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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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white knight GUILT the tormentor
  • replies: 45

Guilt in my opinion originates from a factor in our childhood. I dont think its hereditary but if our homelife includes generations of narcissistic behaviour then it could feel like its passed down. I know its not passed down because although I am a ... View more

Guilt in my opinion originates from a factor in our childhood. I dont think its hereditary but if our homelife includes generations of narcissistic behaviour then it could feel like its passed down. I know its not passed down because although I am a child of a narcissistic mother (and a nurturing one) I stopped the flow on to my children by refusing the trend of becoming a controlling parent. If hereditary I couldnt have succeeded. So why did I end up suffering guilty intrusive thoughts? As my father worked 14 hour days 6 days a week, our mother was our prime parent. She didnt work. Outsiders never knew. Its what went on behind closed doors that scarred us forever. As a young child, there is a huge difference between control and guidance. As teenagers there is a gap between a parent with recommendations and domination. As we arrive in our 20's we cant deal with our bossy parent any longer and fight back against what is by now manipulation and a gang mentality...even emotional blackmail. The narcissistic parent is clever. They'll use any means at their disposal to control. In my case turning our loving father and relatives against us. They can be possessive of your friends and even try to coerce you to choose a partner preferring one that can be "moulded" into their deputy...more control. If you've read this far you might also be a victim. What can you do? Im 61yo. Right up till 54yo I tried everything but nothing worked. My sister and I broke off all contact, put "return to sender" on letters from our mother and as she had ruined my first wedding in 1985, got a court order so she couldnt ruin my second wedding (her threat) It is highly unlikely a relationship with a narcissist of little contact will work as the control they lust for isnt with them, its with you. How dare you control your own life! So guilt forms in ways like being told- they are never wrong, you are at fault, you make poor choices, if you do that I'll do this, if you do that I'll ruin your life, etc Add to that some anxiety if the narcissistic parent is a "yeller". The expectations are too great as to your immature capacity to "be a good boy". You are their robot. I attended a psychologist. I'll never forget his words at the last session "do you think you need her permission to live without fear?" That was the light that sparked me realising her hold was a firm grip. Demand to yourself the basic right to mental freedom. Walk away, get help to repair the guilt wound ..into a scar. Tony WK

OhmeOhmy Sunshine and Fresh Air
  • replies: 25

Good Morning Everyone, This morning as I lay in bed a battle was being fought within me, do I face the world today or do I hide away and slip down that slope into the waiting darkness. I want to live my life well, I want to feel healthy and happy, I ... View more

Good Morning Everyone, This morning as I lay in bed a battle was being fought within me, do I face the world today or do I hide away and slip down that slope into the waiting darkness. I want to live my life well, I want to feel healthy and happy, I want to feel empowered and I know that the only way that can happen is if I listen to that inner knowing, that gentle persistent whisper that urges me to connect with nature and to move my body. I got up and I went to the gym for the first time in weeks, only half an hour but I moved my body and got my blood flowing faster, sending oxygen and life to every cell in my being, reminding me how good it feels to be alive. As I drove home I knew I had to do more, that persistent knowing again. When I got home I took my jacket off even though its cold and I walked at a good pace down to the lake. I focused on the sun on my skin and the cool air, I listened to the birds and I took a minute to stop and stare out over the water. Tears came to my eyes as I felt gratitude for nature. Nature so giving in its beauty and energy, so cleansing and healing. My mood is better than it has been for several weeks now and I know without a doubt that if I want to feel better I have to listen to the inner knowing and take action. If I don't listen the knowing will get louder to get my attention, it may present as anxiety, it may start screaming at me desperate to to get my attention and guide me back to wellness. My friends I have been feeling myself sinking back into that scary place for several weeks now, that dark, sad and lonely place that far too many of us are familiar with but today I won the battle, I listened and I took action and I think I will again tomorrow. May sunshine and fresh air reach every one of you today and every day.

Romes88 Who is that in the mirror?
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I have had 2 kids who are beautiful and I love being words, but since having them I have lost every part of myself. They are 4 and 1 and everyday all day is consumed with them or other adult things that need to be done, with zero time for mys... View more

Hi all, I have had 2 kids who are beautiful and I love being words, but since having them I have lost every part of myself. They are 4 and 1 and everyday all day is consumed with them or other adult things that need to be done, with zero time for myself. I had 2 C sections, my body is so different, I can't move the weight and I'm too tired to do anything about it. My mind is fried, I overthink everything, worry I'm not doing enough or failing, can't take jokes from my husband anymore and feel like I've been turned into this nagging depressed housewife. I used to enjoy a drink with friends as a good time, but now I just don't know when to stop and start fights with my husband about all the things I've bottled up.... so they come out in the most negative way. So now I'm also hurting him. How do I get out of this?!

Herefortheforums How to help someone who feels ‘violated’
  • replies: 5

Hi all posting here as someone I work with is going through a hard time at the moment and yes I do have feelings for her. Recently she’s being doing it tough with work and to make things worse, she had her home broken into and they stole her handbag ... View more

Hi all posting here as someone I work with is going through a hard time at the moment and yes I do have feelings for her. Recently she’s being doing it tough with work and to make things worse, she had her home broken into and they stole her handbag and her car. Since then, she hasn’t been doing to well and I even sent her flowers to help cheer her up which she appreciated. i guess the biggest thing I’m looking to know is, how do you comfort someone who wakes up crying in the morning (she isn’t a crier normally) and feels ‘violated’? (Her words) I like this girl and I’m going to keep doing what feels right, but any help anyone has with helping someone through tough times like this would be greatly appreciated Thanks

Mel- Emotionally distanced by husband
  • replies: 2

I am a 33 year old mum. I am feeling that my husband is not in to me. I’m a introvert person but my husband is quite opposite. I need to stay in the relationship for my 2 kids. But so painful to realise partner don’t have any emotional and physical a... View more

I am a 33 year old mum. I am feeling that my husband is not in to me. I’m a introvert person but my husband is quite opposite. I need to stay in the relationship for my 2 kids. But so painful to realise partner don’t have any emotional and physical attraction

Ggrand Assertiveness with Respect..
  • replies: 8

Hello Everyone... Living my life as not allowed to say no, or question anything at all, in other words...just do what you’re told to do...it even entered into the say what I tell you to say.....this happened both when I was younger and then in a marr... View more

Hello Everyone... Living my life as not allowed to say no, or question anything at all, in other words...just do what you’re told to do...it even entered into the say what I tell you to say.....this happened both when I was younger and then in a marriage for 38 years with a narcissist man...The repercussions that followed me...when not doing/saying what I was told....has left me very afraid of speaking up and of facing any type confrontation....that I immediately freeze, listen to their hurtful words, go straight into flight mode...then run a way to somewhere quiet and cry....later on, could be minutes or hours later, I start degrading myself very harshly for being such a doormat a coward for not speaking up for myself, for not protecting my rights or defending myself....even when I know 100% that I didn’t deserve the outburst from the other person...... Somewhere, down along the track, I start thinking.... maybe she/he was right, maybe I did do or say something wrong....and guilt sets in... me feeling bad about myself causing them to have an outburst...maybe it was me after all...my brain involuntary, continuously going over and over the words, actions, facial expressions of what was said...I’ve now convinced myself I caused it all....and PTSD starts taking me back.... The next time I need to see that person again....I feel shame, guilt, and avoid talking or being in the same room as they are... It’s a vicious cycle to be stuck in....I’ve been stuck in it so long now....My support worker, said that I need to respect myself enough to stand up for myself.... I do respect myself...maybe in another way though...It’s just that, yelling, shouting, swearing and the look on people faces...when angry trigger me into freeze, flight mode..... Has anybody been able to set aside their fear of confrontation and managed to stand up for themselves?....did it make you feel good inside yourself that you did it...or did you later regret it? I would love to hear from others about how being assertive or lack of it...effects you....maybe we can help each other to understand more about how to be even a little bit assertive with respect of course...for both ourselves and the other person/s involved... My kindest thoughts with my care... Grandy...

Cuzzies21 Where to next
  • replies: 12

I'm lost and not sure what to do, I've tryed two different psychologists and was told I was too depressed for psychology to work, six months ago I then started on meditation which has kind of numbed all my feelings and calmed me down some what, but n... View more

I'm lost and not sure what to do, I've tryed two different psychologists and was told I was too depressed for psychology to work, six months ago I then started on meditation which has kind of numbed all my feelings and calmed me down some what, but now I'm in a calmer state I can see more clearly there's no way out of my situation. Been to ED twice (high blood pressure and chest pain) both times put down to anxiety, constant sweating and shortness of breath since late 2019. I know what's causing my problems but they can't be fixed. Just wanting to end my pain

MissJ94 Finally some positive news!
  • replies: 6

I officially have a job! Got the call today that the final checks have been completed and ill be starting on Monday! Applied for this job over 6 weeks ago and its been a long wait but finally i feel like my life is getting back on track, that im bein... View more

I officially have a job! Got the call today that the final checks have been completed and ill be starting on Monday! Applied for this job over 6 weeks ago and its been a long wait but finally i feel like my life is getting back on track, that im being lead in the right direction to finally being happy and stable again. I havent worked in 24 weeks now after i resigned from my previous position as a registered nurse due to harassment, stalking and bullying. Im literally two weeks off being able to take my super out for financial hardship, which im in severely! Still thinking about taking it out to help manage those debts that have piled up.. Im super nervous though! Its an admin position at a major hospital. Ive never worked in admin but have some skills such as dealing with paperwork, taking phone calls, resolving issues or complaints, knowledgeable with computers etc. So im nervous about what else will be expected, what the environment will be like, who ill be working with or will i be on my own, what if theres something i dont know or not sure about? So worrying about all that has lead me to worry about things like what im going to wear (smart casual), how im getting there on Monday (was going to drive but my car broke down a week ago and not sure if the battery will last getting down there and back, i need the battery replaced as its almost dead but cant afford it which is one of the things id be repairing if i took my super out but then if i catch the train what if all the trains are out again here in Sydney?), Is this really the right path im taking, what if i dont get along with the people ill be working with, what if i majorly mess up somehow, what if i find it all to be too much. So although im excited for this new beginning, my head is full of 'what ifs'! Then i thought maybe i should sign up for a cert 3 in admin that i can do online over 18 months? I thought it might be a good option to sign up for it tomorrow, if i can, to ease that transition into this new job. But then i thought it might be better to wait a few weeks to see if i like the job? Have no idea! So many emotions and feeling i almost feel as though i need to start taking anxiety meds!

white knight The best praise you'll ever get- financial hardship
  • replies: 0

Often there is a link between mental health issues and financial problems. Speaking from experience as a young adult I was totally incompetent in managing my finances. My first fortnightly wage when I joined the Air Force was $143 and $138 went to pu... View more

Often there is a link between mental health issues and financial problems. Speaking from experience as a young adult I was totally incompetent in managing my finances. My first fortnightly wage when I joined the Air Force was $143 and $138 went to purchasing a ghetto blaster. Little did I know that that was the theme that would remain for the next 13 years. The ramifications of poor money handling range wide, your friends will afford to socialise in venues, buy material items even new cars, some might save up for them on a long term basis. However watching all this happening and listening to those friends tell you of their plans and how successful their saving is going can only stimulate some of us for a short time. We'll put aside $100 from our pay and feel the vibe of what it's like then by the end of the fortnight it's gone! The first step in any problem is to know its source. In the case of symptoms like impulsivity, lack of proactivity and excessive spending people usually dont even contemplate the connection to any mental health issue. That's just as common with other unwanted traits like sensitivity and mania for example. With money problems they will only become suspicious when it goes on for many years and is pointed out by someone close like a new spouse. Excessive spending is a symptom in illnesses like ADHD, bipolar and others and there is a condition called Compulsive Buying Disorder. The result of over spending leads to distress and a feeling of being dissatisfied all the time. The feeling of failure compounds when your friends buy houses and can afford children. I've had that for all those years and in my case it peaked when my parents pointed it out. By then I felt I was so far behind it was pointless trying. I was then lucky. I had access to a low interest defense home loan with no deposit and caught up with friends by my ability to enter real estate. However, I needed a thrifty partner to keep my spending at bay. So the problem remained internal until my diagnosis of bipolar in 2009 and with correct medication the symptoms subsided. Now, I had little desire to spend at all and this transformation is so obvious to me now that this post exists. So, consider if you have such strong need to spend and no ability to save money through self discipline, consult your GP. List any other symptoms that might be known also like anxiety, moods, obsessions etc. Then if diagnosed you can praise yourself for the first step in moving forward. TonyWK

searchingforgalaxies Job Capacity Assessment of Centrelink
  • replies: 6

I have Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 2, Chronic Anxiety Disorder, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder and was advised to apply for the Disability Support Pension, I have been requested to attend a Job Capacity Assess... View more

I have Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 2, Chronic Anxiety Disorder, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder and was advised to apply for the Disability Support Pension, I have been requested to attend a Job Capacity Assessment on Friday next week, even though my doctor has made it clear that I am unable to work. I struggle to leave the house, I frequently cry and have panic attacks in public places as a result of my anxiety and sensory overload related to ASD. Has anyone done a JCA and could give me an idea of what to expect? What do I do if they expect me to be working when I can't even go and get groceries... Any advice would be greatly appreciated!