, but nursing is just not a job for me it is about caring for the sick and vulnerable. I do however get angry when people come to get tested and they dont wear a mask! It is selfish, why are they even coming to get tested when they are being so careless? I hand them a mask and tell them you are here because you think you have covid, you should be wearing a mask to protect me who is testing you and others in the community. I wish I could have denied this person a test for their stupid behaviour (they had no exemption either), but as a nurse I cannot deny health care based on a person's silly behaviour. As a nurse you have to have a thick skin! some try and take advantage of getting tested they will decided because the person in their car is getting tested they will too! Ive told them to drive back around and wait in the line again. As I have no time to fill oput paper work on the spot for them when there are hundreds of other waiting in cars behind them and to try getting them a test pack. Its brutal out there with the way some people are behaving and this is the internal stuggle I am having. I have had to turn away family from visiting their loved ones at hospital, I put myself in their shoes and can feel my heart sink when only one parent can see their child, or a wife cant accompany her husband for chemotherapy. The stuggle is real! keep going everyone we will get there. It might be a long time before we do, but we got this okay.

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION - THIS HINT MAY HELP!

replies: 5

Hi Everyone Just a brief note. I have always struggled big time remembering my New Years Resolution each year, let alone actually sticking to it! I read this hint this morning and thought 'Ah Ha!", that makes a lot of sense. It may just help you too!... View more

Hi Everyone Just a brief note. I have always struggled big time remembering my New Years Resolution each year, let alone actually sticking to it! I read this hint this morning and thought 'Ah Ha!", that makes a lot of sense. It may just help you too! NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS - 'It takes seven days to create a new habit, another seven days to make it a behaviour, then another seven days to create a positive neurological pathway'. 21 days or three weeks in total! I'm going to give it a go. The Bro.

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A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members

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