Hi Yearnineteen,
Making good friendships is not easy, the other person needs to want to get to know you for a friendship to develop and from the sounds of it, perhaps the people you have met so far have not been the right fit for you.
I have read your other post and wanted to say that I came from a dysfunctional family also where there was a lot of arguing which made me very uncomfortable. A mother who was overly co-dependant and tried to manipulate situations and people's behaviour to her satisfaction, a father who had a short fuse temper, a brother who had little to do with me and a sister who resented me from the moment I was born. I had only one brother that I was very close to who died when I was 14, from then on it was just me trying to navigate the dysfunction of my family. I also felt like I never fitted in anywhere and assumed there must be something wrong with me at a core level. To a much smaller degree, I still feel that I don't fit in at times, so I do understand.
It was not until my 40s when I was diagnosed with mental health issues, that I realised the impact those early years of my live had had on me.
I wonder if you might benefit from some counselling to work out if your early years have left an impact on you also. All that is needed to do this is to have a talk with your GP about how you are feeling and ask for some help in finding a counsellor to talk to.
In my case, the reason that those years had such an effect on me is largely due to the fact that I am what is know as a HSP (highly sensitive person). You can look this up on the internet, Elaine Aron has books on this if you feel you fit the criteria, which I think you might. As a HSP, you feel things at a deeper level than the average person does. So what might seem like no big thing to someone else, you feel upset and ruminate over it.
In my experience, friendships don't usually happen when you are actively looking for them, they happen when you least expect. The trick is to put yourself in situations where there is a possibility for a friendship to happen, without the expectation that it will happen. For example, if there is something you love doing or would love to try, join a group/club/class so you are among people who have similar interests.
I am in my 60s now and I only have a small handful of friends, but the ones that are still with me have stuck with me through some of the darkest years of my life, those are the friends that are worth having. I have no doubt you will eventually find your tribe, I think you just need to be thinking outside the box in order to find them.
I hope this helps and I am happy to chat more if you wish.
Take care,
indigo
