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Sophie_M Money stress? You are not alone!
  • replies: 4

So, I’ve been chatting with my friends over here at Beyond Blue and it seems we all have something in common right now: money worries. Whether it’s stressors about finding enough cash for the basics or wishing we had enough money for a holiday, we al... View more

So, I’ve been chatting with my friends over here at Beyond Blue and it seems we all have something in common right now: money worries. Whether it’s stressors about finding enough cash for the basics or wishing we had enough money for a holiday, we all seem to be experiencing a greater amount of stress surrounding money than we have in the past. And it’s impacting our ability to show up fully for the things we love. It’s not uncommon for us to experience shame and fear around expressing our financial challenges; it can be hard and somewhat taboo to openly discuss money matters. However, we believe this conversation is incredibly important and beneficial to have. Like all challenges, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’, so let’s help each other out. Of course, discussions about the economy and how to manage our money during inflation are a much larger (and frustrating!) conversation… but what we would really love to know is what your personal experience around money is. Are you feeling the pinch too? How is added financial pressure impacting your wellbeing? When was the last time things felt even slightly easier? And if you have struggled with money in the past but come out the other side, what suggestions do you have for others who might still be finding their feet? This is an opportunity to share openly and honestly about your experience in a judgement-free space. There are no wrong answers, and we encourage you to share all the things that you might be finding hard to express in your every day life. Looking forward to your answers! Abundant hugs from yours truly, Sophie M.

Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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white knight Making wise decisions
  • replies: 7

Every day we make hundreds of decisions, many of which we make without thinking we have actually made a choice. This process can drain those that dont have a lot of mental endurance. Some decisions are made out of obligation to other people, a spouse... View more

Every day we make hundreds of decisions, many of which we make without thinking we have actually made a choice. This process can drain those that dont have a lot of mental endurance. Some decisions are made out of obligation to other people, a spouse, family or club members. Such decisions are putting other people before ourselves which is honourable but I's argue that often these decisions are harmful, not due to intent but due to kind people ignoring their own limitations. Look around and you are likely to see examples around you. I have a 73yo friend that has 12 vintage cars all in a state of disrepair, one is being restored. He joined the 'men's shed' and a few weeks later two members there passed away. So he now attends two days a week for 8 hours a day because "no one else can manage it but me". In another breath "but I know I'll never finish restoring my cars, even the one I'm doing now". My only comment "your dream was to restore at least one car to drive around on Sundays but you are putting a clubs needs over your own". My friend realised he was being over generous when two club members arrived and over a cuppa both declared they were "bored at home with nothing to do". Furthermore when my friend asked if they could open up the clubhouse doors and manage the shed (which would free him up a few more hours each day) they declined one saying "I dont want to get that involved" and the other "I'm not that bored". We have friends staying with us. For 2 days we've driven them around, gone out for lunches and so on as they havent visited our new house in this new area before. Today my wife wanted to take them on a two hour drive visiting the beach etc. I declined. This is what prompted this post. Sometimes you have to regroup, remind yourself that burnout can occur easily and put yourself first. It is ok to be first. Do you have strategies that result in you being number one? Do you have difficulty placing your needs above others needs? TonyWK

white knight Determination- do you have it?
  • replies: 5

There is many common themes I see amongst the mentally challenged. Among them is determination and we read about it every day, those poor souls with all sorts of challenges in life. even the ups and downs of life itself can be an enormous climb to co... View more

There is many common themes I see amongst the mentally challenged. Among them is determination and we read about it every day, those poor souls with all sorts of challenges in life. even the ups and downs of life itself can be an enormous climb to conquer. Then once you have, at the peak of that mountain you realise- there is another higher mountain and the next. This scenario is manifested when we expect smooth roads in life. A mental picture of paradise, a place you yearn for daily. I recall my mother when we were kids crying and saying "I just need a holiday". As kids we thought that would fix it all, in reality she wasnt coping with her daily struggles of life itself. Daily life is tough for many. Think about the thousands of tasks we do weekly just to live- rubbish/recycling/green waste processing, employment, kids needs, cleaning, debt attention, credit cards, bills, people interaction, the weather, toxic people, family issues and the list goes on. You indeed need to be determined to survive this if, on top of all that you have a mental illness. Then that alone with DR visits, medication woes, ups and downs and other peoples reactions to it all...how to combat this challenge? Well, combatting this is the worst approach to take IMO. Acceptance is the only effective way to find peace. Once you accept live as the above and there is naught you can do to change it, then you can develop ways to automatically go about these chores and relationships with less thinking about them- automatically do them is the way to go. I mean we can lie on the couch and think about all the stuff we have to do and go "I think I'll just lie here and vegetate for a while" or you can rise and focus on just one task. Worry about the next task later. A thread pertaining to the process of "dont think DO" is following. This can help in your development of becoming determined and therefore coping with life better. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/switching-mindsets Can you be a hermit and be determined? Yes you can. Challenges can be so huge to you but small to others. It doesnt matter, face your challenges methodically when you are comfortable. Write your daily challenges down and tick them off as you complete them. Do you have trouble being determined? Do you lack motivation? Do you want to find your inner peace? https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/inner-peace-the-glory-of-being-you TonyWK

Earth Girl Regret making comment on Youtube
  • replies: 4

I made a comment on Youtube for the first (and so far at least) only time about a year or two ago. It had my first name in it, but not my last. I'm wondering if the Youtuber (who shadow banned me) would have been able to see my email address? Technic... View more

I made a comment on Youtube for the first (and so far at least) only time about a year or two ago. It had my first name in it, but not my last. I'm wondering if the Youtuber (who shadow banned me) would have been able to see my email address? Technically, there wasn't anything wrong with my comment, but it's complicated and ever since I commented on this person's channel, they have been talking about me and my family can't tell that I'm the one they are talking about, they just think they are talking about a random or not really talking about anyone in particular at all. If they do know my full name (my full name is in my email address), they could possibly use it against me somehow, but I'm not sure how exactly. I know this probably sounds really complicated, but I just want to know, would they have been able to find out my full name? Would they still be able to see my comment that they shadow banned and would it be possible to easily remove my comment? If I deleted that email account, would it automatically delete the comment I made? I thought I was being reasonably polite in my comment, but well.. yeah... complicated.

Guest_1643 Recovery Themed Books/TV shows/Movies/Podcasts
  • replies: 29

Hi All There is a tonne of first-person literature out there telling about experiences of MH. I've read a tonne of it. And watched so many tv shows and movies on this theme. Does anyone have any advice of media/books dealing with recovery from MH str... View more

Hi All There is a tonne of first-person literature out there telling about experiences of MH. I've read a tonne of it. And watched so many tv shows and movies on this theme. Does anyone have any advice of media/books dealing with recovery from MH struggles? I'm really interested also to read about ppl who have survived attempts. The only book I know about this is Rosie Waterland Every Lie I've Ever Told I found some support in the chapter on addiction in So Sad Today - but that was otherwise a harrowing book. Rupi Kaur's poems are quite empowering. Anyone else got any tips?

zippedzipp *Trigger Warning* Embarrassed about Weight Gain
  • replies: 6

I've put on 10kg during the pandemic. I know it doesn't sound like a LOT, but all my life I have hated my body and have been so desperate to lose weight that now actually gaining 10 whole kgs is making me the most miserable I have ever been. There is... View more

I've put on 10kg during the pandemic. I know it doesn't sound like a LOT, but all my life I have hated my body and have been so desperate to lose weight that now actually gaining 10 whole kgs is making me the most miserable I have ever been. There is nothing I like about my body anymore. I get so depressed looking at old photos of myself wishing I could be that "thin" again (even though when those photos were taken I thought I looked "fat" too...). It's gotten to the point now where I'm too embarrassed to go out and see my friends because they'll just think I've let go of myself. In fact, I avoid going out altogether. I try to come up with excuses when a friend asks to meet up. They're worried about me now because I've been isolating myself for months. Every single day now I try to avoid looking at myself and I've been wearing very baggy clothes to cover myself up. I don't take any photos of myself and never wear any of my favourite clothes anymore (I'm too scared to try them on because I know how upset I'll get when I realise they don't fit me anymore). I can't seem to lose weight though. Eating has been a coping mechanism for me lately. I've got plenty of other things going on in my life and food is what seems to be bringing the most amount of happiness. I have a sugar addiction, and I know that, but I am finding it so hard to break out of the cycle when I feel as though it's the only thing making me want to live each day. It sounds so ridiculous when I type it out. It also sounds so fatophobic, and I hate sounding like that. I really just wish I could feel confident in my new and bigger body, or be able to lose some of it. This is my first post on a forum by the way. I'm not sure what I'm hoping to gain, I think I just want to feel less alone.

The_Bro TRY THIS TO HELP BEAT LONELINESS!
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone They say it is very easy to be lonely in a room full of people. Or to have lots of 'friends' including Facebook yet actually feel alone. I am a very gregarious person and seem to fit well into groups, but decided to use the below method a... View more

Hi Everyone They say it is very easy to be lonely in a room full of people. Or to have lots of 'friends' including Facebook yet actually feel alone. I am a very gregarious person and seem to fit well into groups, but decided to use the below method a couple of years ago as I felt that I needed more quality friends, with whom I could really share the 'good stuff'. I came across it a long time ago but had kind of forgotten it. It involves making up a community/village list of people you know who you would feel really sad to not have in your life anymore. I can include parents, partners, family, best mates, old friends, mentors etc. Then ask yourself when was the last time you either told them you loved them, or really appreciated their friendship, and why? Can be verbally, or in message form, whichever feels right for you. For me, this very simple action actually did wonders to boost connections and trigger deeper conversations. I felt quite powerful not just making the call or sending the message, but found it helped those I connected with in them knowing they are also not alone! I several cases, rather then just leave it at 'we must catch up sometime', I made sure to actually set a time and place to get together. Some friends had new partners, and my grown kids gave me great feedback after I reached out to them. Of course the overall process took a bit of work but it was enjoyable and I got better at it as it went on. So now my wife and I get asked out more often and I have some much deeper conversations with friends including when they ask my thoughts on an issue they may have. I hope this may help someone on our forum a little bit. Very happy to discuss more! All the very best, The Bro.

Centaured Disability and mental health
  • replies: 1

I didn't know where to put this thread or how to even start it but here it goes. Living with a physical disability as well as having mental issues is tough. They seem to compound each other, like when one gets bad the other soon follows. I don't know... View more

I didn't know where to put this thread or how to even start it but here it goes. Living with a physical disability as well as having mental issues is tough. They seem to compound each other, like when one gets bad the other soon follows. I don't know where to begin to describe to someone whats its like to live with. Here is a space to share experiences or whatever it is your going through: my random vent about having a disability: I feel trapped in my body sometimes, other times I'm so dissociated from my DID and bipolar that I don't feel my body and push it to far then can't move for days following. It sucks. I don't want the chronic pain. I don't a body that can't do what my brain wills it to. I don't want the stares when I go out because I'm a young person using aids. I don't want to go out and not know if I can physically do all I need to when I'm out. I don't want this anymore. My mind is trapped in a body that's failing it and tbh it's scary. People dont seem to want to understand it either. I have talked about my mental health on here before but feel ashamed of talking about having a disability. I don't know why. Today it's just really getting to me and the pain is bad and Im trapped in bed coz I can't move properly and It makes me want to cry and I'm really tired. And then the thoughts are getting out of control. And idk anything anymore.

white knight Money problems?
  • replies: 14

Financial "stress" is a hollow feeling. Just as you think you are doing OK, a bill arrives you didn't expect. Or Centre link has sent you an unexpected debt?... I know that feeling. Being manic as a young man with an adult defence service wage and lo... View more

Financial "stress" is a hollow feeling. Just as you think you are doing OK, a bill arrives you didn't expect. Or Centre link has sent you an unexpected debt?... I know that feeling. Being manic as a young man with an adult defence service wage and low "on base" rent led to signing the loan papers whenever I wanted another car. In the end I had 5 loans with an old car to show for it. So, with Xmas out of the way what can 2017 bring to you that's positive so at the end of this year you will feel more successful. Maintain some realistic expectations of your position by NYE this year. Raise the bar too high and you'll be disappointed. Remind yourself, with words of appreciation that you are better off than some. Don't fool yourself that you are the worse off. Revamp your bill system. Carefully consider direct debit. be wary however. One major telco continually took money from our account even though we cancelled it. This is common and places more burden on you and anger. We now pay insurances through dd but telephone, internet water and rego is bpay for that reason Shop around. Insurance companies vary greatly. If over 50yo consider insurance companies that specialise with retirees. Multi policy discounts? If you don't ask you don't get. I flash my motor card and health card always. Communication. There is nothing worse for a landlord than being left in the dark. Be honest and direct. Need help paying rent? If its OK get a boarder. One friend of mine purchased a $700 caravan and charges $150 a week rent for it. Caravans allow you a roof in desperate times. It prevents using the street for a bed. Its insurance. Accept that life's ups and downs come and go. Realise that a housing or financial crisis will need long term fixing and the way to that goal is short term hard work with commitment before the light at the end of the tunnel shines. Worry only produces ulcers. Suicides nationwide last year totalled over 3,000 with 3/4 made up of males. Way over the road toll. Many of those would have been money issues and a thought process of there being no hope. Progress could be just around the corner. Give up smoking or halve your luxuries, baby steps add up to leaps and bounds. Reward your efforts. My friends gave up smoking and I was shocked they bought a Porsche as reward. Their cigarettes cost more!. Whatever your "fix", you can make effort. NYE 2017 can be a better situation. Never give up and accept life will throw hurdles unexpectedly. Tony WK

white knight The price of bad memory
  • replies: 8

We humans are accustomed to certain "givens". It's a given that the person you are communicating with has speech, hearing, thinking processes and memory. In fact unless they have an obvious physical injury we assume people are capable and fall under ... View more

We humans are accustomed to certain "givens". It's a given that the person you are communicating with has speech, hearing, thinking processes and memory. In fact unless they have an obvious physical injury we assume people are capable and fall under the umbrella of "normal" until proved otherwise. Memory loss is one of those that isnt obvious but worse still is that even if you tell others you "cant remember" so many aspects of life depend on a good memory that people tend to dismiss it at the time but not the next time. Now, this isnt their fault, life with us humans demands we have a good memory sufficient enough to recall the basics. What happens when that level of basic memory also erodes? How hard is life then for the sufferer and the people he/she is trying to communicate with? I have it first hand, a failing memory. I used to joke with workmates in my 40's about going out to my shed and forgetting why I went there. Now in my mid 60's it is, at a guess, 10 times worse than that. Daily my poor wife will ask "remember when..." and my usual answer is "nope, remind me". The supply of further information has a 50"% chance of prompting my memory to recall enough to answer. Why is my memory declining? From google Possible causes of reversible memory loss include: Medications. Certain medications or a combination of medications can cause forgetfulness or confusion. Minor head trauma or injury. ... Emotional disorders. ... Alcoholism. ... Vitamin B-12 deficiency. ... Hypothyroidism. ... Brain diseases. Reasons 1 and 3 cause alarm for those with mental illnesses. Medications and emotional issues. I like many of you have at least one of these. OK, what can we do? Mnemonics has helped me a lot for the last 30 years. It is using methods to aid the memory. Eg If you need to remember when shopping- Sugar, air freshener, lasagne and tacos. Use the first letter of each to get SALT. Remember salt only and you might find it easy to recall the items. Notebooks- The problem with these is I cant remember to write it down or if I did to remember to take it with me. Use your notes in your mobile phone. I do remember to take my mobile phone so that is an effective tool to use. Alarms. I do use my alarms for meetings and special events. Facebook- good for birthday reminders Explaining- I have on occasions named my sister or daughter by my dogs name!! Yes, it happens. They take offence. Try to explain the disability. If they dont accept- then they dont understand. TonyWK

white knight When all is lost....what can you do? Be radical? how measured?
  • replies: 1

Some years ago I wrote a post - When all is lost....what can you do? Be radical? https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/when-all-is-lost-what-can-you-do-be-radical- When I reflect on the content of that post, a post desi... View more

Some years ago I wrote a post - When all is lost....what can you do? Be radical? https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/when-all-is-lost-what-can-you-do-be-radical- When I reflect on the content of that post, a post designed to give you options when all else has failed, its intent was to avert suicidal actions brought about due to not being able to find solutions. By taking radical steps you could just be saving yourself. What are "radical steps"? Change of career/workplace Change/addition of social interests Addition of therapy groups Change of environment Change of living location Change of relationship status Identifying/acceptance with ones own sexuality All these changes have different impacts on us. There is a balance however as to the extreme of the changes. Any kneejerk reaction can have a negative effect and plunge us deeper into the abyss. Like any change we need a carefully thought out plan but that is not always possible when desperate. So what do we do? How radical do we act to avoid a more serious situation? My suggestion is to make subtle changes that become more radical if those subtle changes aren't effective enough. Eg A city dweller might identify that city living is having a negative effect...better to try living in a regional area rather than a true outback environment. After all in a small regional town one can be just as isolated if one chooses but a outback residence can impose extreme isolation when people contact is still a good thing. The message is clear- radical steps to save yourself should be measured. The steps above are radical indeed when implemented even when measured. We should avoid extreme actions that could pose more adverse results on our well being. Discussion welcome TonyWK