BEING POSITIVE what's the secret?

[white knight]

When the world is evil, people are cruel and nothing works out for you.How can you possibly rise up above it all?

We live on a cliff face. At any moment we could fall over it. I know now that by being positive I will never fall over it even though I still sit on that cliff edge.It's a paradox but that cliff face is a reminder of where I could have ended up had I not changed my thinking. I was programmed a boy of doom and gloom. I had to erase the tape and reboot.

There are two ways of changing from a negative person to a positive one. The first is shock. Attending a lecture or having a serious event in your life take place whereby you snap into positivity. The second is slowly changing your thinking process over time.

Whenever you are faced with a negative you have to replace it with a positive. How do we do that. It isnt easy and for some it isnt obvious at all. Here are some examples-

I'm miserable because its cold and raining outside - I'm happy that I'm warm and dry inside in front of a fire

My brother died at 27 and I was only 24yo - I'm proud of my brothers achievements over such a short life

I baked a cake and it was a failure - I baked a cake and left the egg out, I'll do better ext time

I had to wait at the doctors for 2 hours - The doctor might have had an emergency

I cant get out of bed - I am unwell today, I'm hoping I'll feel better tomorrow

I've been branded a snob - I am a quiet person but I am kind and considerate and dont need to prove it

You get the picture. It takes practice.  Some tragedies arent easy to swallow. We live in the country and seeing animals killed on the side of the road is hurtful. My wife and I tend to say to each other "well, if they were injured we'd get them to the refuge to give them a chance". 

Give it a go. Be persistent.  You will drop back into negativity often but keep trying. In the end like me you will sit on that cliff edge but one day you'll take a peak over the edge to realise the drop is only a few feet, not the kilometres it used to be.

[white knight]

Dear posters,

Stitch,   thankyou for your post. It really did open my eyes. Your lack of 'family' in your life has suppressed you and your outlook on life itself. It would be really hard to continue on with a positive attitude....yet you actually do continue on and you are positive. You volunteer twice a month at the soup kitchen because you "want to help others". This is an example of what I'm talking about. Keep pushing on, advance your thoughts in a positive direction every chance you get Stitch, no matter how short those baby steps are. There is often an unseen "flip side" to being positive.  Some say "you make your own luck"....a comment that is relevant to my point.  Your work at the soup kitchen would have introduced you to so many people. Sure you are not going to dish out soup to a millionaire and he offer you a managers job, but I dont see a negative in your work at all.  It's all positive, all amazing in that you open your arms to others.  wow! ...Your post educated me a lot.

Jo,   I wouldnt mention to your boss about hie comments against you to others.  you could risk your friend's friendship as she has confided in you. Think about that.  Injustice is hard to swallow but I agree with CrashCoyote that not all managers are correct all the time. They are human too.  And protect that friendship.

[Jo3]

Thanks WK for your advice.  I am not going to say anything because that will put my friend in trouble and I don't like to do that.

My friend told me in confidence so I will wait for this manager to approach me and see what she says to me.  After all I have done nothing wrong, I have medical certificates for cover my days off and I was on annual leave last week.

Hope you have a nice day WK

Jo

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Jo,

Change, yes it is hard, and comfort zones are - at least - predictable places to be in. There is a saying that " “Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.” (It is often attributed to Albert Einstein, probably incorrectly, but I digress.) Anyway, like all of us here, how much YOU choose to change is up to you, no one else. Do what you need to do.

The second date, yeah, great, she thinks I'm a great guy but has decided that the demands of a relationship are more than wants at this stage of her kids' lives. Oh well, it least it wasn't my aftershave!

Kind regards,

John.

[geoff]

dear WK, well you can start a post that generates so much interest as this one does, and boy there is so much that I would love to reply to, comments by WR and the rest, please forgive me but my tablets are slowly kicking in, but I will definitely reply to this tomorrow morning, but after today's post by Stressless I do hope that she is reading this one.

One comment is what WR who is a very intelligent person and who has so much advice and makes so many excellent comments such as in this case 'we have built up a barrier, but so often it gets breached', and yes I would love to talk about this, plus 'All successes are not monetary so although many people are born into wealth or acquire wealth are they successful?', and by Stitch 'My life has been one of constant reaction to other peoples actions towards me to the point that I no longer harbour any belief that I can change my life for the better.  I feel completely powerless.', and 'I'm an athiest but I envy those with religious beliefs. They have a greater force to which is always over their shoulder watching and supporting', all I can say is that this is another great post that will create lots of different points, but now it's my log off time, bu----r it, but will place so different points of view tomorrow.. Geoff.

[strawbs]

For me and being Positive

Do not have self pity

think how many people have life worse then you, so be greatful

smile and love life

What i do, even when feeling sad for myself at times, cant stay sad for long

[white knight]

Hi Strawbs,

Funny how you mention you dont stay sad for long.  I recall in 1996, my most horrible year of all, and sobbing for hours.  Then ended up with a headache. So  decided to limit the time I'm distraught (say 20 minutes) to limit the possibility to get a headache. It worked and it also proved to me I do have some control that I didnt think I had

[traveler]

My honest opinion is positive and negative thinking is not good. You just have to be realistic. Of course you will feel bad if nothing works well in your life. I believe if you put effort maybe things could improve. But positive thinking leads you to torture yourself and not being who you really are.

I hate most of the world cause they were mean to me and now its too late to change past and no idea how future will be. Bit late for new beginning.

[Struggler]

Hi Traveler

I totally agree with you.  I could have written your post myself.

For many years I endured workplace bullying and discrimination.  I thought it was because I was not good enough.  I read many self help books to improve myself.  I scratched my head and asked myself what it was that I did to deserve it.  In short I blamed me for the wrongs that did to me.  Because of the self blaming I descended into clinical depression.  I lacked self confidence and had low self esteem.  I was on medication for 10 years. 

About a year ago I had a light bulb moment.  I realised it was not me .  It was them, the evil people in the workplace.  During the last 12 months, I challenge my thoughts.  I established that I was indeed competent.  The fact that I was driven from workplace to workplace was due to the evil people.  These evil people would not allow me the chance to learn my job and improve myself, forced me out of workplaces.   Yes it happened with almost all the workplaces.  

I cannot look back at my experience with a positive attitude.  The reality is there was nothing I could do to turn it into a positive.  Now I am 59 and unemployed and will likely remain so until I am 67 to claim the pension.  There is nothing positive about my past and future.  I settle for reality and uncertainly. To keep telling people to be positive is to blame them for the wrongs done to them.  It does not help anyone.  

Often I wish I go to sleep and never wake up.  That's the reality.

Struggler

[white knight]

Hi all,

Being positive in my view doesnt mean you cant be realistic. It means meeting your potential. You potential is for you to decide or for someone that knows you well to advise you on, or give guidance.

I've attended motivation lectures that injected positive thinking into me, for a particular profession, then promptly left it!!!  Being motivated didnt mean remaining in that job, a job I wasnt suited. It meant being motivated to seek a more suitable job by which I could excel further because of its suitability. So you can get caught up on the expectations of positivity and all its hype or you can take in the motivation, use it to your advantage to propel yourself towards your own goals.

So that might clarify it all. With anything in life now I take it or leave it depending on my choices. But being positive only because some successful salesman tells you to be is being programmed and that isnt positivity, its brainwashing. Good points people. 

[--Mark--]

I've read this thread looking for ideas on how to stay positive, as I need a bit of positivity in my life...

Life is like a roller coaster, ups and downs, just gotta hope there are more ups than downs or you'll crash. I feel that my roller coaster has derailed and is spinning out of control.

I feel for Jo, I know where you're coming from, we may be different genders but similarities in our backgrounds. I can't say you'll ever heal from your experiences as 39 years later and I haven't. In too many ways, the constantly lingering emotional hurt and mental issues is worse than than the actual physical pain I remember...I'm sorry, I know that probably doesn't help much, but I do think it helps to validate the state of mind, never erases it though. It's always there...

Not sure who said it, too much to drink, which I shouldn't be doing as my meds state so but it's how I'm not stepping into the void, but you're quite right, the "world" has made most of us into the people we are today, especially our experiences, and I think of the crap people have to face, and deal with every minute, of every day, and tear up...as a community volunteer, it makes me sad which is not always good as it heightens my state of being, and makes it hard to turn up the next time. Yes, everyone has issues, but some of us are closer to the abyss than they they should be. Only as a community can we actually help people on their journey to find the courage, and strength, to keep going.

Keep posting your experiences and positive thoughts as I know they're appreciated, and that people do find strength and courage to keep going on in the words written on this site. 

I'm one of them. 

Thank you to each of you, I can see another dawn on the horizon.